Circe McNaught

Once more, I sit on the far back of the classroom. Most of my attention on the chirping birds that sang melodiously as they sat on the branch of a tall tree beside the small window. A lover's quarrel maybe.

Their playful bickering drew me more than the human that stood by the front of the classroom seeking to hold all the knowledge on history. Their history.

I have lived almost half a century. So, I myself have attained quite a lot of knowledge on histories. Stories that they don't even know about. Of creatures that lives amongst them. With them.

Me being one of them.

I lived with my family, my pack, before I moved out almost ten years ago. I grew up watching humans shift into wolves. I lived with the werewolves and I was a part wolf myself. But I was never blessed with one. Apparently, my other half was more dominant than my wolf half.

But I always considered myself to be a werewolf that just couldn't shift. I had razor sharp vision, an excellent hearing and all my senses heightened. I inherited all the traits that made me one of them and was never treated indifferently. I was more than happy with them.

Still I had left.

I was happy living amongst them, but I just couldn't be the only one... alone.

I couldn't bear their sympathetic looks anymore. I couldn't live as they found their other half one by one. I couldn't even feel jealous anymore as the decades passed.

Like any wolf I waited until I turned of age when I would finally find my other half, when I too would fall in love. With someone that would love me and only me. Someone who will stand by me. One that I would claim as mine. My mate. A year passed by, then two. A decade went flying by, but he never showed up. No matter where I went in a futile hope that I will one day find him, he was nowhere to be found.

Almost ten years ago, I finally gave up.

I lost all hopes and even the possibility of him being somewhere out there died along with those hope. Although I worshipped her as my goddess, she did not see me as her child. So, she did not bless me with a mate. She proved me that no matter how hard I tried I was not a wolf.

When I was twenty-five and still mateless, I started finding faults in myself. Maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't deserve a mate. And soon I started to believe it. My thoughts turned into my reality. And that reality hit me hard.

One day, I finally came in term with myself and I told myself that there was no point in waiting for someone that didn't exist. That I had no one destined to be with me. My belief became so unbreakable that I decided to leave everything behind and move forward.

Because the longer I stayed there, the more the reality hurt. And the more I held on to those delusional thoughts that there might be the slightest chance of someone being somewhere out there. That I just had to look a little harder. Wait a little longer.

But no more.

I was forty-nine despite having a body of an eighteen-year-old. So, when I left everything behind, my options were very limited. Regardless of possessing all the knowledge of the world and beyond, there was no other option for me than to become a student in the world where the majority of the population included humans, a world ruled by them.

The past years, I moved from place to place, having no solid foundation in this world. But last year I was finally stable enough, both mentally and financially. So, I chose to live here.

I masked my scent, hid myself well and lived like a human. I got a job and rented a small one room apartment where I have been living ever since.

I often get in touch with my parents, especially my mum. She was the hardest to leave. She knew struggles more than anyone. She had lived a dark past and she did not wish it upon me. So, she taught me everything I needed to survive in this world.

My dad was no better when it came to me leaving the pack. He was set on locking me in the cell if that meant I stayed but one tear-filled look from me and he melted like a puddle. Because he too knows. Although he doesn't say it, he understands. So, with a tight hug and a heavy heart, he let me leave.

Even though I promised to go back once in a while, I haven't been back yet. I haven't seen anyone from my pack since then. I talk with my parents and my little brother every so often, with a promise to visit before I end the call. But I know that I cannot go back. Just not yet. Maybe never.

Soon it will be ten years. Ten years of loneliness.

I did not interact with any humans. Just occasional hellos and small talks at work was all. Neither did I make any other friends here. I just chose to remain at the back of every class for the past year. Some tried to get close but with me just backing away every single time they did so, they too stopped...

A tight knot on my stomach and a queasy feeling brings me out of my thoughts. These feelings. This uneasiness in my heart. I have felt it before too. A few days ago. Or was it a week ago?

But I have made sure to steer clear of the few werewolves that roamed around here. I should not smell more than a human. To them and to everyone else, I was just another human.

However, just incase and also to calm my heart, I had patrolled the perimeters of this place after that day. But I felt no other presence. It was just as usual with a few other creatures loitering around.

So why was I feeling this- this...

I cannot explain these feelings that was starting to trouble my heart. This iron heart of mine squeezed painfully tight as my eye stayed glued to the wooden door. My senses getting duller as the moment passed.

But I know that there was someone on the other side of the door. The barrier that separated whoever it was from me.

The distant chirping of the bird and the human all around was nothing but a buzzing sound in my head. Right now, all I could hear was the sound of my heart about to explode. And as the hour painfully passed by, I heard the faint ringing of the bell, announcing the end of the class.

The humans around me got off their seat and moved out the room, one after the other. And soon, I was the only one left. Somehow, unable to take a step. I stay frozen on my seat, hand clutching my heart. But the moment the door opens, a waft of the most delicious scent carries along the air and hits all my senses. My entire being.

It made me drunk. Intoxicated.

I breathe in deeply and rapidly as if I had been starving for this my whole life. The more I inhaled, the more I craved for it. I close my eyes and continue inhaling long deep breath.

If air had a scent that would be it. A soft, gentle breeze. I couldn't describe it. But it was like a drug, with every breath, I just wanted more.

The aching in my heart fades, but it still beats loudly against my chest. The air around me now fully bursting with this unique scent. Every molecule packed with it. Like it was air itself.

Desperate, I flash my eyes open. My breath caught up in the back of my throat as I take in the man who now stood before me.

He was a being of another world. With hair as golden as the sun and eyes occupied by darkness, he looked dangerously handsome. And with his tall, muscular frame, he was the perfect sculpture ever created. Those dark eyes watched me with this glint in them. Almost as if he couldn't believe what he had just seen.

"Mate..."

Those word leaves his lips...

The words that I prayed to one day hear. All these years- All these years that I waited. I searched. I longed.

I lean back on my seat, my shoulders unable to bear my weight any longer.

Mate. He had said.

My eyes brim with tears as my vision of him becomes blurry. And in an instant, he is in front of me. His hand raised to probably hold my face or to wipe the invisible tears away. But before he could do anything, I lean my head forward and place my head on his forearm.

Sparks bolts across my skin as it connects with his bare skin and I close my eyes to finally release the tears of my years of loneliness.

Mate.

My mate.

Mine.

Goddess doesn't quiet prepare you for this, but she sure does bless you even when your belief in her is long gone.

She still remembers that you too exist...

Merry Christmas everyone!