Achilles V. Marroquin

"Achilles."

Huminga ako nang malalim.

Sabi nila kapag nagtrabaho ka sa OCP o sa PAO, sobrang dami mong gagawin na tipong doon na lang iikot ang buhay mo. That was one of my considerations when I chose to apply here and leave my rather comfortable corporate law life.

"What?"

"Single ka naman, noh?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

Hindi ko alam kung kailan naging matter of office-wide interest iyong 'love life' ko. Akala ko rin maraming ginagawa dito sa PAO, but apparently not. Sa isang linggo, at least once ako matatanong tungkol dito. Gusto ko na silang sagutin na paano naman ako gaganahan magkaroon ng 'love life' kung ang lagi kong naririnig galing sa kanila e reklamo nila na hindi sila masyadong pinapansin ng boyfriend nila, iyong hinala nila na may ibang babae, o kung anuman.

I have a newfound appreciation for my life.

Papasok sa trabaho.

Go to the gym.

Dadaan sa supermarket.

Magluluto ng dinner.

Sleep.

And then repeat.

I love my routine.

"May ipapakilala ako sa 'yo."

Hindi ulit ako nagsalita.

Gusto kong sabihin na hindi ako interesado at wala akong panahon, pero alam ko na mas hahaba lang iyong diskusyon. Saka ayoko ng kaaway sa trabaho. I figured it just made things difficult. Ako kasi, kaya ko makipagtrabaho kahit ayoko sa tao. It's just work. I can dislike you and still work with you. I discovered that most people aren't like me. Kapag ayaw nila sa 'yo, idadamay nila ang trabaho mo.

So, I'd rather keep things professional at work.

"Ano ba'ng standards mo?" she inquired.

"Mataas."

"Ah... so, gusto mo 'yung matangkad? Like beauty queen height?"

"Mataas as in I expect perfection," sabi ko para matapos na ang usapan. Tumayo na ako at saka lumabas. Dinala ko na rin iyong laptop ko tapos ay nagtext ako sa secretary na kung may maghahanap sa akin e nasa coffee shop lang ako sa labas.

The next few days, sinabi sa akin ng secretary na pinagchi-chismisan daw ako na masyadong perfectionist. I told her not to inform me kung may marinig pa siya tungkol sa akin. It's a free country—they're free to say whatever they want to say. That's democracy.

Besides, wala rin naman akong pakielam sa opinyon nila sa akin. Nandito ako para magtrabaho.

"Magfa-file ako ulit ng motion," paliwanag ko sa isang client.

Totoo na tambak iyong kaso sa PAO. Totoo rin na maraming public attorney ang bare minimum na lang ang ginagawa sa mga kaso para lang matapos nila lahat. I told myself never to do that. Mas pipiliin ko i-sakripisyo iyong tulog ko kaysa gawin 'yon. It's just few hours of sleep for me kumpara sa kanila na nabubulok sa bilangguan dahil lang hindi inaayos ng abogado nila iyong kaso nila.

I also visit them at least once a month to update them sa galaw ng kaso nila. It's not much, but at least alam nila na hindi ko sila inabanduna.

"Kahit 'wag na, Attorney..."

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "Ano'ng 'wag na?"

"Dito na siguro ako mamamatay."

"Hindi—"

"May bagong asawa na raw iyong asawa ko... Tapos sinama niya na iyong mga anak namin. Siguro mas gaganda iyong buhay nila doon. Dito na lang siguro ako."

I could explain to him the technicalities of the case. I could do that. But I also knew that it wasn't the thing that mattered at the moment. Kung sasabihin ko ang bagay na 'yon, it would sound just like an empty promise.

Gusto ko ring sisihin iyong abogado na humawak ng kaso niya dati. This could've been avoidable. Kayang-kaya tirahin doon pa lang sa chain of custody. Wala ring present na media o officials noong nagraid. Ang daming lapses. Pero ano? Walang nilagay sa answer.

I already included all those sa motion. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya 'yon, pero mas pinili ko na manahimik na lang ayusin iyon. Saka ko na lang sasabihin sa kanya kapag maayos na.

Alam ko rin kasi iyong pakiramdam na sinabihan ka makukuha mo tapos biglang babawiin.

"Pa-follow-up nung sa Genero," sabi ko sa secretary.

"Yes, sir. Na-follow up ko na kahapon. Magraraffle pa lang daw po."

"Okay. Pa-inform na lang ako kapag may bagong judge na."

Hindi ko rin alam kung malas lang ba o ano. Biglang nagretire iyong judge na may hawak nung kaso niya. Tapos ang tagal bago na-schedule for raffle. Kapag may bago ng judge, at saka ko na lang ulit iuupdate para at least, may sasabihin na talaga ako. Ayoko nung kung anu-anong pangako na walang basis.

After a while, finally, na-raffle na rin iyong kaso. I scheduled my monthly visit. Kinausap ko iyong mga client ko na nandon. Kumuha na rin ako ng JA. The usual routine. And then when I asked about him, I was told that he's locked up and in a 24-hour watch because he tried to hang himself in his cell.

I visited him. Sinabi niya sa akin na salamat pero hindi niya na kailangan ng abogado. He didn't even say the word, but I felt chills up my spine.

Imbes na dumiretso ako pabalik sa opisina, doon ako pumunta sa judge na bagong naka-assign sa kaso.

"Attorney, your care for your client is admirable. But as you know, sumusunod lang tayo sa procedure," sabi niya sa akin.

"Judge, respectfully, last year pa dapat 'to—"

"I'm very aware. Pero may mga naunang kaso sa docket. May pamilya rin ang mga iyon. I cannot give you preferential treatment."

I bit my tongue. Muntik ko ng sabihin sa kanya na bakit kapag ka-affiliate niya, nakaka-request? But I knew that I'd just be digging a deeper hole for myself.

Lumabas na ako. Tumingin ako sa may assistant niya.

"Assistant ka ni Judge, 'di ba?" I asked, just to be clear. Baka lawyer 'to dito. Although for sure, hindi siya lawyer dahil ilang beses ko na siyang nakita na nagbabasa ng codal habang pakalat-kalat siya sa daan.

Napa-tango siya. "Bakit?"

"Ano'ng schedule niya bukas?"

"Ha?"

"Dito lang ba siya ulit bukas?"

"Bakit?" tanong niya na parang nalilito siya. Hindi niya ba alam o ayaw niyang sabihin? Kung hindi niya alam, baka nasa maling line of work siya dahil hindi niya alam ang schedule ng boss niya?

"Dito ba siya o hindi?" I asked once again.

"Bakit ba kasi–"

"Kung nandito siya bukas, pa-sched ako kahit ano'ng oras, kahit sampung minuto lang," sabi ko sabay lapag ng calling card sa lamesa niya. "Salamat," dugtong ko bago umalis.

* * *

Days passed.

"Wala pa rin?"

Umiling iyong secretary ko.

"Call again."

"Baka ma-badtrip na sila sa atin, sir."

"I don't care."

"E baka madamay mga kaso mo don."

"I don't—" Natigilan ako. "Sa tingin mo?"

She shrugged. "Ewan ko, sir... pero wala naman masama maging sipsip minsan. Networking, alam mo 'yon? Saka, sa itsura mong 'yan, sir? Nako, for sure pwedeng-pwede magamit as an advantage. Isang ngiti lang 'yan—" Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Natawa siya. "Sungit talaga nito si sir."

I thought about what she said. Kung sabagay... Napansin ko na rin 'yon doon sa dati kong trabaho. Mas maraming mas magaling, pero ang napo-promote ay iyong mga sipsip sa mga partners. I just didn't care enough para sumipsip. I'd rather focus on my pleadings kaysa maki-network sa partners.

But maybe I should consider that.

Pumunta ulit ako sa branch na 'yon.

Sakto, nakita ko iyong secretary na naka-tayo sa may shed. Mukhang naghihintay siya ng sasakyan. Nakita ko na nakita niya ako. Nakita ko rin kung paano niya sinubukan na magpanggap na hindi niya ako nakita.

Well, at least the feeling's mutual—we'll both be uncomfortable.

"San ka?" I asked.

"Brent po," he replied. Kitang-kita ko na gusto niya ng tumakbo paalis, but I wouldn't let him.

Why was I strangely enjoying this?

"Gusto mong sumabay?" I asked kahit ang unang plano ko lang naman ay mag-good afternoon. Sinabi lang naman sa akin na makipagkapwa tao ako—wala naman sinabi iyong secretary ko na maging Grab driver ako bigla.

"Ah, hindi na po, Attorney," sabi niya.

Very well.

Wala naman sa vocabulary ko ang mamilit—at least outside work context. Kapag sa trabaho, file lang nang file ng motion hanggang ma-bwisit sila sa akin. At least gagawin din nila ang trabaho nila.

"What?" I asked nung bigla siyang kumatok sa bintana ko.

"On the way po ba?" tanong niya.

Tignan mo 'to.

"Seatbelt," I said when a minute passed at hindi pa rin niya sinusuot iyong seatbelt.

He was quiet.

I knew I should just open the radio to fill the silence.

"What year?" I found myself asking him.

"First po."

"Oblicon?" I asked dahil nakita ko na civil code iyong binabasa niya.

He nodded. "San po kayo nag-aral nung law school?"

"SCA."

"Pano niyo po inaral 'yung Obli?"

"Codal," I replied.

"As in codal lang?"

"Basically memorized the entire civil code when I was still studying," I said. It wasn't as if I had a choice. Verbatim magtanong iyong professor ko. I had to memorize everything word for word. Napanaginipan ko na nga dati iyong codal sa dami ng beses na binasa ko. Hanggang ngayon, nasa akin pa rin iyong codal ko nung law school. Puno iyon ng annotations.

"What? Hindi na ba ganon ang ginagawa ng mga estudyante?" I asked when I saw the reaction on his face.

Mabilis siyang umiling. "Hindi ako."

"Paano ka nag-aaral?" I asked, intrigued. May bagong study method ba? But it's law school. There's no easy way around. You have to do the hard work kung gusto mong maka-pasa sa mga subjects mo—even then, it's not a guarantee.

I guess you just have to do your best every time and pray for the rest.

"Nagbabasa?" he asked like he wasn't sure himself.

"Yeah... but you don't memorize?"

"Hindi kasya sa utak ko," he said with a little pout.

This grown man was... pouting?

"Pagkasyahin mo."

"Walang space."

"Pagkasyahin mo pa rin."

"Di naman siguro kailangan na memorize," he said again, with a bigger pout this time.

There was a bit of traffic, pero halos hindi ko napansin dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. It was like he was exerting more effort to defend his lack of effort to memorize than the actual memorization.

"Salamat, Attorney Marroquin," he said as he got out of the car.

I didn't immediately drive away.

I logged in to my email and checked his name.

Mauro dela Rama.

Hmm.

* * *

The next few days were normal—did my usual routine. Dumami ulit iyong kaso dahil... ewan. May season talaga na madaming kaso. Hindi ko alam kung may seasonal change ba na nag-uudyok sa mga tao na gumawa ng krimen.

Naging mas busy ako sa trabaho.

Until one random night, I received a text.

'Kakapalan ko na iyong mukha ko, Atty. May digest ka sa crim 2?'

Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko.

Sino 'to?

At ang kapal naman ng mukha niya manghingi ng digest?

At saka bakit sa akin? Mukha ba akong law student pa? Mukha bang sentimental akong tao at naka-tabi at ready ipamigay iyong case digest ko?

'Who is this?'

'Mauro.'

Oh.

Now, this makes sense.

Of course si Mauro ang hihingi ng case digest ko—si Mauro na mas pipiliin siguro mag-ambag para sa class party para lang umiwas sa recitation.

'Wala akong kilalang Mauro,' I replied just to tease him.

While waiting for his reply, pumunta na ako sa may 'storage' area ko. Nandon lahat ng gamit ko from law school. Hindi ko tinatapon kasi... wala. Baka sentimental nga ako. Naka-label naman kung saang box nandon iyong case digest kaya mabilis na nakuha ko 'yon.

'Sa MTC 43. Iyong sinabay mo nung isang araw papunta sa Brent.'

Wow, detailed.

I was about to tease him again and ask him to describe himself pero nawala sa isip ko dahil nag-scan na ako nung digest. May scanner ako dito sa condo kasi minsan, hindi ko rin maiwasan iuwi iyong trabaho.

'Okay lang kung wala. Nagbabaka sakali lang.'

Natawa ako nang mabasa ko iyong message niya. It was like I could already imagine him pouting habang sinasabi niya 'yon.

'Here,' I replied to his message as I attached the pdf. 'Sorry for the late response. Hinanap ko pa sa files ko.'

Once I saw that the message was sent, that was when I realized that it was already 3AM.

Well, fuck.

* * *

Mauro texted me to thank me sa digest. I didn't even think it would be helpful since matagal na rin nung huli akong nasa law school. I guess landmark cases pa rin naman ang gamit nila kaya wala masyadong nagbago sa case list.

We began texting.

Tumaas iyong screentime ko.

Nang makita ko iyong screentime ko na tumaas mula sa three hours average per day to seven hours average per day, that was when I realized that I was screwed.

I wasn't dense.

I knew I like him.

I knew I like him because he didn't annoy me like most people. I enjoy exchanging useless message with him to the point na tumaas na iyong screentime ko. Dati, hahawakan ko lang iyong phone ko kapag magrereply sa work-related message. O kaya magche-check ng email. O quick google search.

Ngayon?

I get excited with a mere sound of notification.

Shit.

I told myself to reign it in.

First, I didn't even know kung straight si Mauro o kung anuman. Malay ko ba kung desperado lang talaga siya makakuha ng digest mula sa akin?

I didn't know how to ask him if he's straight—and I didn't even know if I should. May mga tanong na hindi dapat tinatanong.

But then again... ano? Huhulaan ko na lang ba?

I couldn't concentrate on working.

Instead of doing some sloppy job, I decided to take a break. I went to my LinkedIn to update my profile. Lagi akong napapagalitan dati dahil akala nila aalis ako sa trabaho. Kasalanan ko ba na chine-check nila iyong Internet activities ko at nakikita nila na nasa LinkedIn ako? Hindi naman ako nag-a-apply. Gusto ko lang updated iyong profile ko.

I included the seminars I attended tapos ay napunta ako sa notification.

Agad na natawa ako.

Stalking me, huh?

Why stalk me when he could just ask me?

I wanted to message him and tell him that I saw him stalking me... but I decided against it. I'd rather do it in person. I knew his face would turn red kapag sinabi ko na nakita ko iyong stalking activities niya.

But work comes first. Nawala sa isip ko ng ilang araw iyon.

After work, napagdesisyunan ng mga ka-trabaho ko na kumain sa labas. I joined them. Team player naman ako kahit papaano. I ate with them. Sumagot ako kapag may tinanong sila.

"So, nakita mo na ba si Ms. Perfection?" biglang tanong nila sa akin.

"Yeah," I replied.

Nanlaki iyong mga mata nila.

I probably should've said otherwise—dumami tuloy lalo iyong tanong nila.

Akala ko sa trabaho ako pinaka-mapapagod, pero mas napagod ako sa dami ng tanong nila. They kept on asking about her—hindi ko masabi sa kanila na hindi naman her. Bakit ba sila nag-assume na babae ang gusto ko?

I kept using gender neutral terms while describing Mauro. Naguluhan sila sa akin nung tinanong nila kung matalino ba—sinabi ko na hindi ako sigurado. Pero baka naman... I mean, sa Brent pa rin naman siya nag-a-aral. Pero first year pa lang siya. Paano kung ma-kickout siya? Pero hindi naman basehan 'yon. Pero tamad din ata kasi siya.

Ang dami kong iniisip hanggang sa mapa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko si Mauro sa harapan ko. I didn't know for sure... masyado ko na ba siyang iniisip na nagmanifest na siya sa harapan ko?

"Attorney," bigla niyang sabi. Hindi ako agad naka-sagot. Hindi pa rin ako sigurado kung nasa harapan ko ba talaga siya o masyado ng convincing iyong hallucination ko. "Umuwi na po girlfriend niyo?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Girlfriend?"

"Iyong kasama niyo kanina—" sabi niya at natigilan.

"Kanina?" I asked. Hindi siya sumagot, pero kitang-kita ko ang pamumula ng dulo ng tenga niya.

Right.

Pamumula.

I should tell him about LinkedIn.

"Nakita mo ako kanina?" I asked again. Was he stalking me? Nakita niya na ako kanina? Hindi na ba siya contented sa Internet stalking at naging stalker na siya in real life? If so, I knew I should be concerned... but why did I feel excited?

He's making me irrational.

"Nadaanan lang," he said, but it was so obvious that he's lying. So, no litigation for him.

"You should've said hi."

"Di naman tayo friends," he said.

Right.

We should be friends first.

We should get to know each other first—para sigurado na gusto ko talaga siya at hindi lang ako nabigla dahil sa kapal ng mukha niya na manghingi ng digest mula sa akin.

We talked. It was the usual small talk that I didn't really enjoy, but for some reason, probably because it was with him, I enjoyed the talk. Probably because of the banter. Ang dami niya rin kasing sinasabi. It's like there's never a dull moment with him.

"Umalis na ba 'yung kasama mo?" he asked again. This was the second time he asked. Bakit? Interesado ba siya sa isa sa mga kasama ko? Sino ba don? May asawa na karamihan don—kaya nga target nila ako na i-reto sa mga kaibigan nila.

"Kanina pa."

"Ah."

"Also, she's not my girlfriend," sabi ko. Sinabi ko na rin. Just to clarify. Baka iyon ang iniisip niya, e. Mabuti na iyong malinaw.

"Okay," sabi niya. "Sasagutin ka din nun."

"Bakit naman ako sasagutin?"

"Ewan ko. Baka nililigawan mo," he said. He even shrugged his shoulders to act casual. He was so... obvious. Was he trying to ask me kung single ako? Should I just state it outright? But he'd probably tell me na hindi naman niya tinatanong?

Next time na lang siguro.

Sigurado ako na magkikita pa ulit kami—because I'd make sure of that. So, for tonight, my only goal was to mention the fact that I knew that he stalked my LinkedIn.

And it was worth waiting to see him in person all flushed.

* * *

Thankfully, I really had to go to the Court dahil may itatanong ulit ako tungkol sa kaso. I saw him. I enjoyed my brief conversation with him—so much so na kahit pinagalitan lang ako ni Judge dahil ayaw ko raw tumigil e wala lang sa akin. In my defense, I was just doing my job. Isn't my job to advocate for my clients? Kung hindi ko ginagawa iyon, ano pa ang silbi ko sa trabaho ko? Design lang?

'Thanks. Owe you one.'

I knew I should stop texting.

I shouldn't... text with him during office hours—tax ng mga mamamayan ang nagpapa-sweldo sa akin.

'Seryoso?' mabilis na reply niya.

'Yeah. I know how to say thanks,' I replied. I just had to.

'Di yan. Alam ko namang may manners ka kahit papaano.'

'May manners talaga ako.'

'Ah. Minsan kasi di halata.'

'I've always been nice to you.'

'Di mo sure.'

'When was I not nice?'

'Basta.'

'You're basically stalking me yet I still manage to be civil around you. Dapat nga magfile na ako ng restraining order.'

'Kapal ng mukha mo.'

'I see no denial. Talagang stalker kita.'

'Kulang pa ba caseload sa PAO at may oras ka pang magtext?'

'Traffic e.'

'Magbasa ka ng briefings o kung anuman.'

'Nabasa ko na kagabi.'

'Basahin mo ulit.'

'Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing.'

'Di ako worried. Kapal talaga ng mukha nito.'

I couldn't not reply to him. In exchange, I made pleadings habang kausap ko siya. Mabuti na lang at kaya ko 'tong gawin kahit kausap ko siya. It was the only way I could justify talking to him during office hours.

'Sabi mo you owe me,' biglang sagot niya sa akin.

I was about to reply, but then again, I had to entertain a client. Of course, work comes first. Always. Mauro can wait—mabilis lang naman 'to.

'You need my digest?' I replied after 30 minutes. It was as quick as I could. Usually kasi matagal ang consultation. I take my time to explain sa mga clients. Of course takot sila sa mangyayari kaya kailangan kong ipaliwanag nang mabuti at sa paraan na maiintindihan nila. I didn't mind if marami silang tanong. Answering them is a part of my job description.

'Hehe.'

'Sang subject?'

'Persons.'

'Okay.'

'Salamat! Pa-email na lang, Atty.'

I was about to type 'sure' but then I realized na ilang oras ako inabot para lang i-scan iyon. I simply didn't have the time. Ayoko rin ipagawa sa secretary ko. Baka ma-chismis pa ako dito na nagpapa-scan ng documents na hindi naman connected sa trabaho.

'Naka-bind 'yon. Handwritten.'

'Ah okay... Pwede pakuha ko na lang sa grab o kaya lalamove?'

'Nasa condo ko. Papababain mo pa ako.'

'Alangan namang umakyat yung driver sa unit mo?'

Ang pilosopo.

Seems like I really have finally met my match.

* * *

Has it been long nung huli kong makita si Mauro?

I didn't think so...

So, why was I seriously debating kung papa-puntahin ko siya sa condo ko?

Also, and more importantly, ibibigay ko talaga sa kanya iyong address ko?

Kahit mga ka-trabaho ko, hindi alam kung saan ako naka-tira. I always told them Mandaluyong. HR lang ata ang nakaka-alam kung saan ako naka-tira. Kasi bakit ba kailangan nilang malaman kung saan ako naka-tira? As long as pinapasa ko ang mga dapat ipasa, pakielam ba nila kung sa riles ng tren ako naka-tira?

' Oaks place sa Mandaluyong.'

Napaawang iyong labi ko at natawa nang makita ko na i-seen niya... at hindi siya nagreply.

Wow.

After giving him my address na hindi ko basta-basta ipinapamigay, iseseenzone niya lang ako? The audacity of this person.

I tried to distract myself by working. Nasa gilid ko lang iyong cellphone ko kasi baka may magtext tungkol sa trabaho. After a while, I sent another message.

'Tell me if you're getting it now. Matutulog na ako kapag hindi.'

Na-seen niya agad.

This time, nagta-type na siya.

'Tonight,' sagot niya. 'Wait lang atty. May pinagiisipan lang ako.'

'What.'

Ano'ng pag-iisipan? Wala naman akong gagawing masama sa kanya. I am an upstanding citizen. Ni hindi ako tumatawid sa hindi pedestrian lane. Nagsimula ata 'to nung nakita ko iyong loob ng kulungan. I told myself na susundin ko ang batas palagi dahil ayokong tumira doon.

That's also probably why I try my hardest to defend my clients... because honestly? No innocent soul should stay even a day longer in those prison cells. The living condition is inhumane.

'Kung bola-bola o asado iyong bibilhin kong siopao.'

Seriously?

Why was he so unserious?

Kung anu-ano ang naisip ko tapos siopao lang pala ang iniisip niya?

'Why not just buy both?'

'Kasi kakainin ko rin siya both.'

'So?'

'Isa lang nga gusto kong bilhin.'

'Kailangan mo ba ng pera?'

'Afford ko naman bumili ng siopao!'

'Then buy both.'

'It's not the price, okay? Ayoko kumain ng dalawang siopao ngayon.'

'Ang laki ng problema mo.'

'E gusto ko tikman pareho e.'

Why was I having an argument tungkol sa siopao? Of all the things I argued about, this was the weirdest.

'Kailangan mo ba ng gcash?'

'Sige nga. Send ka.'

He probably thought I was joking but I seriously sent him money. Nagsearch pa ako online kung magkano ang presyo ng siopao. After I sent him, akala ko pupunta na siya dito.

In the end, I didn't get what I initially planned for...

But I did enjoy my conversation with him.

Really, there's no dull moment when I'm talking with that one. He's so fucking random.

* * *

'Good afternoon, Atty! Free ka ngayon?'

I thought I finally lost it and I was hallucinating. May sakit ako. I'd say I didn't know why, but I'd been pulling all nighters the past couple of weeks. I saw this coming already because not even the supplements I took could save me from exhaustion.

I drank my medicine. I ordered food. I planned to just sleep it out. Balak ko lang ay matulog buong weekend para maayos na ulit ako sa Monday.

So, when I saw Mauro's text, I thought I was hallucinating. I was probably dreaming. I didn't know for sure. I was so out of it that I didn't know what was real and what was not anymore. But even in my dream, I managed to inform the front desk na may dadating na bisita.

I heard knock on the door. Pakiramdam ko ay umiikot ang mundo. It was just a couple of steps para marating ko iyong maindoor, pero para akong matutumba sa sobrang pagka-hilo ko.

I opened the door and saw Mauro.

He looked even better than from what I remember.

Has he always been this cute?

O talagang mataas lang ang lagnat ko?

"Holy shit," agad na narinig ko mula sa kanya. Right. It's him.

It was probably a bad idea. I was sick and defenseless tapos pinapasok ko siya sa unit ko. He was saying things and I just nodded along without fully comprehending kung ano iyong sinasabi niya.

He has a way of making me do things that I normally would not do.

"Papakailamanan ko kusina mo, ha? Magluluto lang ako ng soup," he said. "Tumango ka kung narinig at naintindihan mo," he ordered.

"Yes," sabi ko kahit nahihirapan akong magsalita dahil hindi pa ata sapat na may lagnat ako, kailangan ko rin ng sore throat.

I could hear him try to cook. I honestly did not have faith in him cooking dahil lagi ko lang naririnig sa kanya ay cup noodles at siopao. But it would be fine since I had no appetite. Gusto ko rin siyang panoorin na magluto, pero ang bigat ng talukap ng mga mata ko.

"Nga-nga na," sabi niya. He really had no gentle bone in his body. "Baka gusto mong umarte pa ako na may eroplano."

"That'll be fun to watch," I replied with my hoarse voice.

"Asa ka pa."

He tried to feed me—tried being the objective word dahil ilang beses akong natapunan ng soup. Seriously... what could he do right? Pasalamat siya cute siya.

After eating, I wanted to stay awake but the medicine was kicking my ass. Agad akong naka-tulog. It was a peaceful and good sleep. I fell asleep talking to Mauro na siya rin ang napanaginipan ko. When I woke up, I remembered dreaming about him pero hindi ko maalala.

I was pissed dahil hindi ko maalala iyong panaginip ko nang bigla kong makita siya. I had to stare at him to convince myself that this was reality and not a continuation of whatever my dream was.

"You're still here."

Napa-tingin siya sa akin. He was studying dahil may mga libro sa harapan niya—which was surprising. "Okay ka na ba? Kapag okay ka na, alis na rin ako," he asked.

I was already feeling better.

But for reason known to me, I lied.

"Masakit pa rin ulo ko," I said as I pretended to sleep again, but reality was, I was just enjoying the silence and his company.

* * *

I did cook for him.

And annoyed him.

I wanted to do those again.

But first... I needed to know his sexual orientation.

If he's straight, then there's nothing I could do about it. It's not like I could threaten him to like me back.

Maybe I could sedu—

The fuck.

Kung anu-ano na ang naiisip ko.

Bakit ba kasi ang pilosopo ng taong 'yon? Hindi nakaka-bore kausap kahit minsan ang sarap itapon palabas ng umaandar na sasakyan.

It wasn't as if may kaibigan ako na pwedeng kausapin tungkol dito. I probably should've made at least one gay friend para may pwede akong kausapin. Ang hirap magconduct ng hearing sa isip ko—both sides are winning dahil ako rin naman 'yon... and I do make great points.

Gusto ko ulit makita si Mauro kaya lang ay ang weird naman kung bakit ko siya aayain na lumabas. I could go to the Court to see him, but then again, I knew work is work. Ayoko siyang istorbohin doon kahit pakiramdam ko e hindi naman siya nagta-trabaho talaga. He did mention na nagtitiktok lang siya doon.

Naibigay ko na sa kanya lahat ng reviewer ko para sa mga subjects niya. Ang weird naman kung bibigyan ko siya ng reviewer for advanced subject. Hindi mukhang nag-a-advance review si Mauro.

"I have lost my fucking mind," I murmured as I found myself writing down notes for Oblicon. 'Di naman siguro mapapansin ni Mauro na hindi luma na notes 'to. I didn't think he'd ask—masaya na siguro 'yon na may bago siyang makukuha mula sa akin.

I sacrificed sleeping hours para matapos 'to. But it did give me reason to text him.

'May naiwan pa palang reviewer,' I messaged him. 'Kung kailangan mo pa.'

It wasn't weird... right?

For all he knows, concerned lang din ako sa grades niya.

I waited for his reply.

I got nothing.

Wow.

* * *

I tried to busy myself with other things. I also told myself na baka exam season niya lang o baka busy lang din talaga siya. Saka wala naman siyang responsibilidad na magreply sa akin kaya ba bakit bwisit na bwisit ako sa kanya?

'Malamang. May gusto ka, e.'

Great.

Now, I'm arguing with my mind.

Buti sana kasi kung ni-read niya iyong message ko. It was left unread. Somehow, that felt worse. That my message wasn't even worth reading.

Whatever.

This was why they say never fall for straight guys—it's tragedy waiting to happen.

I busied myself by writing initiatory pleadings para doon maubos ang oras ko. I was trying so hard to keep Mauro—fuck. I thought about him again. Great. Back to zero.

"Okay ka lang, Attorney?" my secretary asked.

"Hindi," mabilis na sagot ko.

Nakita ko na sa may schedule ako sa court kung nasaan si Mauro. It's not like I could skip going to my hearing. And it's not like I could avoid that court altogether.

Pumunta ako doon.

Tignan mo nga naman.

May hawak na codal.

Nagbagong buhay na ata.

"Wala si Judge. Naka-lunch break," sabi niya kahit 'di ko naman tinatanong.

Tumalikod ako. Hawak niya rin iyong cellphone niya. Hindi naman pala siya nanakawan. Capable naman pala siyang mag-open ng message.

Ah.

Pumunta na lang ako sa sasakyan at doon ako naghintay kaysa makasalubong ko na naman siya. Nagbasa lang ako ng JA habang naghihintay.

Naka-receive ako ng message mula sa kanya. I read it and then did not reply. I was being a child. But whatever.

Pagbalik ko sa office, biglang naglagay ng paperbag ng coffeeshop sa harapan ko iyong secretary ko.

"Ano 'yan?" tanong ko dahil wala naman akong order.

"Delivery daw sa 'yo," sabi niya. "Di ka raw sumasagot, e."

Ah.

Akala ko kasi si Mauro kaya 'di ko tinignan. Malay ko ba na may delivery e wala naman akong order. Saka hindi ako umoorder online hanggang maaari. I'd rather see in person kung anuman ang bibilhin ko.

"Wala akong order," sabi ko sa kanya. "Tapon mo," I continued. Malay ko ba kung padala 'yan ng isa sa mga pinapa-kulong ko? E 'di nalason pa ako.

"Sayang naman, Atty... pero sige," sabi niya. "Sorry, Mauro—"

Bigla akong natigilan. Mabilis na kinuha ko pabalik iyong paper bag at saka pinaalis iyong secretary ko. I checked the receipt. True enough, siya nga iyong umorder sa Grab. Akala ko kung kanino galing na lalasunin ako—I mean galing pa rin naman 'to kay Mauro. Within the realm of possibility pa rin na may lason 'to.

I debated kung magmemessage ba ako sa kanya.

I quickly lost that argument.

Sino ba ang niloloko ko? I do want to talk to him. I hated that my days have been dull simply because I didn't get to talk to him. I hated that it didn't take so long for him to completely invade my life.

And he did so without even really trying.

He got me without even lifting a finger.

* * *

But of course Mauro being Mauro, he couldn't help himself but piss me off. Kami iyong magkausap pero nababanggit 'yung Niko—kung sinuman 'yon.

'Ano na naman?' sabi ko nung magtext siya sa akin tapos pst lang ang naka-lagay. Ginawa pa akong aso nito.

'Libre kita. Binigyan ako ni Niko ng pera nung sinend ko yung reviewer mo.'

'And?' sabi ko kasi ano? Bakit may Niko na naman?

'Since sayo naman talaga yung reviewer, libre kita ng pagkain. Nakakaguilty parang pinagkakitaan kita.'

'Parang ganon na nga.'

'Business minded.'

'Binebenta mo reviewers ko?'

'Grabe hindi naman!!!!!'

'Pwede naman para may pambili ka ng siopao.'

'Di ka talaga maka move on sa siopao. Kung ayaw mo ng libre e di wag. At least malinis ang konsensya ko.'

'Naglunch na ako.'

'Share mo lang?'

'Mamaya na lang dinner.'

'Tss aayaw ayaw pa. Gusto rin naman. Papa-deliver ko na lang ba sa condo mo?'

'Wala ako sa condo.'

'Malamang mamaya pa. Di ka ba uuwi?'

Fuck.

Ang pilosopo niya talaga.

Tataas na naman 'yung screentime ko.

'Magkano ba binayad sa yo?'

'Confidential.'

'Ano yan? Confidential fund?'

'Parang ganon na nga.'

'Pano ko malalaman kung magkano budget para sa dinner?'

'Grabe naman to! Good will lang na ililibre kita! Abusado.'

'Kawawa ka naman. Dagdagan ko na lang.'

'Magkano ba iniiisip mo na dinner? Akala ko okay ka na sa siomai rice.'

'Gusto mo ng siomai?'

'Saks lang.'

I went to Google tapos nagsearch ako ng restaurant na sa lugar na parehong malayo sa amin para ma-stranded kami sa traffic. I did a quick search tapos nakita ko iyong Din Tai Fung. Bigla kong naalala iyong joke na sinabi nung intern namin dati—na ginagamit iyong DTF bilang joke na Down To Fuck kahit Din Tai Fung naman iyong meaning niya.

Once again, because of Mauro, I did a quick debate. Gagamitin ko ba iyong DTF? Sigurado ako alam ni Mauro iyong slang na 'yon kasi tambay sa Tiktok 'yon.

I shouldn't...

It's too crass.

But then again, kung hindi ko maitanong iyong gusto ko talaga itanong, paano ko malalaman?

So, against all logic, I typed the letters DTF.

Nakita ko na na-read niya.

Hindi agad siya nakapagreply.

He knows.

And now, I wait.

* * *

Hindi ganoon kahaba ang pasensya ko. Mabilis din akong mainis. Pero based on experience, mas nakaka-pagod mag-explain sa mga tao kung bakit ako naiinis. Instead, I count to three inside my head tapos ay kalmado kong ipapaliwanag sa kanila kung ano ang mali nila na nagawa. It works better that way. Less time wasted.

Hindi naman sa wala akong tiwala kay Mauro, pero nung nagvolunteer ako na tuturuan ko siya sa exams niya, hinanda ko na talaga iyong sarili ko. I've never really tried na magturo sa ibang tao. At most, nung nag-aaral pa ako, magpapahiram ako ng notes. That's the extent of my generosity—o kaya nung pinilit ako na maghead sa BAROPS kahit ayoko sana dahil marami na akong ginagawa.

Pero pagdating kay Mauro...

Minsan, nacu-curious na rin ako kung hanggang saan ang pwede niyang ipagawa sa akin.

Does the limit even exist?

I hope so—kasi parang nakakatakot naman na may tao na handa kang gawin kahit ano. Hindi ba ibig sabihin non na wala ka ng free will? O meron pa rin? Pero mas pinili mo lang talaga siya?

Huh.

Bakit ba ito ang iniisip ko imbes na magtrabaho?

* * *

"Carl," pagtawag ko. "May hearing ka after?"

Umiling siya. "Wala naman. Bakit?"

"May itatanong lang ako."

He shrugged. "Okay. Ano?"

Tumingin ako sa paligid. Medyo maraming tao dahil maraming naka-sched na hearing ngayong araw. Napansin ata ni Carl na ayoko dito pag-usapan kaya inaya niya ako na lumabas.

"Okay lang?" he asked habang nagsisindi siya ng sigarilyo.

Tumango lang ako kahit ayoko talaga sa amoy ng sigarilyo. E ako naman nagtanong kaya parang tanga lang kung sasabihin ko na 'wag siya manigarilyo sa harap ko.

"So, what's up?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. Batchmates kami ni Carl sa law school. Hindi lang kami close kasi... ewan. Wala naman talaga ako masyadong ka-close sa school. Pero maliit lang kasi talaga ang mundo ng law school. Parang kakilala mo lahat.

"You're gay, right?"

He began choking on the smoke. Naka-tayo lang ako doon habang hinihintay na matapos siyang umubo.

"What?"

"I mean, hindi ako sigurado. Narinig ko ata dati, pero hindi ko masyadong tanda," paliwanag ko. Hindi naman kasi ako interesado sa buhay nila. Saka ano naman kung bakla si Carl? National issue ba 'yon?

"Uh... yes. Bakit mo natanong?"

"There's this guy—"

"I knew it!"

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "Ha?"

"I knew you're gay. I mean, naiisip ko na dati nung sa law school pa lang."

"Ah." Iyon lang ang nasabi ko. Okay lang naman. 'Di ko naman tinatago. Wala rin namang direct na nagtanong sa akin dati kaya paano nila malalaman?

"Kaya pala ni-reject mo dati si Jelly nung inask out ka niya," sabi niya na parang nagrereminisce siya nung law school days namin. "Actually, lahat ata nung babaeng nagkaka-crush sa 'yo e hindi mo pinapansin."

I shrugged. "Anyway," I said dahil hindi ako interesado magthrowback. "There's this guy—"

"Straight guy?"

"I'm not sure," sagot ko. "It's not like I can ask him."

He chuckled. Kumunot ang noo ko. "Sorry," sabi niya. "It's like a ritual, really—all gay people must, at least once in their lives, fall for the straight ones."

May ganon ba?

Bakit ba kasi wala akong kaibigan na pwede kong makausap tungkol dito? Parang ang dami ko tuloy na hindi alam.

Sinabi sa akin ni Carl na kung ayokong magtanong, magparamdam daw muna ako.

"Hindi ba unfair 'yon? Kung straight talaga siya?"

He shrugged. "I mean, if he's straight, he won't be confused... right?"

Sabagay.

Saka ayoko na rin 'to palaging isipin. Nakaka-abala na sa trabaho ko. Imbes na gumagawa ako ng pleadings e mas nauuna ko pa isipin si Mauro.

Akala ko madali lang, pero medyo mahirap din pala na ayain siya na sa personal na kami magreview. Ang hirap kasi kausap non. Tatanungin mo ng tanong na oo o hindi lang ang sagot, pero hahanap pa ng paraan para mamilosopo.

But finally, we made progress. We agreed to meet in a coffee shop. I prepared notes dahil tuturuan ko naman talaga siya. But I probably prepared for it like I'll be going on a date—

Tsk.

Kailangan ko na siyang matanong agad kasi nakakapagod na makipagtalo sa isip ko. Counterproductive.

Pagdating ko doon, agad na nakita ko si Mauro... kasama iyong Niko.

Seriously?

Napa-tingin siya sa gawi ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako biglang tumalikod at naglakad pabalik sa sasakyan ko.

"Ilang taon na ba ako?" I murmured to myself because why was I acting like a fucking teenager?

* * *

Mauro tried to reach out. Ilang beses na sinubukan kong magreply, but I always stopped midway. Lagi kong naiisip na ano naman ang sasabihin ko sa kanya? I mean, alam ko kung ano ang gusto kong sabihin. I just didn't think that I'd get the answer that I wanted.

So, I kept my mouth shut—at least for the time being.

And it was nice to focus on working again... kahit sandali lang. Because Mauro sure did know how to crawl his way back into my life.

"Magoovernight ka ba dito?" I asked, confused... and a bit excited. Kasi mag-aaral lang naman kami? Bakit ang dami niyang dala? Hindi naman siya mukhang estudyante na kumpleto iyong gamit kapag nag-aaral. Mukhang si Mauro iyong tipo ng iPad lang, okay na.

"Laptop saka notebook at reviewer," he replied. Ah. Okay. "Kasama ba ako sa lunch mo o papanoorin lang kita?" he asked.

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. I was fascinated at how demanding he could be. Ganito ba siya dahil close na kami? Teka, close na ba kami sa perspective niya? I mean, nandito siya sa condo ko... Hindi naman siguro niya iniisip na kung sino-sino lang ang pinapapunta ko rito?

"Ano'ng lunch natin?" he asked as he walked inside the condo. I watched as he walked around like he lives here, too. He casually just placed his bag on the floor.

"Roasted chicken with roasted potatoes," sagot ko. Kahit hindi ako naka-tingin sa kanya, ramdam ko na pinapanood niya ako. I was certain. Maybe because I was just conscious about everything that concerns him. "Baka gusto mong maglagay ng mga plato."

"Bisita ako. 'Di ba dapat pagsilbihan mo ako?" he replied. I pursed my lips together. I wanted to smile at his response. I love... his audacity.

"Parang utang na loob ko pa na papakainin kita ng lunch."

"Parang ganon na nga."

Hindi nauubusan ng sasabihin ang isang 'to.

"What do you want?" tanong ko sa kanya habang nagca-carve ako.

I was enjoying this. I've always loved my quiet life. Maybe because I've grown to appreciate it dahil alam ko kung gaano kaingay kapag nagpapasok ka ng maling tao sa buhay mo. O baka din dahil sa trabaho ko, laging may nagsasalita.

But the thing is, Mauro talks. A lot. But I also like listening to him. A lot.

I really do like him.

My normal eating time got extended because we did talk while eating. It was fun. Tapos non, naghugas siya ng plato—na of course may kasamang reklamo.

"Isesend ko sa 'yo 'yung notes," I told him when I saw him getting a notebook from his huge bag. Naghanda ako ng notes kasi akala ko tamad siya. Sayang naman iyong ituturo ko kung hindi niya matatandaan.

"Alam ko pero mas matatandaan ko kapag nagtakedown ako ng sarili kong notes," he reasoned.

"Fine," I replied as I fought the urge to smile dahil baka mapansin niya na masyado akong fascinated sa fact na nagtatakedown pala siya ng notes. "Kapag may hindi ka maintindihan, paulit mo sa 'kin."

"Kung pwede, 'yung example na hindi complicated."

"I know."

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin. "Kasi mas madaling intindihin!"

I fought the urge to laugh again. "May sinabi ba akong iba?"

"Kilala na kita—sasabihin mo na mas kayang i-process ng utak ko 'yung mas simpleng example."

"Wala akong sinabi na ganon."

We began the session. I made sure to explain them in a way na mas maiintindihan niya iyong ObliCon. I knew that this subject could be daunting to some, but it was not really that complicated. You just have to read and understand the provisions. It will all make sense—one way or another.

As I was discussing, nakita ko na tumingin si Mauro sa phone niya. I'd ignore it... but couldn't when I saw that familiar name on his phone.

It's starting to feel like Niko's haunting me.

"Sorry, may nag-text lang," he said.

"Can you please focus on me?" I replied bago pa man ako makapag-isip. Was I that annoyed na hindi ko man lang inisip iyong sasabihin ko bago siya lumabas sa bibig ko?

Nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. I saw the panic in his eyes. Why? I wanted to ask why. Why was there panic in his eyes? Was it a good thing or a bad things? I wanted to know.

"Can you please focus on me while I'm teaching?" I told him. I tried to save face... but what the fuck was I saying?

* * *

I didn't know if I finally start hallucinating or if Mauro was flirting with me. It was hard to tell since he has a playful personality by default.

Dadagdag na naman 'to sa iisipin ko.

Magkikita sana kami ulit kaya lang ay sinabi niya na may sakit siya. My immediate thought was to go and be with him... but I was reminded na sa bahay nga pala ng mga magulang niya siya naka-tira.

'May sakit ka? May kasama ka ba ngayon?' I asked. Baka kasi wala siyang kasama. Mahirap magkasakit kapag mag-isa. I was still thankful na sinamahan niya ako nung may sakit ako.

Hindi siya agad nagreply. Wala ba siyang kasama? Fuck. Nasobrahan ba siya sa review kaya nagkasakit siya? Pero mas possible na dahil puro junk food lang ang alam niyang kainin. Lagi niyang sinasabi na may kapatid siyang doctor—

Right! Pero hindi ko alam iyong pangalan o contact number ng kapatid niya.

This was stressing me out—more than the usually stressful cases I handle.

I wanted to order food for him. Kaya lang naisip ko na may sakit si Mauro. Mahirap magtiwala sa mga tao. Mamaya may gawin pa na masama sa kanya. Tapos may sakit siya—

All the reasons I kept on telling myself kahit alam ko naman na gusto ko lang puntahan siya ng personal.

Bumili ako ng mga dadalhin ko para sa kanya. Dadalhin ko lang naman. I just wanted to know that he's still breathing.

"Oh. Hi."

Naka-tingin sa akin iyong kapatid ni Mauro.

"I'm—"

"Achilles," sabi niya.

Natigilan ako. Kilala niya ako? Paano? Sinabi ni Mauro? Ano na naman ang sinabi non?

"Akala ko mag-isa lang si Mauro," sabi ko tapos ay iniabot sa kanya iyong paper bag. Sinilip niya iyong laman non. "Sabi niya may sakit siya."

Tumingin siya ulit sa akin. "May gusto ka sa kapatid ko?" diretso niyang tanong.

I was taken aback.

I looked at her.

There's no point in denying.

Sino ba ang matinong tao ang pupunta dito sa QC mula Mandaluyong para lang magdala ng pagkain at gamot?

"I like your brother," diretso ko ring sagot. "But please don't tell him."

I will tell him myself.

I was just looking for the perfect time.

I knew that this wasn't conventional. I didn't want to scare him and make him run away from me. I wanted to give it my best shot because I knew that if I let him go, I'd never find someone like him again.

"Don't worry, I won't," sabi niya. "But good luck."

Natawa ako. "Thanks?" sabi ko. "Also, can I get your contact details?"

She shrugged. "Sure."

"Thank you," sabi ko. "Hindi sumagot si Mauro kaya akala ko kung ano na ang nangyari. Hindi ako pupunta kung alam ko na may kasama siya."

"Papansin lang 'yon. Baka gusto mag-alala ka."

Natawa ulit ako. I wouldn't be surprised kung ganon nga ang ginawa ni Mauro.

I thanked Mauve once again. Nung mga sumunod na araw ay nagpadala pa rin ako ng pagkain. Baka kasi pumunta na naman ng 711 'yon. You'd think na shareholder siya ng 711 dahil sa investment niya doon.

I also sent him texts.

Impossible na hindi niya nababasa dahil alam ko na laging kadikit ni Mauro ang cellphone niya.

Napansin niya na siguro.

He's probably mulling it over.

Buti na lang at sunud-sunod iyong hearings ko kaya kahit papaano ay nababaling sa iba ang atensyon ko.

"Mauro?" I asked, confused kung siya ba talaga iyong nakikita ko na naka-tayo malapit sa entrance ng office ko.

"Shit. Sorry. Nasa trabaho ka nga pala," sabi niya na para bang ngayon niya lang na-realize na nasa harap siya ng trabaho ko. Paano siya naka-punta dito? Nagdrive siya na hindi niya alam kung saan siya papunta?

"No, it's fine," I replied. "Okay ka na ba?"

Tumango siya. "May itatanong lang ako tapos aalis na rin ako para 'di makaabala sa trabaho mo."

Natigilan ako dahil sa pagka-seryoso ng boses niya. Mukha din siyang kinakabahan.

"Okay..." I replied. I already had an idea kung ano ang gusto niyang itanong sa akin. I could already give him my answer, but I wanted to hear the words come out of his mouth.

So, I stood there as I waited for him to gather the courage to ask me the question that's probably been bugging him.

"Atty. Achilles V. Marroquin..." he said as he stared at me. "May gusto ka ba sa 'kin?"

* * *

I knew that one way or another, he'd figure it out. It wasn't exactly as if I tried to be subtle about it. Bakit ko naman uubusin iyong kakaunting oras na meron ako para sa kanya? That instead of just... relaxing my mind, I'd flood my minds with thoughts of him that just made me even more restless?

So, of course he'd know that I have feelings for him.

Hindi ko lang akalain na sa mismong harapan ng opisina—tanghaling tapat—niya ako tatanungin.

He's just so unpredictable.

But I still told him that yes, I like him.

It felt good—like I was finally able to shout the words that I'd been holding in for so long.

It felt like relief.

But not for so long dahil busy siya sa exam niya. And although I would love to bother him all day, may trabaho din naman ako. Hindi ako papatulugin ng konsensya ko kapag pinabayaan ko iyong trabaho ko.

'Hindi ako makapagaral.'

'Wag mo kasi ako masyadong isipin,' I replied. Nang mamatay iyong cellphone ko, nakita ko iyong reflection ko sa may screen. I was grinning like an idiot.

See? I wasn't so insufferable kagaya ng sinasabi ng mga ka-trabaho ko—hindi lang kasi sila masaya kasama kaya hindi nila ako napapa-tawa kagaya ni Mauro.

'Kapal ng mukha.'

'I see no denial,' sagot sa kanya. 'Pero bakit hindi ka makapagaral? May hindi ka naiintindihan?' I asked him.

Although I didn't really experience being young and in love, I figured that it could be distracting. Kasi ako nga na nagta-trabaho na ay nadidistract pa. Ayoko lang ma-distract si Mauro dahil baka ako pa ika-bagsak niya.

'Nagsagot ako ng samplex. Nasagutan ko lahat.'

'Wow.'

'Di ko alam kung sarcastic na wow ba yan o ano.'

'Di kita pwedeng tawagan. Office hours.'

'E bakit ka nagtetext?'

My fingers were itching to type a reply.

I shouldn't.

He should be reviewing. Makakapaghintay naman ako, pero iyong grades niya, kapag bumagsak siya, bagsak na talaga siya sa transcript niya. Mabuti na lang din talaga ang natural na busy ako sa trabaho. Ni hindi ko napansin iyong oras.

'Sure ka bang tama sagot mo sa samplex?' I finally replied nung 5PM na. I gave him plenty of time. Siguro naman nakapag-aral na siya.

'Talagang di ka nagtext buong office hours?'

'Maraming may kailangan ng serbisyo ko.'

'Five seconds lang naman magreply.'

'I want to give them my undivided attention.'

'Ah okay.'

Nakita ko na naman iyong mukha ko na naka-ngiti. This was... weird. I knew I like Mauro, but it was starting to feel like I like him more than I'd like to admit.

"Achilles."

Napa-tingin ako sa tumawag sa 'kin. "Yes?" sagot ko. Ibinalik ko iyong tingin ko sa binabasa ko na JA nung ma-realize ko na ka-trabaho ko lang pala ang tumatawag sa akin. Ano na naman kailangan nito?

"Nagpalit ka ba ng number?"

"No."

"Ah... May nagtext sa 'yo. 'Di ka raw nagrereply."

"Sino?" I asked.

"Ah... May nanghingi kasi ng number mo."

"Ah."

Nagre-reply naman ako. In fact, lagi nga ako naka-tingin sa cellphone ko dahil naka-abang ako na magreply si Mauro. Busy na talaga siya sa exam niya. Ayokong guluhin. Hindi lang ako nagrereply kapag hindi ko kakilala.

"Replyan mo, ha?" sabi niya.

"Bakit daw?" I asked. Baka may kailangan na importante. But even then, babasahin ko naman iyong message. Kung importante iyon, bakit hindi niya pa sinama sa message? Magrereply naman ako.

"Type ka, e."

"Next time, 'wag mong ibigay iyong number ko kung kani-kanino," I told him firmly. I was still working with him. Ayoko ng issue. "Also, I'm seeing someone."

Fuck. Nakita ko na naman iyong mukha ko na naka-ngiti nang sabihin ko 'yon. I really got it bad.

* * *

'Day 1 done. Pahinga ka na.'

You'd think na sa Brent din ako nag-aaral dahil updated ako sa academic calendar nila. Alam ko kung anong araw ang mga exam ni Mauro—kung kailan magsisimula at matatapos. Kilala ko na nga rin ang mga professor niya dahil minsan magrereklamo si Mauro tungkol sa kanila. I'd tell him na iyong mga professor na nirereklamo niya ang mga papasalamatan niya kapag BAR exam na.

'Di mo tatanungin kung nakasagot ako?'

'No. I don't want to dwell on negativity.'

'Wala ka talagang bilib sa akin tsk,' he replied. Nakikita ko na na inirapan niya ako at masama ang tingin niya sa 'kin.

'Of course meron. Ang talino nung nagturo sa yo.'

'Hanggang dito sa QC ramdam yung hangin mo.'

'Just being honest.'

I gave myself thirty minutes to talk to him. Just thirty minutes and I'd leave him alone again. I promise. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang makausap. Kailangan din naman siguro niya ng pahinga mula sa pag-aaral.

'May lakad ka ba pagkatapos ng exam mo?' I asked.

'Lakad? San naman ako pupunta?'

'Walang after exam inuman?'

'Meron.'

'Di ka invited?' I genuinely wanted to know. I wanted to make plans, but I also wanted to take his schedule into consideration. Based on memory, usually may kanya-kanyang lakad ang block after ng mga exams to destress. Although I wanted to see him, I could wait for another day.

'Alam mo, kung gusto mo akong ayain after exam week, sabihin mo na lang agad.'

'Haha just checking.'

'Why'

'Baka may lakad ka kasama block mo.'

'E kung meron, ano gagawin mo?'

'E di pagkatapos nila, ako naman.'

'Di ka magdedemand na ikaw muna?'

'Why? Do you want me to be demanding?'

'Ewan ko sa yo.'

The magic sentence. Alam ko na kapag ganito na ang sinabi niya, kinikilig na siya. Fuck. I only have ten more minutes. Bakit ang bilis tumakbo ng oras kapag kausap ko siya?

'Haha no, seriously, I'm asking kung may lakad ka ba kasama block mo after ng exam.'

'Wala. Matutulog lang ako after.'

'Oh okay.'

'Bakit mo natanong?'

'Kasi kung may lakad ka kasama sila, I'll ask for another date when you're free.'

'Weh?'

'Yes. I want to see you asap of course, but friends in law school is as important.'

'Okay naman sila.'

'Wala kang core group?'

'As in close friends? Wala. Busy ako sa trabaho.'

'I mean gusto ko naman magka-close friends syempre pero di ko ka-vibes mga tao sa brent.'

'Have you tried na sumama sa kanila kapag may dinner or inuman?'

'Busy nga sa work.'

'Usually after class naman.'

'Pagod na ako kaya gusto ko na umuwi agad.'

'I understand.'

'Important ba na may friends ako na close?' he asked.'Di ako galit. Nagtatanong lang talaga.'

'Yeah I know.'

'Alam mo na nagtatanong lang ako?'

'Yes,' I replied. 'I always will assume that we're good until you tell me na may problema.'

'Weh?'

'Yes.'

'Di ka talaga overthinker?'

'Overthinking only exists when there's uncertainty. I'm certain about us, so no room for overthinking,' I told him.'But to answer your problem, I think it's important to have a good support system in law school. It will help a lot.'

'Ay akala ko ikaw support system ko.'

I almost dropped my phone nang mabasa ko iyong reply niya.

Kailan ba matatapos 'tong exam niya?

* * *

"Finally," I said to myself nang gumising ako at makita ko na ngayon na iyong huling araw ng exam ni Mauro. You'd think na ako iyong nag-e-exam dahil nagbibilang din ako ng araw hanggang matapos 'yon.

I texted Mauro a simple message.

Just one.

And I told myself not to reply to him in case na magreply siya. Minsan kasi ay walang self-control 'yon. Makikipagtext sa akin kahit dapat na nagrereview siya. It's up to me to not reply para makapag-aral siya.

I focused on working. I decided to stay late at work hanggang sa matapos si Mauro sa dinner plans niya. I wanted to spend the weekend with him na walang iniisip na trabaho.

Bago ko siya puntahan, dumaan muna ako sa 711. Ewan. Kapag nakakakita ako ng 711, siya agad ang naiisip ko... which made me think that if things don't work out between us, magiging suki ako ng Family Mart. Because there's no way I'd ever step inside 711 again.

I just knew that if this doesn't work out? It would devastate me.

But I didn't want to dwell on the what ifs. He's here. I am here. I will do my best to make this work because I don't want to wake up years from now, regretting the things I could've done.

I pulled over malapit doon sa sinabi niya na restaurant. I could see him already. He looked a bit worn out from the exam. Ang bagal niyang maglakad. Couldn't he walk faster? I needed him close.

'Finally,' I thought to myself nang makarating na siya sa sasakyan ko. I watched his every move hanggang makapasok siya sa loob. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to pull him close. I wanted to kiss him. Was I allowed to do that?

Teka, ano ba iyong mga pwede ko ng gawin? I should ask him. I actually have a list of things I wanted to do. I needed his confirmation first.

"Here," I said as I handed him the paper bag kahit alam ko na kakagaling niya lang sa dinner. "Your comfort food."

Natawa siya. "Thank you."

Mauro kept on yawning. I knew he was tired. I knew that I should probably just tell him to go home para makapagpahinga. But... I didn't. Just a few hours. Hindi naman niya ikakamatay 'yon.

"Bago ba 'to?" he asked nang abutan ko siya ng tsinelas. Dati kasi, naka-medyas lang siya. Ako iyong na-stress nung makita ko iyong ilalim ng puting medyas niya. Lagi naman akong naglilinis, pero bakit ang dumi ng sahig ko? He made me doubt my vacuum cleaner. Bumili pa ako ng bago. "Naks... Ano next? Bibigyan mo ako ng sarili kong toothbrush?"

I slightly arched my brow. "Bakit? Mag-o-overnight ka ba?"

He scoffed. "Asa ka pa."

Noted.

Bawal pa iyong sleep over.

At least the list is getting clearer.

* * *

Napapa-tingin ako kay Mauro na nandoon sa balcony at kinukuhanan ng picture iyong charcuterie board. I couldn't get my eyes off of him na muntik ko na masira iyong vinyl player ko dahil hindi ako naka-tingin habang inaayos iyon.

Mauro could really be distracting.

"Cheers to finishing your exam," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Cheers to your successful career," he replied with a smile.

I had the list to talk about.

But for some reason, I held myself back. Ramdam ko iyong pagod ni Mauro. I knew that he's so tired. But the fact that he's here with me? Sitting here with me and enjoying the comfortable silence?

I want more nights like this.

Iyong tipo na kahit pagod kami, mahahanap namin iyong pahinga sa isa't-isa. Akala ko hindi totoo iyong ganito. I did hear about this from people. I just thought it didn't really exist—or if it did, hindi siya mangyayari sa akin.

Pero tama rin pala iyong sinabi nila na kapag hindi mo hinahanap, bigla mong makikita. Because I was not really looking for him—bigla lang siyang humarang sa harapan ko. And before I knew it, he already got me wrapped around his fingers—both me and the Gcash account na ginawa ko para lang sa kanya.

"Ihahatid kita," sabi ko sa kanya nang makita ko na nasa Grab app siya.

"Ha? Hindi na," sabi niya.

"Okay lang," sabi ko. Hindi siya sumagot. Tipid lang siyang ngumiti at saka umiling. I felt like there was something there, but I didn't ask. Sasabihin niya naman sa akin kung gusto niyang sabihin.

"Salamat sa pa-wine," sabi niya nung malapit na iyong Grab.

Bahagya akong tumango. "Message me when you get home."

Tumango siya. "Good night."

He was probably just tired—after all, exams could be draining. But... I really felt like there was something there. And since I couldn't ask him, I did the next best thing—I pulled him close and hugged him. This was included in my list. Pwede naman 'to... 'di ba?

"One minute," I said. I felt him stiffen. He was probably surprised. I was, too. Pero mas lamang na mas gusto ko siyang yakapin. I wanted to stay like this. Pwede ba 'yon? Pero hahanapin siya sa kanila.

"Okay?" he reluctantly answered. Soon after, I felt him hugging me back.

Pagod din ako sa trabaho.

Totoo din pala na kayang pawiin ng isang yakap lahat ng pagod mo.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You're welcome," sabi niya. Rinig ko iyong pabagyang pagtawa niya. He was probably confused as to why I was thanking him. He had no idea what relief this hug gave me.

Mauro was looking at me with questioning look on his eyes. Tapos tumingin siya sa phone niya. Malapit na iyong Grab. Uuwi na siya. There'd be distance again.

"Tayo na, 'di ba?" I asked. I had to. I needed to make sure kung ano iyong nasa listahan ko dapat.

"What?" he asked, his eyes widening.

"Ah... gusto mo ligawan kita?" I asked. I could do that. I just didn't think that Mauro was traditional. Another thing I learned about him.

Mas lalong nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. "Ha?"

"I mean, I really like you and you really, really like me. Why make it complicated? Life is complicated as it is," I explained. Kasi kung ako siguro ang masusunod, hindi na siya uuwi sa bahay nila tapos dito na lang siya. But I knew that that's not how things should work. I wanted this—him—for life. I needed to take everything slowly and surely.

Napaawang iyong labi niya. "Di ko alam kung paano gumagana iyong utak mo."

Natawa ako. "Life is short. I just always want to go after what I want," I told him. That's always been my motto in life—kapag gusto ko, kailangan kong paghirapan. It has never failed me so far.

"I want you and if you'll allow me, I want to have you in my life," I told him. I would never force him... but if he'd let me? I'd give everything just to keep him.

* * *

"I already told you what I want... but I'm considering what you want as well. So, we're taking whatever pace you're comfortable with."

Bunch of lies.

Kung ako lang ang masusunod, gusto ko, kaming dalawa na.

But I like him so much that I'd rather wait than to scare him away. Besides, what difference does it make kung kami na o hindi pa? Either way, I still like him. It wasn't as if some label would change anything.

Although... I'd admit calling him my boyfriend did sound nice.

Pero halos hindi ko rin naman namalayan ang panahon. I'd spend my days working and trying to spend time with him. Medyo hinahanap na ako ng mga kasama kong magjog sa BGC. They started to suspect na may pinupuntahan ako sa QC. I mean, why else would I go there? Puro traffic lang naman ang lugar na 'yon.

Tsk.

Iba talaga tama sa akin nung taong 'yon—isipin mo napapagdrive niya ako mula Mandaluyong to QC? E halos ilang beses na akong nagcocontemplate kung kukuha na ba ako ng driver kasi nauubos na talaga ang pasensya ko sa traffic at paghahanap ng parking. Imbes na nagbabasa ako ng cases, naghahanap ako ng parking.

Pero pagdating kay Mauro? Ready ata ako agad sumabak sa traffic.

Wow.

Ito na ata iyong pagka-baliw ko—traffic edition.

But then, sabi nga nila, lahat ng pagpapasensya ay may hangganan...

"Fuck being friends."

Seriously.

Fuck it.

Hindi naman ako santo—may hangganan din ang pasensya ko.

My brain knew what it wanted to do—heck, my heart has been shouting it for the last couple of months. But my body was not cooperating. Pakiramdam ko dahil sa dami 'to ng nabasa ko na rape at sexual assault cases. That although I wanted to take my first step, grab him, and just kiss him senseless, I wouldn't make the first move—my body literally refuses to.

Kaya naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya—at siya sa akin.

I definitely knew him better now... it was like there was a countdown going inside my head. I knew that any second now—

"Tangina, ang bagal," he uttered.

Fuck.

I was right.

'Finally,' I thought to myself as I let him pull me close.

Okay.

This... was fucking worth all the waiting in the traffic.

* * *

Naalala ko pa nung may mga ka-block ako nung college at law school. Madalas, aalis sila agad nang maaga kasi pupuntahan daw nila iyong girlfriend nila. I said nothing, but in my head, I kept thinking kung incapable ba sila magfunction kapag wala ang isa't-isa. Na kailangan ba na magkasama sila palagi?

It just didn't make sense and didn't appeal to me. I mean, sure, gugustuhin mo naman talaga makasama iyong girlfriend mo... but then again, kailangan palagi ba?

As it turned out, kakainin ko rin pala lahat ng sinabi ko dati.

Gusto kong magreklamo nung sinabi sa akin ni Mauro na pupunta siya sa Subic. We just had our first kiss—admittedly so, gusto ko na agad sundan ng second, third, fourth, at kung hanggang saan man. Perhaps we'd test the limits.

But it seemed like ang matetest ay ang pasensya ko.

"Kailan balik mo sa Manila?" I asked. He called me. Naramdaman niya ba na masama ang loob ko na pupunta siya sa Manila? Pa-kunswelo ba 'tong phone call?

"Sunday pa ata."

Dalawang araw pa?

Ang tagal naman.

"Bakit? Mamimiss mo ako?" panunukso niya.

"Yeah, of course, pero mukhang mas mami-miss mo ako."

Tumawa lang siya. No denial. I see. "San ka after mo magjogging?"

"Brunch."

"May kasama ka?" he asked.

"Office friends."

"Wow, may kaibigan ka pala."

"Friendly ako."

"Saang part?" he asked. I was about to reply nang sabihin niya ulit na, "Aalis na pala kami. Bye!"

Naiwan akong naka-tingin sa cellphone ko.

Iyon na 'yon?

Walang Mauro sa mga susunod na araw?

* * *

It didn't even take that long for me to make the executive decision na pumunta sa Subic. In my head, it did make sense... I mean, when was the last time I took a vacation? Ni hindi ko na nga maalala. Pinaka-bakasyon ko na ata kapag nasa grocery ako o kaya kapag nagja-jogging ako sa Diliman para mapuntahan si Mauro.

Yes. This wasn't too weird... nor any semblance of being a stalker. Besides, bawal ba akong pumunta sa Subic? May ganon bang batas?

"Hey," I said when I saw him calling. "Everything all right?" I asked because he did tell me na magiging busy siya ngayong araw. I didn't ask why. I figured that with Mauro, kung gusto niyang sabihin sa akin, sasabihin niya naman. Maybe it's personal. I respect that. Kahit naman ako may mga bagay na hindi ko pa sinasabi sa kanya.

"Hindi," he replied. See? Very honest. Kahit minsan nakaka-pikon. But I'd take this rather than wondering kung ano ang mood niya.

"Wanna talk about it?" I did ask.

"Hindi muna."

"Okay," sabi ko. "You wanna hear about my day?"

"Yes, please."

I told him about my rather boring day. Boring naman talaga. I wanted to tell him that talking to him is the highlight of my day. Kaya lang baka lumaki ang ulo. 'Wag na lang.

"Daming nangyari sa araw mo, ah," he commented.

"I know. Looking forward to going home."

"Malapit ka na ba sa condo mo?" Umiling ako. "Ah... traffic siguro. Saturday, e."

I stared at his face.

He looked so... somber for some reason.

"Traffic dito sa NLEX," I said. I figured I'd tell him that I was coming to him. Maybe it was presumptuous of me to assume na gaganda iyong araw niya kapag nalaman niya na pupunta ako sa kanya? I mean, I was just hoping... kasi kung ako ang nasa Subic tapos bad trip ako sa araw ko? Knowing that he'll come see me would definitely lighten up my mood.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "NLEX?"

"Yeah."

Nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. "Pupuntahan mo ako?!"

Natawa ako. "I mean... yeah. Since you asked so nicely earlier."

"Weh? Seryoso nga?" he asked. His tone's noticeably lighter now. That's good.

Tumango ako. "Would've gone earlier, but I already had prior commitments," sabi ko sa kanya. Ayoko naman umamin na at one point, tempted ako na i-move iyong mga gagawin ko. Pwede ko namang gawin 'yon. Hindi naman sila urgent. Pwede naman na sa Subic ko na gawin iyong iba. But... I did tell myself na hindi healthy na i-adjust ko iyong trabaho ko para sa kanya. I mean, I'd hate it, too, kung uunahin niya ako kaysa sa school niya. I knew we're new and probably exciting (at least for me), but we need to find the balance. Because I really see us lasting and I'd like to take care of that.

"Niloloko lang naman kita..." sabi niya kahit halata naman sa mukha niya na tuwang-tuwa siya.

We talked.

I was impressed and amazed na hindi kami nauubusan ng pag-uusapan. Kung sabagay... sa mga reklamo pa lang ni Mauro ay mahaba-habang usapan na agad iyon.

Akala ko mahaba ang magiging byahe, pero hindi ko rin napansin dahil sa pag-uusap namin.

"I'm here," I said as I pulled over.

"Good. Magcheck-in ka na."

"Later," I replied. "Baba ka na."

Nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. "Nandito ka sa labas ng hotel ko?"

I nodded. "Let me say hi to you in person first."

Ni hindi niya man lang pinatay iyong tawag kaya nahilo ako sa galaw nung screen niya. I knew I could've ended the call... but I wanted to watch him as he runs towards me.

And then there he was.

"Thank you," he said as he got inside the car and gave me a quick hug. I felt him melting inside my arms. Ano kaya ang nangyari? Ramdam ko iyong pagod niya.

"You're always welcome," I said instead as I hugged him tighter, hoping that it was enough to at least make his day a bit better.

Ilang minuto rin kaming nagtagal doon.

"Tulog ka ba?" I asked kasi 'di na ata siya gumagalaw.

"Oo," sagot niya.

Natawa ako. "Okay, sleep-talker."

He broke the hug, looked at me, and frowned. I pinched his nose. He frowned even harder.

"Pinupuntahan mo talaga ako dito?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Naisip ko lang magbakasyon."

"Tss. Bakit 'di mo na lang aminin? Na sobrang na-miss mo ako na pinuntahan mo ako dito?"

Sinandal ko iyong ulo ko sa manibela at saka tumingin sa kanya. "Hmm..."

He reached for my head and caressed my cheek. That felt nice. Inabot ko iyong kamay niya na nasa may pisngi ko at hinawakan ko iyon. Ngumiti siya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal sa posisyon na 'yon. All I knew was that I wished I could freeze this moment.

"Hindi ka ba hahanapin?" I asked. Although I wanted him to stay here, I knew that his parents didn't know about us. I did not want to get him in trouble.

"Tulog na 'yon," sabi niya.

"Okay."

"Punta muna ako sa hotel mo."

"Hmm."

"Babalik din ako!"

Natawa ako. "If you say so."

"Kaya 'wag kang matulog dahil ipagda-drive mo ako pabalik. Unless gusto mo i-carnap ko 'yang sasakyan mo."

"Seriously, study Crim more. Hindi mo ba alam ang elements ng carnapping?"

Bigla niyang hinatak iyong buhok ko. "Nakaka-pikon ka talaga!" sabi niya at saka natawa ako.

We got to the hotel. I checked in habang nasa may couch sa lobby si Mauro. He probably didn't think I'd notice, but I noticed him trying to cover his face with his cap at by almost covering his face with his phone.

Nang maka-check in na ako, naglakad na ako papunta sa may elevator. I knew he was watching me kaya hindi ko na siya tinawag. Ramdam ko naman na naka-sunod siya sa akin.

"What?" he asked when he saw me looking at his reflection on the door of the elevator.

I shook my head as I tousled his hair. "Nothing," I replied.

Pagdating namin sa may kwarto, mabilis lang akong naligo. I told Mauro to order room service kung nagugutom siya. Paglabas ko, naabutan ko siya na kumakain ng fries. Seriously... he's very unhealthy.

I didn't even remember what I was talking about. Naka-tulog na ako sa sobrang pagod. Nang magising ako, kailangan na ulit ni Mauro na umalis. Nagtrabaho muna ako habang wala siya. It was actually a nice change of scenery. After doing some work, nagswimming ako.

Sa sobrang pagka-excited ko ata e ni hindi ko naisip na may pool nga pala dito at pwede akong magswimming. Bumili pa ako ng susuotin sa souvenir shop ng hotel. It was worth it. The swim was relaxing... to the point na 'di ko napansin na nandito pala si Mauro.

"Kanina ka pa d'yan?" I asked. I wanted to tease him na pinapanood niya ako kaya lang baka ibato niya sa akin iyong cellphone ko. Water proof naman ata 'yon, but still. Paano kung hindi? Hassle palitan. Ita-transfer pa files ko.

"Kaka-dating ko lang."

"Libre ka ngayon?" I asked.

Tumango siya. "Buti may pool," he said. Wala ata siya sa mood. Kasi alam niyang pwede ko siyang sabihan ng 'naka-kita ka na ng 5-star hotel na walang pool?' Also, again, to err in the side of caution, hindi ko na sinabi dahil baka mabato iyong cellphone ko.

"Gusto mong magswimming?" I asked instead.

"Wala akong dalang damit."

"You can just wear your boxers. Tayong dalawa lang naman dito," I told him.

"Fine," he said. He didn't even need convincing. Hinubad niya agad iyong t-shirtniya. I leaned back and enjoyed the view. He quickly caught me. "Wag ka nga."

Tumawa ako. "Fine, fine," I replied, trying to give him some 'privacy' kahit nakita ko naman na iyong katawan niya.

"Marunong ka lumangoy?" I asked nung nasa pool na rin siya.

"Depende."

"Depende saan?"

"Kung may humahabol sa akin," sagot niya.

"Sino naman hahabol sa 'yo?" I asked, confused.

He shrugged. "Sharks."

"Sharks?"

He nodded. "Kung hinahabol ako ng pating, magically magkaka-swimming skills ako."

"Do you seriously think you can outswim a shark?"

He shrugged. "No... but I can try."

"Really?" Sumandal ako at saka pinagkrus iyong mga braso ko. "Pakiramdam ko ikaw iyong tao na kapag naka-encounter ng pating, tatanggapin mo na lang na hanggang doon na lang ang buhay mo."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm saying na mukha kang walang survival instincts."

"Kung magkaka-apocalypse, pakiramdam ko ako ang last man standing."

"Sige nga—zombie apocalypse. Paano ka magsusurvive?"

"Depends. Ano'ng klaseng zombie ba? Iyong mabibilis o iyong mababagal?"

"Importante ba 'yon?"

"Syempre. Iyong isa, kayang kaya ko takbuhan palayo."

"E 'di mabilis na zombie."

"Okay... Next question, nakaka-kita ba sila? O nakaka-rinig ba sila? Mabilis lang ba sila tumakbo o kaya rin ba nila umakyat?"

We spent the next hour just arguing kung sino sa aming dalawa ang makaka-survive sa apocalypse. Clearly, ako ang makaka-survive sa aming dalawa. Pero dahil gusto ko siya, makaka-survive din siya dahil bibitbitin ko siya kung saan man ako pumunta.

See? Ako talaga ang swerte sa buhay niya.

After a while, bumalik na rin kami sa kwarto. Mauro was in a much lighter mood dahil naka-tabi siya sa akin habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa kwarto. Akala ko e sa likuran ko siya maglalakad.

"Mau," I called. Naka-tayo lang siya sa gilid ng couch. He probably did not want to see down dahil mababasa iyong couch.

"Ano?" he asked as he visibly shivered.

"Gusto mo sabay na tayo maligo?" I offered. I mean, baka ako naman kasi ang lamigin! Bawal akong magka-sakit. Marami akong ginagawa. Saka maliligo lang naman. Kahit 'wag niya ng tanggalin iyong boxers niya.

Seriously... why was I arguing with myself again?

Nanlaki iyong mga mata niya. Panic crossed his face... and then he looked at me in disbelief... and then with suspicion.

"Okay," he said.

My eyes widened.

Say what now?

We were probably playing chickens... Pareho naming hindi ineexpect na kakagat kami sa mga pinagsasabi ng isa't-isa... But here we were.

We were standing under the shower. I could see the droplets of water traveling from the ends of his hair down to his face. And as I was watching them, all I could think was that 'wow... He's gorgeous.'

He really was.

Iyon ba ang dahilan kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan? Arguably. But the winning argument would be his personality. And his smile. And his laughter. Ewan ko. Everything about him just makes me feel warm.

Like... he's home personified.

Like I was lost but finally, I'm home.

Bigla siyang tumalikod sa akin.

I took a step and stood directly behind him. My hands were itching to touch him—to just touch him everywhere.

"Mamaya ka na. 'Di tayo kasya dito," sabi niya habang naka-talikod pa rin siya sa akin. I could hear his voice. It was a bit shaky. Kinakabahan ba siya? Kasi ako rin. But more than that, I wanted to reach for him.

"Hotel room ko kaya 'to," sabi ko tapos inaabot ko iyong shampoo.

"E nauna na ako."

"Sabi ko sabay, 'di ba?"

"Di nga tayo kasya."

"Kapag may gusto, may paraan," I said as I began to shampoo my hair. Naka-tingin na siya sa akin at naka-simangot.

"E ano ba'ng gusto mo?" tanong niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa akin.

Imbes na magsalita, humakbang ako palapit sa kanya.

I mean... I could say what I wanted... but I felt like he'd be scandalized by the things I wanted to do to him.

"Madami, pero ito muna," I said before I reached for his face and then quickly after, his lips.

Instinctively, Mauro took a step backward. I stayed close to him dahil baka madulas siya. And then his back was against the shower wall. Inilagay ko iyong mga kamay ko sa dalawang magkabilang gilid niya. His arms were around my neck... and I didn't know if he meant to do that, but he pulled my hair. A moan escaped my mouth.

Oh.

Apparently, I liked that.

His hands began to wander.

I let them.

'Roam free,' I thought to myself.

"Shit, sorry!" sabi niya nang makagat niya iyong labi ko. He looked genuinely apologetic that I felt bad kung sasabihin ko sa kanya na nagustuhan ko iyong ginawa niya—and that he could bite me again, if he wanted to.

I touched my lips and I was, indeed, bleeding.

Wow.

It's troubling how much I liked this.

"No, it's fine. Let's carry on," I said and then we were kissing again.

I was kissing him like I would die if I stopped. I kissed him deeply like I was trying to find sense in living and the answer could only be found in his lips.

I was kissing him.

I was kissing his lips.

Down to his neck.

My tongue tried to paint a picture on every surface of his body.

But then I felt him reaching for me.

Nagka-tinginan kami.

"Sorry—" he said. I could hear the panic in his voice.

"No, it's fine," I said as I placed my hand on top of his and steadied it in place. "What do you want to do?" I asked as I stared into his eyes.

"Hindi... ko alam," he breathed.

"Okay."

"Pero... pwede ba?" he asked as he panted.

"Yes," I breathed. "Can I?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied breathlessly.

I reached for his hand and wrapped his hand around my length. I could feel his heavy breathing. Pero ako ata ang mapuputulan ng paghinga. If him touching me already felt this good? I was afraid I'd die if he did more.

But at this moment, all senses abandoned me.

I reached for him, too.

"Atty. Marroquin—"

"Achilles," I replied, correcting him. "Please don't call me Atty. Marroquin while I am holding you in my hand."

"Sanay kasi ako—" he said as I squeezed him.

"Then sanayin mo iyong sarili mo na tawagin akong Achilles," I said as I began to stroke him. I watched how his lips parted and how his breathing deepened even more.

I quickened my pace.

He bit his lips as he leaned his head against the glass.

"Fuck..." he moaned. I saw blood on his lips. With my free hand, I reached for him and guided his head towards my shoulder.

"You can bite here," I told him.

But instead of doing as told, Mauro quickly reached for my lips once again.

He was kissing me once again... only this time, he was kissing me with such urgency like he, too, would die, if he didn't kiss me hard and deep enough.

I felt him close.

But I was close, too, with just him kissing me.

I grabbed his hands and led them where I needed them, both of us shuddering as we came together

* * *

It was a known risk na baka makita ko iyong tatay ni Mauro kapag pinuntahan ko siya sa Subic. The world is already small—smaller even for lawyers. I knew about him. Only it took me quite a while to realize na siya iyong tatay ni Mauro.

When I first realized that I liked Mauro, inisip ko kung babasahin ko ba iyong files na may kinalaman sa tatay niya... but then, I decided against it. Hindi ko naman hawak iyong kaso na 'yon. Saka... at the end of the day, tatay pa rin 'yon ni Mauro.

If he's indeed guilty, then that's someone else's job to prosecute. I just didn't want to be involved.

But then I saw him.

And more importantly, he saw me.

Just by the look on his face, I knew that it was only a matter of time bago niya ako kausapin tungkol kay Mauro.

"Good evening—"

Natigilan ako sa pagsasalita nang paupuin niya ako. Hindi na ako nasurpresa pa nang maka-receive ako ng text mula sa kanya. After all, NBI director siya. Of course madali lang sa kanya na makuha ang contact details ko.

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya.

Was he trying to study my face? Why did it matter? Sigurado ako na nabasa niya na iyong files ko—baka nga mas kilala niya pa ang sarili ko kaysa sa akin.

Umayos ako ng pagkaka-upo. Why was I feeling ashamed? It wasn't as if may masama akong balak sa anak niya. Graduate ako sa magandang school. Maganda ang trabaho ko. I was financially stable. I genuinely care about his son.

I'd say that my only fault was that I'm a guy—but then again, kasalanan ko ba talaga 'yon? Bakit ba 'di na lang 'love is love' ang motto ng mga tao? Life's complicated enough—must we really make it even more complicated?

"Hindi bakla ang anak ko."

Hindi ko mapigilan na mapaawang ang labi ko.

I actually did wonder kung ano ang unang salita na lalabas sa bibig niya. Ang daming posibilidad na pumasok sa isip ko... Akala ko handa na ako sa kung anuman ang sasabihin niya... Apparently not.

Hindi ako maka-sagot.

Ano ba ang sasabihin ko?

Sorry... pero mali ka? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa namin sa Subic, sigurado ako na mali ka? Gusto niya bang isa-isahin ko lahat ng ginawa namin sa bawat sulok ng hotel na 'yon? Na tipong nag-iwan ako ng malaking tip dahil mukhang kailangan ng deep cleaning pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari?

Should I tell him that and give him the shock of his life?

"I suggest you leave him alone," sabi niya at saka biglang tumayo.

The hell? Iyon lang ang sasabihin niya? Dalawang sentence? Pinapunta niya ako para sa dalawang sentence? Ito iyong sinasabi nila na this shit could've been an email.

"Sorry," I said.

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Excuse me?"

Tumayo din ako. Mas matangkad ako sa kanya. I was actually looking down on him. It was a happy coincidence.

"My personal life is none of your business, sir," sabi ko dahil tatay pa rin naman siya ni Mauro. I could afford him the basic respect.

I gave him a polite nod bago ako nagsimulang maglakad.

"You know I can ruin your career—"

Tumigil ako at humarap sa kanya.

"I can say the same," sagot ko sa kanya. Tumingin ako sa mga mata niya. "The real question should be—sino ba sa ating dalawa ang maraming tinatago?"

Kasi ako, wala akong tinatago. Nagta-trabaho ako nang maayos. My life could be described as plain and boring before Mauro graced me with his presence. He could check every aspect of my life and come up with nothing.

Unless pipiliin niyang mag-imbento.

I should let him know that I won't take any of that shit lying down.

Ilang segundo rin na naka-tingin lang kami sa isa't-isa. And then I softened my stance. What was I doing? Trying to aggravate my future father-in-law?

"Mauna na po ako," I said as I made my way out of the coffee shop.

Kahit pagod na ako sa trabaho at sa naging pag-uusap namin, dumiretso ako sa BGC. Tumakbo ako nang tumakbo hanggang sa hindi ko na maramdaman ang mga binti ko.

The next few months, wala akong narinig mula kay Mauro tungkol sa tatay niya. Did he decide to back down? Good, if that's the case. Honestly, if he'd try to get to know me, I really was not that bad—Mauro could do a lot worse.

Saka gusto ko naman talaga ang anak niya.

Wala akong masamang balak.

I wanted the best for him—kahit minsan gusto kong sunugin iyong mga libro niya kapag sobrang busy niya sa pag-aaral. But only for a moment dahil maaalala ko na mahal—

Fuck.

Mahal?

Oh.

Wow.

I... actually do love him.

I do.

I cannot imagine my life without him.

If he ever leaves, he'd take away all the colors and leave me with nothing but gray.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na tumatawag sa akin si Mauve. We're okay, but we're not really on the talk on the phone terms. Agad akong nakaramdam ng kaba nang makita kong tumatawag siya. It was like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop... and it finally did.

Ni hindi na ako nagulat nang sabihin niya sa akin iyong nangyari. I debated kung tatawagan ko ba si Mauro. At kung tatawagan ko siya, ano ang sasabihin ko? This was a tough time for him. In a sick and fucking twisted way, I was lucky that I did not have to come out to my parents. I mean, I kind of did. Pero patay na sila. Wala na silang magagawa. Hindi na sila makakapanumbat kung naka-libing na sila.

But I did imagine kung ano ang mangyayari kung buhay pa sila.

My parents did love me... but I knew that this was something to be processed.

And I knew that Mauro's parents did love him... pero alam ko rin, base sa mga kwento ni Mauro, na masakit magsalita ang mga magulang niya.

I could call him.

He'd probably lie to me.

I should see him.

That way, he would not be able to lie to me—not when I was looking him directly in his eyes.

Sinabi sa akin ni Mauve na sinabi ni Mauro na mag-iisip lang daw siya. Something inside me told me na alam ko kung saan siya pupuntahan. I was never one to flash my IBP ID, but that day, I beat a lot of red lights.

With Mauro, I find myself doing things I normally would not do.

It was frightening—but losing him frightens me more.

"Mauro," I called when I finally saw him.

He was there.

I was able to breathe again.

"Bakit ka ba nanggugulat?" he asked. He looked a bit pissed. Good. I'd take pissed over sad.

"Tinawag ko lang pangalan mo," I told him.

"Kita na ngang seryoso akong naglalakad."

"Kailan pa naging seryoso ang paglalakad?" I replied, trying to keep the conversation light. If he wanted to talk about random things, we would talk about random things.

"Basta," sabi niya. "Paano mo nalaman na nandito ako?"

"Sinabi ng kapatid mo."

"Si Mauve?"

"May iba ka pa bang kapatid?"

"Wala siguro," sagot niya.

This... was breaking my heart.

Mas gusto ko na pilosopo siya sa akin. Ganito ba talaga kapag mahal mo? Kapag masaya siya, mas masaya ka para sa kanya. Pero kapag malungkot siya? Parang gusto kong akuin lahat ng problema niya.

"Gutom ka na?" I asked instead. I wanted to lighten the atmosphere. Kahit konti lang.

We went to the mall.

We tried to act like everything's fine.

We knew it was not fine.

We knew that something's bound to change.

"Sinabi sa 'yo ni Mauve?" tanong niya.

Bahagya akong tumango. "I'm sorry."

Umiling siya. "Wala ka namang kasalanan."

"You know I'm just here, right?" I asked. He knew that... right? Alam niya na kung anuman ang mangyari, nandito lang ako? Na possible na talikuran siya ng lahat, pero nandito lang ako palagi? Hindi ko siya iiwan. I didn't think I even could. I didn't think it was even a possibility.

"Alam ko," sabi niya na may malungkot na ngiti.

"Tell me whatever you need."

"Bibilhan mo nga ako ng running shoes?" tanong niya at naka-ngiti sa akin na para bang sinasabi niya na 'wag muna naming pag-usapan.

Tumango ako. "Since pasado lahat ng grades mo."

He scoffed. "Di lang pasado—matataas kaya grades ko."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"What if dalawang sapatos kasi mataas grade ko?" pagbibiro niya.

Tumango ako. "Okay."

"Tatlong pairs? Mataas grades ko sa Obli."

"Okay."

Did he even know that I'll give him anything he asks for?

"Wag nga kasi," sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa akin. Kita ko iyong pagtutubig sa paligid ng mga mata niya. I wanted to reach for him. I wanted to wipe the tears away. I hated seeing him cry. I hated it even more because I knew that somehow, I contributed to his pain.

"What?" I asked... begged, almost. Could he tell me what I could do to lessen the pain? I would do anything.

"Wag... ganito," mahinang sabi niya. "Wag mo akong tratuhin na parang kawawa."

How could I tell him na mali ang iniisip niya? Na hindi ko siya tina-trato na kawawa? Na ganito ako... mahal ko siya?

But not the place and time.

I did not want to overwhelm him with my feelings—not when he's going through something with his family. I was not that selfish.

So, we both pretended that everything's fine.

Against my will, I let him go back to their house kahit ayoko.

But soon after, I found him in a fastfood chain.

Ngayon, naiintindihan ko na. Kung bakit laging may 711, kung bakit laging may siopao. Ayaw niya sigurong kasama kumain iyong pamilya niya. He'd rather eat junk than to eat with him.

I felt bad.

Fuck.

Matagal ng ganito tapos hindi ko napapansin? And I claim to love him? When I'd been blind all this time?

"Be honest with me," sabi ko sa kanya habang naka-tingin ako sa kanya at sa tunaw na ice cream sa may kape niya. "What's the plan?"

Was there a plan?

Kung wala, pwede ba na ako na ang gumawa ng plano?

If he's too tired for everything... can I take the lead? I promise I'll be careful. All I wanted was for him to be safe and happy.

"Hindi ko pa rin alam," sabi niya habang naka-tingin sa halos walang buhay na french fries niya.

"Gusto mo bang umuwi sa inyo?" tanong ko.

"Gusto?" Umiling siya. "May choice ba ako kundi umuwi?" Umiling ulit siya.

"What do you mean you have no choice?" tanong ko. "I told you. I am here."

Napa-tingin siya sa akin.

Nagulat.

I was offended.

Akala niya ba hindi ako seryoso?

"You can stay with me," I repeated. He could. He could stay with me, take over my life. Whatever he wanted. I love him. I am in love with him. I would give him anything.

"Dahil ba nagguilty ka?" tanong niya.

Huminga ako nang malalim. He had no idea about how strongly I feel about him.

"No," tahimik na sabi ko. "I don't actually feel guilty. Why should I feel guilty for?"

"Tama," sabi niya at saka pekeng tumawa. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. I wanted him to know that with me, he never has to pretend. We could be happy together, sad together. Basta magkasama kami.

"But seriously, Mauro, I'd rather that you stay with me kaysa pakalat-kalat ka na naman."

Napaawang iyong labi niya. "Ginawa mo naman akong parang basura."

Natawa ako. That was a much needed laughter. "I mean, earlier, pakalat-kalat ka sa oval. Ngayon, nasa Mcdo ka. Baka sa susunod e papuntahin na ako ni Mauve sa Manila Bay dahil doon ka naman pa-gala-gala."

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin. "Bakit ka kasi sunud nang sunod sa 'kin?"

"Of course," I replied. "I'm worried about you."

"Okay lang naman ako."

"I know. But still. You'd be insane to even think na hindi ako mag-aalala sa 'yo," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Thanks pero—"

"Bakit ba ayaw mo na sa condo ko na lang?"

"Weird."

"Why?"

"Basta."

"Come on. Give me a reason."

"Kasi... weird."

"Weird in what way?"

"I just don't want to impose."

"You can never."

"Never what?"

"Impose on me," sabi ko. "Because I'll give you anything willingly."

Bahagyang napaawang iyong labi niya.

Hindi niya talaga alam.

"In case you haven't noticed yet," diretsong sabi ko habang naka-titig sa mga mata niya. "I am in love with you."

I am.

I love him.

I am quite sure that he is the love of my life—forever he will be.

"So, no, you're never imposing," dugtong ko para marinig niya at maintindihan. "Stay with me or you can also go back home. I just want you to be safe."

Naka-tingin siya sa akin.

Tumitig ako pabalik.

I was willing to wait hanggang makinig siya sa mga salitang sinasabi ko.

* * *

It's been a few days simula nung pumayag si Mauro na sa condo ko tumira. I told him a couple of times already na okay lang sa akin na dito siya—as a matter of fact, I preferred it. Mas gusto ko na alam ko kung nasaan siya. I knew he didn't want me to worry, but how could I not? Kahit hindi niya sabihin, alam ko na may parte ako sa nangyayari sa bahay nila.

So, I wanted him here.

But at the same time, I knew that he was not completely comfortable. Alam ko rin kasi iyong pakiramdam. Nung nawala iyong mga magulang namin, we had to stay with some relatives. Iyon bang alam mo na hindi rin nila gusto iyong nangyayari, pero dahil 'pamilya', wala silang magawa? But that didn't mean that they made life comfortable for us. There were a lot of unsaid words—unsaid hurtful words. Kaya rin siguro ginusto ng kapatid ko na ibenta na lang iyong bahay. Gusto niyang makaalis na kami doon. Because it was suffocating to stay with people who obviously didn't want you there and was just tolerating your existence.

Napa-sandal ako.

Siguro dapat kausapin ko na ulit iyong kapatid ko. This whole situation was making me think—lalo na kina Mauro at Mauve. Hindi ba dapat ganon ang magkapatid? Lalo na at kaming dalawa na lang?

I told Mauro na 'wag niya ng isipin iyong grocery. After all, kahit wala naman siya dito ay bibili din talaga ako. Of course he didn't agree. I just made a mental note to make sure that everything's always complete. I really would rather he spend his money on himself.

He also told me na nabayaran niya na iyong tuition niya. I knew he would never allow me to pay for that but... I wanted to. I wanted to pay for his tuition, for his books. I just wanted to make everything easier for him.

Nagkaka-totoo na ata iyong sinabi niya na sugar daddy ako.

Bakit? Masama ba na gustuhin mong ibigay lahat sa taong mahal mo? Hindi ba natural lang dapat 'yon? Hindi ba mas weird kung gusto mong mahirapan iyong taong mahal mo?

I was in my office, debating of a way para bigyan si Mauro ng laptop. Malapit na kasing magsimula iyong klase niya. Nasa bahay nila iyong laptop niya. Ayaw niya rin atang kunin dahil magulang niya ang bumili non. Maniniwala kaya siya kapag binigyan ko siya ng laptop at sinabi na galing 'yon sa allowance ko sa gobyerno?

Ito mahirap kapag pareho kaming government employee, e. Alam niya iyong mga nakukuha ko... But at the same time, bakit tumatanggi pa siya? Alam niya naman siguro na compared sa kanya, mas malaki sweldo ko?

"Attorney." Napa-tingin ako sa tumawag sa akin. Lumapit siya at saka may inabot na envelope. Napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko kung saan galing 'yon.

"Wow..." I uttered to myself when I read the content of the letter.

Was he being serious? An investigation for a disbarment case? On what fucking grounds?

I couldn't let this ruin my day... but how could it not? Mabilis na kumalat na may disbarment case ako. Seriously... pwede bang magtanggal ako ng employee dito? Hindi na ba uso ang discretion?

"Don't worry," sabi sa akin ng isang ka-trabaho ko matapos akong tapikin sa balikat. "Sabi nga nila, hindi ka pa ganap na abogado hanggang 'di ka nakaka-tanggap ng disbarment complaint."

I didn't give him a reply.

It wasn't about that. I didn't give a damn kung may magpa-disbar man sa akin dahil alam ko na hindi naman maga-grant 'yon. I do my job—and I do my job well. Wala silang mairereklamo sa akin—in fact, ako pa nga dapat magreklamo sa unpaid OT na ginagawa ko.

But I knew that one way or another, malalaman 'to ni Mauro. Alam ko na tatay niya ang may pakana nito. Alam niya na makokonsensya ang anak niya.

God.

How could you claim to love your son and then go out of your way to hurt him?

A lot of people only claim to know of love but do not really understand love.

"Be honest with me," biglang sabi niya.

Wow.

It didn't even take that long. Did his dad personally inform him?

"It's fine," I said, looking at him and giving him a small smile. Gusto kong matawa. It was me facing a possible disbarment case tapos siya iyong pinapagaan ko ang loob?

"Fine?"

"Yes. Ano'ng dinner—"

"How can you say that it's fine?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. Someone had to be calm. "Because it's fine," I replied. "There's no disbarment case filed."

"Yet," mabilis na dugtong niya. "Alam mo ba na tumawag sila sa office ko?" sabi niya nang hindi ako magsalita.

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

What the fuck? Bakit siya tinawagan? Ano ang kinalaman niya kung i-disbar man ako? Ano ba'ng ginagawa naming mali? Kasalanan ko ba na napaka-backward ng bansang 'to? Na tipong nagsisimula na ang legalization ng same sex marriage sa mga kapitbahay nating bansa, samantalang ni hindi pa rin ma-approve ang divorce dito?

Huminga ako nang malalim. I reminded myself that someone had to be calm—and I knew that it was not gonna be him. So, it had to be me.

"I'm sorry."

"Kailan pa 'to nagsimula?"

"Last week."

"Last week pa?"

"It's gonna be fine—"

"Can you please not?" he cut me off. "Can you please stop downplaying this? Kasi seryoso 'to, Achilles."

"There's nothing to say," sabi ko sa kanya. "There's no case against me. Yet. There's no case yet."

"Kaya hindi mo sinasabi sa akin?"

"Yes," sabi ko. "Because there's nothing to worry about," I added. "I'm sorry kung tinawagan nila iyong opisina mo. They're just investigating."

"What's the ground?" he asked.

I paused for a second. I gathered myself. Alam ko ang isasagot sa kanya. I practiced na parang aattend ako ng hearing. I knew I had to choose the right words. The situation's still manageable. I didn't want to make it unmanageable.

"Immoral conduct."

"Si Papa iyong nagfile ng complaint?"

"Yes," I replied because who else would? Ilang taon na akong nagta-trabaho pero ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ganito. Of course this was personal.

Mauro didn't say anything—he didn't even have to say anything. I watched as he sat down. I watched as his heart got broken. He didn't even have to verbalize the word because I was thinking the same thing...

That why would his own father go out of his way to hurt his own son?

For what?

Did he seriously think that if he hurts me, magiging maayos ang relasyon nila ni Mauro? I didn't understand how his mind works.

I told Mauro over and over again that I'd be fine... because I knew that I'd be fine. I kept a good record of all cases I handled. If he planned to fabricate anything, I'll make sure to file a disbarment case against him as well—criminal case even for falsification. Paramihan na lang kami ng kasong ikakaso sa isa't-isa.

"Marroquin."

I didn't even have time to look sa tumawag ng pangalan ko. I needed to finish this draft dahil as much as possible, ayoko talaga na nagfa-file ng Motion For Extension. Bawat araw sa kulungan ay mahalaga. Kawawa naman kung inosente pala.

"What?"

"Sino kaaway mo?"

"Wala," sagot ko. Wala naman akong kaaway. I was just doing my job. I try not to take anything personally. If I feel like I was starting to get personally involved, I take a step back and remind myself na trabaho lang. That's the only way I'll survive dahil kung hindi, baka mag-arson na ako sa Congress dahil sa mga outdated na batas na ayaw pa nilang i-update.

"Ah... nagbago lang isip mo?" he asked. Napa-tingin na ako sa kanya. What the fuck was his point? Bakit 'di na lang dumiretso. Ang daming paligoy-ligoy. "Bat sa 'yo nadiretso mga criminal case? Akala ko ayaw mo sa ganon?"

Of course.

Sino ba ang kinausap ng tatay ni Mauro na pati personal preference sa mga hawak na kaso ay alam niya?

Hindi na ako sumagot pa. I debated on asking my superior tungkol dito, but I decided against it. Baka sabihan pa ako na hindi naman kasama sa job contract ko ang mamili ng mga kasong hahawakan ko.

I was starting to feel the weight of everything.

I needed to run.

Kahit gaano ako kapagod sa trabaho, pumupunta pa rin ako sa BGC para tumakbo. I just needed an hour to myself—to think of what will happen, what I will do.

I needed to defend other people.

I needed to defend Mauro.

And now, I also have to defend myself.

Napa-hawak ako sa mga tuhod ko habang hinahabol ko ang paghinga ko nung huminto ako sa pagtakbo. Biglang may bumangga sa akin. Biglang bumilis iyong tibok ng puso ko. Humingi ng tawad iyong babae. Naka-alis na siya at lahat, pero habol-habol ko pa rin iyong tibok ng puso ko.

Mabilis akong bumalik sa sasakyan ko.

Going in this line of work, I knew that there's always a risk. It was always there, but I didn't really heed it any attention. It just comes with the job—and I always have a choice to go to a safer job, but I never did. I like what I was doing.

Kaya bakit ngayon, kinakabahan na ako?

Dahil kay Mauro?

Kasi dati kung mawala man ako, sino ba ang malulungkot? Kapatid ko na hindi ko kinakausap? Mga kaklase ko na isang beses isang taon ko makita? Mga ka-trabaho ko na nakakasama ko kapag required dinner?

No one would really miss me if I were gone.

It wasn't like I wanted to die... but that if I did, it wouldn't be too bad.

Pero iba na ngayon.

May Mauro na na malulungkot kapag nawala ako.

"Anong mga kaso hawak mo ngayon?" Mauro asked. Tinawagan ba ulit siya ng Papa niya? It seemed like he knew before I was even given the chance to tell him.

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot. How do I even tell him? I wanted to find a better way to tell him.

"Akala ko ba honest?" he said before I could even come up with an answer.

"I am."

"Hindi selective honesty," sabi niya. "Ano'ng bago sa cases na hawak mo?"

"You know I can't talk about my cases."

"Tungkol na lang saan?" he asked. He's being relentless. "May kaso ka na ba sa murder ngayon? Rape? Drugs? Ano'ng bago sa mga hawak mong kaso, Achilles?"

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "Ano ba'ng gusto mong gawin ko? Sabihin ko sa kanila na hindi ko tatanggapin iyong kaso?"

Even I was surprised with the tone of my voice. I didn't mean to snap at him... but it was not like I was just trying to not tell him anything. I wish he'd also consider that this was hard for me, too.

That I was scared, too.

It was not always all about him—a little consideration's all I ask for.

"It's murder with rape and I think that the prosecution will include drug charges—the fucking trifecta," sabi ko sa kanya, pero hindi siya nagsalita. "I work for the government, Mauro. I have people I need to follow. That's just how the world works."

"Alam ko—"

"So, please, please stop asking me about my work... Kasi pareho naman tayong walang magagawa." Sinubukan kong ngumiti sa kanya. Ayokong makipag-away. The last thing I wanted and needed was to argue with him. "Please?"

Slowly, he nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you."

"Just please be safe," he said... and I didn't know, but for some reason, it felt like a premonition of the storm that's about to come.

* * *

I never thought there'd come a day wherein I'd seriously consider meditation... I mean, that or smoking a cigarette. Sobrang daming nangyayari sa buhay ko. It was like I was being attacked on all sides. Akala ko sanay na ako sa multitasking—I mean, I'd like to think lawyers are used to multitasking. I work with multiple deadlines every day. Madalas, hindi pa nabibigay sa akin, may deadline na.

But this felt like a coordinated attack.

Sunud-sunod iyong dating ng mga criminal cases sa akin—I'd like to think na talagang mas utak criminal lang ang mga tao ngayon. Hindi naman siguro kontrolado ng tatay ni Mauro iyong mga kriminal at kung kailan sila gagawa ng krimen.

Sumabay pa iyong sa disbarment investigation.

Pati iyong kapatid ko.

Sabi na nga na 'wag susundin ang naiisip kapag madaling araw. Nagmessage ako sa kanya dati na nangangamusta. Naisip ko kasi si Mauve at Mauro. Na sana ganon din kami ng kapatid ko. So, I decided to reach out. Kasi pakiramdam ko kung hindi ko gagawin, hindi na kami mag-uusap kahit kailan. Ito mahirap kapag mataas ang pride parehas.

But I was starting to regret that.

Instead of building broken bridges, iyong lintik na bahay na naman ang pag-uusapan namin. I had half a mind na sabihan siya na naghihirap na ba siya sa Amerika at atat na atat siyang ibenta iyong natitirang naiwan sa amin ng magulang namin? Luckily, I managed to stop myself.

I didn't need to start another fight.

"Thanks," sabi ko nang bagsakan na naman ako ng bagong case files. Hindi ko alam kung ilang segundo akong naka-tingin doon. Ni hindi ko pa nabubuksan pero sumasakit na agad ang ulo ko. I kept on reminding myself that I love my job and surely, this wouldn't be permanent. Kasi hindi ko maisip na laging heinous crimes lang ang hahawakan ko. I honestly would need debriefing kung iyon ang mababasa ko araw-araw.

Sandali akong pumikit. I breathed in deeply. I kept on repeating that. Was it working? Parang hindi naman. Kailangan ko na ba talagang manigarilyo? No... Magchewing gum muna ako.

"What?" sabi ko nung may kumatok sa pinto ng opisina ko. I mentally prepared myself to listen sa kung anumang problema ang sasabihin sa akin. I mean, this was my job—bakit ba nasu-surpresa pa ako?

"Hi," sabi ni Mauro.

Oh.

Akala ko bagong case file.

"Fifteen minutes?" sabi niya.

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa ka-bundok na papel na kailangan kong basahin. I had a feeling na madadagdagan na naman iyon. And I promised myself not to half-ass anything. I needed to keep on reminding myself that these names aren't just names—they are people with family.

They deserved a lawyer who actually tries—not someone who just appears in court just for the heck of it.

"I'm busy," I told him. Nakikita naman siguro niya iyong dami ng kailangan kong basahin. Besides, it's the middle of the day. Magkikita naman kami mamaya sa bahay. I was actually looking forward to it. I wanted to go home and just be with him. But that had to wait—kailangan kong magtrabaho ngayon. "Wala ka bang trabaho?" I asked him.

"Umabsent ako."

Hindi agad ako naka-sagot.

I didn't know why, but I was certain that I felt disappointed by his answer. But I shouldn't be disappointed, right? We all handle things differently. I would rather continue working and try to handle everything. Hindi ko kaya na basta na lang iwan iyong trabaho ko. A lot of people count on me.

Baka iba lang si Mauro.

And I shouldn't be disappointed just because we're different.

"Go home, then," I told him. Maybe he just needed to rest or to sleep. He should do that.

"Saan?" he asked.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. He was looking at me. I knew him enough to know what was going on inside his mind. Maybe during some other time.

"Mauro, not now. Marami akong gagawin."

Marami talaga akong gagawin.

It wasn't that I didn't want to reassure him—I just did not have the emotional nor the mental bandwidth to deal with this.

At least not right now.

Hindi ba pwede na mamaya lang?

Couldn't he give me just a few hours to focus on my work? Kasi may trabaho din naman ako bukod sa pagiging boyfriend niya.

"Okay," he said, giving me a small smile. "Sorry sa abala."

Why... was he so unfair?

My mind told me not to go after him—it would set a precedent that he could do this and I would immediately fold.

That was the right thing to do...

But when did the right thing ever won over what your heart tells you to do?

Kahit alam ko na wala akong oras na pwedeng sayangin sa dami ng kailangan kong gawin, tumayo pa rin ako at hinabol si Mauro. I couldn't let him go away. I knew that there was a chance that he wouldn't go home.

I needed to see him and to apologize kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi dapat ako nagsosorry dahil dito.

Fuck.

I was so fucking in love with him that I was willingly defying my mind.

"I'm sorry," I said when I caught up with him. "Hindi ka abala. Marami lang talaga akong ginagawa."

Hindi naman talaga.

But God... time and place.

He could say anything sa condo. I would listen. I would always listen to him. Pero may trabaho din ako.

Tipid siyang tumango. "Alam ko. Sorry, nawala sa isip ko na tambak nga pala iyong kaso mo. Uuwi na rin ako."

I drew a deep breath.

I told myself to calm down—I didn't go here to argue with him.

"Sa condo ka uuwi, 'di ba?" I asked. I just needed to be sure na pag-umuwi ako, makikita ko siya.

But he didn't answer.

Was it alright to feel disappointed?

Kahit konti lang?

Kasi 'di ba alam niya naman na marami ding nangyayari sa buhay ko? Wala bang konti—kahit sobrang konti lang—na konsiderasyon? That on top of everything, he'd still consciously hide from me? Kahit na alam niya na mag-aalala ako?

I didn't like this.

This was not good.

But could I even tell him that?

O baka mas lalo niya lang akong taguan?

"San ba pwede ditong mag-usap?" he asked.

Tahimik akong naglakad. Hindi pa rin siya nakinig sa akin kanina nang sinabi ko sa kanya na marami akong kailangang gawin.

"Sa condo ka uuwi, 'di ba, Mau?" muling tanong ko nang huminto kami sa isang gilid na walang dumadaan na mga tao.

Hindi agad siya sumagot.

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin.

Mahirap bang sabihin na sa condo siya uuwi? Did he enjoy watching me lose my mind over him?

"Parang..." sabi niya. "Parang mas okay kung sa amin na ako uuwi..."

I didn't know what to feel first.

Takot?

O disappointment?

Na... talaga ba? Talaga bang ngayon niya gagawin sa 'kin 'to?

I love him but god... has he always been this selfish?

I had a lot of questions flooding my mind at this very second.

I was getting more and more overwhelmed with each passing second... but I knew for sure that I really am in love with him because despite every little doubt, fear was what I felt the most.

The panic ringing in my mind.

The fear swallowing me whole.

"Nakikipaghiwalay ka ba sa 'kin?" I asked.

I had to.

I had to hear him say no.

Because I knew that otherwise, I would not be able to function.

That no fucking gum nor mediation would save me if he decided to leave me now—that he would literally destroy my world and leave me gasping for air.

Mabilis siyang umiling.

Oh.

Okay.

Fuck.

"Uuwi na lang ako sa 'min, Achilles. Para matapos na 'tong lahat. Kasi nadadamay ka na... pati si Judge, nadamay na rin. Wala na akong mukhang maihaharap sa mga kakilala ko."

"Okay lang naman ako—"

"Halos hindi ka na nga natutulog sa dami ng trabaho mo. Saka ikaw mismo iyong nagsabi sa akin dati na ayaw mo sa mga ganyang kaso pero ngayon, puro ganyan iyong hawak mo. Hiyang-hiya na ako sa 'yo. Lagi na lang ikaw iyong nag-a-adjust."

I looked at him.

Why... were we talking about this?

Again?

"Why do you always think that everything's your fault?" I asked him. I needed him to answer me—to really answer me. "Matanda na ako, Mauro. May sarili akong isip. Kung ayoko na talaga sa ginagawa ko, magreresign ako," I told him.

When did I ever blame him for the shitty things that was happening to me?

All I really asked for him was to give me time to work.

That was all.

Was it too much?

"Alam ko pero kung hindi naman dahil sa akin, hindi mangyayari lahat ng 'to."

"What? Na tambak iyong trabaho ko? Normal lang 'yon."

"Alam mo kung ano iyong sinasabi ko."

"No," sagot ko na umiiling. "I don't understand, Mau. Hindi kita maintindihan minsan. I love you, I really do, but God, you're exhausting sometimes."

I saw tears falling from his eyes.

I almost reached for him and wipe the tears that I caused.

But we should talk about this because God knows that we couldn't keep running on circles. I told him again and again na hindi niya kasalanan. I would love to reassure him... pero tao rin naman ako. Napapagod ako. Hindi ko kayang gawin araw-araw iyong hinihingi niya.

Maybe in the perfect world.

But we lived in this fucked up world full of timelines and responponsibilities—and should I apologize because I could not do both? Hindi ba ako pwedeng mapagod?

"For once, can you please stop trying to be some martyr? Wala ka namang kasalanan. Why does it always have to be your fault? Why does it feel like you want to victimize yourself always?"

I was losing grip.

I knew I shouldn't be saying this.

But he should be hearing this.

"Kung madidisbar man ako o kung tambak man iyong trabaho ko, hindi ba pwede na desisyon ko 'yon? Hindi ba ako pwede magkaroon ng sarili kong desisyon? O lagi bang dapat kasalanan mo?"

I wanted to reach for him.

And comfort him.

But this was for him, as well.

I love him but this was not healthy at all—I would not stand here and watch him blame himself for every little thing that goes on. That would run him ragged. And I would not just stand here and let it happen without doing anything.

So, yes, I didn't want to say any of this, but this needed to be said. Kasi kung hindi ako, sino ang magsasabi sa kanya?

"Okay," he said in a resigned tone.

Huminga ako nang malalim at saka sinuklay iyong buhok ko gamit iyong mga daliri ko.

"I—" I said and then stopped when I saw that defeated look on his face. "Okay," I continued, conceding. I just... could not do it any more when he looked so defeated. I could not. I did not have the heart to argue with him when he looked like that.

Maybe I was in the wrong.

Masyado akong maraming trabaho na nabaling sa kanya iyong init ng ulo ko.

Maybe I needed a cigarette.

"Just... go home. Sleep. I'll see you later, okay?" I told him. He just nodded and said nothing. I took a step forward and reached for him. He didn't pull away. I hugged him. I hugged him tighter. He just stood there. I was thankful that he let me put my arms around him.

"I love you, okay?" I reminded him. I hope he knows that. I hope that he will always know that.

I went back to work. I had to tell myself over and over again to focus on working, but my mind kept on going back to Mauro and that look on his face.

Fuck.

I fucking fucked up.

After hours of trying to work and failing miserably, I decided to call it a day. Wala rin akong magawang tama sa trabaho. It was better to accept defeat today kaysa kung anong katangahan ang magawa ko sa pleadings.

My mind was solely focused on how I would apologize to Mauro for how I acted. I knew I was right... but time and place. Ang gago ko rin. Alam ko naman na nahihirapan din iyong tao. Kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya, mahihirapan din ako. Syempre ayoko rin na nahihirapan siya dahil sa akin.

Fuck.

Bakit ba kasi sinabi ko 'yung mga 'yon? Did I think that I was in a cross examination at kailangan kong idiin iyong punto ko—never mind the repercussion?

I kept on thinking on what I could do to apologize to him.

But then I saw a gun right at my face.

I thought I was going to die—and all I could think about was that this couldn't be the end... na hindi pag-aaway namin ang huling alaala ko na maiiwan kay Mauro.

If I did die, I wanted him to know that I didn't want to leave him like this—I wanted to leave him on a good note.

And I wish I lived long enough and made him feel loved.

* * *

I thought I was going to die.

I probably did die.

Nasa impyerno ata ako ngayon.

I had to pretend that things were fine... that everything were under control... sort of.

Pero nagsisinungaling na lang ba ako sa sarili ko?

And I couldn't even get mad at Mauro. Naiintindihan ko siya. Natakot lang din siya. He had to blame someone for what happened to me...

He just loved me—how could I ever blame him for that?

"What?" biglang tanong sa akin ni Carl. I had to call him. Out of the blue. Kailangan ko lang ng kausap. Para na akong mababaliw. Ni hindi ko makausap si Mauro. I couldn't show him any fear that I was feeling.

I knew he's already crumbling down—I needed to hold the fort.

"I should've listened before."

"Sa alin? Marami akong sinabi," pabiro niyang sagot.

"Joined a frat... or something," I said and then took a sip of the whiskey.

If I joined, they'd help me, right? I mean, compared to this, they'd fix worse things—

"What?" I asked nang makita ko na naka-kunot ang noo ni Carl habang naka-tingin sa akin.

Umiling siya. "Nothing," he said. "But apparently, they're right..." My forehead creased. "That change is the only permanent thing in the world," he continued. "Because I never thought I'd ever hear you say something like that."

Fuck.

He's right.

Seriously.

I have lost it.

* * *

I hated that I knew Mauro enough to know that if only those Senators used the right word, they'd get whatever they wanted from Mauro.

I love him... but he's so easily triggered.

Kung pwede ko lang siyang itago sa condo at 'wag ng papuntahin sa Senate Hearing. But even I knew that that would not really solve anything—lalo na at naka-detain pa iyong Papa niya.

And I hated it even more na wala akong magawa nang humingi ng tulong sa akin si Mauro. I... didn't really know a lot of people. I just do my job. I try to avoid asking people for favor dahil alam ko na lahat ng 'yon, may kapalit.

And for the longest time, I thought I could survive on my own island.

I had no family.

I was alone.

Why would I ever need to ask favors from anyone?

Pero kakainin ko rin pala lahat ng sinabi ko.

It was killing me to know na wala akong magawa para tulungan si Mauro. I couldn't even help him visit his father. I felt so utterly useless.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko kay Mauro habang nasa labas kami. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya. I wanted to tell him that his father's fine... but we both know that I'd just be lying. A lot of people died for a lot less.

We both know what would happen.

We just did not want to acknowledge it.

I wanted to reach for him, but I was afraid to touch him... He looked like he would break at the slightest touch. So, I kept my distance and just watched over him.

I couldn't leave him.

I didn't want to leave him.

I was afraid of what could happen if I just leave him alone for a second.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal na nandon lang kami. Tapos ay may mga dumating na sasakyan. Naka-tingin lang ako kay Mauro. I didn't even need to say anything... We both knew that this couldn't mean anything good.

And the longer I stood here, the more I started to resent myself.

Why wasn't I more well-connected?

Why couldn't I do anything for him?

Why was I... so useless?

Agad na napa-tayo ako nang may makita akong pamilyar na mukha. Fuck.

"Chavez," pagtawag ko sa kanya bago pa siya makaalis. What the hell was he doing here? Parte ba siya ng kaso na 'to?

"Marroquin," sabi niya. He looked at me... and then looked at Mauro who was staring at nothingness. Ibinalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin. There was... something on his face. I hated it. I hated that this was confirming my fear.

"Hindi ba kami pwedeng pumasok?" I asked. I was not even friends with this person. I was not used to asking favors.

Napa-kamot siya sa batok niya. "Not my call to make."

"Please—"

"Look," he said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "I shouldn't even be saying this but..." he continued and threw Mauro another look. "He shouldn't be here tonight. Get him away from this place."

I felt my heart drop from my chest.

Naramdaman ko iyong panlalamig ng buong katawan ko.

"They wouldn't—"

"You and I both know they would."

"He's not some random person they can just dispose! This is a high profile investigation!"

"People would care for a minute, Marroquin. May amnesia ang mga Pilipino. They'd give a shit for a day and then back to regular business."

Fuck.

Fuck!

Why the fuck was I so useless?!

* * *

"Ano'ng sabi niya?"

"I'm sorry," tanging sagot ko.

Kasi ano pa ba ang pwede kong sabihin? Sorry kasi wala akong magawa para sa 'yo? Sorry dahil wala akong magawa kahit alam ko na kung ano iyong mangyayari?

Because what the fuck do I even do?

Call the police?

When they're also a part of the problem?

Call the media?

When they're also already bought?

Post a fucking open letter online?

What the fuck do I do?!

"What do you want to do?" mahinang tanong ko sa kanya... dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.

Tumingin lang sa akin si Mauro. Inabot niya iyong kamay ko at hinawakan nang mahigpit. He didn't ask anything of me... dahil din siguro alam niya na wala akong magagawa.

All I knew was to fucking study.

Wala akong nagawa nung isuko ng kapatid ko iyong kaso ng mga magulang namin.

Wala rin akong magawa ngayon para kay Mauro.

I felt like I did everything right... I did everything that I was supposed to do.

And for what?

Dapat ba naging kagaya na lang din nila ako noon?

Kung ganon ba, may magagawa ako para kay Mauro ngayon?

"I'm sorry," pag-ulit ko.

I kept on saying it.

It was probably already losing its meaning.

Hindi sumasagot si Mauro.

Hinahawakan niya lang nang mahigpit ang kamay ko.

Was he regretting it?

Was he regretting us?

Kasi kung hindi dahil sa akin... wala naman kami dito.

Everything that happened was because I decided that I like him and I wanted to be with him.

If only I wasn't selfish...

Napa-tingin ako nang maka-rinig ako ng pagkatok sa gate. Agad akong lumapit kahit na tinawag kami na parang aso.

"Pumasok na kayo."

Agad akong natigilan.

Napa-tingin ako kay Mauro.

"Okay po. Salamat. Salamat po," sunud-suno niyang sabi.

Gusto ko siyang hawakan at sabihin na 'wag na kaming pumasok... na dito na lang kami... pero alam ko na hindi ko siya pwedeng pigilan. Kaya naman naglakad na lang ako sa likuran niya. Parang umiikot iyong buong sikmura ko habang papalapit kami kahit ni hindi ko alam kung saan talaga kami papunta.

But we couldn't just walk around forever.

At one point, we'd have to stop.

Napa-tingin ako kay Mauro nang hawakan niya iyong kamay ko.

"Do you want me to go in?"

Umiling siya.

Ang lamig ng kamay niya.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kami katagal doon. Naghihintay ako sa susunod niyang gagawin. Iniwan na kaming dalawa dito dahil... siguro alam nila na wala namang pwedeng itakas.

That we're here because it was already a done deal.

Alam ko na alam din ni Mauro—gusto niya lang makita gamit ang dalawang mga mata niya.

And then he finally held the knob...

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang unang papasok sa isip ko. Gusto kong hatakin si Mauro at yakapin siya para hindi niya na makita pa iyong nasa harapan namin. This... shouldn't be his last memory of his father. Not like this—not with him still hanging from the ceiling. Not with the pee pooling underneath him.

This shouldn't be his last image of him.

"Mauro—"

Mabilis siyang umiling.

He just stood there.

For minutes.

Saying nothing.

"Achilles," pagtawag niya.

"Bakit? May kailangan ka?" mabilis na sagot ko sa kanya.

"Pwede ka ba humingi ng kutsilyo?" tanong niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "O kahit ano para maibaba si Papa—" sabi niya tapos ay natigilan. Tapos ay natawa. "May mag-iimbestiga ba dito? Crime scene ba 'to? Hindi na siguro, noh? Sasabihin nila na kusa naman 'tong ginawa ni Papa."

Lumingon siya at saka tumingin sa akin.

"Pwede mo ba ako tulungang ibaba si Papa?" tanong niya sa akin. "Tatawagan ko si Mama saka si Mauve... Ayoko na ganito nila makita."

Lumabas ako.

Ni hindi pa ako nakaka-layo nang marinig ko iyong malakas na pag-iyak niya.

That was the moment everything changed. I felt like I died right there and then, replaced by a single burning purpose—making them answer for what they'd done.

* * *

Mauro kept on asking me about my new work. I told him about my work, but I kept the details to a minimum. I just... didn't want to see that look on his face again. I knew he didn't blame me but that did not mean that I did not feel utterly useless.

Ayoko rin siyang paasahin sa wala.

I was trying my best but still... with these people, you'd never know.

I would tell him everything once I know that there's something that I can do for him. The only thing I hope for ay hindi siya mapagod maghintay sa akin.

I just needed him to trust me—one way or another, gagawan ko ng paraan.

After a long day at work, I was looking forward to seeing Mauro again. At this point, he already got the hint na hanggang maaari, ayokong pag-usapan iyong sa trabaho. The less he knows, the better—at least for now. Alam naman niya na sasabihin ko kapag meron na.

I hope he did know that.

Paakyat na sana ako sa unit nang tumawag sa akin si Jersey. Lumabas muna ako para kausapin siya. I knew we'd talk about work. And I prefer not to discuss work around Mauro.

Nang matapos iyong tawag namin, pumasok na ako sa loob ng building. Papunta na sana ako sa elevator nang marinig ko iyong pangalan ni Mauro. It was like my ears were attuned to the sound of his name—kahit mahinang pagbigkas lang sa pangalan niya, agad na nakuha iyong atensyon ko.

I turned around and looked for the source of that sound. Nakita ko na may babaeng naka-tayo sa harap ng receptionist sa lobby ng condo. From where I was standing, she did not look dangerous... but then again, how could I know? In this world, a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing. A lot of people would surprise you when you least expect them to.

"What do you need?" agad na tanong ko. I had no time to waste nor energy to expend. Ubos na ubos na ako sa mga nakakausap ko sa trabaho. It was one thing to work with accused... it was a whole other thing to work with corporations. I was drained. It was like working with the devil—na ang dami na nilang pera pero ayaw nilang ibigay iyong para sa mga empleyado. That they'd rather waste money on filing cases just to prove their point.

I hated working for them but I had to.

"What?" tanong niya na nagmamaang-maangan.

"Why are you looking for Mauro?" I asked once again.

"Sino ka ba?" she asked.

"Sino ka muna?" tanong ko.

I took a deep breath. She did look familiar, pero sa dami ng taong nakakausap ko sa araw-araw, I couldn't quite put a name to her face. She was looking at me, too, like she was trying to remember kung saan kami nagkita. Abogado din ba siya? Kung oo, ano ang ginagawa niya dito? If it's about work, it's weird na pupuntahan pa niya si Mauro sa condo—

Who the fuck was this woman?

Instead of answering me, naglakad siya palayo. I was tired. It had been a long day—or probably a long month. Hindi ko na alam. I knew I should go home—I wanted to go home knowing that Mauro's waiting for me... but also, she wouldn't go here for nothing.

Kaya sinundan ko siya.

"Who are you? Why were you following us?" I asked.

"I'm Tali," she said. "I graduated from Brent—"

"Hernaez," I said like a reflex.

That's how I knew her.

She's the one Lance wouldn't stop talking about. At one point, I remember wondering kung boyfriend ba talaga siya ni Tali o mentor—all because he's more interested in her achievements than in her as a person.

"Kilala mo ako?"

"Just familiar with your name," I said. Time and time again, I learned not to trust just anyone. "Ano'ng kailangan mo kay Mauro?" I asked once again.

"I need to talk to him."

"About what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Then you can't talk to him."

"Excuse me?" sabi niya na parang nabigla.

"If you want to talk to him, you have to talk to me first," I said, making my stance clear. I knew she was thinking I was insane for saying this, but if she knew everything we've been through, she'd understand. Sometimes, I get so paranoid na gusto ko na lang lagyan ng tracking device si Mauro. I wanted to know kung nasaan siya palagi—I just wanted to be certain that he's safe. Ang dami niyang pangalan na binangga. I just couldn't breathe whenever I think about it.

"No."

"Fine by me," mabilis na sabi ko. It had been a long month. Kung may kailangan talaga siya, sasabihin niya.

"I'm sorry. Don't take this the wrong way but... who are you?"

I told her who I am.

She told me what she wanted.

It was tempting... but it was a lot to consider.

I have a list of names I needed to go after.

She has a list, too—only hers was a lot longer.

* * *

At one point, I was tempted to just rent another unit. Ang daming kailangang basahin. It felt like I needed a whole wall para lang mapagkonekta lahat. Kapag ginawa ko 'yon sa condo, makikita ni Mauro. I really did not want him to see everything hanggang hindi pa finalize lahat. But I also knew that it wasn't a risk that I should take—leaving all evidence in an empty condo unit.

Instead, I tried to write everything down on my notebook. This notebook that I guard with my life. Parang lagi ko 'tong kasama kapag lalabas ako.

"What?" sabi ni Lui nang magkasalubong kami. Pumunta ako sa kanila para kausapin si Tali. Alam ko naman na kapag gusto kong kausapin si Tali, ako ang pupunta dito. Fair. Kapag gusto din nilang kausapin si Mauro, sila ang pumunta sa amin.

"Can I ask you for one thing?"

Naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. "Depends," he said after a few seconds that felt unnecessarily long.

"Make sure he's safe."

"Mauro?"

"Who else would I be talking about?"

Sinabi sa akin ni Mauro na masama daw ang ugali ko kay Lui. He's probably right, but it was not as if I go out of my way to be rude to him. Ewan ko. Kapag titingin ako sa kanya, naaalala ko iyong mga gagong fratman nung law school ako. The ones who tried to mess with me simply dahil ayaw kong sumali sa kanila.

Also... of course I know about Lui's family.

But perhaps it's unfair of me—wala naman talaga siyang ginawang masama sa akin.

Mauro's right—I was unnecessarily mean.

"I'm sorry," I said. He looked at me like I grew another head. I drew a deep breath. "I won't do this if something happens to him."

He placed his hands in his pocket. Iyon lang naman ang ginawa niya, pero bakit parang ang yabang niya na agad?

"What about justice?" he asked.

"The fuck will I do about justice if he's dead?"

An amused smile appeared on his face. He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a small tap. "Finally—something we have in common," he said. He looked at me and gave me a small nod. "Don't worry about it."

That's the only thing he said, but strangely, nabawasan kahit papaano iyong iniisip ko.

Bumalik na ako sa condo. I finalized some things. Nung matapos na ako, pinakita ko kay Mauro.

"Gaano mo katagal ginawa 'to?" he asked when I laid out on the table iyong ginawa kong chart. It was a whole chart. This should've been done by a group of people. At one point, I knew I should ask for help. I didn't. For some reason—no, not for some reason. I knew the reason kung bakit hindi ako humingi ng tulong. Naaalala ko pa rin iyong gabi na wala akong nagawa para kay Mauro nung gusto niya lang namang puntahan iyong tatay niya. That look on his face would always haunt me.

That's why I wanted—needed—to do this alone.

I needed this like I needed air to breathe.

"Sino 'yan?" Mauro asked nang makita niya na may mga parte nung chart na XX at YY lang ang naka-lagay.

Of course I knew kung sino iyong mga 'yon. I just did not put more details dahil wala rin naman akong mahanap na ebidensya. It's either magaling silang magtago... o magaling silang magligpit.

"Unknown," I simply said. Tumingin lang si Mauro sa akin. He knew. He knew na ayaw kong sabihin. I had my doubts... na sila talaga ang may pakana nung nangyari sa tatay ni Mauro. But again, why tell him that kung wala naman akong ebidensya?

This would do.

For now.

"These are the lists of the businesses they use as front," sabi ko sa kanya. Pinakita ko rin iyong mga naka-arrange na files. This was the reason why I worked with those soul-draining corporations. I was able to look into their financial documents. It took me a long, long time. Mabuti at nandito pa rin si Mauro.

I explained to Mauro what we'll do—how the best way to go about this would be to assist the AMLC to file money-laundering cases against these people. Kapag naka-freeze na iyong assets nila dito sa Pilipinas, mapipilitan sila na galawin iyong mga assets nila sa ibang bansa. It was hard to track those down—hindi naman ako FBI. But I needed them to at least give me a hint kung saan ko hahanapin iyong mga naka-tago nilang pera.

Ang tagal kong pinaliwanag kay Mauro iyong mga gagawin. It was almost therapeutic. Ang tagal kong gustong sabihin sa kanya 'to. I just needed him to know that all those times before, I wasn't doing nothing. I actually was doing something.

"May hindi ka ba naintindihan?" I asked him dahil hindi siya nagsalita.

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Hindi ba delikado 'to?" he asked.

Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "What?"

"Ang... daming pera," he said as he glanced at the chart once again. Nilagay ko doon iyong estimate na halaga ng bawat business. Was he shocked? Sabagay... ako rin naman. I knew there's big money involved, pero iba pala talaga kapag nakikita mo na bilyon ang umiikot na pera.

May sariling mundo talaga ang mayayaman.

They live in a whole different world.

"It's dirty money," I said.

"Their money, still," sabi niya.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. I studied the look on his face. What... did he want to happen? Ito iyong gusto niyang mangyari, 'di ba? This was what he asked of me? He wanted to make them suffer... And people like this, they'll only suffer when you take what matters to them.

Money.

It's money that make their world go round and round.

Hindi na ako nagsalita. We had this conversation before. He wanted me to be careful but also wanted me to take on this job. He was asking me two different things na hindi ko alam kung paano ko gagawin na magkasabay.

* * *

Totoo pala talaga iyong sinabi nila na hindi mo rin alam kung saan ka dadalhin ng buhay. Looking back, I never would have thought na dito ako mapupunta. I was perfectly content with my government job. It could be a bit monotonous, but I was fine with it.

Same with this person—who would have thought na sa AMLC siya mapupunta? I vaguely remember na nagrereklamo siya noon sa simpleng computation lang ng congress seat para sa partylist.

"Still?" he asked when he offered me cigarette and I declined. A lot of times, I was tempted. But I kiss Mauro a lot. He'd know.

"Bakit ka pala napadpad dito? Hindi naman ako part nung sa kaso," he continued as he enjoyed his cigarette.

"Okay naman sila, noh?" I asked. I asked this before, but I just had to ask again. It was not as if I could order for the Court to freeze the assets myself. It was too late to change career again. Ano? After ng private practice, balik gobyerno na naman ako? And it was not as if may babalikan pa ako. I was pretty sure I was blacklisted already after all the stunt I pulled this year alone.

"As far as I'm concerned, yeah okay naman."

"Hmm."

"Still, you know? Politics."

"de Marco?" I asked.

"Amongst the others," sagot niya. "Kinda freaked us out. Nabalitaan mo 'yung biglang nawalang prof?"

I nodded. Of course I know. Minsan akala mo simpleng missing person lang. Mababasa mo na pauwi na raw pero hindi na nakauwi. But we both knew what happened. He asked what shouldn't be asked.

"Pero don't worry—matapang iyong bagong head. No stones unturned daw," sabi niya sa 'kin.

"Really?"

Tumango siya. "Yeah. I have a good feeling about this one."

"Pati sa de Marco?"

He shrugged. "Pag may kumanta."

"Ni walang mic."

Tumawa siya. "Meron 'yan. Alam mo naman sa politika... Walang permanenteng kaibigan."

Ito ba iyong sinasabi ni Mauro na manifestation?

Because a few weeks later, meron nga ata talagang kakanta.

* * *

I knew that I'd receive an earful from Mauro kapag nagising siya at nakita niya na iniwanan ko siya. In my defense, sinabi ko ba sa kanya na isasama ko siya sa hearing? Hindi naman... tama ba? Hindi ko rin maalala. Parang ang daming nangyayari. At one point, medyo nalilito na rin ako sa kung ano iyong nangyayari talaga at kung ano iyong alam ko lang dahil nabasa ko mula sa kung anumang file.

God, how badly I needed a vacation.

Pero may panahon pa ba ako para magbakasyon? Matutuloy pa ba iyong pinag-usapan namin ni Mauro?

"These pieces of evidence aren't even admissible," sabi ni Lance. "Fruit of the poisonous tree."

Naka-tayo lang ako doon. I knew Lance would use this as a point of argument kaya sinama ko na 'yan bilang isa sa mga arguments ko. Naka-lista isa-isa doon lahat ng source ko at kung bakit admissible lahat ng ebidensya na naka-attach.

But I thought it would be one of the arguments. But so far, wala pa akong naririnig tungkol sa ibang defense. Was he surprised? Hindi nila akalain na ganito ka-detalyado iyong isusubmit ko? I mean, they should see the wall on my condo... Iisipin nila na nasiraan na ako ng bait. At one point, I actually think I did. Hanggang sa panaginip ko, may mga numbers.

"Your objection is duly noted, counsel," sabi ni Judge. Tumingin siya sa akin.

"No comments from my end, Judge," sagot ko. "All of my arguments were properly laid down on the complaint."

Tipid siyang tumango sa akin. I knew he was impressed—hell, I was impressed with myself. Dati, akala ko mahahaba na iyong pinapasa ko na kaso... Iba pa rin 'to. Punung-puno iyong sasakyan ko ng box nung pinasa ko iyong petition—sa dami ba naman ng annex.

Akala ko ay marami pang sasabihin si Lance, pero wala naman pala. Ito iyong mga pagkakataon na gusto kong sabihin na this could've been an email. Ayoko pa namang umaalis sa condo hanggang maaari.

"Marroquin."

Napa-tigil ako sa paglalakad nang marinig ko na tawagin ni Lance iyong pangalan ko. I didn't know why he insisted on calling me by my last name. It sounded so... formal. I mean, we weren't friends, but still.

"What?" sagot ko na lang dahil gusto ko nang umuwi. Simula nung makilala ko si Mauro, uwing-uwi na ako palagi.

"Seryoso ka ba?"

"Seriously?" I asked back. Pinatigil niya ako sa paglalakad para lang tanungin 'to? He could be a bit annoying... I was starting to wonder kung ano ang standards ni Tali sa mga lalaki.

"I read your petition."

"Congrats," I said. I meant that, but it probably sounded sarcastic. Pero mahaba kasi iyong petition. Kaka-pasa ko pa lang non. Ang bilis niya namang magbasa. Hindi ba sa firm pa rin siya? Ibig sabihin marami pa rin siyang hawak na kaso. Naka-priority ba 'to? Dahil sa dami ng pangalan na kasama? Kung sabagay... nilagay ko rin sa listahan ng gusto kong ipatawag as witness iyong mga 'yon.

It must be very busy there.

Marami sigurong associate ang doon na naka-tira sa dami ng pinapagawa sa kanila.

Ilang segundo din na naka-tingin lang sa akin si Lance. Tumingin lang din ako sa kanya.

"Whatever," sabi niya. "Thanks," he continued. "You're keeping me employed for years to come," he added as he gave a small tap on my shoulder.

I knew that this was most likely what would happen. I've seen it before—iyong mga kaso na possibleng tumagal ng ilang taon dahil kapag alam ng kalaban na dehado sila, ida-drag lang nila nang ida-drag iyong kaso. I knew I'd have to file motions after motions para lang mapabilis ang kaso na 'to. But I also knew that they'll file motions after motions, too, para patagalin ang kaso.

Hindi na nga ata talaga matutuloy iyong pangarap kong bakasyon.

Bahala na.

Habang hinihintay ko na mabago iyong kulay ng traffic light, kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko. I wanted to ask Mauro kung may gusto ba siyang kainin. I was in no mood to cook. Sumakit iyong ulo ko sa sinabi ni Lance kahit alam ko naman na 'yon.

Agad na napa-kunot iyong noo ko nang makita ko iyong notification mula sa may CCTV sa condo. There was a notif na mayroong ibang tao doon. I felt my whole body getting cold as I waited for the videos to load.

I hated how my mind went into panic.

Pwede naman na sila Tali lang 'yon. Tama. Baka si Tali at si Lui. They probably swung by—

I felt like my heart was in my throat when I saw an unfamiliar face on the camera. Babae. Mas okay 'yon—but how would I know? Hindi ko na alam kung sino ang delikado sa hindi—fuck sino ba 'to?!

I tried to zoom in habang sinusubukan kong tawagan si Lui. He promised me na walang makakalapit kay Mauro kaya sino 'to?!

But then I saw a child.

What kind of a sick bastard brings a child kung may gagawin silang masama?!

I wanted to just hit the gas and violate all kinds of traffic rules nang bigla kong maalala kung saan ko nakita iyong babae. Shit. Cantavieja. That's why she's familiar! Hindi ko lang masyadong tanda iyong mukha niya dahil hindi naman talaga siya involved sa pamilya nila. She basically cut her family off before kaya hindi ko masyadong tanda iyong mukha niya.

But what was she doing there?

At kung kanina pa 'to nangyari, bakit walang sinabi si Mauro? He promised me na sasabihin niya agad sa akin kapag may ganitong nangyari!

Pagdating ko sa parking, agad akong pumunta sa condo. Bubuksan ko na sana iyong pinto nang buksan din iyon ni Mauro.

"Hi, traitor," agad na bungad niya.

I was in no mood to joke around with him. And I was not sorry na iniwan ko siya kanina. Lance didn't need to see him. He didn't need further confirmation that all it takes was harming Mauro to see me rattled.

Mauro told me about what happened. He did ask me kung makikipagtulungan ba kami sa mga Cantavieja. I didn't know what to say. Sasabihin ko ba sa kanya iyong sinabi ni Lance na aabot ng taon iyong kaso na 'to?

But could we really trust that family?

"Seriously..." sabi ni Lui nang magkita kami. "The next time you decide to call me ten times, at least send a text kung bakit. Tali was convinced that you two were murdered."

I'd apologize, but I was not really sorry. Dahil paanong naka-punta sa unit iyong Cantavieja na 'yon? Ano'ng silbi nung security niya kung makakapunta lang din pala ang kung sinu-sino sa condo?

"Papayag ba kami?" I asked.

Sinindihan ni Lui iyong sigarilyo. Napa-tingin siya sa akin nang magtanong ako. He offered me one—probably just to be polite. I did take one. He looked surprised. I was, too.

But damn, I really needed to smoke.

Sumasakit iyong ulo ko sa mga nangyari ngayon.

Naka-sandal kami sa railings ni Lui. We were quiet for a few seconds. I was thankful. I needed this silence. Gusto ko na lang patayin muna iyong utak ko.

"de Marco iyong hinahabol talaga ni Mauro, tama?" sabi ni Lui.

"Pipedream."

"Not anymore," sagot ni Lui. "Seriously, if you want to go after them, go after them."

"You talk as if it's easy."

"I mean, they're basically giving you the loaded gun. All you have to do is accept."

"Then they'll probably murder us, too."

Natawa si Lui. "Right..." he said. He didn't even disagree. "That's why you should leave this country."

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "What?"

"Seriously," he said as he blew out a smoke again. "We will never have a peaceful life here—not after all the shits we pulled."

"Aalis din kayo ni Tali?"

Tumango si Lui. "I want our child to have a normal life—we won't have that here," sabi ni Lui tapos ay tumingin sa akin. "So, we'll leave. And you should, too."

Pinatay ni Lui iyong dulo ng sigarilyo.

"But sue the de Marcos first," he said. "Seriously—that family fucking annoys me... Maven especially," he murmured bago niya sinabi na aalis na siya dahil na-confirm na raw niya na hindi pa kami patay ni Mauro dahil convinced daw talaga si Tali na napatay na kami kanina dahil hindi pala siya sinagot ni Mauro nung tumatawag siya kanina.

Naiwan ni Lui iyong sigarilyo niya. I didn't know if he accidentally left it o iniwan niya talaga dahil mukhang kailangan ko talaga siya. I smoked a few. Naka-tayo lang ako doon. I didn't even know if I was thinking... I just needed this... whatever this was.

Pagbalik ko sa condo, napa-tingin sa akin si Mauro at napa-kunot ang noo niya.

"Nanigarilyo ka?" agad na tanong niya.

Tumango ako.

Akala ko ay papagalitan ako ni Mauro. I was actually looking forward to him nagging—at least I'll get to see a semblance of what normal is.

Fuck.

Normal.

Susundin ko ba iyong sinabi ni Lui?

Should we just... run away? Pero paano iyong pamilya ni Mauro? That would be unfair—

Natigilan ako sa pag-iisip nang maramdaman ko na niyakap niya ako. But only for a few seconds because I quickly hugged him back—like my hands were trained to do just that.

"I'm sorry," I heard him whisper.

That night, he just hugged me tightly.

Finally, some normal.

* * *

We had to talk about this.

I was honest with him that this would be a lifetime of legal battle.

He asked me kung sasamahan ko siya... like that was even a question that's worth asking.

"Achilles," he called. Inabot niya iyong mga kamay ko at hinawakan. "Ano'ng gusto mo?" tanong niya. "Iyong gusto mo."

"Ikaw," sagot ko.

"No," sabi niya. "I mean ano'ng gusto mo?"

"Ikaw," I repeated.

"No—" he said and then paused upon realization. I saw his face reddening. Gusto kong matawa. Seriously, this one... After everything I did for him, nagulat pa siya na siya lang ang gusto ko?

Should I write his name on my forehead para lang maalala niya kung gaano ako kapatay na patay sa kanya?

"Whatever," he said while his face was all red. "Bukod sa akin, ano pa ang gusto mo?"

"Bakasyon."

"Bakasyon?"

I nodded. "You. Me. Beach. Kahit isang weekend lang."

I wanted to tell him about Lui's plans... pero baka lang hindi din alam ni Tali iyong plano ni Lui. Baka biglang sabihin ni Mauro kay Tali. They're weirdly friendly.

"Iyong sa kaso?" sabi niya. "Gusto mo pa bang ituloy 'yon?"

"Of course."

"Sigurado ka?"

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm doing that for you... but for me, as well."

He gave out a heavy sigh.

"What? Why?" I asked.

Mabilis siyang umiling. "Nothing," sabi niya. "Medyo... relieved lang."

"Bakit?"

"Kasi... pakiramdam ko nagbago ka na. Nung una kitang nakilala, lagi mong sinasabi sa akin na mag-aral lang ako, magtiwala ako sa proseso. You've always been... principled." Inialis niya iyong tingin niya sa akin at saka tumungo. "But lately, lagi mong sinasabi na wala ka ng pakielam sa iba... na gusto mo lang gawin iyong gusto kong mangyari."

Ibinalik niya iyong tingin niya sa akin. I was taken aback when I saw the tears pooling around his eyes.

"Na-guilty ako. Parang imbes na mas maging mabuti ka, parang tinanggalan pa kita ng prinsipyo."

I hated how my mind went black.

But the tears in his eyes made me stand up and I quickly pulled him into a hug. I caressed the back of his head. He kept on apologizing. I kept on telling him that it's okay.

"My principle's still here," I gently told him. He was crying so hard. I was baffled that this bothered him. He did tell me that he wanted to burn the whole world... so why was he surprised when I poured the gasoline and lit the fire?

"But seriously... I thought you said villains are hot?" I asked him just to lighten the situation. I hated seeing him cry. It sends panic through my system.

"Sa fiction lang," sabi niya. "Pangit sila sa totoong buhay."

Natawa ako. "Pangit ang mga de Marco?"

"Ugh. The rule doesn't apply to them dahil hindi lang ata sila villain—leader ata sila sa impyerno."

I hugged him tighter. "Right..."

"Sa tingin mo ba may laban kapag tinanggap natin iyong sa mga Cantavieja?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"But... we'll always have to look over our shoulders."

Niyakap niya ako nang mas mahigpit.

"Achilles," bulong niya.

"Hmm?"

I made myself comfortable in the hug.

"I know we said that we'll stay here para sa case..." he hugged me even tighter—like that was even possible. "But can we alter the plan?"

* * *

"Ano?" Mauro asked nang makita niya na kanina pa ako naka-tingin sa kanya.

"Gusto mo ba talagang umalis?" tanong ko sa kanya. I had to ask. Nasa airport kami, pero binabasa niya pa rin iyong petitions kahit na naipasa na namin 'yon. When I'd ask him, sinasabi niya na naghahanda lang siya sa Reply once na magsubmit na ng Answer. I did tell him na idedelay nang idedelay nila Lance iyong submission. Mauro would just shrug and tell me na mas mabuti na iyong handa na lahat ng counter-arguments namin sa lahat ng pwede nilang sabihin.

"Oo naman," sagot niya. "Also, ngayon mo pa ako tatanungin? Ngayon na nasa airport na tayo?"

"We can always go back."

"Baliw ka ba? Ang mahal kaya ng ticket!"

"It's fine—"

"Tss. Porke marami kang pera—"

"It's not that—"

Sinara niya iyong laptop niya. "Fine. Hindi na ako magbabasa ng pleadings," sabi niya sa akin. Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at hindi nagsalita. "Seriously... Ikaw kaya may gusto magbakasyon."

"I know but—"

"No buts," he said, cutting me off. "Ikaw na iyong nagsabi na kailangan lang naman nandito tayo for hearings na medyo matagal-tagal pa bago mangyari."

"Yes but—"

Bahagyang nanlaki iyong mga mata ko nang takpan niya ng dalawang kamay niya iyong bibig ko. I tried to get his hands off my mouth, pero pinanlakihan niya lang ako ng mga mata.

"Narinig mo 'yon?" sabi niya. Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "Boarding na raw 'yung flight natin," he continued as he stood up. Tumingin siya sa akin. Nilahad niya iyong kamay niya. "Tara na."

Hindi agad ako tumayo.

Inabot ni Mauro iyong kamay ko at hinila ako patayo.

"Seriously... Naka-file na iyong mga kaso. It's out of our hands... but you know what's in our hands?" sabi niya habang naka-tayo kami sa harap ng isa't-isa. I looked at him, eagerly waiting sa susunod na sasabihin niya. He cupped my face with both his hands and held it firmly. "Iyong bakasyon natin," seryosong sabi niya.

I almost rolled my eyes at him dahil sa seryoso ng pagkaka-sabi niya. Tinawanan niya ako. He kept on saying na ang seryoso ko raw masyado habang naglalakad kami papasok sa eroplano.

I knew that Mauro's just trying to make the mood lighter. Dahil kung pareho kaming seryoso, parang hindi talaga bakasyon iyong pupuntahan naming dalawa. He was trying really hard that I decided to try hard, as well.

"Nice," sabi niya nang umorder ako ng champagne.

"No work emails?" sabi ko sa kanya.

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot. I pursed my lips para hindi ako matawa. Tss. Bakasyon pa, ha... Mukhang siya naman hindi makatiis na sisilip-silip pa rin para makita kung may sinend ba na order o motion doon sa may kaso.

"Fine..." sabi niya at saka nagcheers kami. "I will check thrice a week—"

"Once is enough."

"Twice."

"Once," sabi ko. "Tig-isa tayo. I'll check on Mondays and you'll check on Fridays."

He looked at me like he was trying to weigh kung ayos lang ba iyong sinabi ko. Natawa na nailing na lang ako dahil sa seryoso ng itsura niya na para bang sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi kami makakapagpass ng pleading at made-default kami.

"Fine but what if—"

"No what ifs," I said, cutting him off. "Ikaw na nagsabi—this is out of our hands."

Tama naman siya.

Nai-file na namin iyong tax case. Nasa AMLC na rin iyong details para doon sa money-laundering cases. We've done our part—at least for the most part. Hindi lang siguro naming dalawa ma-proseso pa dahil parang ang tagal-tagal naming hinintay 'to.

Pero ganito naman sa kaso talaga.

Ang bagal ng hustisya.

Sana magbago.

Pero hanggang hindi pa nababago, I could proudly say that we did things to alter whatever the fuck this was—that we fought to the hardest of our abilities.

* * *

"When did you plan this?" I asked nang finally ay makarating na kami sa all-inclusive resort na binook ni Mauro sa Cancun. I honestly thought that we'd just stay in Florida—which I found weird... Sa lahat ng states sa America, hindi ko alam kung bakit kami sa Florida pupunta. I didn't say a word although his choice definitely did baffle me.

Until he gave me the ticket to our connecting flight.

He shrugged. "Busy mo, e. Ni hindi mo napansin na ginamit ko kaya 'yung credit card mo para i-book 'to."

Nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. "Seriously?" I asked.

I honestly didn't mind na ginamit niya iyong card ko... pero ganon ako ka-busy? Na tipong hindi ko na chine-check iyong statement ko at bayad na lang ako nang bayad?

Wow.

Nag-iba na nga talaga ako.

"Duh. Tingin mo afford ng sweldo ko na magbook nito?" he asked.

"Meron—" I said and then stopped myself. Mauro looked at me with his forehead creased. I just smiled at him and held his hand. Mabuti na lang at mabilis kong napigilan iyong sarili ko. I was about to tell him na may pera siya. He actually did get a lot from the several life insurance policies of his dad. Nasa bank lang 'yon. Hindi niya ginagalaw. I don't even think na alam niya kung magkano talaga iyong laman non.

One day... I promise... We'd get the justice his father deserves.

For now, iyon munang pangako namin na mag-e-enjoy kami.

* * *

Sinabitan kami ng mga bulaklak sa leeg namin at saka binigyan kami ng tig-isang coconut. Lahat ng staff ay naka-ngiti. It did feel weird for a bit... until the 'joyous' atmosphere finally did get to me.

"What?" I asked nang makita ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Mauro at naka-ngiti. We were having dinner. After that, biglang nagkaroon ng 'talent portion.' Of course I didn't participate, but I was clapping and enjoying the performances. May mga tao pala talaga na game magperform sa harap ng mga tao na hindi nila kilala.

"Wala," sabi niya na naka-ngiti.

I arched my brow. Ngumiti lang ulit siya tapos ay inabot iyong bote ng cocktail niya at saka ininom 'yon... which reminded me to order for another one. 'Di ko akalain na iinom ako ng cocktail. This vacation was making me do things.

I was in the middle of enjoying my drink nang biglang may spotlight na tumapat sa akin. Nung una ay hindi ko pa napansin na sa akin naka-tapat. I looked to my left and my right. I was in denial for a second until Mauro—this traitor—betrayed me when he began chanting for my name... na kalaunan ay ginaya na rin ng ibang mga guest ng resort.

"Mamaya ka sa 'kin," I mouthed at him habang labag sa loob na naglalakad ako papunta sa stage. Tumatawa lang si Mauro at hina-handa pa iyong cellphone niya. Irerecord pa ata ako! Mamaya talaga siya sa 'kin!

"Introduce yourself!" naka-ngiting sabi nung host sa akin.

"Achilles," simpleng sagot ko.

"Who are you with, Achilles?" Tinuro ko si Mauro na hawak-hawak iyong cellphone at kanina pa ata ako vini-video. Kumaway siya nang ituro ko siya. "Oh... boyfriend? Husband?"

I looked at him.

Fiancé?

Tama ba?

Nagpropose na siya sa akin... right?

The hell. Sa dami ng nangyari sa buhay ko, hindi ko matandaan 'yon!

Mukhang napansin nung host iyong kaguluhan na nangyayari sa utak ko kaya mabilis siyang nag-segue. He asked me kung sasayaw ba ako o kakanta. He'd have to shoot me right here kung gusto niya akong sumayaw.

"I'll sing," labag sa loob na sabi ko.

I was given a song book. Suddenly, I felt all eyes were on me. May stage fright ba ako? But then again, bakit ba kasi ako nandito? Akala ko ba magrerelax kami? Bakit biglang kakanta na ako?

Ramdam ko iyong panginginig ng mga kamay ko habang hawak ko iyong microphone. Naka-tingin ako doon sa may maliit na screen habang hinihintay na lumabas iyong lyrics.

"Wise men say 'only fools rush in'... but I can't help falling in love with you."

I told myself to just look at the screen—to pretend na ako lang mag-isa dito because that's the only way that I'd get through this whole song. Pero bigla akong napa-tingin kay Mauro. Naka-baba na iyong cellphone niya kumpara kanina na naka-takip iyong mukha niya dahil focused siya sa pagkuha ng video. He was still taking a video... yata... pero naka-tingin na siya nang direkta sa mga mata ko.

I stared back as I continued the song.

I looked at him and only him and for a moment, I actually did forget na marami nga palang tao ang naka-paligid sa amin at hindi lang kaming dalawa ang nandito.

I almost ran from the stage nang matapos ko iyong kanta. Mauro was smiling and still clapping nang maka-balik ako sa table namin.

"Just you wait—i-vo-volunteer din kita," I told him.

He just laughed at me. "Pwede ko ba 'tong i-upload—" I glared at him. "Fine... For my eyes only na lang."

We stayed hanggang matapos iyong talent portion. Marami pang naiwan dahil nagpatugtog iyong DJ. I asked Mauro if he wanted to stay. He said gusto niyang tumambay sa may beach dahil full moon daw.

Kumuha kami ulit ng tig-isang cocktail bago kami naglakad papunta sa may beach. Malapit lang naman 'to sa kwarto namin. Mauro really didn't hold back when he used my card because he got the most expensive room with the best view.

"Mauro," I called his name.

"Hmm?" sagot niya habang naka-upo kami sa may buhanginan. Naka-tingin lang siya sa may buwan. He mentioned to me before na nung bata pa siya, inaabangan nila ng tatay niya iyong full moon. It stopped when he became a teenager at naging busy iyong tatay niya sa trabaho. I guess he's doing it now to remind himself of his dad.

"Nung tinanong ako kanina," I began.

"I mean, lumabas iyong edad mo sa pinili mong kanta." Tumingin siya sa akin at tumawa. "Joke lang!" sabi niya. "Ang serious mo naman."

I ignored him and focused on my drink. For the next minutes, kinulit lang ako ni Mauro kung ano talaga iyong sasabihin ko.

"Wala," I said kasi nawala ako sa mood dahil sa kanya.

Hanggang maka-balik kami sa kwarto, kinukulit pa rin ako ni Mauro. Hanggang sa CR at naliligo ako ay kinukulit niya ako.

"Ano nga kasi 'yon?" he asked. "Sabihin mo na. Hindi ka ba naaawa? Nag-o-overthink ako. Nasa bakasyon tayo. Hindi ba dapat relaxed ang utak ko? Wala ka bang konsensya?"

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Hindi niya ako papatulugin hanggang hindi ko sinasabi.

"Fine," I said. He looked excited with his ears perked up. Tss. Pasalamat siya cute siya. "Nung tinanong ako kung ano ba kita."

Slowly, he nodded although his face did tell me that he wondered why I did bring it up.

Huh... so hindi rin siya sigurado kung ano kami?

Naglakad ako papunta doon sa may luggage ko. Nilagay ko iyon sa pinaka-sulok. I'd put this in the vault, pero alam ko na macu-curious si Mauro at hindi siya titigil hanggang hindi niya nabubuksan 'yon.

"It seems like we're both unsure," I said as I showed him the box and opened it. Nakita ko iyong paglaki ng mga mata niya. "To make it official—so that I can officially call you fiancé," I continued as I opened the box. "Mauro Eugenio dela Rama," I called his name. I reached for his hand and held it. I could feel him slightly trembling. I caressed his knuckles with my thumb to soothe whatever worry he has. "Will you marry me?"

* * *

"You're overthinking this," sabi ko kay Mauro nang kanina pa niya tinu-tulak-tulak iyong tinapak sa plato niya. We were down to our last three days in this resort. Time flies... nung dulong parte na. Nung mga unang araw namin, hindi ako mapakali. Nasanay na ako na palaging may ginagawa kaya parang may mali sa mga araw ko kapag gigising ako na walang naghihintay na tasks para sa akin.

Tumingin siya sa akin.

"What... are you planning?" I asked when I noticed that look on his face—that look na meron lang siya kapag may masama siyang balak.

Umiling siya pero naka-ngisi siya. I asked him once again, but I shouldn't have. I knew that it would just make him not want to tell me more. Tsk. It's like I never learn.

Nang mga sumunod na araw, Mauro made me promise na hindi ako titingin sa credit card statements ko. Kung anu-ano na naman ang binook niya. I wanted to tease him na bakit hindi niya gamitin iyong credit card niya, but then again, baka mapunta kami sa usapan tungkol sa pera niya galing sa insurance ng tatay niya. It's a slippery, slippery slope kaya iniwasan ko na lang.

"Let's go back here next year," sabi ko nung papunta na kami sa airport.

Tumawa si Mauro. "Tsk. Nung una, aayaw-ayaw ka pa."

"E 'di 'wag na."

Tumawa lang ulit siya. "Fine, fine. Next year ulit. Pero as in dito ulit? Ayaw mo magtry ng ibang resort?" he asked.

We just talked about our future vacations, our future plans. It was so nice. It was so nice to know that we have a life outside of the cases that were pending back in the Philippines.

Nung una kaming dumating dito, I thought that at best, we'd be pretending that everything's fine but that at the back of our head, it would weigh heavy. Na patuloy naming iisipin iyong mga naiwan namin sa Pilipinas.

I thought so wrong.

I did enjoy.

A lot.

Na minsan, nalilimutan ko ng i-check kung may bagong orders ba na sinend sa amin iyong court.

Sana matapos na iyong kaso sa Pilipinas... para magawa na namin 'to ulit na talagang wala ng iniisip.

Pagdating namin sa airport at saka lang binigay sa akin ni Mauro iyong ticket.

"Cali?" I asked. He nodded. "You didn't—"

Mabilis siyang umiling. "Of course not," mabilis niyang sagot. "Gusto ko lang talagang pumunta sa California."

Naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya at saka tipid na tumango. I tried to sleep nung nasa eroplano na kami. We did enjoy our last night in Cabo kaya anong oras na rin kami naka-tulog.

"I promise, hindi talaga," bigla niyang sabi sa tabi ko. "Ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko," he continued. "I mean, naisip ko na nandon din nga pala iyong kapatid mo, pero hindi ko naisip na pupuntahan natin siya o kung anuman..."

"Okay," sagot ko.

I didn't know why Mauro was explaining. It was enough for me na sinabi niya na hindi namin pupuntahan iyong kapatid ko. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko siya makita pero... ewan. Baka ganon nga.

Naramdaman ko na inabot niya at hinawakan iyong kamay ko.

"Alam ko dati sinabi ko na family is family pero..." Hinigpitan niya iyong hawak sa kamay ko. "Ako na lang iyong family mo." Naramdaman ko na isinandal niya iyong ulo niya sa balikat ko. "Sumama talaga iyong loob ko nung tipong nag-aagaw buhay ka na sa ospital pero mas concerned pa siya sa share niya sa bahay niyo... Totoo talaga iyong sinabi nila na hindi porke magka-dugo, pamilya na agad."

I heard the sadness in his voice. It must've been so hard for him that time... Kaya siguro nagawa niya rin na magpost online tungkol sa tatay niya. Minsan, iniisip ko na kung sana hindi niya ginawa 'yon, hindi mangyayari lahat ng 'to. Sure, his father would've probably tried to meddle with my job, but honestly, I could handle that. Nahihirapan lang naman ako kapag nadadamay si Mauro.

But then again, it's Mauro.

I love him—complexities and all.

Besides, it wasn't all that unbearable since I was doing everything with him. He's truly the one who makes everything better.

* * *

We arrived in California.

"Kaya pala..." I said nung sumalubong sa amin iyong convertible na ni-rentahan niya. Nung nagbbook siya, he was doing this... evil laughter. Akala ko kung ano ang gagawin niya...

"What? Mas mura 'to kaysa mag-uber tayo!" he said as he tossed me the keys.

"Ako rin ang driver?"

He nodded. "Yes, so, drive."

Natawa na nailing na lang ako dahil ni hindi niya ako tinulungan na ilagay iyong gamit namin sa likod. Nandon agad siya sa passenger seat at nilalagay iyong address ng pupuntahan namin doon sa may navigation.

We stayed in a beach house. Mauro surprisingly took surfing lessons while I stayed and read some books. I got some books about investment nung pumunta kami sa hollywood para magtour. Nung tinanong ako ni Mauro kung bakit ako bumili non, I told him with the rate that he's spending money, I needed to make more. He playfully glared at me at tinawanan ko siya.

But honestly, I like this kind of vacation. I want to do this every year with him. So, I really need to make more money to be able to enjoy this kind of life with him.

"Ano'ng gagawin natin mamaya?" I asked him nang maka-balik na siya mula sa surfing lesson niya.

So far, nakapagtour na kami sa Hollywood. We watched some shows, tried some food, we even did the tour bus—although I highly doubt na bahay talaga nung mga celebrities iyong tinuro sa amin. Mauro seemed to believe the tour guide kaya nanahimik na lang ako.

"Hike," he said.

"Hike?"

Tumango siya. "Sa may Hollywood sign."

"Okay. After that?"

"Wala. Uwi na tayo."

Napa-kunot iyong noo ko. Naglakad siya papunta sa may CR. For some reason, I followed him kahit alam ko na maliligo siya dahil kakagaling niya lang sa beach.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yup. Bakit?"

"Sigurado ka?"

"Oo."

Naka-tingin ako sa reflection ko sa salamin habang naririnig ko iyong pagbuhos ng tubig mula sa shower. My reflection slowly disappeared as the fog took over. I replayed what happened earlier today to figure out what was wrong.

"Mauro," I called when I finally realized.

"Hmm?"

"I was just kidding," I said. "I honestly really do not mind kapag ginagamit mo iyong credit card," I continued. "Remember, I even offered before to give you an extension card?"

Hindi siya nagsalita.

So, I was right.

"I got the book because I've been meaning to get into investing," I explained. "I know I told you I love my job and I really do... but the past few weeks have been great. It got me thinking that I want to do this again with you. And for us to do this, I needed to work less but earn more."

I honestly wish he was listening habang nagsha-shampoo siya. Gusto kong buksan na iyong glass door para i-check kung nakikinig siya, but I have manners.

But a minute passed at wala pa rin akong narinig.

I was forced to open the door only to see him crying under the shower. My eyes widened and I quickly got in and turned the water off.

"Hey," I said as I grabbed his face. "Why are you crying?"

"Sorry," he kept on repeating.

"I told you, it's fine—"

Mabilis din siyang umiling. "May pera naman ako pero—"

I quickly enveloped him in a hug. I felt him trembling. Fuck. I was an idiot. I knew that this would happen kapag pinag-usapan namin iyong pera. Why did I have to say that when I even like it when he spends my money? Because I knew that I am not the most vocal person in the world... so at the very least, I want him to feel my love in other ways that I can.

"I know," I told him. "It's okay."

"Sorry," he said again. "I realize ang gago ko dati nung sinabi ko na ang ganda ng condo mo tapos sinabi mo na nabili mo 'yon galing sa settlement sa nangyari sa parents mo..."

I held him tighter.

"Sorry."

I held him even tighter.

"You'll be fine," I whispered in his ears. "I'm always here with you."

That night, we didn't go out to hike nor did any tours. We just stayed in, watched a random Christmas movie kahit hindi naman Christmas season, and drank hot chocolate while cuddled up on the couch.

And I enjoyed it very much.

* * *

The next morning, I was woken up rather early.

"What?" I asked as I tried to reach for Mauro on the other side of the bed. I couldn't reach him. I opened my eyes and saw that he was all dressed up already.

"Gising na," he said.

"Huh?"

"Mahaba-habang drive pa ang gagawin ko."

"Ikaw ang magda-drive?"

He nodded. "Yup. Marami tayong gagawin mamayang gabi, so bilang senior citizen, baka mapagod ka kaya ako na ang magda-drive."

Hindi ko alam ko matatawa ba ako o sasakalin ko siya.

"Fine," I said. Naupo ako sa kama. "Saan na naman tayo pupunta?"

"For the next leg of our vacation—Las Vegas!"

* * *

I've heard the word 'overstimulated' before, but I never really understood its meaning. I was fine with being around lots of people—I was fine with talk to a lot of people... but damn, ito ba iyong overstimulated na sinasabi nila?

"Okay ka pa?" Mauro asked. There was a hint of laughter on his face. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. We were in the middle of the Vegas strip. And it was in the middle of the night kaya naman naka-bukas ata lahat ng ilaw. Ang ingay. Ang daming tao. Kahit saan ako tumingin, may iba-ibang nangyayari.

"Hanggang anong oras tayo dito?" I asked him. I had to ask. I needed to know that there's an end to this nightmare.

"Kakadating lang natin!"

"That's beside the point."

Naiiling na natatawa si Mauro. He reached for my hand and held it tightly na para bang mawawala ako kapag binitawan niya. Pero baka nga. Ang daming tao dito!

"Hanap muna tayo ng maiinom," he said as he dragged me with him.

We went to a bar.

"My treat," he said as he handed his card to the waitress bago ko pa makuha iyong wallet ko.

"Mauro—"

Mabilis siyang umiling at saka ngumiti. "I'm fine," he said. "Really," he continued when he saw that I didn't buy what he just said. "May trabaho din naman ako," he added using a lighter tone. "Besides, mas malaki iyong credit limit mo. Baka kung ano pa mangyari sa card mo dito kaya ako gagastos ngayong gabi, okay?"

I looked into his eyes. I honestly couldn't tell if he's telling the truth or he's just using it as an excuse. But what's the use of overthinking this? I'd just believe whatever he tells me. We've gone this far. I should be able to trust what he says and if he's hiding anything from me, he's hiding it for a reason. Sasabihin niya sa akin kapag gusto niya at kapag handa na siya.

Until then, I will enjoy every moment I have with him.

* * *

"Mauro," I said in a warning tone nang makita ko na pupunta kami sa isang club na may naka-lagay na 'performance' night.

Tumingin siya sa akin. His neck's a bit red from the drinks that we consumed so far. Nakaka-tatlo pa lang ako. It's either tumaas iyong alcohol tolerance ko sa lahat ng ininom ko sa may resort o talagang mataas lang ang sense of responsibility ko. Hindi pwede na pareho kaming lasing dito. Baka kung saan kami magising bukas.

"Grabe," sabi niya na tatawa-tawa. "Hindi naman kita vinolunteer non!"

"But you started the chanting."

"I mean, baka sabihan ka ng KJ kapag hindi ka pumayag! I saved you, if you think about it."

I arched a brow. "Really? You 'saved' me?"

He nodded. Damn it. Why does he look like an adorable puppy whenever he'd do that?

"Fine," I said, giving in so easily. Like that was surprising. "But—"

He quickly nodded and grabbed my hand and dragged me inside. It was a crowded—surprising for a weekday night... O baka iba lang talaga sa Las Vegas? I wonder kung ano ang itsura nito sa umaga. I wanted to see, but I feel like after tonight, baka tulog lang ako maghapon sa sobrang pagod.

Tatawanan na naman ako ni Mauro at sasabihan na matanda. I couldn't wait for the day na maka-kita ako ng puting buhok sa ulo niya. He must think na gusto ko lang laging minamasahe iyong ulo niya. Sa oras na may makita akong kahit isang puting buhok, I'd call him an old man.

"Enjoy ka?" naka-ngisi na sabi ni Mauro nang makita niya akong tumatawa.

I eyed him. "Don't ruin it," I said.

He just laughed and then bumped his shoulders against mine. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I felt him stiffening. I was about to break the hug when I felt him holding my hand as it to stop me.

"Okay," I softly said as I rested my head on his shoulder. He kept on caressing my hands as we continued to watch the show and the performances.

I didn't even know what came into me. I love Mauro—he knows that. I just wasn't a big fan of public display of affection. It wasn't as if I was embarrassed of him or of myself but... I just knew that Philippines isn't as progressive as I wanted it to be. So, I just kept my head down and quietly lived my life.

But being here?

Being surrounded by people who lived and loved openly?

"I love you," I said as I nuzzled my nose against the skin on his neck.

I felt him chuckling. "Lasing ka na?"

"No," I said. "Ikaw ba?"

"Hindi," he replied. "Gusto mo pang uminom? Order ka pa—ako ang sugar daddy ngayong gabi."

Instead of laughing, I held him tighter. "No," I said. "But there's something I want to do."

"What?" he asked.

We probably looked like fools—or not. We were minding our own business just like everyone around us. We were slowly swaying side to side while I was hugging him from behind. Mauro's head was slightly tilted to the side to listen to whatever word I had to say.

"Let's get married," I said.

"Oo nga, 'di ba?" he asked as he showed me the ring I gave him.

"No," I said. "I mean tonight. Let's get married tonight."

He turned his head to face me. "What?" I nodded. "As in... ngayon?"

I nodded again. "Yes," I said. But then I remembered that he'd probably want Mauve here. And his friends. What was I thinking? Lasing na nga ata talaga ako.

I was about to tell him nevermind nang hawakan niya iyong kamay ko at bigla ay papalabas na kami ng club. He was holding my hand with his one hand and the other's holding his phone.

"Mauro—" I said as I saw the screen of his phone. "That was just a thought," I continued nang makita ko na naghahanap na siya ng malapit na chapel.

"Meron around ten minutes walk from here," sabi niya at saka tumingin sa akin. "Kaya mo pa ba or lasing ka ba?" he asked. "Lasing ka?" he asked again. "Tsk. Abogado ka pa naman. 'Di mo ba alam na voidable consent 'yan kapag lasing? Anong klaseng kasal ang magkakaron tayo?"

"If it's voidable, mavo-void lang kung—" I said and then stopped bago pa maging civil code lesson ang usapan namin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong natawa.

"What?" he asked, pouting.

"Nothing," sabi ko. "Naalala ko lang nung nag-aaral ka pa. Parang tinuturuan lang ulit kita."

"Tinuturuan! Alam ko naman meaning ng voidable consent!"

I laughed. "I know," I said.

"So... lasing ka ba? Magiging voidable consent ba 'to?"

"No, hindi ako lasing," I told him. "But... that was just a thought. We don't have to get married here now."

"Bakit? Nagbago isip mo? Ayaw mo na akong pakasalan?" he asked continuously. He does this when he wants to annoy me. Little did he know, over the years, humaba na nang humaba iyong pasensya ko sa kanya. He'd probably literally have to burn our condo down bago niya ako mainis nang totoo talaga—but even then, ni hindi ko mapapansin iyong inis dahil mas mangingibabaw iyong pag-aaalala at takot ko na paano kung nandon din siya? Paano kung may nangyari sa kanya?

I rolled my eyes at him. He eyed me.

"Wala si Mauve," I told him. "Also, you don't want this impromptu marriage."

Kumunot iyong noo ni Mauro. "First of all, busy si Mauve."

"She'd make time for you."

"I know."

"So, we're not getting married tonight."

"Second of all," he said, ignoring what I just said. "Nothing about us is impromptu," he continued, reaching for my hands and holding them again. "Ang tagal mo akong nilandi bago kita pinansin."

"History's being revised again," I said and he laughed. "It was like a month."

"A month mo mukha mo," he replied as he intertwined our fingers. "Pakita ko sa 'yo iyong message thread natin mula sa simula, e."

I rolled my eyes again. It's not like I can refute glaring evidence.

"Ang tagal na natin, Achilles. Akalain mo 'yon?"

"Why? Did you doubt us?"

"Dati. Minsan."

"Hmm."

"Ikaw ba? Hindi?"

"Hindi."

"Talaga?"

I nodded. "Never."

He smiled at me. "Thank you."

"For what?"

He shrugged. "Everything," he said. "I know it wasn't easy."

"It was hard," I said. "But staying with you was the easiest choice I made."

I saw him biting his lower lip as he stopped himself from smiling. He let go of my hand and quickly enveloped me in his arms. He hugged me so tightly that for a second, it became hard to breathe.

"Pakasal na tayo," he said.

"Are you sure?"

I felt him nodding. "Mauve would understand," he said. "Besides, we know how unpredictable life can be so... what better time is it to get married than right now?"

I wrapped my arms around him, as well. "Okay," I said.

"Talaga?"

"Yes," I said. "Let's get married."

He looked at me and beamed. "Okay. Ten minutes walk, but we can be there in five kung tatakbo tayo. Kaya mo bang tumakbo, lolo?" sabi niya.

I rolled my eyes at him again. "Seriously, between the two of us, who runs regularly?" I asked before I held his hand and we started to run towards the chapel to get married.

I really do love him and the life I have with him. 

--

Thank you for reading ATG! Hope you enjoyed reading Achilles and Mauro's story :) One more and we're finally done with GS <3