Ashley couldn't sleep well at night.
She spent the whole night staying up under the moonlight sitting on the swing she hanged behind her backyard patio on the lake.
It gets chilly at the night with the ice-cold water even in the late autumn.

Why Taehyung came? She tried to forget him, she couldn't. But she was sure that eventually, she was going to. Every time he smiled, she couldn't but feel a strange pain in her chest. She has long forgotten these feelings. And she didn't want to feel those again. These were all lies.

She has to stop him. She won't let him crushing down her fort just like that. She built her world bits by bits from the wreckage of the memories.
No, she can't let him destroy it to the ground. It's not fair.

Should she tell him to stop coming here? But that too, she didn't want to do either.

Taehyung knew Ashley didn't want him to go to her. He knew she was trying to block him out. But he promised he won't turn his back and he was gonna keep that promise.

So now he was there, in front of her front porch, waiting for her to open the door.

Ashley opened the door and welcomed him with a nice smile.

"Didn't expect me?" Taehyung asked.

"I did expect you." Ashley let him enter.

"When is your job starting again?"

"Next week."

"So I have one week." Taehyung smiled.

"For what?"

"For annoying you." Taehyung pinched her nose, "you would be too busy after that."

Taehyung sat on the couch.
" I'd like to visit The clouds."

"Really?" Ashley was surprised yet happy.

Taehyung shrugged.

"I visit them weekly. We can go tomorrow or anytime this week. But I have to bake tons of cookies before that!"

"You can bake?"

"Oh no no no......" Ashley laughed. "I can't do anything except what I really need to do to live. But the children wanted me to bake for them."

"Demanding children I see!" laughed Taehyung.

"You have no idea. But I love them," sighed Ashley, "they can easily make you smile even when you don't feel like it."

"Did you sleep well?" suddenly Taehyung asked.
"You look tired and sleepy."

"Had trouble sleeping," Ashley admitted.

"You can take a nap now," Taehyung suggested. "I can wake you up in an hour or two."

"It's inappropriate," Ashley argued, "you are my guest here. I can't just leave you here all alone."

"I am your friend here," Taehyung corrected her.

"Yeah," Ashley nodded.

"Go, have a nap. I will just read something in between."

"You sure?" Ashley tried to smile.

"Damn sure." Taehyung got up and went to look for a good book from her book collection on the shelves.

Ashley noticed him for few moments and laid down on the couch. She was not gonna go anywhere but here.
She was almost drifting away when she felt a soft hand landing on her hair.
She looked up to see Taehyung stroking her hair slowly while reading something in his hand, sitting on the couch near her head.

"Tae," she tried to say that he didn't have to do that.

"Shshhhhh.....sleep," Taehyung spoke softly not taking his eyes off the book.
Ashley tried to say something but found herself slowly drifting away with the gentle touch.

Ashley woke up almost three hours later only to see it was raining outside. Taehyung was not there. Has he left? There was a blanket covering her.
She got up and came out to her porch. The rain was not too heavy but the sky was cloudy with the chilly winds along with it.

She again went in and came out to the backyard patio. There he was, lying on a couch, immersed in a book.
He looked so innocent yet so unrealistic.

She came back inside for coffee. She was feeling fresh after the sleep. She decided to join him and took out a book. It was her all-time favorite, "Crime and Punishment."

"Morning!" Taehyung smiled watching her coming out.

"It's noon," Ashley smiled back and gave him one mug. Taehyung raised one brow seeing hot chocolate there, not coffee.

"You never told me you don't like coffee. I found it out last night. It's a pity that I offered you coffee every time!"

"Well I didn't decline it cause I am good boy." Taehyung showed his boxy smile.

"I slept well. thank you for that." Ashley sat in front of him.

"Always at your service, Ms. Ruth." Taehyung bowed.

"What are you reading?"

Taehyung smiled and showed her the name," The kite runner."

"It's a nice one," Ashley complimented and laid down on the couch concentrating on Dostoevsky. Another hour passed by and Taehyung finished his book.
He put that on his chest and moved his hands to the back of his head to rest his head on them.
Remembering the story he sighed, Still soft with the ending of it.

He looked at the ceiling, "Ash, what your book is about?"

Ashley put down the book, "human mind?"

"Is it good?"

"It's about the internal struggles, the turmoil, the fear we live in, and the truth. Its human psychology, Tae."

"Do you ever wonder about life?" Taehyung asked lightly.

"Every time."

"What is it to you, Ash?"

"It's beautiful."

Taehyung looked at Ashley who was still staring at the ceiling.

"Life is beautiful, Tae. The process itself maybe not. We go through things, but those too are part of us. We can't just ignore the beauty of the smile the people have in their heart, the sky we look at, the rains, the air we breathe in." Ashley looks back to Taehyung.
"We are indeed just audience of the drama set on the stage. That drama can be tragic, can be romantic, can be everything you never had expected. That can save you, that can ruin you. But to me, it's not the drama but the opportunity we have to see it in life. And I can't be more grateful just being there."

"You never complain if it doesn't go in your way?" Taehyung said softly.

Ashley chuckled, " This is life, Tae. It never goes in our way."

"What if it breaks you?"

"Life will break you, every time. It would knock you down again and again and you would fight back to be the winner in the ring. But it's not the outcome that is beautiful Tae, it's the journey it takes you through. And be it too painful, at the end of the day I still thank life that I am still carrying on this journey,"
Ashley smiled, "Did you ever thank your life for being "you", Tae?"

"No" Taehyung smiled, "But I wanted to go with it wherever it takes me. Have you done everything you wanted at the moment of impulse? Ever?"

"I wanted. But I was too busy to not get knockdown every time I went in that ring. Actually never came out of the ring as the winner. And I am trying without rest. So.. " Ashley shrugged.

"Do you love your life? But you are busy to fight it, busy to make a cease-fire with it, accepting it in whatever form it came to you, living it. But you never stopped to enjoy the moments it offered you."

Ashley chuckled, "What has gotten into you?"

" you know what am I thinking?" Taehyung raised his brows, " I am thinking of running up to the end of this platform and dive into that blue water. I am thinking about the raindrops, the beating heart, and the moment of that satisfaction of doing what I wanted. You wanna join me?"

"I am warning you. That is ice cold water." Ashley chuckled.

"You fully know the beauty of this idea, calculative people won't know it. But you won't do that either. Cause you'd like to see me doing that, be grateful for living in this moment to see it, appreciate it. But you'd never participate in it. Cause living for yourself never crossed your mind."

"You know me more than I thought you do!" Ashley smiled.

"I wish you can live for yourself, for once at least." Taehyung smiled back. "But I am doing it anyway."

Before Ashley could say anything back, he ran out of the porch and went through the wooden platform, and dived straight into the water.

He raised his head above the surface within few seconds and screamed,
"It's freezing!!!!!"

Ashley laughed and went back to the living room where she left the blanket on the couch. She grabbed it and ran out again.

Taehyung already went out of the water and was shivering with trembling feet while coming back.
His lips were already blue.

Ashley went out ignoring the rain and reached Taehyung in the midway. She wrapped the blanket around him and said, "You'd catch hypothermia, boy. Take it."

"You are getting soaked!" Taehyung pulled the blanket above her head too.

"You won't listen, will you?" Ashley smiled. "You will probably gonna get sick, I don't like it."

"I like you."

Ashley stopped and looked at Taehyung.
Taehyung let go of the blanket and held her hands, "I do."

Ashley looked away, "Don't do this." Her voice was calm and soft.

"Ash......"

"Please don't do this to me, Tae." Ashley gently pulled out her hands from his grip and walked back towards the house.
Taehyung followed her and called her back after getting under the shade, "Ash?"

" Tae...I..."

"I am not asking for anything in return, Ash," he looked into her eyes, "I am not asking you to like me back. I just want you to know that I like you."

"Let me get you some warm clothes." Ashley turned away and went in.

Why??? Why after all these years??? She questioned herself while grabbing some clothes and clenched her jaws in an attempt not to cry. She doesn't wanna face it. Never again. But the tears were way too disobedient to stay put which were now burning her eyes craving freedom from the cage of those long lashes.

"You ok?" Taehyung asked her from the door. She had no idea when he came up here.

"Yeah." she shoved the clothes in his hands looking away and walked past him in an attempt to not let her tears fall.

Taehyung grabbed her wrist before she could go.
"Ash..." Taehyung pulled her in a gentle hug, "I am sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Ashley tried to pull away but gave up gradually.
Taehyung calmly held her as she slowly put her together.
"It's ok... it's ok..." Taehyung said in a slow, soothing voice, "I am sorry."