So, for those that don't notice, I'm really trying to promote awareness on mental illness. Ariel has a fear of being alone, and because of this she's depressed and hides it well. Meeting Raphael helped cure this, and she helped to cure Raphael's own depression. Since Raphael is gone, she feels alone again, but I'm trying to show that true strong friendship can help too. Using Parker and Justin, she trusts them and loves them just as much as Raphael. And they're helping put her back together.

That's kinda deep, but I really want people to understand what's happening if they don't!

So sorry for the impossibly long wait for this chapter.

-

Ariel's POV

So Raphael may be one of the strongest Alphas. But that doesn't mean he has a strong pack. As I watch them train, I can easily note that many are not even good soldiers. How am I supposed to bring Raphael back with people like this?

Im going to have to kick these asses into shape, I never promised them I'd be nice. I work out with them, pushing it to the limits before announcing we'd be sparring. I'm going to work them as hard as they can go.

I walk around as people partner up and start to spar. Then I see some boys leaning against the trees, not bothering to spar.

"What are you doing?" I ask, walking over.

"Oh... Luna," one bows his head a little. "We just have no need to spar. We are some of the packs top warriors."

I laugh. "Come stupid boys," I walk closer. "All three of you against me. Now."

"Luna, that would be unfair! You can't take three of us on at the same time!" Another exclaims.

"Watch me." And I jump at them.

It's incredibly easy to take the three of them down. Too easy. If these are some of Raphael's top warriors, goddess help me now. I help them up.

"Again." I snap.

We repeat their failure over and over, never are they able to beat me. These boys are shallow, they need to learn to think together. They have no sense of teamwork nor are they half decent fighters.

"We're done." I say finally. "If I ever see you boys slacking on anything again, I will humiliate your asses over and over just like I did here." I growl.

They scurry off to spar with others. Others who I had humiliated them in front of. I'm going to be hard on them, if I'm not, I won't get my Raphael back.

"I think you train them harder than Raphael." Liam comments, he's walking around helping others. I had spared with him previously. He's pretty good... speaking of my beta, where are my thirds? Those little fuckers...

That's when I see them walk up, they're

"Parker, Justin. Nice to see you've decided to stop by." I walk over.

"Hey, sorry we're late. Justin let me sleep in since I was up all night." Parker responds.

"Doing what?" I frown.

"Helping the daycare. There's a few parents on trips to see older sons or daughters in other packs, so there are two kids in the daycare. Our nanny got sick and the baby was up all night."

I smile slightly. That's my Parker. "Come on boys, you're sparring against me."

"One at a time?" Justin questions.

"Together." I get into a stance.

Parker and Justin share a look before Justin comes at me.

Justin proves to be quite the fighter, Parker however...

"Stop." I say finally. "Justin you're free to go. Help with training."

"What about me?" Parker tilts his head, his ponytail hanging to the side.

"Parker... you kinda suck. I mean, sure against the average wolf but cmon Parker, you're beta." I tell him.

He frowns and kind of shrinks. "I know," he murmurs. "I'm sorry."

"We'll work on it. Private lessons." I offer.

"Yeah?" Parker smiles.

"Yeah."

I let Parker spar with others and I sit down. My thoughts wander. Why would Raphie assign Parker as my guard? He would have known Parker...

Raphie always did trust me on my own. Pride bursts through my chest. Raphie knew I could take care of myself. Raphie knew I was strong. He put Parker there for a companion, not a guard. My Raphie is the most brilliant alpha out there, sorry dad. This beats a walk in closet.

***

Parker walks into the workout room in my house. We've been doing our own training, without telling Justin.

Parker was so adorable when he came and asked if we could keep it a secret. He wants to surprise Justin when they spar next, so he'll be able to take him down.

I love Parker... he's like... he's like another brother. Him and Justin are a part of my family. They help me through all the times they find a new way to torture Raphie, when I fall and scream in agony. They swaddled me in cuddles when I started crying from being alone. They held me close and whispered jokes back and forth with me in between them, making me laugh away tears. And they'd carry me off the bed and stay in the house so I was never alone.

I don't know how they found out, but I know they did. They figured out my fear and they did their very best to make sure I always felt needed, to make sure I was always included and loved. They're my brothers, two really fucking idiot brothers. And I love them.

But, even with their coddling, my need to see Raphael kept growing. It was starting to become unbearable to not do anything, if I did something my mind was distracted. But if I had a moment of time, the hole in my chest got bigger as I thought of Raphie.

One of my favourite moments of my days, well, that's training Parker. He's so much fun to be around with lame jokes and stupid fighting puns. But I loved seeing him try so hard, he was really working. Man, it was paying off.

Within a week, Parker could easily match Justin if he wanted. Of course, our sessions lasted hours, but we both enjoyed it. It helped me forget and helped Parker grow stronger.

Though, Parkers sessions, training the pack and person training was starting to take a heavily bodily toll.

Of course, of all people, Lilian noticed it.

I was training with Milo, or well, Milo was watching, when she came into the house and she started to freak out. Apparently I looked ready to fall over and looked like death. Now I'm being watched around the clock by my betas and thirds to make sure I don't overwork myself.

Stupid. I can take care of myself.

Parker and I spar for a while and I teach him some new things, but Parker makes me stop. I did too much today apparently and he wanted to train alone. I could only give pointers.

I agreed and held Milo as I watched Parker, adding my pointers every once and a while but letting my mind float about.

I bet Raphie misses Milo. Milo misses Raphie. I miss Raphie.

I wonder if he thinks about me. I think about him all the time. Always. I can't sleep well without him, I get my nightmares. And I don't want to interrupt Parker and Justin of their sleep. And I don't have my brother to hug.

I miss Aubrey. I want to hug him. He's aware of my situation, but he can't just leave his pack. He'll come when we go for the attack. I'm going to attack them as soon as I'm confident the pack can take it.

Which... might be a while.

I sigh. Damn it. I wish we didn't need sleep or food. I wish we could just train and train and train. Until we're unbeatable warriors ready to get our alpha back.

Liam told me that I've improved the packs fighting skills by like a billion million percent, or that's what I take from it. And he says I'm extremely inspiring, everyone wants to be as strong as me.

But they have the disadvantage, they don't all like to fight. I'm definitely not unbeatable, I've been thrown down and bruised many times by my father and Darcy and Jace. But I always got back up because I loved the fight. Such a thrill.

But I have no joy in fighting now. Because this fighting is life or death. Losing Raphael or surviving and bringing him home.

I will bring him home. I swear upon the moon goddess, I will bring my Raphael home. Alive and as well as he can possibly be.

"I think it's time to start making battle plans," Parker speaks up.

"What?" I question, pulling out of the train of thought.

"The battle plans, for attacking the pack... we have to start planning a-sap."

"Right..." I nod. "Yeah, that's smart... but, I'll need a lot of help with that. I don't know how strategic I am." I say sheepishly.

"Of course. Want me to call together a meeting for tonight?"

"Please! Goddess, what would I do without you Parker?"

"You'd be dying of boredom because you'd have no one to entertain you." Parker teases. "Im gonna shower, meetings gonna be at... four!"

I watch him walk out.

By the time of the meeting I've gotten a few plans... not sure how good they are. Like I've stated, I've got no... battle strategy brains. I'm a, punch first, talk later and just go for it. You don't need a plan.

People start filing in the room. Hopefully they have plans better than mine. Mine is 'line up and then we all run in at once' okay?

I wait for everyone to be here and sitting before I speak. "I've called this meeting today to start a discussion on attack plans. I am currently open to any suggestions. I hope to have a meeting every day or every other day so we may perfect the plan. By the time we attack, the plan must counter every possible outcome we can think of. We have to be ready for everything and anything."

There's a chorus of agreement which settles nerves I didn't realize I had. Then ideas begin. I write them all down, its not like we can settle on one already.

It's in the middle of the meeting when a pang of loneliness strikes me. It runs deep in my bones, making my chest ache. Parker and Justin notice of course.

"Liam, please continue for me. I-I must excuse myself..." the last part comes in a whisper and I slide the papers with the ideas on them to Liam. My wolf and I are having a mid-Raphies-still-gone crisis. I'm out of the room in a flash so no one will see me as I break.

Once safely hidden with Milo on my bed, I let tears fall.

"Raphael..." I whisper into the darkness. I miss his rare smile and the way he made me feel. I miss his touch and his ability to make the nightmares feel like nothing. I miss him making me feel powerful, and powerless, the way only I could tell his feelings. I miss his kisses on my skin and the feeling of my hands in his hair. I miss our morning showers where I sat on the counter and chatted. I miss the way we filled each other, so neither of us felt lonely. I miss Raphael.

If he were here, he'd hold me close. Like... warm arms wrap around me and tears fall onto my shoulder.

"You left your link open," Parker whispers in such pain it hurts me more, the hole in my chest deepening.

"To how many?" I croak as I close it.

"Parker, Liam, Ana and I." Justin replies in his soothingly smooth tone, putting a hand on my back.

"I'm sorry Ariel." Parker doesn't pull away so I hug him back. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't block us out." Justin says when I can focus enough to block the link.

"We want to take some of the hit too." Parker says. "We don't want you to be alone."

My tears must have created a puddle that night. In Raphael's absence, my best friends wouldn't let me feel alone. Not ever.