We've been walking back up the strip of thin land for a while now, man, I really hope this is up (because nothing sucks more than being cornered on an island in the middle of nowhere), past men on front porches with guns and abandoned houses, peppered with closed stops for the people who come here in summer and leave... no clue why, to this day. The middle kids are at least civil on the surface, but they've paired back into Gillian/Alex and Damien/Mary, and both pairs keep looking up at the big kids, in the front, like they're ready to strike. It's hardest to deal with them when they're at each other's backs. When I say that out loud, it really does sound like we're the bad guys in this situation, which is...

Frankly I can't even argue that. Red stalks ahead, sullen.

"You good?" I ask.

He gives me a quick shrug that frankly, shows off that bulges beneath his suit in such a way that I'm shocked no one in the group has gotten it yet. It kind of sucks that I could make out with him and have next to no effect. Pouring energy into him is like pouring a steady stream of water directly into a dark, endless hole. I'm trying to think of a hole big enough... Mary's mouth? I don't know, that's kind of a weird mental image. Kali's heart? Oh man. I think I'm just being mean now. Red must be rubbing off on me.

Red's meanness rubbing off on me. Red being mean. Me, over here, screaming indefinitely into the void, because what? Are you kidding?!

Kali is the only one who dares to contest Red's current poor attitude, not in that she's helping, but instead in that she, too, looks like she might eat you if you smiled at her the wrong way. Between the two of them and Elle, who doesn't look angry so much as she does just unamused, we are the world's least fun posse.

"Is there anything we could do to lighten the mood?" I spin and call to the group, aware that the smile I'm faking probably isn't helping matters. It's also making my face hurt, but I feel like complaining about that isn't going to help the cause. "Come on, guys. We're back home! Aren't you all at least a little excited?"

"I don't think this is really 'home'. It's more like a place close to where home is," explains Trace. "Not that the place we're going to is even home at all. It's just the place we were made."

"Our home is the road," Damien agrees, looking down at his feet. "I guess."

Yeah, we're burned out.

"The old haunt's probably on the mainland. It would have been really great if someone, not naming any names here, had potentially... I don't know, talked to an adult who might know where the place is?" asks Kali. "Not that we had any opportunities for that."

"We're not going back," Red says.

"No one asked you," Kali snaps back.

"I don't think anyone died and put you in charge," Red says, so sweetly that I just know he's faking it.

"Oh, no one put me in charge, but you sure as hell died," Kali says.

It's a Mary line. Red punches Kali in the chest, but she barely moves. She looks up at him, hand over her heart, and brushes him off, like dust. Her eyes are the fractured-ice blue that leads to Veritas fights. Her mouth curls into the sweet, inoffensive expression of someone who is about to break something. We've all known the look. We tense up, as a group.

"Never mind. This is fun," Mary chirps from the back of the group.

I can feel them forming into a circle. The tension ratchets up one bar at a time, the whole group holding their breath for the next cathartic strike, and Kali says, "I wasn't aware you could fight."
Red keeps clutching and unclutching his hands, like he's not sure that he can fight either, because he probably can't, but as he sways on his feet, there's at least a kind of determination that I can appreciate that's forcing him forwards, even though it's coated by something far more dangerous. I can feel smoke in my throat. Red goes for another punch and Kali dodges to the side, effortlessly, and when her fist swings back around I catch it with one extended arm. I walk over to retrieve her fist, such that my arm is back to its normal size, and I cast her a warning glare.

"I guess you can't," Kali says to Red.

Red whispers, "Dylan, can you please get out of my way?"

"Oh. Out of your way," I release Kali's fist... okay, so Kali wrests her fist out of my hand, but I let it go. Turning on Red, I ask, "That's a hell of a way to thank me, buddy, don't you think? No 'Dylan, you've been a loyal friend and supporter to me for years, thanks for stopping me from being punched in the face'?"

"How about 'Dylan, you were the deciding vote on this journey?' How do you feel about 'Dylan, you were the one who decided, out of the kindness and understanding of your heart, to go against my wishes at least twice, because you've always had my back when it mattered most'?" Red pauses. "How about 'Dylan, if you'd kept your mouth closed, I might not have gotten shot by the man you ended up murdering to avenge me'?"

I close my mouth. It really sucks when you get up against the wall and there's no one to punch in the face... at the very least, when there's no one you'd want to take the honors. I leer towards the woods, which are a nice, dark, refuge, and back towards the moving trees, which are full of eyes. I've never fought battles for dominance before. It's the kind of thing we put Red in charge to prevent, because as long as he's in charge, the meek govern the strong.

I don't want to say that that's a mistake. I take the deepest breath I can, but my mouth is still dry as the hellish plains we crossed all of last winter. "I'm sorry," I say, looking at the ground. "For questioning your authority."

Kali folds her arms. "I respect you way too much to watch you take that for his sake."

I'm on her in a heartbeat. Her Veritas springs out of her skin just as mine does, and we are upon each other, exposed bone on exposed bone, her snake growing as it tries to crush us beneath its coils. Our claws and hooves are sharp, all of our skulls are filled with bone, and we have three heads with which to gash her sides. The tang of blood hovers a bright red on the air, but we have no blood, and we are focused on fraying copper.

This one's for--

The sound of flesh being sheared off the bone.

This one's for--

The cracking noise of bone being splintered under teeth. When we both fall back, the middle kids are still watching, and both of us are bleeding in a dozen places. Kali wipes blood from her nose, then looks back towards the woods. We both recognize that Elle is gone at once, and I stand up. My leg almost gives out under me. At least one of those bones is broken.

"Guess I didn't really have a leg to stand on," I tell Kali, laughing under my breath. It's almost covered up by the copper awfulness filling my throat, but I fight for my jokes.

"Stop," Kali grumbles. She props herself up against Mary. "Kids. Out. Including you."

Angel looks mortified. "Out of... are you kidding me?"

"Should we get Red?" asks Gillian.

I was kind of thinking that it looked like we were a little thinner than eleven.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not," Kali growls. She grabs a bleeding arm and sits herself back down. "What you need to do is leave. Remember, violence makes for bad conflict mediation. Wait, who am I kidding? It's the only language we understand."

"Kali," I argue.

Kali looks over at the group, eyes burning bright blue with resentment. "If you don't leave, I will." She's already growing feathers when she tells me, "You'll know where to find me, of course, if you're interested."

I won't, but I can get a good approximate. She barely makes it off the ground. Her hawk form is beaten, wings missing a few key feathers and one of her talons torn clean away, but sheer determination (that's generous... spite might be more accurate) carries her upwards.

The others have since renounced their vows of silence, but all their voices blur into noise. No one's touching me, that's for sure-- am I that scary? Heck, maybe. That's what being the enforcer gets you when your back is up against the wall, I suppose. I look down to see the coppery mess of soil and blood on the ground, mixed with dust where Veritas flesh was lobbed away before incinerating when we both turned back. Presumably, the blood should also be gone shortly, but right now, the ground looks like my face. "Find Red and Elle. Tell them we'll be back soon, that there's no reason for either of them to interfere... especially Elle... especially Red, too, actually! Forget it. Both of them can just not come under any circumstances. If any of you're there, just realize that Kali is going to thrash you and I don't think I can stop her."

Damien nods in terrified agreement. The other middle kids follow this, although Mary just gives me her snidest eyeroll. Trace and Adaline are still looking at the ground and the places where my skin is streaked with red on top of the dark brown lines that already lash my body. I'm a regular mosaic at this point. Someone should hang me up on their wall, like humans do with paintings, for whatever indiscernible reason. Angel folds her arms tighter. "I don't know how you expect me to accept this dangerous, deviant behavior. Who's supposed to be in charge here?"

The sky's a nice shade of blue today. You'd never realize anything was wrong. "I don't think anyone's in charge right now. Angel?"

Angel's eyes widen. She tips her glasses down.

"Just kidding. Gillian, anyone tries to leave, show them some courtesy. By courtesy, I mean your fist in their face," I tell her, and Gillian nods, intent.

"That has nothing to do with the definition of courtesy," Alex argues.

"Hey! Looks like Alex has found something to do, too. You should all aspire to be that productive. See you," I jump straight into the form of the fastest bird I can manage, which is, at the moment, a hawk around as large as Kali's. I can still feel my heart pulsing in my chest with some kind of anxiety that no self-respecting hawk would have, but all of that narrows down to a singularity when I dive.

All sensation reduces itself to the thrill of the catch, and then I'm human again, sprawled on the shores of a river. I fall against Kali, who so happens to be there already, bent over like a sproutline trying to grow towards the sun.

"Fancy meeting you here," I say, trying to put support my head with my hand so I look deliberate. The ground is wet here, so I end up jerking my elbow up and just getting into a conservative, sympathetic enough looking sitting position. This should be the part where Red laughs, but he's not here. I just have Kali, who leers at me like I just threatened to slit her throat.

"I hate you," Kali says. She leans back against me. She's heavy enough that she props me up well, too, so that we lean perfectly on each other. What do you know?

"You know, for someone who almost killed me less than an hour ago, you're very affectionate," I needle her.

"Self-defense," Kali grumbles, "and I've been thinking about it. It wasn't even Red that set you off, was it? It's that I said all that while being with Elle."

"If you know how much it hurts me to see you with her, maybe you should reevaluate your relationship," I offer.

Kali shrugs. "Maybe I just don't give a fuck."

"Why?" I ask.

"Why don't I give a fuck, or why am I in a relationship with Elle?"

"You know what, frankly, both," I say.

"I'm not really... not anymore... she's been better, or, at the least, I know how to make her stop, now. Kind of." She shifts her weight back and forth, and I can feel her coat grating against my back. It's nice that I don't have to look her in the eyes while saying any of this. Instead, I just get her ragged breathing, still heavy from the aftermath of the fight. "I don't have much energy to exhaust caring, so not caring is self-preservation. As for Elle... it was something your boyfriend couldn't regulate."

"You look so hurt these days," I say. "all the time. It makes Red so upset."

"So what you're saying is, it's working?"
"Are you really okay with screwing yourself over just to make him angry?"

"Yes," she says almost instantaneously.

We sit in silence. At this point, most of my wounds have begun to sting, and my clothing is damp in several places from the blood. Kali shifts her weight again. I look over my back to see her hand drawn up to her face.

"Are you licking your wounds?" I ask her.

"No," Kali says, putting her hand away.

I snort. "Whatever you say, man."

Kali sighs.

I shift my own weight back against her, just to let her know I'm still present.

She pushes back so hard against me, it almost knocks me over.

"Stop that."

"Dylan, he shouldn't have talked to you like that in public, either. Or in private. He really doesn't respect you at all."

"Of course he does, he's just scared of me... us," I say. "We know him too well."

"You think so?" Kali asks. "Well, I can imagine him right now, down by some riverbank..."

"He's thinking of jumping in. He won't, but he'll stand there long enough that he'll imagine it's a possibility," I add.

"Probably crying, but not so hard that he can't wipe it away before he comes back to the rest of the group. He might pace a little to walk it out of his system at some point, but he'll come back to us clean, no matter what, because he's not aware that the guard he's defending has come down a long time ago."

Guilt still striking my racing heart, I add, "He's thinking about how sorry he is, and he'll apologize as soon as he gets back, formally, hands clasped." I put a hand to my face, leaning my head all the way back against Kali's side. "Oh, you're right, this is awful. I can imagine almost every single thing he'll say."

"Every minute twitch of his face," agrees Kali.

"Are we just..." I ask her.

"I wish I weren't," Kali admits, "but we're practically extensions of his will at this point, yes. Dylan, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course," I say.

Kali pauses. I feel like I've punched her in the stomach again. "You good with secrets?"

"Yes," I say.

Kali turns around. I collapse onto the floor of the forest, but quickly right myself as Kali sits in front of me, dark eyes filled with some emotion I can't place. She watches my every movement as I shuffle back into position. As soon as it looks like we've pulled ourselves just about equal, save for my height (which I can't help), she stands up so that she's leering down at me again. "I'm going to break up with Elle, in a matter of speaking. She'll probably be upset about it, but I want you to have my back, and I want to keep Red out of this as much as possible."

I nod.

Kali smiles, sincerely. Her eyes squint up when she smiles honestly, which is something I'd never noticed before, primarily because Kali smiling is somewhat of an oxymoron. "Thank you, Dylan," she says, and she begins to walk back towards the group, limping on the opposite leg of my more severe injury. I look down at my own battered patterns, and my heart is almost wrest out of my body.

We're practically twins.

I already know where the most local river is, so I fly there next, my wings already letting me down before I land in the trees. He's still, muttering to himself, with his hands around his shirt collar. He doesn't even look up until I tap him on the back, and I swear that all of the vines bolt up at once, furious.

"Oh no," Red mutters under his breath, his head tilted just so I get one of his glasses and one dark-rimmed eye. He lets himself settle back onto the shore. "No, no, this is ridiculous... absolutely absurd, and I can't handle this sort of-- what do you mean-- one second."

"Are you listening to yourself right now?" I ask.

"I think I am," Red says. "That's the problem. Kind of loud in here."

Usually this is the part where one of us laughs. I bite my lip, then my tongue, sinking the sharp ones far into the flesh as possible. "You know, this is just a suggestion, but you could say sorry. Or, barring that, you might want to explain to me... what's going on? You know, so I can help you."

"I don't really know," Red admits. "I'm... stuck. I haven't been able to... I haven't... how do I explain this? I can't explain this."

"You can't," I echo, because I want him to refute it. I want the words to leave his mouth: I can tell you everything. "Red, it's been a while since we... I love you more than anyone, regularly than anything, and I need to know that's in good faith, okay? Because otherwise? I think I might need some time on my own. I think I can feel you dragging me down, sometimes, and I just want to... I just... sorry, I really can't make this make any sense. Please stop staring at me like that."

Red reaches out to grab my hand and squeezes hard. I feel my heart leave my chest, the way it did when I first fell in love with him. "I'm really, really sick, Dylan. That's what's wrong. I'm sick, and I can't fix or control anything, and I'm spiralling. I can feel something pulling me down, and it has my leg, my mouth, everything, it's all around my neck and everything's cold and I want to leave but if I go this time, if something really bad happens, I won't be able to pull myself back, so I have to sit in it, and I hate sitting in it."

Well, I followed about half of that. He's practically pulling his hair out right now. "Have you considered I might not want or be able to follow you to whatever place this spiral is taking you?"

Red nods. "That's fine," he says. "I don't know if you should be here if it gets really bad, anyways."

"That's a yes then?" I ask.

"A yes or a no? I've kind of lost track of which answer is the good one."

"I don't... for a while, I'm going to go stay in my corner, and you stay in yours, and--" I'm already choking up. "I don't even know if you're listening to me."
Red gives me a hug. It's brief, especially because both of us are practically wresting each other out the second we touch each other, but if anything that only makes the embrace bittersweet, so I want more at the same time I think I'm done with being touched. "Enough to get the gist. I'm sorry, Dylan. I was supposed to protect you, not the other way around, and if I'm going to be a problem, you should just do your own thing for a while. Once I work this out, one way or another, I'll be back to you. Right?"

"I was kind of just hoping you'd say you'd make an effort to do better," I admit.

Red glares. "That's not up to me, Dylan."

Wonderful.

I step back. "You want to... go on back to camp now?"

Red shrugs. "Can you tell them I'll be there soon? It's loud there, and I want time to myself, and thusly, I have no real intentions of going back at the moment. You can understand."

I can't, unless Mimsy has somehow entered and subsumed your entire identity. I take off anyways, but I give up halfway into the sky... falling back to the ground further up the slope, I take another glance down at Red, who hasn't even noticed, unsurprisingly, and I trot back up the slope on my own in fox-form.

Kali's waiting when I get back. Elle's further off, glaring at both of us, which I could not care less about if I tried, but the others look happy enough. They're bent a little too close around the fire... if someone touches it, it's going to break my heart. I'm intently divining something from the flames when Kali kicks me in one of the cuts, somewhere she definitely ripped out flesh earlier, and asks, "What happened?"

"You're the one who claims you know him better than anything," I tell her, with a shrug. "Take a guess."