The great irony of Muriel's actions is that according to him, I am a dangerous witch - forgive my profanity, but those have been his words in the past - who uses her forbidden powers to hurt others. I have never harmed anyone purposely, and only once have I ever accidentally burned someone: Nell, when he kissed me and my body was flushed with so much pleasure that I lost control over my powers. Yet while Muriel foams at the mouth and condemns me for who I am, he uses "perfectly safe" magic to harm me further.

❂❂❂

Light Spinner couldn't contain her quiet, humiliated weeping. They hate me. They'll never understand. They'll never like me or accept me.

There's no reason to keep reading about the Black Garnet. If I can't get recognition for this, there's no point. Someone better can take the glory.

She sat up and sniffled, drying her eyes. Stop crying. This is ridiculous. You're ridiculous. Micah cleared his throat, knocking on her door. "Master Norwyn's here. He heard about what happened."

It would be better to get his lecture over with, even if his words were like daggers. "Let him in."

"Sure you don't want him to come back later?"

"I said, let him in."

"Okay," he sighed. Light Spinner burrowed in bed, bracing herself for the anguish that would result, the knowledge that she was a failure and a weakling. You can handle this. You've always known this. A few moments later, the door opened once more, and Norwyn's cool hand rested on her pointed ear.

After moments of speechlessness, tears welled in her eyes all over again. She didn't have the energy to pretend around Norwyn, though she desperately wished to. "You were right. I shouldn't have used my power."

Norwyn wiped her tears away. "This is why I didn't want you getting involved. You put yourself in that situation by disobeying me."

She scrunched her eyes shut. This isn't the only time I've destroyed everything. Nell...oh, Nell...at least that was accidental. At least I didn't mean to fire my light. "I know," she muttered. "I deserved it."

He held her close. "Fighting an entire army by yourself was never your destiny, Light Spinner. You must be satisfied with what you have. This is your place: a governess of Mystacor, not the replacement for the Bright Moon guard."

"This isn't because of me being unsatisfied," Light Spinner said, her speech slurring. "This is because of me fulfilling my calling. What my mother wanted; her dying wish!"

"Ah, so this is about your mother," Norwyn said. "Do you think she would have wanted you to get injured defending your pride?"

She glared at him, tears streaming down her cheeks despite her control over sobbing. Her voice was quiet. "You don't get to tell me what my mother would have wanted. You never met her."

"Regardless, you were ordered to retreat, but you stayed out of a need to prove yourself. I am your living parent, and your Head Sorcerer. You must obey."

"I was out there trying to defend a village. I was trying to help."

Light Spinner wished Norwyn would yell at her so she could feel justified in shouting at him, in hurting him as much as he'd hurt her by simply not being there. He touched his gray beard. "Help. Have you considered that your 'help' makes things worse at times? That you did not weigh the risks of what this 'help' could have on others?"

"You sound like Muriel," she muttered.

"Your goals may have been noble," Norwyn said. Hating how she loved his warm, paternal embrace, she wormed out of his arms, ignoring the pang of guilt that accompanied her afterward. "However, you are too idealistic, my child. Lydia may have painted a vision of a perfect future that you create in your head, but it is all a mere fantasy."

"But I'll try and make it that way," Light Spinner cried. "I was born to help others, Norwyn!"

"Then focus on those around you," he said. "Better yet, focus on Micah. Raise him to be strong. Protect him. That is all you can do for now without causing more damage in the process because of your feelings."

Be satisfied. It'll hurt less.

Light Spinner crushed her eyes shut. She was tired of fighting him. Tired of pretending anything could have changed for her.

✧✧✧

Micah entered her room that evening, and Light Spinner changed the bandage on his arm with swollen eyes. He couldn't stand to see his teacher, usually so strong, vibrant and beautiful, wilted and tearstained.

He cleared his throat after a while. "I didn't know Muriel could upset you that much."

Light Spinner sniffed. "It's not that. I..." she swallowed. "I was wrong to fight off the terrorists in Illuras. I put you in a dangerous situation that did more harm than good, and I'm sorry."

Micah took her hands, wanting to tell her there was nothing she had to apologize for. "So what are we going to do about the problem now?"

Light Spinner took deep breaths and gritted her teeth, trying to control herself. "There's nothing we can do, Micah. Not me, anyway."

Norwyn told her something. A lie. He wished he could be with them during those long visits and conversations just so he could understand what was wrong between them. "But that can't be true. We're sorcerers. We were born to use our power to help others, right?"

She sniffed. "Yes, but I'm not like you. I'm dangerous, and reckless, and stupid," she almost sobbed, putting her face in her arms. "I don't have the freedom to be like you. I shouldn't have even tried."

He sat next to her, tilting his head. "Are you upset about my arm? It'll heal, Light Spinner. The bone wasn't even broken, and I've broken a lot of those, trust me."

"I know."

"Then what's wrong?"

She shuddered. "You can't tell anyone about this, Micah...promise me."

She's going to tell me about Norwyn. Finally. "I promise."

Light Spinner clenched her fists and kept her face in her arms, speaking in a muffled tone. "When I was a child, my birth father, Ántonin...he hit me. Often."

Micah's eyes widened, and a tremor passed through him. This problem goes deeper than what happened in Illuras? What did he tell her? "Light Spinner, you've never told anyone about this? Why would he do something like that?"

"Because I threw temper tantrums when I was a child," she burst out, her cheeks growing pink. "I wasn't the calm and collected scholar from Mystacor. I was a failure, and I deserved it."

"That's a lie," Micah shot back immediately, and she gazed at him in shock. "I mean it, Light Spinner. It really is. It doesn't matter what you did - hitting you isn't okay!"

She sniffed. "But my powers - "

"Saved a village," Micah said. "So they weren't enough. So they're set off if you feel too much. That doesn't mean they're evil! Did...Master Norwyn tell you that?"

Light Spinner looked at him for a moment. Then her face crumpled, and she nodded, allowing Micah to hold her. "He told me that all of it was my fault. That if I'd controlled my powers, my father wouldn't have sent me here. That if I had obeyed him in Illuras, Muriel wouldn't have hurt me."

Micah's heart ached for her; he couldn't imagine his dad hitting him, or shouting at him. All those times she was too rough with me, it was something she'd learned from him. He rocked them back and forth, his vest soaked with her tears. "No, Light Spinner. It's not your fault. And you don't break everything you touch. You don't make things worse."

Norwyn had been so earnest with him that he had to protect Light Spinner. Why couldn't he have come to the Guild meeting? Micah wished beyond all else that he was strong enough to keep Light Spinner safe from harm. She may have appeared strong, but she was breaking at the seams, and he felt powerless to help her.

Light Spinner whispered against his ear, the fabric of her veil warm. "I told him I hated him before I went to Mystacor. He never tried to come to me so I could apologize to him. I loved him. I miss him so much, but it's all gone now. I can't do anything to make it right."

Micah couldn't understand the pain of such permanent sins Light Spinner thought she'd committed. "It's not your fault he didn't want to change. Kids do stupid things. He should've known that and forgiven you. Norwyn's wrong if he thinks differently."

She lowered her eyes, as if wanting to tell him more. He dared to speak before she could. "I also see how he doesn't defend you."

Light Spinner flinched. "Micah, I can defend myself. Don't worry about that part of it."

"You care. Remember, no pretending."

"Maybe I do care," she snapped, wiggling out of his embrace and turning aside. "It won't change. Nothing will."

"I'm sorry - "

"Just leave, Micah." Her voice was quiet, defeated. "We're done here."

❂❂❂

Did you know...

● I rewrote the scene where Light Spinner tells Micah about her father twice, and the first time, it was supposed to go in Chapter 13 instead of here. 

Tell me what you think...

● How do you think Norwyn's speech will affect Light Spinner in the future?