A few things you should flippin' know, is if you go asleep for, like, 100 years, you need to realize, you might not be the same when you wake up.

Numero uno: If you sleep, you don't sleep like that. You sleep like a gorilla stomping around in the trees. You don't sleep like this:

You sleep like this:

And if you have long hair like this sleeping beauty, you'd look like this:

You'd have really messy hair, your lipstick would be smudged, you would be drooling, and you'd probably have bad breath. No prince in his right mind would kiss you. I'm sorry, but he wouldn't.

Numero dos: One hundred years. I know it's magic and all, but wouldn't you be kinda rotting, or just....dead? Okay, let's go by the presumption that that magic perfectly preserved her, right? well...

Numero tres: She'd still be outdated. Let's say she fell asleep in the early 1900's. When she woke up, she'd freak out when she saw a car, she'd gape and all the stores and what wonderful abundance of modern stuff it holds...

So if she woke up in any time, she'd freak. And might go crazy. And no prince would want to handle a messy haired bad breathed, freaking out seventeen year old. Honestly, who would?

So...you see my point? Needless to say, if you enjoy the story of Sleeping Beauty, and want it to not be ruined for you, I'd advise you to stop reading this chapter. But please keep reading. I just contradicted myself.

So, way back when there were kings and queens everywhere and everyone loved everything and it was like, peaceful, something like the Golden Age, there was a king and queen who had a little baby girl named Aurora. Except there is a version where her name is Talia (that version of the story was by a guy named Giambattista Basile. And the story was called  Sun, Moon and Talia). Since I'm trying to be different, I will go with this name.

Anyway, they had a baby named Talia, and they had invited fairies to come to give the baby adjectives.

The fairies weren't really fairies cause they don't exist. They were really homeless people dressed up in weird clothes.

But they came and gave the baby adjectives. Since the homeless people didn't know what adjectives were, they just took turns walking up and saying, "I give the baby a good adjective. Bless you, baby."

But the king and queen were beautiful idiots, and they fell for it (later telling a scribe their own version of the story, giving us the version we all know).

But then, just as the homeless people were shuffling off, an evil sorceress appeared (a pale homeless person in a dark dress) saying, "I THINK THAT BABY SHOULD BE CURSED! *Giggles* THEY, BY THE AGE OF DATING, SHALL PRICK HER FINGER AND DIE! CACKLES EVILLY!" Then she poof, disappeared (She just threw a lot of dust on the ground and ran outside). You don't believe me. I, honestly am very disappointed in you. I never lie. Or even stretch the truth. I am sometimes called the truth teller.

The homeless people rushed back over trying to hide their giggles, and agreed to share their powers to try to reverse the curse, to try to stop the king and queen from wailing.

"I can reverse it, I am sure!" Said a new voice coming from another homeless person (There was a lot in that kingdom) in the doorway. "I have not yet done my good adjective spell! I will use it to undo the curse!"

The homeless person pretended to cast a spell. "Oh no! I cannot fully undo it, all I can do is make sure she doesn't die. She will prick her finger and fall asleep for one hundred years, along with the kingdom, to be wakened by a true loves kiss!" Isn't that amusing? Honestly, I think the king and queen should have realized by then that the were being made fools of. But no, they were just rich.

They tried to hide it, but they were gossipers, and so one day, the queen accidentally gossiped about herself, and the whole kingdom found out. But they were idiots too, and they all started to freak out.

So, if the whole kingdom found out, Talia eventually found out. And being totally awesome (and also an idiot), she decided to prank everyone. On her sixteenth birthday, she searched everywhere and eventually found a spinning wheel (DANG those things are old), and pricked her finger, "Dude, like, ow!" She said. "That hurt so much more than I like, expected." When Talia heard someone coming, she quickly lied down on the gross dirty floor. "Ew! Omigosh I am so gonna take, like, a million showers after this."
The person was her dad, who, immediately picked her up and brought her to their secret room where they had planned to keep her when she fell asleep. Did I mention they were idiots?

They left a rose in her pretty hands, where the thorns pricked her more. "Like ow." She muttered.
After everyone heard that she pricked her finger, they all fainted. Everyone. And whenever they woke up, they'd realize that they were supposed to be in a hundred year sleep, and fainted again.

Talia, who was so surprised at this, and was such an idiot, that she lied there for one hundred years, to rub in her joke.

Sense she was a healthy girl, she actually lived that long, which meant she was one hundred and sixteen when the prince came. But princes in real life aren't brave handsome heroes. They might be a bit hot, but no, not handsome. So her prince charming came, who's true intention was to raid all the shops to see if there was anything interesting. When he entered the palace, he entered the secret room (Which wasn't so secretly hidden) and saw Talia. Snoring. Drooling. Old. Stinky for not taking a shower. Really old.  And that rose had disintegrated, so on her chest there was just a lot of dust.

"Bro. Who is this?" Prince not-so charming said. "I like, am so confused, man." 

To hurry up the story, instead of kissing her, he ran away screaming, waking up the whole kingdom, along with Granny Talia, and they all thought he was running away bravely shouting at some evil monster that was surely guarding their beloved princess. Except only two others were actually alive. Everyone else had died of old age. Yay. Granny Talia was very pleased at her joke, and since the kingdom thought mirrors were bad luck, she never realized she had actually lay in bed for one hundred years.

And she took a million showers.

The End.