Friday 30th June------

Is it wrong for me to believe in someone simply because I want them to be good when I really know they are bad? Or is it worst for me to believe in someone I thought was bad and now trust  to be good? I want so badly to tell Karle everything I know and beg him desperately to tell me it's a lie, but I fear that it may not be and that he may be working with her. That if I ever told him what I knew he would- hurt me.

The Meeting------

Karle didn't meet me this morning. It's odd to think about it, as you would probably assume that me being near someone who 'betrayed' me so badly would make me rather nervous. But strangely enough, it was the absence of him making the feeling of my stomach slowly sinking in my ocean of anxiety rise. I tried to float above it all however and kept reminding myself, 'he doesn't know you know. He doesn't know you know', in an effort to calm my nerves as I walked through the hallway to my first lesson.

To my relief I wasn't late, I made getting in on time a priority  this morning, after all nothing sounded more awful to me than walking in and Karle's beady eyes following me like a hawk as I entered. Lucky this didn't happen and I wedged myself into the corner of the classroom, with the male athletes to the right and the 'gossip' girls crowd to the left. I was in complete camouflage.

After a few moments Karle entered, his head was down and his shoulders hunched over. He stumbled over to his desk, sliding out his textbook from his leather hold and gently falling back onto his chair. Facing down he didn't look up, he didn't search for me. He didn't see me. I spent most of the lesson trying to examine his expression, it was a miserable, isolated frown. I had never seen him like this before I thought. But hay, what was I to know he obviously had a completely different side to him, if he did betray me that is.

The lesson dragged on but my mind was still startled by the news that Karle would actually hurt me, let me be hurt, make me be hurt. I began to choke up, covering it up by pretending to yawn. Holding back the wave of emotion trying to break through, come on Summer focus don't get distracted now there's a lesson on. I tried to control it but it was too strong. The tears trickled slowly down my cheek as I grabbed my books, stuffing them in my bag and rushing to the door. Karle saw me. I could feel his eyes on me.

I wanted to get away from it all. Go somewhere that I could just be normal not like I am now. Drama isn't my thing. Slamming the door on my way out, I raced down the halls. My face pouring with salty droplets of my hope. Reaching a pillar through the opening of the school I broke down, sitting by myself sobbing helplessly into my hands. Wishing more than anything that I could just see my sister again. She would know what to do. She would help me.

My heart began to gallop as the door slammed once again and footsteps hurtled towards me. It was Karle.
I wanted so desperately to just hug him, be in his arms and trust him. Fully, completely, 100% like I used to. But only a shudder rushed up my back as he arrived, my senses fully alerted waiting to defend myself.

He slowed down as he saw me. The state that I was in he needed to. He began to tip toe lightly making sure not to frighten me.

"Are you ok?" Gently he whispered kneeling down next to me. I backed off not wanting him to entice me into trusting him once more.

"I'm fine." I couldn't yell at him, my voice was halted by the fear of what he would do. I so badly wanted to call him a traitor, spit on him and tell him I could do better any day. Tell him I hated him with everything I had in me. But it wasn't the truth. I guess a little part of me, however minute saw him as the handsome, sweet and caring boy I first met. Who was a little shy but very lovable.

"Are you sure. I mean you're on the floor, you stormed out of lesson and it does look like you have been crying." He raised his eyebrows as he peered down at me, giving me the 'you can't lie to me' look.

"You wouldn't understand. You can't understand." I replied, my voice lowering moping in my own sadness.
He leaned in closer to me and gently whispered again in my ear:

"You can trust me." The ironic nature of the sentence made me angry, I had fallen for it once before he wasn't getting away with it twice.

"Oh yeah sure I can. Who wouldn't trust you?" I started to get up, regretting what I had just said immediately. Why did I say that? Oh no he's gonna realize that I know. I have to leave now. I was just about to grab my bag when he took hold of my arm, clenching his hand on it slightly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" His voice echoed and deepened as he suddenly had a very serious glow about his eye.

"What are you hiding from me?" He started to slowly twist my arm about emphasizing the power he had over me.

"Let go of me! I haven't done anything." I pushed him back trying desperately to loosen his grip on me  as I struggled to get free.

"I'm not hurting you. I just need to know. Why did you say you can't trust me? What did I ever do to you?" His voice gradually slowed down as he once again leaned in until I could see his pupils.

"What did I ever do to you?"

I frantically searched for an answer that would explain my refusal to believe him. Anything. Anything. Anything but the truth.

"You- you-" I stumbled around for the words.
"You set me up." My mind went blank. What had I just said? What had I just done? What? Why did I do that? Oh no....

"Huh! What- what did you just say?"
He began to blush slightly.

"Why on earth would you say that?" His fists began to clench as he stood towering over me. His grip tightening on my arm.

"Summer." "Oh Summer... Why did you have to say that?"

Was I wrong? Was I wrong to accuse him? He had never shown any aggression to me before. He had never wanted me to get hurt as far as I could tell. But as he stood there in front of me I felt his power, the pain, the anger that was cooking inside.

It made me start thinking:
Why had I trusted Mrs. Huim? After all I thought she was out to get me. Had she been lying to me? Was I as stupid to have trusted a liar?