rule 1: when the earth begins shaking, bend down & cover your head & stay still

I breathe for a long time when people begin yelling and I think Trace notices because she takes my hand closer and asks "are you okay".

I say "yes" but my voice shakes ten times which is not reassuring even slightly and I feel a little thick in the throat which is another bad sign.

"They did something stupid again" Trace says to me, with a sideways look between amusement and pity and concern. When Trace is worried I get even more worried and I guess we were both a little spooked last night when the big-ish kids got in trouble but I'm never very scared when Red yells, anyways, because that just means things are under control.

I think I can hear Angel shuffling in the distance which means she's found us--we are hiding inside of a ring of mushrooms, currently, back in a fold in the hills (I did miss the hills) but I guess there's only so long you can hide. Dylan comes over the side and stares down at us as a fox and I try to hide my face with my hair and keep whispering "sorry" to myself even though everyone else is allowed to wander off and Damien and Mimsy do all of the time.

"We're not sorry" insists Trace, as Dylan regains his human form and crouches down beside us.

He says "Is that so" with a wry Dylan smile which is more fox than person and contains many sharp teeth. "There's no problem up there to speak of, if you two are busy" he insists and I look into his discolored eyes because there is no way that can possibly be true.

Trace's head lolls back like an animal between the teeth of a predator and she moans that "there is absolutely no way they didn't do anything stupid because I saw them leave" and then I put my hand on hers before she can start talking about how our family is rent in two like the stone mesas we passed months ago when the scenery was more interesting.

Dylan nods in an almost truly understanding and sympathetic way before offering "You really should have told us so" and now we're both distraught because we should have and that is probably why Trace didn't do it and

I ask "Did Gillian really punch Alex in the face" practically hyperventilating now again and Trace and I are holding hands but it's not helping and if Gillian punches me in the face I think I might die.

Dylan nods again.

"Will Gillian punch me in the face" I ask and they both say no at the same time and I blush because obviously that was not the right thing to say but I really do not want Gillian to punch me in the face and now I feel stupid.

"We're heading to the town behind Kali, fast" says Dylan and when I see the fur edging up his arm I already know what fast means. He looks to us like he is expecting something more than the softest and quietest part of ourselves and whispers "I know you can take on the forms of large animals, I've seen you both do it" and shifts back to a fox in the time it takes for the wind to stir the trees.

I look to the ridge where Mimsy is, larger than usual, since we are moving again, and besides her is a wolf with light gray fur and piercingly maternal eyes and a stomach swollen with nothing. "Sorry" I whisper again but Dylan is not listening and Trace is just sitting next to me with her legs crossed thinking about transforming instead of doing it.

"Do you ever think about how none of this is our battle" she asks me but it is not something she means which I know because she is still holding my hand. It sounds like something Mary would say or Kali who would say anything and is thankfully very far away from us right now.

"We're probably worrying them a lot" I say trying not to hold onto whatever we were talking about before things broke out over our heads. I take the form of the oldest deer I can, a doe at around maturity, and Trace goes for a lynx, which have been around here a lot but is going to be a problem over long distances.

We move anyways because I can't talk to her now and she pads by my side, and when we meet them Angel and Mimsy are civil but I can see their hackles raised in my perfect peripherals. It's been a long time since we travelled with Mimsy and she moves from cat form into her larger Veritas and dashes for it, her horns scraping the lowest branches as she runs.

I can see Angel's jowls move back and then she looks at us kind of also disappointed and my deer brain is thinking about how those jaws would fit on my neck but I'm not any more deer than I am human and I'm not human enough anyways.

We stay behind the group, Angel in the lead and following scents, but she keeps looking back at us and turns human way before the black wailing overwhelming road and waits. When we're back on our best behavior and the same species she grabs our hands and says "I need you to follow behind me and keep away from them if you can" and today is a little darker than usual. "Mary at least has the good sense to be searching for a point in all this" she admits but with a big frown and I move closer to her side.

I ask "are you okay" three times over each time with a greater distance between but she's not answering and I can sense all the anxiety in the air and it's making me nervous.

When we get into the city there is no one there but the big box buildings and a few people who have their heads down (it's gray) but all it takes to find our group is to follow basic intuition. I think we could find each other if we were halfway across the world but that means there's nowhere we could go, really.

There is a scene in a local park where a bunch of disheveled people teeming with noise are bickering as quietly as they can still be angry at each other. Mary is holding a paper and waving it and she doesn't look sad to be caught at all and Damien is next to Gillian and Alex but is still almost reaching for her hand.

Mimsy springs out of cat form and knocks Mary over and grips the paper, looking to Red, then looking to Angel. She at last thrusts it into Alex's arms as soon as Mary trips her and she curls on the floor all resent and half-human fear and all-human spite trembling on the ground.

Alex starts reading and then puts his hand to his mouth once he goes over "miraculous revival thanks to cutting-edge experimentation" but I have no idea what he's even saying or what anyone is (the sound is like heat in the air) no one else has even moved except Mary who has her foot in Mimsy's face and Dylan goes to break them apart and Mary's eyes are burning. Alex lifts his head skywards and says something so low it could be the slight vibration of the earth.

Red asks him again to clarify this time more insistently and Kali has moved in to argue with Mary but she barely even needs to move to pin Mary down who is writhing like a caught animal in her grip while Mimsy is back in Dylan's arm and her skin blackens but doesn't bleed because sometimes we forget to.

"Okay" Alex says and they're all yelling at him and his voice is strained as he says "okay please" and clears his throat and looks Mary dead in the face for a second and says "well you found it so why do you think it's important" and taps his foot a few times.

"That's Damien's name" she says, excited, "and his face on the cover that person next to him is like him but bigger so there's another Damien out there" and she kind of gives us all this lopsided smirk like we should be thanking her on our knees.

"Alex is that true" Red asks and his voice is so soft it stills the air.

Alex nods.

Everyone watches Red intensely and he holds out his hand to Alex who gives it over and Angel says "it's a human thing, definitely, we've been wrong about... us before" and Mary spits back something and now they're arguing and Red's face tenses up in concern and even Kali has her eyes narrowed.

"Everyone please calm down we are going to work this out" Red insists "and everyone needs to calm down before we get caught rambling we are not that far into the park right now" which doesn't calm anyone down but it's a start and the tension loosens a little.

Angel grabs our arms and the groups form up for protection if only because Dylan and Kali are already both on Red's sides and all three of them are watching Alex on the shell sun which he has almost against his face. Damien is between them peeking over Alex's back and this is not how things usually work out but right now I can feel the group on the tilt. I slip out of Angel's hand and run forwards past the middle kids who are half on the ground and half watching each other angry to them and tug on Red's jacket.

He doesn't notice until Dylan taps him and tilts his head. Then he looks at me and says "Addie" very insistently.

"Did we do something wrong and should we be scared" I ask but my voice has lowered to nothing.

"This isn't any of your business" he says and I feel something fall in my chest knowing I am a few extra pounds on their shoulders and not much more than that and should probably go back to sitting with Angel because at least I make her happy. He puts a hand on my shoulder and says "we can handle this just fine"

Angel grabs my arm to remind me that I'm being a problem again but I can barely hear her and in the park with everyone arguing I feel a million miles away.