© Copyright 2011
All work is property of Leah Crichton, any duplication or reproduction of all or part of the work without explicit permission by the author is illegal.

Trepidation: (trep-eh-dey-shun)

a state of alarm or dread

involuntary trembling or quivering

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d welcomed sleep so much. I’m not so sure I ever had. My mind had never been through such an immense range of emotions, and the dreamless sleep I was finally awarded was gratifying. What I did not appreciate, what had not changed, was the shrill screech of the alarm clock. Orion slept beside me, and this time I didn’t have to hide him. With reluctance, Luke agreed that Orion was the only one who could protect me from what lurked in the shadows.

“Rise and shine,” he said softly. “It’s time to get up.”

I stuck my face in the pillow defiantly. “No.”

“Afraid so.” I knew this was his attempt at making my day begin as conventionally as possible. His finger found my ribs and gave a soft poke.  “You can’t hide forever. C’mon.”

I would’ve rather done just about anything than go to school, which really wasn’t school, and face Damien, who really was evil.

“No,” I said. “Can’t do it.”

“I’ll make you, you know.” He raised an eyebrow playfully.  He was almost acting like himself again, and I didn’t want it to end.

The good nature of his teasing erased the trauma of reality. The longer I could push thoughts to the back of my mind and bury them, the longer I could pretend none of this was actually happening.  I perched on my elbows so I could look at him. “That might be fun.”

“What? You think me forcing you could be fun?” He tilted his head as the corners of his lips pulled into a smile.

“Sure it could be,” I told him. “You wouldn’t use force, just fantastic manipulation.”

Orion rolled his eyes. “I can only assume you are referring to undeniable charm when you refer to fantastic manipulation?” A strand of hair fell in front of my eye, and as he spoke he moved it away.

“Yes, that is exactly what I was referring to, precisely.”

He stretched and rolled us both over so he was on his stomach and I was on my back. Tenderly, he kissed my neck. Goosebumps formed on my skin in response. 

“And what exactly would you propose I do, then, huh?”

I shrugged. “Whatever you want.” 

A wicked grin appeared on his face. “Oh no, I don’t think so. You may not find me such a gentleman.”

“I’m not so sure I’d call you a gentleman.”

He grabbed my side and tickled me. It made me jump. “You’d better watch yourself or I could accidentally kiss you on purpose.  Won’t be so mouthy with no breath.”

“You wouldn't.”

He bit my bottom lip gently between his teeth, proving that he would. “You have an unfair advantage to Luke.” I tried to think of more to say, anything, but his slight kiss left me breathless, just like they always did. The only difference was that I finally knew why. Staying in bed all day with him was a far better idea than facing Damien.

“Get up.” He rolled himself onto his side and tucked his arm underneath his head. 

I frowned. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

Halfheartedly I tossed the covers aside and got out of bed. Orion didn’t move; he just lay there, looking at me.

“Are you getting up?”

“Go have a shower.”

“Good God, you're bossy. Get up. Shower. Do this. Do that. Want to come with me?”

He raised a brow. “Go have a shower, Vixen. I’ll see you downstairs.”

“Can’t blame me for trying.” 

I tried to stall. I washed my hair three times before applying a huge glob of conditioner to it, and I remained in the shower until the water was nearly cold. Putting on a denim mini skirt and a t-shirt, I threw my hair up in a loose ponytail on my head. I wandered into the kitchen to find Orion looking outrageously out of place at the table. Mom, Luke, and I all looked a little rough around the edges. Orion looked tired, but, aside from that, as good as he always did.

“I.Q.” Luke broke the silence in the room as he nodded in Orion’s direction. “He can’t drive you to school. That thing he knows might be watching.” 

Orion nodded. “He’s right. Luke will drive you.” He sounded so formal. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it almost as much as I didn’t like the idea of leaving his sight for any amount of time at all.

The ride to school took forever, same as it had many times before. But today, it wasn’t because I was giddy with the prospect of seeing Orion. Today, it was because I had a horrendous case of paranoia. 

I don’t remember taking a breath the entire trip.

Luke was painfully silent. His view on this entire situation hadn’t changed, but it wouldn’t be him that would be the burden to my father, it would be me. Just like it was me who felt the weight of my dad’s crushing depression.

When I saw Orion standing behind the trees near the parking lot, I let out a huge sigh of relief. As I stepped out of the car, he came to the door. “You okay?”

“Is that rhetorical? Seriously?”

“Well, I know you’re not okay, but you got here without being snatched, didn’t you? That oughta count for something.”

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to be out in the open a moment longer than I had to. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”

The morning was quiet. Orion was consumed by his thoughts, probably planning for the unavoidable presence of Damien. I, too, couldn’t stop the constant suspicion that he was just waiting.

It wasn’t until lunchtime that he would make an appearance. About ten minutes prior, Orion began to shift uncomfortably in his chair. His posture was stiff, his brow furrowed. His body language spoke volumes following his reaction the day before; his rival was approaching.

“He’s coming?”

He confirmed my worst fear by nodding. “Remember, he doesn’t know. I won’t be far.”

It took me about ten seconds to decide I couldn't do this day in and day out. I'd have to make a decision sooner rather than later. I swallowed the massive lump in my throat and headed outside to sit on one of the picnic tables. As Damien got out of his car I took in as much air as I could with my nose and exhaled slowly from my mouth. He truly did not look like someone to be petrified of. Orion was far more menacing physically. Damien looked much slighter and I’d never seen him angry, as I had with Orion. I tried to comfort myself by remembering these things.

Damien approached much faster than I wanted him to, but I plastered the most disgustingly sweet smile I could produce on my face. Breathe in, breath out. “Hi,” I said perhaps a little loudly.

“Hello, love.” He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. I let my hand linger there, fighting every impulse to rip it away. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” I said. “Much better than I felt yesterday.” It was the biggest lie I've ever told. Yesterday I was safe at home with Orion. Right now, I felt completely alone. 

“Glad to hear it. Are you ready for lunch? I’ve been waiting.”

Not even close to ready.  “Would it be a big deal if we stayed here, instead?”

He grimaced. “Now why on Earth would you want to stay here? We’ll go someplace nice. Only the best for you.”

I remained seated. Fear locked my muscles into place. I searched my head for some sort of reasonable explanation as to why I would want to stay at school and eat cafeteria food rather than go to a nice restaurant.  As far as explaining myself went, there weren’t many choices. “Just this morning, Luke had to pull over. I got really carsick. It would be embarrassing if it happened again, especially in your Porsche.” I made a face to accentuate the disgust.

Damien cocked his head to the left. “Really?”

Breathe in, breathe out.

“Yes,” I stated with false conviction. “Yes, it was gross.”

“Well, alright,” he agreed. “If that’s what you’d prefer. But come to the car with me first. I’ve brought something for you.”

I glanced around the schoolyard to see if I could find Orion but he was nowhere to be seen. “Okay.” I could hear the shaking in my voice and prayed that he didn’t hear it too.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Damien kept a slow pace beside me, still holding my hand in his. His grip was firm. I tried in vain not to tip him off by searching for Orion. My protector. “Is something troubling you, love?” Damien asked suddenly.

“N-no, why?”

He shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. Quite frankly, you seem a little off.”

“I was just sick, Damien.” I spit out the excuse as fast as it came into my head. The closer we got to his car, the more panicked I became.

I needed to see Orion somewhere first. 

Anywhere.

He led me to the front of the vehicle and put the key in to open it, but paused. “Maybe, but that’s all?”

He was trying to intimidate me. Not only was he trying, but worse, he was succeeding. Breathe in. Breathe out. “That’s all. What else would it be?”

He opened the passenger door of the car and, right on the seat, sat a small white box. “Oh, I don’t know. You’re distant, I guess.”

“Sorry.” I forced an almost sincere sounding apology. “I don’t mean to be.”

His hand came forward and touched my face. It took every ounce of resolve I had not to cringe. “Poor, sweet girl. I hope this will make you feel better.” His long fingers reached into the car to retrieve a small box. 

I tried to steady my hand as I took it from him. “Thank you.”

Damien smiled. “I saw it, love, and thought of you. I always think of you.” He grabbed the box back and opened it. Inside was a necklace, a tiny golden chain with a single charm in the center. I picked it up to examine it; it was a beautiful, delicate angel.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

A look of shock made its way to my face. I swallowed hard to avoid heaving the bile lurch from my stomach. Any resemblance to normal I had managed to convey was gone. I knew I was taking too long to respond, but I couldn’t even make words come out of my mouth. “You don’t like it?”

“No, I l-love it. I-I just didn’t expect this.” I tried to save myself. “It’s very pretty.” 

Damien’s face was stern. “No, love, it’s not pretty. It’s gorgeous, like you are.”

“Oh. Thank you.” I could feel beads of sweat gathering on my forehead; I could hear my thundering pulse.

“Here, let me get that for you.” He took the necklace and undid the clasp with his slender fingers. He stepped behind me and wrapped it around my neck. I was petrified he would strangle me instead of putting the necklace in place. I prayed I wasn’t shaking as much on the outside as I was on the inside. I closed my eyes and waited. The necklace was cool against my skin and his breath on the back of my neck, like the gold, was cold, frosty.

Breathe in, breath out.

 “There now, love. Turn around and let me see.” Obedient but cautious, I spun to face him. His eyes were fixed on my neck. “It looks wonderful; it suits you.”

I brought my hand to feel it. An angel. Revolting. Pulling the corners of my lips up into a faint grin, I said, “Thank you. It is very thoughtful.” I hoped it was enough.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Let’s go eat. Are you sure I cannot interest you in something more than the junk here?”

I was sure I wasn’t going to get in his car and leave the premises—not willingly anyway—so I tried to redeem my awkward behavior. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.” He put his arm around my shoulder. “You can tell me anything.”

“I love the soup they’re serving in the cafeteria today. It’s Italian Wedding.” I had looked earlier, so I knew this was true.

Damien made a face, uninterested in my reasoning behind not wanting to leave. He shrugged. “Well, like I’ve told you before, your wish is my command. Let’s go. You need to eat. It will help you feel better.” Walking into the cafeteria, I tried to keep my head down, to make it seem like I wasn’t searching for him—but as soon as I felt his eyes on me, it was so much easier to breathe.

We got in line and ordered. I didn’t even like Italian Wedding soup, but since it was my fictional guilty pleasure, I took some anyway. I was sure my reaction to Damien’s gift hadn’t been as convincing as I’d hoped, and I wanted more than anything just to get through this. Damien made a disgusted face looking at the selection offered and opted to eat a sandwich.

Heading back to the table was reminiscent of my first day here, going into English with Orion. I could feel all eyes on me, scrutinizing. I’m sure the stares belonging to the females were directed at Damien. He was handsome—devastating even, if you had no idea of what was lurking inside. I sat down and my eyes betrayed me, darting to Orion, pleading with him to help me somehow. Damien wrenched his head around to see what I was looking at.

Damn it.

As soon as he noticed it was Orion, he smiled and waved. Orion was a far better actor than I was. He slumped lazily in the chair with his arms across his chest and looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Upon seeing Damien’s mockery, he uncrossed his arms, brought his hand out, and raised his middle finger.

I had to stifle a laugh. I tried to think about the sadness of the whole situation to ensure I wouldn’t smile. Damien ignored Orion and turned back to me.  “I cannot even imagine how glad you must be that you are no longer with that. Lucky you’ve got me now.”

I nodded, spooning the soup into my mouth robotically. “Yes, I am.”

“Listen, darling,” Damien said. “I was thinking it might be nice to get away for a while.”

“Away from where?” I asked stupidly.

He looked at me and placed his hand on mine. “Away from here, from all of this.  I thought perhaps I could take you to the island on the weekend.  I’ll pick you up from here. We can grab a ferry and head over.”

He wants to spend the weekend with me. I gaped. “I, um... I’m not sure.”

“Not sure about spending the weekend with me? That’s foolish. I assure you, I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“It’s not that. I don’t think my mom would go for it.”

“I beg to differ. I have a very convincing way with parents.”

“Oh, okay, well maybe,” I allowed.

And maybe the hell that you’re from will freeze over.  

“Well, let’s just play it by ear, then, shall we?”

I nodded in response because words escaped me. 

Lunch went on forever. Orion watched us the entire time while Damien analyzed every move I made. When the clock finally neared the time to resume classes, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I did it. I'd pulled it off.

“Walk me outside, love.” Damien stood. I obliged, and we headed outside. Orion didn’t follow.

“Thanks for lunch,” I said. “I know it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind.”

“You, sweetheart, are the only thing I have in mind.” He stepped forward and put his hand on my cheek, bringing my face to his. He was going in for a kiss, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That was so far over the line of normalcy I couldn’t even consider it. Damien turned his head sideways, a quizzical expression on his face. “What’s the matter?”

I thought fast. “I don’t want to make you sick. Remember, I share everything, just not germs.”

Damien laughed. “Getting a cold is a fair trade to be able to kiss those lips. Come.” He pulled me forward again and placed his mouth on mine. “Bye, love.” He turned to leave. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”

Not if I can help it.

“Okay, bye,” I said and turned to walk back into the school. It was only once I was inside the doors and in Orion’s arms that I could just breathe.