The Chase

"WHAT did I do to deserve this?"

I am looking at myself in the mirror, asking that question, repeatedly in my mind. What did I do to deserve this? I am all alone in this world, but do I really deserve this kind of... BEAUTY?

Grabe, sobrang ganda ko! I always look at myself in the mirror and all the time, I feel amazed and surprised at the same time. It's like when the Gods and Goddesses up above showered mortals with their beauty, nasa dagat ako, at sa akin lahat napunta. Lahat sa akin sobrang perfect – yes, perfect na, sobra pa. I loooove what I see in the mirror every day. Walang araw na hindi ko ina-admire ang sarili ko. I have a perfect figure, mukha akong hourglass, sobrang hubog ng baywang ko, ang tampok ng pang – upo ko, mayaman rin ako sa hinaharap. I'm sure kapag nakita ng mga beauty contest organizers, ibibigay agad nila sa akin ang korona. Like, I am the epitome of beauty – I should be the standard of beauty because I am so beautiful, I am so in love with myself.

"Good morning to my beautiful self." I even winked at my reflection. Jusko, ang ganda – ganda ko. I am wearing a silk robe but underneath it I am naked. I sleep naked and wake up naked too. Kailangan iyon para mas bongga. I went back to the bedroom. I smiled widely when I saw my snack in the middle of the bed – my naked snack. I slowly walked to climb the bed – to climb my snack because I am famished.

I took off my robe. Oh, he will be so surprised when he wakes up.

"Love... wake up. I'm horny..." I bent down to whisper in his ear. He stirred a bit. Hinaplos – haplos ko pa ang pisngi niya. Ginalaw niya lang ang kanyang ulo pero hindi naman siya gumising. I traced his jawline with my lips until I reached his lips, I even bit his lower lip, para magising siya, hindi naman nagtagal ay sinagot na niya ang mga halik ko. His hand touched my bared butt cheeks. Napakagat labi pa ako. I feel his hardness against my already wet pussy and it felt so good.

"Ohhh, Love, you're huge. Put it in me na." I bit his earlobe again. I opened my legs wide and waited for him to enter my core. He sat up to have full access on my body. Now we're both grinding to that rhythm only he and I can hear. I screamed his named, I moaned loudly – wala akong pakialam – wala namang makakarinig sa aming dalawa. I love this feeling. I LOVE SEX and I was never embarrassed to say that.

Sa klase ng trabaho ko, I needed to let all my stress out, sex is one of the best stress relievers I have discovered, pero mas masarap ngayon – mas masarap kasi siya ang kasama ko.

"Hmm, love, aren't you tired?" He asked me while thrusting deep inside of me. I enclosed my legs around his waist and licked his jawline. That got him.

"Just fuck me more, Love. This is so good. That feels so good! Tell me how beautiful I am." Hinalikan muna niya ako bago niya ako tiningnan nang mata sa mata. I caressed his face. He has this bad boy vibe, iyong tipong walang sinasanto, but the truth is, Love is a gentleman – outside the bedroom, he is a dream boy, in the bedroom, he is a master and most of the time, I play along – I'm a slave, a submissive, sometimes a naughty nurse, or anything he wants me to be. We're in that kind of thing.

"You're a Goddess, Love." He grinned and kissed me again. That got me good. I came but he kept on thrusting inside me. We exchanged positions, he bent me over and entered me again. I buried my face in the pillow because it's so good – everything with him is so FUCKING good.

"More! More! More, please! Fuck me harder! Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!"

And that's how my morning started. It's just another day for me and my love. Pagkatapos noon, naligo kaming dalawa, and then we went at it again. He never fails to whisper to my ear how beautiful I am and because of that, I fall more.

Yes, I fell. I never thought I'd ever be in this situation where I'd fall in love. I grew up alone and the only world I know is a cold, distant one. Walang nagparamdam ng pagmamahal sa akin. Sa mundong iyon, pinaniwala nila akong mahal nila ako dahil lang sa may kailangan sila sa akin. They made a monster out of me and it took a lot of effort to get out from there. They all thought they still have a say on my life, in everything that I do, they are all wrong. I am now my own person. I move when I want too. Wala silang kaalam – alam na hindi na ako isa sa kanila, that all their plans are being ruined because I am the mole in that organization.

"Are you leaving?" Bradon asked me. He was watching me as I dress up. I wore my usual black ensemble. Nilingon ko si Brandon.

"Yes. I'll be back tonight. You're free to do whatever you want today, Love." Tumawa lang si Brandon sa akin.

"I wanna do you, Amarah." I only rolled my eyes. I kissed hi lips and left. Sumakay ako sa itim na SUV. I drove around the city at first, alam ko naman kung saan ako pupunta but I needed to catch the courage to do whatever I had to do. First, I went to get some original glazed doughnuts and a cup of coffee from my favorite doughnut brand, sumunod ay tinahak ko ang daan patungo sa isang exclusive village na iyon. I wanna see something.

My phone beeped. I knew it's Brandon – siya lang naman ang nakakaalam ng number ko. I have no friends here in the Philippines. Dalawang taon na kaming nandito ni Brandon, ayaw naman niya talaga, pero pinagbigyan niya ako noong sinabi ko sa kanyang gusto kong makita ang dapat sana'y pamilya ko.

I grew up in the league. They trained me to be an assassin. They made me a killing machine – lahat ng iyon ginawa ko dahil naniniwala ako sa utang na loob but when I found out what really happened to my mother – nagbago ang lahat. Apparently, the league was the one who killed my mom, they took me in, raised me while lying to me. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano ako kagalit noon. I could've killed all of them with my hands but I knew better. I needed a plan and that was when I surrendered myself to the Triad – iyong counterpart ng liga.

Sa Triad ko nakilala si Bradon. For me, he just looked like a bad boy. Innocent in some ways, a toy – but we ended up together – married. It's not the traditional marriage thingy, we went to Rome, stood in front of St. Peter's Church, said our vows and exchanged M40 submachine gun bullet tapos nag-honeymoon na kaming dalawa.

Para sa akin, isa iyon sa hindi malilimutang araw sa buhay ko. It is the day I finally gained a family – Brandon – he is my family – the only one I can call mine.

I parked my car three blocks away from that three storey silver themed home. Ibinaba ko nang bahagya ang salamin ng kotse at saka nagmasid habang kumakain ng doughnuts at umiinom ng kape. I was just watching the house, naghihintay ako kung sinong makikita kong lalabas roon. Araw – araw akong nandito, madalas inaabot ako ng ilang oras kakahintay rito pero sulit naman, nakikita ko sila, napapangiti ako. Napi-feed ang imagination ko na kung ano kaya kung... ang daming what ifs, pero masaya na akong nasasagot iyon sa aking sarili nang mag-isa lang ako. Anyway, andyan naman si Brandon, he's willing to listen to me, and I am thankful for him.

Hindi nagtagal ay may pumaradang motor sa labas ng bahay na iyon. Naalarma ako. Mula roon ay bumaba ang isang middle aged na lalaking naka-kulay pulang helmet. Napangisi ako. Si Axel John. Pumasok siya sa loob, hindi naman nagtagal ay lumabas na rin siya, sa pagkakataong iyon dalawa na silang naka-motor.

Si Axel John at si Ido.

Ido is my father but he has no idea that the dead daughter he buried with my mother Roma is alive and is here looking at him from afar.

They were both riding their Harleys. Umalis sila, mabilis pa rin magmaneho kahit na may mga edad na. Nang makalagpas sila sa akin ay pinaadar ko ang sasakyan. I followed them. I only wanted to know where they were going. I wanted to see how my father acts on his daily activities. I want to know him more, kahit sa malayo sana.

I followed them for a good half an hour, but then, suddenly the tables turned. Bigla ay ako na ang hinahabol nila. Nakita nila ako. Sa edad nilang iyon, alisto pa rin silang dalawa. I needed to get away. Nakikita ko sa rearview mirror na malapit lang sila sa akin. I loved the chase but he doesn't need to know that I exist. Hindi pwede, magugulo pa siya. Okay na sa aking makita silang masaya, okay na sa aking nakatanaw ako sa malayo. Hindi ako naghahanap pa nang mas marami pa roon. I only wanted to see them from afar and I got that now.

Nahirapan akong makalayo. Nakarating kami sa NLEX, napalayo na ako at wala na akong mataguan, mabuti na lang at may truck na dumaan. I was able to hide at the side of the hiway, sa likod ng mga nagtataasang puno. I hid the car well, and then, I went out to see if they are still after me. The two of them parked their motorbikes at the sidewalk. Nag-alis pa sila ng helmet. I saw my father's face – napakalapit niya sa akin. I wanted to touch him. Suminghap pa ako nang paulit – ulit para hindi tumulo ang mga luha ko. I miss him – how can I miss someone I have not had the chance to be with?

I was just staring at his face – grabe! Ang gwapo ng tatay ko. He's old but he's still handsome. Iyong silver gray hair ang nagdala. He can still snatch the hearts of those women. Grabe talaga. Nagpalingon – lingon silang dalawa pero noong hindi na nila ako mahanap ay umalis na rin. I stayed in there for another minute or two. I was trying to calm myself down – nang maiiyak ko na ay sumakay na akong muli sa kotse ko. I drove while crying, akala ko okay na ako kanina, pero hanggang sa makauwi kay Brandon ay lumuluha ako. I found him watching a movie in the living room. I took off my shoes and climbed the sofa, I hugged him, he caressed my back.

"What happened, Love?"

"My father chased me." Wika ko sa kanya. He sighed. "It was the best feeling, Love. I was this close. I was so close, Love. Why do I miss him? Is it okay to miss him?"

"Oh... Amarah. Come here..." Brandon hugged me so tight. He let me cry for hours.

Months have passed, Brandon and I received a blessing. I killed a lot of people in the past, I'm still working for that league but I am as religious as I can be. Naniniwala akong isang napakalaking regalo mula sa Panginoon ang bata sa sinapupunan ko. Brandon was ecstatic. Our family is growing, ako naman rin ay masaya ngunit may takot ako. How can I mother this child? Wala akong nanay habang lumalaki ako, but Bradon's words faded all my worries. He said and I quote...

"Amy, all we need to do is love the kids with all our hearts. You can do that."

He's right. I smiled at him. We went to the hospital two days after the pregnancy test. Ang sabi niya sa akin, nakahanap siya ng magaling na OB- GYN, si Danelle Consunji. He said that she's one of the best in the country. We may not look like it but Brandon and I were pretty rich, kaya deserve ko ang best kasi the best ako at napakaganda ko pa.

That morning, we were waiting in the lounge area. I told Brandon that I am thirsty. Hinalikan niya muna ako sa noo bago niya ako iniwanan para kumuha ng maiinom. I busied myself with the people walking around the lounge area when I suddenly stopped because I saw my sister – she's the doctor, I think her name is Rocheta. Ang alam ko nasa cardio siya, ang alam ko he's dating that Red guy. I pulled out their background, I wanted to meet them.

She seemed to be having a bad day. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero tumayo ako para lapitan siya. I got so close that she saw me. She looked at me from head to toe.

"Patient ba kita?

"No." I said. My heart is beating fast. "I just couldn't help but notice your exquisite beauty." Bigla kong nasabi. Maganda naman talaga siya. Suddenly, she laughed – iyong tawang may kilig.

"I know! I'm so perfect dapat talaga ako ang pang – Miss Universe! Kapag nakita ako ng organizers, ibibigay na lang nila sa akin ang korona. Pia who? Only Rocheta Grace for the crown! Hahahaha! I'm so perfect! Anyway, hindi ako magpapasalamat kasi nagandahan ka sa akin, maganda talaga ako. Bye!"

I watched her walk away. Ang ganda naman talaga niya. Nakita ko na si Brandon na palapit sa akin. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Who's that?"

"Sister." I smiled at him. Napailing si Brandon.

"Love, you're always excited to see them, why don't you tell them who you are? Hindi na nila kailangan magduda pa, if they look at you, they'd see your father, magkamukhang – magkamukha kayo."

"They're happy, now, Love. Okay naman ako. Where's my water?" Ibinigay naman niya iyon sa akin. I held onto that bottle, pumasok na kasi kaming dalawa sa clinic. According to the doctor, everything is okay, that I am two months pregnant and that the fetus in my uterus is healthy. I needed to take some vitamins and I needed to rest.

Masaya kami ni Brandon. He's taking extra care of me now. We still have sex, pero kaunting times na lang kasi nag – aalala siya sa baby. Palagi pa rin akong nakasunod sa mga kapatid ko, iniwasan ko na nga lang ang tatay ko kasi baka mahuli niya ako, but I always watch him from afar.

One time, I met my brother – Narcissus. Nasiraan siya sa hiway, and I was following him. Ilang araw lang iyon matapos kong makausap si Rocheta. I helped him with his car. Noong una reluctant pa siya pero tinanggap niya rin ang tulong ko.

"Familiar ka." Biglang sabi niya matapos naming i-jumpstart ang baterya niya. I looked at him. "Naging girlfriend ba kita? Pamilyar ka kasi, jusko baka makita tayo ng asawa ko. Mamamatay ako agad."

"Hindi mo ako naging girlfriend. Hindi kita tipo. Anyway, mauna na ako. Ingat ka. Always charge your battery." Sabi ko na lang. Tatalikod na ako nang bigla niyang hawakan ang braso ko. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"You are oddly familiar. What's your name?"

"Amy." Nakatitig sa akin ang kapatid ko. Gustong – gusto kong sabihin pero pinili kong manahimik. "See you around." Sabi ko sa kanya.

Again, I went home to Brandon crying. He wanted me to tell them, pero ayokong makagulo. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit damang – dama ko ang pagmamahal para sa kanila kahit na ni minsan ay hindi ko naman sila nakasama.

How is that even possible?