Overstimulation was a recurring problem.

Too many sounds, too many conversations, too much light, too much noise. You needed an escape from it.

Your habit of bundling up your thoughts and feelings wasn't helpful either. There was a common occurence where they reached the point where they became too much and you fell apart. Talking through them was the best way to feel better.

And then there were the periods when it felt like you felt nothing.

You loved your friends, you loved your family. You would do anything to see them smile.

So why did you feel so distant?

Why did you feel so, what's the word you were looking for?

Numb. You felt numb.

You bundled the muffled emotions up as well. You didn't feel ready to talk about these openly. Not with everyone. Not yet.

Alphonse had some similar habits. He was your boyfriend, and he took every opportunity to remind you how much he loved you, holding your hand gently, and humming softly as you walked along together. You knew he couldn't feel it, his secret had long been known to you, but he still did it, and you could tell he appreciated the gesture when you went out of your way to place your hand on him or brush lightly against his armor.

You really hoped he didn't think his condition was the reason for your subdued responses.

It came in waves. Somes days everything felt happy and bright and you were at peace with life.

Then other days, the hard days, nothing felt worth doing.

Alphonse was more perceptive than people gave him credit for.

On the hard days, he would do a lot of little things. Tracing his fingers over your hand, faintly humming that song he knew you both liked. On the extra hard days he would sneak an animal in his armor to show you, despite his brother's rage.

It made you smile, and you knew he could tell something was up.

The sound of rain was a great way to bring you down from overstimulation. Too much noise, rain drowned it all out. Too many bright lights and people, the inside of Al's armor blocked that out, and he didn't mind much.

He always held quiet conversation if you wanted to talk, or let the comfortable silence linger if you didn't. Either way, you were glad to have him there with you.

On one of these rainy days inside the armor, as you sat listening to the precipitation pitter patter against the metal of your boyfriend, you made a decision.

It was time to talk.

"Alphonse?" Your voice echoed.

"Yes, (Y/n)," his voice was gentle, as it always was with you.

You hesitated a moment, gathering your thoughts.

"Do you know what depression is?"

He hummed slightly, puzzled but not entirely confused.

"Kinda, it's like being sad, but kinda different I think?"

"Yeah, it's more like, apathy kinda," you answer back.

"It's a mental health thing, right?"

"Yeah, it's got some scientific explanation to it. Serotonin deficiency."

"That's the chemical that makes people feel happy, isn't it?" He asks.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is."

"I got to reading about it after everyone was asleep a few months back, I think. Or maybe it was less time? You know how time feels for me."

"All blending together, right?"

"Hehe, yeah," Alphonse chuckles.

There's a moment of silence, then you continue.

"I found out depression can be hereditary. And, well, my mom has it. And I had some talks with her and," you trail off.

"(Y/n)?" Al's voice holds concern.

"You know how time all kinda blends together for you? Sometimes, it feels like that for me too. It's just day after day, week after week. And it's not even bad, I like most days, I enjoy being alive it's just," you hesitate a moment.

"What's the point of all of it. Everyone has good days and everyone has bad days. Everyone lives and everyone dies. Life is worth living, I know this, it's just sometimes it feels so," you trail off again.

"Tedious?" Alphonse asks.

"Yeah, tedious."

A silence falls, though this one doesn't feel as comfortable. You draw in a long breath and let it out again.

"This isn't a healthy mindset, I know. I'm gonna see about getting help to cope with it in a healthier way. I'm tired of feeling like this. I don't get excited for things I know I should be excited for a lot, and I just don't feel motivated. I'll do things that have deadlines for the sake of doing them, but I don't feel the satisfaction of completion. I feel like I should be more connected with my friends, that I should jump in with my whole heart and enjoy things more, but it's just, so tiring sometimes. Is this all there is? I want to be happy, but I have to be able to get there first. And a lot of days I can, but some of them are just, really really hard."

Your voice becomes strained as you start crying. You cry easily, it's just how you are. There wasn't anything bad about it, your emotions just built up to the point you couldn't hold them back anymore. It was healthy and natural, but you still felt bad about how easily you did so, though it was rarely from physical pain.

You heard the armor echo as it shifted, Alphonse moving.

"Ah! (Y/n), don't cry! Please don't cry, I'm here!" The panic in his voice was genuine. If you were out of his armor he would have held you close and held your hand, maybe gently brush your hair with his fingertips to try and calm you down. But he couldn't reach you in there. So instead he was just panicking.

You start laughing through your tears, and he goes still.

"(Y/n), why are you-"

"You're so concerned for me, it's just a really nice reminder. Don't worry, I just need to let the tears flow for a bit, you know how easily I cry," you assured him.

After a few more seconds, he sighed.

"Alright, you did almost start crying over how small that kitten I picked up the other day was."

"Hey, that cat was just too dang small!" You laughed as you wiped away your eyes.

Alphonse laughed with you, then silence fell again.

"You know," Alphonse was the one who broke it this time, "being in this armor kinda feels like what you're experiencing."

You hugged your knees to your chest.

"How so?"

"That estranged feeling, the numbness, I don't know what exactly. I can't feel things like I used to. I can pet a cat and see the fur brush against my glove, but I can't really feel it. The days blend together, things seem like they're never going to end, but it still has a sense of inevitability to it. Like what if something happens to brother on our journeys? What am I supposed to then? Would I even be able to get my body back without him? Will I ever get to feel things again? Will I," there's a moment of hesitation, "will I ever get to actually kiss you with my own lips? Play with your hair with my own hands? Feel you close with my real arms?"

Your face heats up a bit.

"Alphonse," you say, barely above a whisper.

"(Y/n), you're one of the only people who actually touches my armor. I can't actually feel it, but I appreciate the gesture."

"We're both tired of feeling numb then, huh?" You ask.

You hear him chuckle slightly.

"I guess we are."

The rain continues to fall, clinking against the metal surrounding you. You breath softly, composing your thoughts again.

"I know you've noticed when I'm off. You always do little nice things for me when those times come."

Alphonse laughs nervously, and you smile.

"I just, if I ever am not smiling during them, know it isn't because you're doing something wrong. I'm just having a rough time, and my happiness shouldn't rest solely on your shoulders. And, no matter how depressed I am, I still love you."

"Still, if you ever need to talk," he starts.

"I know, you'll be there for me. Same goes for you, Al. Don't be afraid you just talk or even just vent if you really need to. Keeping stuff bundled up isn't good. I know you go through a lot more than you let on."

You hear clanking as Alphonse shifts again, another nervous laugh escaping him. The clanking continues and you get the impression he's rubbing the back of his neck. You smile softly.

"Do you think you're ready to go back inside now?" Alphonse asks.

"Yeah, the headache is gone for now. If it comes back we can just come back out here."

Alphonse removes his chest-plate, allowing you to carefully step out in front of him. As he replaces it, you pull his head down and quickly place a kiss on his helmet in the spot his mouth would be. As expected, he grows immediately flustered.

"W-what was that for?"

"For listening," you slip your hand in his, and without hesitation his hand squeezes back tightly.

(A/N- Yo dudes long time no see! 

This isn't the story I've had planned for the final one-shot in this book, but this was what I felt like writing a few weeks back. Just got around to proofreading it tonight, so now it's going up.

Why have I been so absent in this book?

Was it because I did my first year of college?

Was it because I myself have been depressed, much like the reader in this oneshot?

Is it because I've been working on writing personal stuff and making art?

Or have I been wasting a fair amount of time on Tumblr instead of doing anything productive?

If you answered all of the above, YOU ARE CORRECT!

Anyways, the final oneshot (which might be split into two cause so far it's... uh...

7352 words and not close to finished...)

Is in progress and will hopefully be fully written before the summer's over!

Though I do have a summer job and varying motivation and am also trying to do art stuff, so that's definitely subject to change.

Anyways, hope you all are having a great, fun, safe summer! I didn't get to do anything for Pride month (DANG MOTIVATION WOULDN'T HOLD UP TO DRAW GAY) but I got through some more of my own story stuff that's not going up online at all, but I'm having a good time. 

Also very much looking forward to the fall semester cause ya girl got her ANIMATION  C L A S S E S!!!

As usual, I ramble on in the author's note.

I still have no idea what I'm doing or how I somehow became queen on the Wattpad Alphonse fangirls, but that ain't a bad title to have. Thanks for reading ya'll!)