UNEDITED.

Nana also couldn't sleep a wink the whole night and she could feel Zayn's eyes behind her back. Naazwa's death is something that touched everybody's heart in the whole Borkan compound. Everyone is grieving with either puffy or red eyes. Nana cried her eyes out the whole day with Maaysa and Kaadira. They couldn't stay in the same room as the people passing condolence for their own tears will bring tears to the other peoples' eyes even if they don't want to. Kaadira locked her children with their maid with Mudassir also with them since he didn't know what was happening.

No one even thought about him. He wouldn't understand but everyone knew that Hajiya Rehma is going to take Mudassir and bring him up herself, she will want Naazwa's flesh with her. That wasn't talked about but after three days, everyone has to come out of his and her shell and move on to what's ahead, life won't be stopped just because of someone's death, they'll have to move on.

And about her giving Furat to Nana, still is pending. Zayn wanted to take Furat from the hospital but since the doctors suggest that she stays there for a day or two, he left her under the care of Jumaimah. None of the other girls could stay there and the fact that the baby looks exactly like Naazwa is more frightening. Nana saw how her husband was crying with the baby in his arms and when he was told about her decision to hand Furat over to Nana, he didn't argue and said they have discussed about that and he is willing to give the baby to them but will visit often.

Nana didn't hear a word from Zayn since when the doctor declared that they saved the baby but couldn't save the mother. No tears but red eyes like Paa and Maa, they also didn't cry. They're doing it in the heart which is very bad for Paa but no one talked to him about it. Everyone is facing his own grieve and reminiscing their moments together with Naazwa. How will life be now without Naazwa and her tactics? Everything will be so boring.

Even Nana that only spent some months with her, she felt this strong connection for something like sisterhood between them. Even though they started off from the wrong shoe, there's still something strong between the two and they can't deny it. They're more like sisters than sister in-law or friends. Naazwa is like the older sister she'll talk to without hesitation, not like how she hesitates when talking to Kaadira since she's much older than her.

But with Naazwa, she makes her feel like her friend which comforts anyone into telling everything they are trying to hide. She will share that grief with you and help you stand to your feet. When Nana told her about her accident and marriage, Naazwa sympathized with her but then smiled widely and went to her room on her wobbly legs to bring a book for her. The book has motivational words and quotes written and she gave it to Nana. It looks like Naazwa wrote it with her own hands.

"You can check this book whenever you feel down because I write down whatever it is that will help myself when I feel like I can't move again. There are moment when you feel like you have no one in the world. You will feel like you're the only struggling in the world all by yourself. Though there are so many people around you, with you, you still have that lonely feeling when you lie down on the bed. Silently, you'll start wishing for a shoulder to cry and that is not because you are sad or depressed, you just feel like you can't hold onto the world. Sometimes you will feel like the world is against for even with your friends and family you'd still feel lonely. Clutch into your pillow and let out the loudest scream, muffle your tears and when you're done, you'll have to face the world again, face it with a smile. You have your husband though, he is a great listener and will give his shoulder whenever you want. Don't hide anything from him because he feels heartbroken often. And don't worry, I'll always be there even in spirit." They laughed at that.

Nana released a deep breath before turning to look at Zayn, his eyes void of any emotion. No no no, she doesn't want this Zayn. She wants the one that will look vulnerable and hug her close whilst pouring his heart and eyes out right in front of her. She want to be the only person he hugs when he feels the need to do so but with his eyes like this, nothing good is coming from it and that's that.

He should not slip back to the old Zayn when he has come this far. No one will feel Naazwa's death like him. If what she is feeling is worse, then what about what he is going through? What about the heart wrenching thoughts passing through his head? What about the excruciating torments he is going through? What about the tears of agony he is trying to hide? And what about how his heart is taking all the pain and letting it bleed unnecessarily when the tears could do just fine? How can she make him cry it out?!

"Cuddle with me?" She asked with rasped voice but he didn't blink nor answer her, he just continue to stare at her like there is a missing puzzle he needs to attach.

She frowned. He would've said she looks adorable with the frown on normal basis but he didn't, he just kept staring at her like a molding made of mud. Nana shrugged inwardly before snaking her arms and legs around him, making sure her face is pushed in his neck. She inhaled his scent and place an opened mouthed kiss around his pulse which has his breathing quickening but he didn't move nor say a thing, just ragged breathings. How can she still make his breathe fast when he's in such situation is beyond him.

Nana fell asleep after wrapping her arms around her husband but Zayn can't even close his eyes without seeing his favorite siblings smile haunting him she told him to take care of her baby when she's gone.

"Zayn, I know I can't make it! Please, take care of my baby like you will do yours. I know you will do that and tell Nana I have all my trust in her with my baby. She should be my baby's mother, I want her to be." She breath out, taking the little time they want her to dilate with.

"If you feel like you won't make it, keep saying kalimatul shahadah and don't let your smile falter. It'll make me feel better when I see you with a smile adorning your lips." He manage to croak out, emotions clouding his thinking and vision.

"I'll keep chanting it and make sure the smile is intact. Don't cry when I die, I know I'll be happy there, Zayn. Please don't shut people out, especially now that you have Nana by your side. She's the most understanding person I've ever come across. She loves you!" She grinned at him, even though she's in pain. She could feel her vision slowly tightening and the pain around her legs are unbearable then came the sweat coating her forehead.

"I know! Just so you know, I love you so much and don't tell Kaadira and Maaysa, I love you more." He whispered in her ears.

"I know that! You can't resist this generous human, can you?!" She grimaced slightly but Zayn saw that.

"Keep chanting the beautiful words and everything will be okay." Zayn let some few tears fall down his cheeks. He stood up to call Nana so she could tell her something pregnant women do, like a du'a. She said she knows something about it.

"Keep saying thummas sabila yassarah! You'll be okay inshaAllah." Nana also shed a few tears before they were asked to leave the room since she's fully dilated.

Zayn decided to man up and sleep. If his sister were here, she would've scolded him about sleeping and waking up on time. She asked him not to shut his emotions and not to cry but he can't hold himself, he was used to closing his emotions whenever something is about to hurt him, just like now. He inhaled his wife's scent -his nose deep in her hair- before tightening his hold around her and falling into a dreamless sleep.

Waking up has never being a bad thing to Nama like the next morning. She didn't like that it wasn't a nightmare which she will wake up to and pray to never have anything like that. Naazwa is really dead and they won't ever get to see her again. Nana let the silent tears fall from her already puffy eyes before she smiled and watch Zayn continue to snuggle into her body. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and sighed. She didn't know when sleep snatched her away from consciousness but is glad that Zayn managed to sleep.

Zayn awoke few minutes later and stretched then look at Nana and smile when she didn't know she was looking at him with sad eyes and pouty lips. He couldn't resist and gave her a small peck which brought a genuine smile to her lips. At least, he is not sad or heartbroken like the day before. Maybe he's finally accepted that fact that she won't come back to him and he let her go. It is hard but he did it and Nana is very proud.

"Bath together?" She grinned at his suggestion and nodded enthusiastically then drag him up with her to the bathroom.

She is glad that she will be able to take his mind off things for a moment before they start hearing people's words sympathize with them. In all honesty, Nana will like them to stop at 'Allah yaji kanta yasa ta huta, May her soul rest in peace' and not go any further than that. There are some people that won't just keep quite and keep talking and talkingonly to make you cry again. She wish she could stay with Zayn the whole time so he won't shut her off before night again.

They ate breakfast or more like forced some toast and nutella and she quickly feed Khumais before they get ready and left the house. Zayn is wearing black thobe and a beanie while Khumais has his favorite brown thobe and Zayn said since they matched, he should stay with him at the compound while she gets into the house since she is wearing a hijab that looks more like jallabiya.

Two more chapters.