Saturday 1st July----------

I don't get it. After everything why would he do it? How could he do it? Did I mean that little to him? I don't think I really ever stopped loving him, never stopped caring, never stopped worrying. But I am done now. My heart has shut its gates on him. I don't think I can ever love him again.......

The Vice's Plot-------

The last time I saw Karle I felt unsafe. The way he held me. The way he spoke to me. The way he touched me. But he didn't hurt me. Why? Why didn't he hurt me? I pondered as I grabbed my usual from SubWay and teared into it as I opened the glass door with my back. He had the chance then, so why wouldn't he hurt me? I couldn't decide what to believe, my gut and Mrs. Huim or my heart and Karle. I was torn. Every move I made a small part of me was still fixated on the idea that I could be believing the wrong person. I became irritable, it was a simple choice. But I just couldn't make it.

The halls were, like usual, crowded and full of bickering teens as I entered for my first lesson. One group of girls hating on the other as they stand side by side pretending to get along. Awkwardly, I tried to squeeze myself past them, not making eye contact trying not to be noticed. But it didn't work and to my dread I raised my head and caught eyes with her.

"Eww! Disgusting! Who punished you with a face like that?" Stacy wined in her normal manner, her 'friends' standing waiting patiently behind her so she stood out.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? You have a big enough mouth why don't you use it?" She remarked as I bowed my head waiting for the bombardment of hate to be over with, fiddling nervously with my hands as she spoke.

"Ugh god!  You are just a dirty little tramp aren't you?" Her voice squeaked as she tried to emphasis her disgust at me. And it worked, once again. I felt deflated, my mind rushing through all the times people called me beautiful and pretty, erasing them as lies. Stacy had hated on me so much my tears always burnt into anger, and as she stood their flicking her hair, chewing her gum incessantly I just wanted to hit her.

"I mean who would even want to be near you, date you even. You are just a little rat so go on, run back to the stinking sewer you call your home!"
That was it. I had to retaliate. I had to fight back. My fist was clenched, my muscles tensed and as she snobbishly turned her head away, I swung.

But my hand was stopped. Someone had a hold of me.

"Hay you little stuck up brat get back here!" Karle stood broadly by my side, gently holding me by the shoulder. I wrapped my arms round him and squeezed slightly. He stood up for me. Even though she couldn't  respond, he stood up for me! I felt elated, my previous doubts crushed as I gazed thankfully into his crystal eyes.

"Who the hell are you? Her douche bag cousin?" My heart dropped, as though the floor had just collapsed beneath me. Shocked and slightly confused I glared heavily at Karle my eyes flaring with my dismay. Did she just speak to Karle? My thoughts were on overload as the questions came flying in. How could she speak to Karle? How is she doing something different? How did she just become a normal?

"Well gonna respond butt head?" She didn't look any different, she certainly didn't sound any. Her hair was still curled to perfection and her voice was still a cross between a whine and a snort.  She leaned forward, he hand wedged on her hip to support her as she raised her plucked eyebrows waiting for an answer.

"Uhhh...Huh?" Karle squeaked out a few words, astonished like me she replied. This of course sounded to her as if he was scared clueless at her presence and regretted what he had just said, that obviously wasn't the case however. But having said that we did then grab our stuff and leg it as far away as we could from her. That probably didn't help our case.

We found ourselves again on the stair well leading to maths, sitting down catching out breath back on the floor. I leaned gently on Karle, resting my fragile head on his muscular shoulders. I breathed out and all the doubts and fears about him blew away. It was just me and Karle again.
We stayed there in silence, the only real sound was the steam train chime escaping through our mouths as we caught out breath. Until Karle slowly whispered in my ear.

"I would never do anything If I knew you were going to get hurt." That's rather random I thought, he can't mean anything by it though. I simply brushed his remark of my shoulder, nodded acknowledging him and laid my head back down.

"You do trust me right?" Again he gently spoke into my ear, this time however his voice lifted and the end of the sentence, he seemed slightly tense as he anticipated my answer. And I wanted to answer. I really did. But I couldn't. I thought I trusted him, I could have sworn I trusted him. But evidently not.

"I um-"

"Well erm..."

Karle leaned forward.

"The thing is..."

"It's- It's-"

And then It all came out.....

"Mrs. Huim.  She- she- she told me-" I began to choke on my words.
"She said you used me! She said you tricked me! That the day they took me you helped set it up. That you betrayed me. That you are the bad." I gasped astonished by what I had just said, regretting it immediately and hoping more than anything he would tell me it was a lie. But he didn't. And the silence grew and grew.

"You didn't though. Not you. Your not like that. Are you?" My grip loosened on him as I began to lean away onto the  peeling wall beside me,  slightly shocked by his refusal to speak.  Why isn't he answering me? It can't be true. The fear smothered eyes as I stared at him wishing it was a lie.

"I didn't want it to happen like that believe me." He bit down onto his teeth, his jaw line becoming more pronounced as he bowed his head ashamed. I was so overwhelmed it took me a few moments to process what he had done.

"What! You lied to me! You used me. You piece of dirt how could you?" I screeched down at him, standing up holding back the desire of spitting on him.

"It's not like that! Please. The Vice said if I didn't do it she would hurt you!" He reached for my arm, I resisted kicking him on his back.

"Well yeah that sure worked out for you! I mean she only knocked me out stone cold onto the floor and took me, unconscious, to the stock room! That's not hurting me is it!?" I bellowed, using all the energy I had to shriek my feelings out.   

 Nevertheless, through my wall of anger I managed to let some light in. It did seem plausible to me that Karle could have been blackmailed, after all Mrs. Huim had warned me about the vice.  But that didn't stop me from wanting to punch him in the gut for lying.

"Come and meet me at the office on Monday. If you are lying once again that is it. We are over. Oh and right now, I still hate you." I gave him a fake smile, squinting my eyes to show my sarcasm as I picked up my hoodie and walked off. Thinking purely of his betrayal.

If Karle is telling the truth and he can be trusted then I need to find out how Stacy spoke to him. I want to move on from Karle as soon as possible, I want to forget what he did to me quickly. But I don't want to forget him. Is it possible that one day I won't see him stabbing me in the back? Is it possible I will see the Karle I used to know? Is it possible that one day I will forget his confession?