I let myself walk down the halls of the plane. It was nothing that I was used to. Clearly Bryn shared my wonder and at the same time, anxiety which I later thought of as normal seeing as Bryn had a fear of nearly everything.

    My stomach growled and I glanced at Bryn who smiled back in a way that was both teasing and comforting if you could imagine such a thing. Nick laughed and gently grabbed my hand and Bryn's before running down the hall. I had no idea where he was taking us, our bodies moving not in sync but in a way that still worked despite our height and body differences. I let myself be spun around from left to right and to let go of Nick's hand as other passengers wandered past.

    Finally it all made sense. I felt Nick's excited energy as he entered a new cabin that made me feel like I had died and gone to heaven.

    The cabin was beautiful as our room was. It had tables cemented to the floors with beautiful long, white table clothes, beautiful gold inscriptions and emblems decorating the corners.

    I saw tables with plates upon plates of continental breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks and even desserts. My mouth water as my senses were suddenly overloaded with the intricate and delicate scents of the different cuisines and meals that had been prepared for our long flight.

    I wandered over to the breakfast table, Bryn and I's time at the bakery long forgotten. The table held stacks of fruit platters that had decorative flowers and leaves scattered around. To the left of the platters were piles of golden toast and cereal. To the right of the fruit platter were eggs and bacon and I forced myself to hold it together. That for once, I was in a luxury plane with actual food that wasn't just nuts that I had to salvage for the entire flight.

    The lunch and dinner tables were like they're own type of buffet. I saw Bryn's eyes hungrily look at the tables but hesitate as if she wasn't sure if she could eat any of it. I noticed the sweet smell of pasta and I saw Bryn's mouth droop into a relaxed smile that I expect was mirrored on my face although more goofy. Nick made a bee-line to what looked like potatoes and assorted vegetables and I smiled, shaking my head. He reminded me so much of Kienai; someone who had lived for the life of health. Bryn grabbed my arm with a force I knew I would never have been able to counter.

    I had always admired her love for food but there were times it scared me. I watched sadly as she drew me away from the tables that held caesar salad and roasted potatoes as she pulled me towards the table with tortilla shells and vegetable fillings. Grabbing three shells, she set herself to work, casually beginning a pile of food I knew she wouldn't eat onto her plate. I wandered back to the lunch and dinner table, grabbing a cracker and a cheese stick to help me decide what table I would live by for the next few hours.

    The dessert bar was too inviting for me to resist any longer. I carefully weaved past people although they moved out of my way easily enough. I suspect I had a look of firm and almost unhinged desperation on face which was probably why.

    I stopped in front of the table, Bryn gasping a couple feet away before bringing her tower of food towards the table. I wiped an imaginary tear away as Bryn stood next to me.

    "It's beautiful," I whispered in a dramatic tone. Bryn laughed.

    "I bet I can stack more food than you can!" I looked at her dead in the eye, a slow smile creeping over me.

    "You're on!" I lunged for the cakes. They sat on beautifully decorated columns. Large cakes lined the table while cupcakes, cookies, cheesecakes, croissants and chocolate dipped strawberries and cakepops lined the cake stands. I heard Bryn laughing as she continued her carefully crafted stack of edibles while my pile seemed to be leaning dangerously to one side.

    "Trying to make the next leaning tower of Pisa?" A voice joked behind me. I laughed, not needing to turn around to know it was Nick.

    "Excuse you!" I laughed, grabbing another four cakes off the stands, "that tower was due to poor foundations. My tower is completely fine!" I shoved a cookie into my mouth as the tower began to shake under the immense pressure of sugary delights. Nick laughed, his voice the same as a gentle birdsong you'd hear in spring.

    I was about to probably steal the entire tray when I noticed Bryn flailing heavily under her immense mountain of food. Always the gentleman, although not to me, Nick casually wandered up to her and picked up the plate with ease. I smiled. Until Bryn, who was extremely flustered enough already, fell forward when the weight had been lifted from her hands. Nick, caught her gently. I tried to ignore the stillness in my heart as I noticed the gentle way he held her up.

    Making my way over to them, I tried to contain myself. Jealous thoughts flickered through my mind the way the water would occasionally crawl up on the shore at the beaches back home. I contemplated wading into those waters, to lose myself in swirling tides of feelings. I forced myself to walk away from the deep tides before walking back to my lighthouses.

    "Careful there," I heard Nick tease Bryn, his voice gentle and amused, "you're playing with fire with all this food." Bryn smiled in greeting to me before rounding on Nick with a sass I wasn't entirely expecting from her.

    "I am indulging! I deserve to be able to treat myself," Nick rolled his eyes fondly at her in a way that seemed that they had known each other for years instead of hours.

    "Elle ne peut pas parler Français peut-elle?" Bryn looked amused and did something that must have either signalled an assent or a negation in some way. Nick looked pleased.

    "Pourquoi, qu'est-ce que vous dites qui doit être parlé dans une autre langue?" Bryn teased. I suddenly felt self-conscious as it came to me they were speaking in French deliberately because of me. I felt painfully out of place, like a pepperoni that had mistakenly made its way onto a vegetarian pizza. Nick looked serious and Bryn pulled herself up to her full height.

    "Tu sais pourquoi. Tu me connais. Tu la connais," he said. Bryn's eyes tightened around the edges and I had absolutely no idea what that meant.

    "Oui. Mais je ne veux pas qu'elle soit blessée comme la dernière fois. Tu sais à quel point ça lui a fait mal?" She said in a voice that was somehow soft and reprimanding at the same time. Nick looked hurt and bewildered.

    "Ce n'était pas ma faute la première fois!" he protested, "en outre-," I walked off, not being able to stand the atmosphere any longer. 

    As I walked away I began to contemplate everything. All my life, I had known that Bryn was the pretty one, the stunning, the belle of the ball. And I? I was just her best friend sitting in the corner, while everyone gushed over her quietly. Of course, she was prettier than me and she didn't believe it either. 

    I heard footsteps behind me and panicked. I spun around as they began to sped up. My abruptness had definitely caught him off guard.

    "Ouch," he stated, rubbing his nose, looking at me with slight contempt which didn't last long. I pulled a face apologetically as Bryn came rushing up behind him.

    "Puta," she smiled fondly, stepping back to let me grab Nick's face to examine it. I slowly turned his head from side to side, quietly enjoying the way his hair parted between my fingers. 

    And suddenly I was looking into his eyes. Damn it, his eyes. They shone in a way the earth did, with a quiet confidence. The fact that people didn't think these were attractive blew my mind. Bryn giggled, catching my expression. 

    "Puedo verte soñando con él otra vez," Bryn commented. I rolled my eyes, shooting her a look. Of course Bryn would know I was dreaming about Nick again. But I would have preferred it if she hadn't said so out loud. Nick, however, seemed oblivious so that was good news.

    His eyes always reminded me of seasons changing, a little bit of everything, but none the less beautiful. I wanted to cup his cheek that was slowly turning red. I smiled at him, trying to convey all the confidence that I didn't feel. My other hand was shaking slightly, my mind was repeating the same sentence over and over,"Don't do this... don't do this." But the sound of my heart was beating so loudly I couldn't concentrate. It felt like it was going to explode. 

    Nick's eyes studied mine with silent intensity. His warm breath ghosted across my face. I barely noticed Bryn in the background who looked appalled. 

    Just a little bit closer. Jus- waiT. 

    I watched in silent disappointment when he reached for what I thought was my cheek. Instead, he reached towards my ear, his fingers gently pinching the skin near my cheekbone. A sudden chill flowed around my body as Nick's body moved away from mine, his eyes bright and his smile very, very, wide. I tried to ignore that, instead focusing on the small commodity he had picked up and was holding in between his fingers.

    "Eyelash," he said as if it were self-explanatory,"make a wish, love." I tried to control my head that swirled with every wish I wanted to make however it all swirled back to what had happened a mere couple of seconds ago. I signalled that I was ready by nodding my head slightly. I watched Nick blow it away.

    "Maybe your wish will come true, Kens," Bryn said, taking note of something particularly interesting on her phone. Her head snapped up as a notification popped up on her phone, "let's go back to the food place," she urged, shoving her phone into her pocket, "I never got the chance to eat before you took off," she frowned at me and I smiled.

    "Let's go back then."

    "I'm so hungry," Bryn sighed, her short legs trying to walk faster as we neared the food tables. I looked at her sideways, Nick moving off as he saw a baguette. 

    "Hunger is having to fight hard to hold onto every good thing you ever were, or the pain and emptiness will walk you into a morbid quagmire of despair and darkness. The same is true for the body and the soul." Bryn blinked and made a small smile as if I'd spoken in foreign tongue.

    "Who knew being hungry could you make you so randomly philosophical?" Bryn teased, grabbing a small vegan cake. I smiled, reaching for a soft baked chocolate chip cookie. I gasped in delight before grabbing another four. I ate them quickly before moving around the tables and deciding to go back and eat more cookies. I was about to take the entire plate when Nick let out a short laugh. 

    "What's so funny?" I mumbled around my seventh cookie. Nick couldn't talk so he pointed to the sign, wiping his eyes as if trying to be comedic and dramatic at the same time. Bryn looked up, probably thinking he was choking before she started to look slightly panicked but amused. I turned to see what had caught their attention.

    I noticed a very, VERY, small sign no one had told me about. I walked closer to it, wondering how on earth I could have missed it. 

    Soft-baked cookies infused with vodka and absinthe

WARNING: Do not eat more than four. Over consumption will lead to immediate tipsiness. 

    I cursed. It was just my luck I would choose alcoholic cookies. And that I had a really horrible alcohol tolerance. I don't really remember what happened in my last couple of hours of semi-sober consciousness. All I did remember was that I whispered something in Nick's ear when Bryn left the room. Although I did black out so I don't know how reliable my side of that particular story is.

❝ 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕜'𝕤 𝕡𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 ❞

    "I'm wearing super cool shorts," Kennedi grinned goofily. My heart wavered, "I'm wearing shorts, Nicky, can you see them?" I tried to keep her still as Bryn sighed, clearly not finding anything in her bag. 

    "Can you watch her please?" Bryn sighed, casting an anxious look at Kennedi, "I need to get some things but I don't have them in my bag." I nodded jerkily and Bryn cast me a thankful look before bolting out of the room.

    "I love you, Nicolai," Kennedi murmured before she drooped in my arms. My heart beat erratically in my chest so hard that I thought it might fly out. There were butterflies - no, lions - in my chest, but it felt good.

    What did she mean by love. God, oh god, please let it be platonic. Please oh please let it be platonic. Friends. I needed her to love me like a friend. I looked at her peaceful body, her face gently placed on my chest as if she belonged there.

    As her friend, I thought wretchedly, I should clean her up. Bryn has enough to deal with. I picked Kennedi up, her figure easily fitting into my embrace before I began to walk back to our cabins, shooting Bryn a quick text beforehand.

    I lay her down on one of the first beds before rummaging through my bag for the hygiene kit that I always had to take with me. Years of modelling had taught me exactly how to remove makeup and moisturise your face so I did the same for Kennedi who twitched under my touch. Her hair flared out behind her head and she looked like one of those instagram models you saw every now again. 

    I leant on the doorframe before walking towards her, my fingers hesitantly interlocking with hers as I moved a strand of hair out of her sleeping face. I sat on the bed, precariously as Kennedi must have sensed the weight change because she curled herself towards me. My heart swelled. 

    It suddenly struck me that falling in love with her was the easy part; it's admitting to myself that it happened that's hard. Having her in my life makes me feel like everything's possible in this world, like I can conquer anything. I don't regret meeting her and I knew she might not be my first but what I really wished for in that moment was that she would be my last.

    I sighed, the breath escaping my lips desperately and in a way calmly as well. It was hard to imagine meeting someone a couple hours ago and managing still to feel so intensely about everything. I forced myself to continue stroking her hair but I knew deep down, I wanted more. I wanted to hold her. To kiss her. To hug her. To reassure her when she wakes up that I stayed by her side. I wanted to make her smile. I wanted to make her laugh. I wanted to hold her hand when she gets scared. I wanted to be the guy who brought her home safely. I wanted to be the guy who would take her to see the world. I wanted to be hers and I knew that. 

    A soft cough caught my attention. I looked guiltily up at Bryn who looked back at me with a gentle hesitation. I knew she was scared. I knew she wouldn't want me anywhere near Kennedi. Not again. I stood up silently as Bryn took my place beside Kennedi. I forced myself to sit on the couch we had, ignoring the fact I hadn't and I couldn't tuck her in. I knew if I got any closer my heart might vocalise the words I shouldn't say. The words I couldn't say. The words I wanted to say. 

    I looked at Bryn who gave me a hopelessly pained look and I was sure I mirrored her expression. We both looked at Kennedi, Bryn knowing exactly what I wanted to say.

    I love you too, Kennedi, but I can't.