I'm especially glad to wake up the next day, especially considering I never fell asleep!

There was something in the woods. I couldn't see what it was, but it kept making noise. I could hear every time its breath rasped. I could sense it crushing dead grass and I felt like they were bones. I kept looking at the stars, water forming in my eyes and pouring down into the earth beneath me. I had kind of wished Damien would be there, but if he's not going to be forced into something, how else am I supposed to get him to do it? Ask nicely? I don't think so.

So I slept alone.

No. I didn't slept.

Sleep.

The next day everything is a little bright and loud because of my whole "not sleeping" thing and Gillian gets up and looks at me like something has been resolved. I smile as wide as I possibly can at her because sure, silly! You know I'm never going to fight you again after that. Faceful of thorns. It's just that I don't know why I'm not going to fight you. It's like I don't want to, but it's like... I violently don't want to. I can fight who knows who else and I won't feel like my ribs are being squeezed into a fine paste. In fact, Gillian, I don't need you. It's not like I ever needed you, but you should know I especially don't need you now. Isn't that great? What are you ever going to do without my life giving you purpose?

I go lean against the nearest available tree, which is a crooked, sad thing bending over the water. The big kids and Alex are clustered around it, looking formal.

"We've got maybe a few weeks left, assuming we do a really bad job," Alex informs Red. "In fact, I was thinking we could get bus passes... and then it's basically just a day."

"Just a day?" Red asks.

"Yes, but it's a day with humans. Packed into a small space. The amount of time we'd need to be on our best behavior is gonna be real tricky."

I almost lean on Damien, but he's not there, so I just lean on a tree instead. "It's not like anything bad ever happens."

"I wonder why that is?" Red asks, practically crackling. No seriously. I don't know what's going on with him, but he's, rubbing his neck or something? He looks like an absolute catastrophe.

"Oh yeah, you did die once," I finish. "Sorry, I think. Point is, we can pull off whatever we want. Always do!"

"That's good. Then we can take public transport practically anywhere," Alex says.

"Technically anywhere?" Red gasps. Wow! Something Red doesn't know! It must be a day. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"I only looked it up recently, and... us? In a confined space? Together?" Alex asks. "Whatever we have and haven't done before, if something did happen, you know, like the kind of thing that happens to us every day, like a Veritas fight, we would get caught in seconds, and everyone on the train might die. I figured it was best to leave some things alone."

Red sighs. He looks beat up still. Red looks like we fought him last night instead of each other. If Red had a Veritas, would it be fun to fight? I don't even know what his powers would be like. "I guess you're right. I still think you should keep looking into this when we're back to somewhere with better... what is it?"

"Cell reception." Alex responds.

Red splays his hands, the digits all tensed up in a dozen different ways. "What's a cell and what is it getting?"

"Beats me." Alex says. "I just use it. I don't understand how it works."

"Just-- look into it," Red finishes, "I'm not angry, thank you for your time and advice, it was just a long, long night for me. I'm trying to compose myself and I apologize for the way I am currently behaving."

"What! I had a long night too!" I say.

"Somehow I don't doubt it," Red says. "It would have been much, much longer had Damien not eventually interfered with the two of you."

"Longer? I stayed up all night. Can't go any further than all the way." Red's dumb. "I'm going to just slide this in here: "You're all very lucky to have Damien."

"Have you seen him?" Red asks.

I shake my head.

"He's in the woods," says Alex. "I'll go get him."

"You will?" asks Red.

"Yeah, yeah. Dylan's probably busy taking care of Angel, you're busy, uh... with Mary... the point is that I'm the most qualified right now, and that it would be ridiculous for me not to be the person who goes and gets Damien. Right now. I'm being responsible."

Red beams. "Good on you, Alex! We'll go clean up the campsite." Even that feels halfhearted. It's like something got inside of the Red I know and started eating him. Not like anything would want to eat Red! I bet he tastes like dust and sweat. Not that any of us would taste good. Not like anything would be able to get its jaws around me to eat me.

(It's nice that this is something I don't have to worry about. As far as I can tell, it's all animals think about.)

As he watches Alex go, Red looks back to me. He has his hands folded over each other in a way that isn't mad, just disappointed. I didn't do anything wrong. I grin back at him. "Mary," he says.

"That's my name."

"Did you learn anything?" he asks.

"From what?" I ask.

Red walks away.

"From what? What do I need to do? What's going on?" I ask.

Red keeps walking, but Kali has her hand on my shoulder. I turn around and kick her in the knees, which barely even knocks her off balance, but she looks all grim and weary, like Red did. She's smiling, but not with her teeth, which makes her just look dark and angry. (Let alone all the scars up her arms! Has Kali been fighting? Who's she been fighting with? Elle? Can I join?) I frown, trying to see through her face, but her dark eyelids almost cover all of her eyes. "Forget about it, kid. It will be so much easier for you that way."

"Wow! That's cryptic and vague. You and Red have so much in common. Why don't you just go make out already?" I ask her.

Kali makes a death noise in her throat which means that I got her. "You want something more concrete? Okay. Watch Trace and Adaline," she says. Of course, this is dumb, but then she winks, which means that maybe there's something for me to do over there that only Kali would tell me about! I think I'm okay with doing something dumb like watching a bunch of stupid babies who think they're in a relationship even though they never even fight as long as it probably involves fighting, or something, because Kali winked suspiciously.

Kali is not over by Trace and Adaline. Gillian is. She purses her lip when she sees me, kind of sticks it out. She does not look happy to see me, but she's also up in a tree, as opposed to on the ground, so I have to look up at her. It is a good place to watch the kids from. I turn into a mountain lion and scale the tree, turning back to sit with her on one of the most stable branches. We sit apart, because if we were touching, that would be weird.

I slam a hand against her back.

She doesn't move.

"Do not interrupt me while I am working," she says.

I look down at Trace and Adaline. They are talking and trying to bend the reds into clothing, or something. I swing my legs. I lean back onto the branch. I breathe out as loud as I can. I breathe in as loud as I can. When Gillian leans forwards, I try to push her again. She is solid like an angry rock. Gillian is a bit of an angry rock.

"What did it feel like for you?" she asks.

"I don't really remember," I say.
Gillian's eyes roll in my direction. They are dark like Kali's, bagged like Red's, and pulled kind of taut, like Damien's, when he was angry. "You are too afraid to admit it."

"No, no, I'm totally serious! I can't... replicate it. It's just a feeling. Plus, Damien says it was something I didn't have, so I guess I don't have it anymore." I snap. My cheeks are red. "You're right about one thing. I don't want to talk about it with you."

Gillian nods. "I am ashamed."

"Me too," I say.

Gillian's eyes are bright with something like respect, which I don't even want.

I hop right off the branch. "They shouldn't have stopped me."

I walk away, to find Dylan, or Elle, or someone. There has to be somewhere else I'm actually needed to do something.