May 6th, 12.32am

Tsubaki,

21 more days till our 2nd anniversary. I'll try to be happy for your sake.

Did you celebrate it? I know I did. And don't be happy for my sake. Be happy for yourself. Trust me, it's better that way. 

May 7th, 7.01pm

Tsubaki,

The girl who bullies me- the one who was infatuated with you- came up to me and apologised sincerely. She told me she knew she couldn't make up to me for all the things she's done. I asked her why she suddenly decided to stop the teasing. She told me she grew up.

I guess everybody has, really. Sakuya, Shamrock, even Belkia.

I'm the only one still caught up in the past.

Mao, being caught up in the past is not necessarily a bad thing, but you need to lift your head and look forward. Don't lose your moon while gazing at the stars :)

May 12th, 4.37am

I can't sleep anymore. I just want you to be here, singing - with that beautiful voice of yours - me to sleep; like how we used to when you came over. It's almost our anniversary, Tsubaki.

Remember the day before our first anniversary? You found out that Mao in Chinese meant 'cat', so you started calling me 'neko' from then on. I called you 'flower', 'petal', 'baka' everytime you called me that.

I think I'm missing you more and more. Maybe I'll buy you your favourite sushi and set it on my desk.

Neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan neko-chan

Oh yes please do, I'd love that haha

// edited: Thanks for the sushi Mao, it was really good. But I think there was avocado in it... are you trying to kill me?! 

May 27th, 7.45pm

Happy anniversary Tsubaki. I've bought your favourite sushi and left it on my desk. Next to it lies a book of our memories- you know the one we always wanted to do but never got around to it? Yeah, that one.

I've even put in the photo where we did the challenge- the one where we both had a mouthful of water and tried to make each other laugh.

You lost, remember? I spat all over your face after you had water dribbling down your chin.

Come back, Tsubaki.

Oh yes that sushi did taste very nice, but unfortunately I had diarrhoea afterwards. oopsey 

Oh Mao, why didn't you wait for me to make it with you? Have more faith that I will come back, tsk tsk 

May 28th, 7.58am

Tsubaki,
Last night was the first night I've had a good dream ever since you left. I dreamt of our first date- which was very awkward, but it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

You had originally wanted to take me out to the movies, but I ended up spilling my drink all over you, and we decided to leave after that. Even though you were still smelling of coke, you took me out on a bike ride around the lake.

We ended up not talking much, even when you walked me home.

Tsubaki, please come back to walk me home again.

Mao frowned as she didn't see a note written on the bottom of this letter, but she brightened up again as she took out a slightly crumpled picture from the envelope. 

It was the picture of their first date; Tsubaki was holding the camera to take a selfie, but he accidentally pressed the button and both of them weren't ready, their mouths open as they argued about which angle was the best to take selfies with. 

Mao snorted at that- she looked hideous, but Tsubaki looked even worse with his glasses low on his nose. He looked like a granny- a young granny, but that was besides the point. Mao set the picture on her desk and shuffled to the next letter.

May 31st, 8.35pm

I tried reconnecting with your subclass today. They almost forgot me, but we'll have to work from there. It was my fault, after all.

Tsubaki, I miss you so much my heart hurts. Its been months since I last saw you. I tried tracking you, but you disappeared off the face of the earth- all traces washed away by rain of tears.

There is a reason why I disappeared Mao... I think it is worth the distance from you, just for a little while. 

2nd June, 12.34am

Tsubaki,

Oh god I can't sleep anymore. I visited the doctor two days ago, and he subscribed me sleeping pills. But every time I use them, I fall into a state of unconsciousness that can hardly be called sleep- I'm horribly plagued by nightmares of you leaving. When I wake up, I realise that it isn't a nightmare- merely a real life experience that changes every night.

I deleted the playlist we created. Everything that reminds me of you pains me too much. I should be letting go of you now- you're obviously never returning. I wish I could forget you, Tsubaki, but every time I almost fully convince myself I have forgotten you, I realise that I'm just lying to myself.

Tsubaki, just let me press the delete button and erase you from my memory.

Take care, Mao, if you ever want to forget me. Look after yourself, okay? 

5th June, 8.56pm

Damnit, Tsubaki. In my last letter I wrote to you, I said that I wanted to forget you. That was a lie. I've been lying so much, Tsubaki. No matter how much I try to convince myself, I really don't want to forget you, and I really don't want to let go of you.

I can't make up my goddamn mind. Not just about you, though. Ever since you left, it seems like I can't decide on anything. I feel like no matter what I decide, I'll end up losing something precious... again.

Just give my goddamn closure, Tsubaki. Kiss me one last time, please...

Oh thank the lord the christ and the holy chicken nuggets you almost made ME cry Mao... dun forget poor Tsubakyun ;( 

I'm... sorry Mao. I can't give you closure. I'm too selfish to let you go.

10th June, 3.45am

I've stopped visiting the doctor now. I haven't taken my sleeping pills for a while, either. I don't need it anymore- I can't sleep anyway, and even if I do, I wake up immediately.

I regret not coming with you that day. You told me to stay back, and after a heated argument, you left me behind.

You forget, Tsubaki.

I am one of your subclass as well. Even if I can't physically fight well, if I was there, at least I would of been able to try to stop you from disappearing.

I lo

Oh, I never got to apologise about our fight. I can't even remember what it was about- do you? I think it was over a pencilcase or something I don't even know. 

And Mao, how many times have I told you, look after yourself! Don't become dependent on anything- not even me, because the best things in life always flit by. 

I love you too Mao, don't forget.