Chapter Notes: Ava-Rain's POV

*   *   *

- 'We could burn & crash, we could take a chance, holding nothing back like it's our last dance. . .' -

*   *   *   *

     If asked about my views on mornings, ten out of ten times I would have answered that they were the bane of my existence. To be bid a 'good morning' literally made me question the meaning of life, because if I lived in a world with people that actually believed mornings were 'good', then I had no qualms about migrating down the spectrum where all things deemed 'bad' resided.

But, much to my own disbelief, I had always found something peaceful about being outdoors at dawn, particularly when I was at the Helland cottage. And I was pretty positive that it had everything to do with the fact that their Lake Rosseau property was literally surrounded by nature. The one place I always felt most at home.

There wasn't a cottage around for miles, which provided mornings free of loud, nosy, peeping Tom neighbours—the kind typically found back in the city. Instead—and if you didn't mind their company—your mornings were shared with the early rising birds as they fluttered from tree to tree. That far north, the air was much cleaner and lighter, and mixed in with the surrounding silence made dawn a relaxed and calm time of day.

Behind the estate, a stoned pathway travelled across a field of grass until it split into two opposite directions. Making a right led to the docks and a backyard of water. From inside of the cottage, the lake, for the most part, was screened by evergreen trees, but the scarce visibility wasn't enough to hide its beauty. Not even when the sun rose over the horizon, and the warm hues it spread across the sky reflected off the surface of the water. But if the left path was taken, it led towards towards a more forested area of the estate, where more than just trees, dirt, and yet to be discovered insects and creatures awaited you.

I had taken that left more times than I could count, and that morning bore no exception.

The Hellands spared no expense on their land nor their children. When I was younger, I never thought it odd that deep within the trees—about a half a mile's walk down the stone path—a reasonably sized clearing of land housed an archery range. By the time she turned five, Kasey had already been taking archery lessons from her grandparents, and when Lukas became old enough he followed in his sister's footsteps. Back then, it had just made sense. Now, with their family secret revealed, it made a lot more sense.

Going out there as early as I had was, in part, motivated by the solitude and silence that dawn provided, but it wasn't the only reason. For me, dawn was the most peaceful time of the day, and inside of that clearing was where I felt the most free.

If you had ever been alone in the woods, bow up, arrow drawn, eyes locked in on your mark, and filled to your core with the power that came with knowing that you and you alone held your target's life or death in your hands—almost as if you were a divine entity to be feared—then maybe you would understand. The weight of your draw, finding that perfect place on your cheek to anchor your three under, and the discipline of keeping silent and focused before making your move, it all contributed to the gratification that came with knowing that your every action would dictate the outcome.

For me, archery was more than just a pastime. It was the gateway to the release of the darkness pent up inside of myself. Though I had never actually shot at or killed an animal—my version of hunting consisted of shooting at targets made out of foam, not flesh and bone—I had ended lives in other ways. And the liberation I felt with every release of an arrow was undeniable.

"You always were a great shot." Kasey's voice sliced through the silence seconds after my arrow hit the foam target twenty-five yards away.

I slid another arrow onto the arrow rest and shot. It hit maybe an inch or two below the previous arrow, but still missed the bull's eye I was aiming for. "Never as great as you." With a quick adjustment of my gap, another arrow was released, and that time it hit the bull's eye. But instead of feeling a spark of satisfaction, the perfectionist in me mulled over the fact that, although it hit it, it was an inch off centre. "But, with you being a hunter and all, I guess I never really stood a chance."

Being left behind with the Hellands wasn't, in any way, the worst thing in the world. They were and would always be my family. Kasey would always be family. But that didn't mean that the past three days were spent braiding each other's hair and 'netflix and chilling'. In actuality, the majority of my stay consisted of minimal eye-contact, mostly one-sided conversations, and a game of 'Look How Fast I Can Leave The Room When You Enter', which was a lot harder to play than it sounded because I always shared Kasey's room with her at the cottage.

"Grams always said that you were a natural." Her footsteps drew closer. "That you had a gift for—"

"Hardly," I sent another arrow through the air. "I just had great teachers." I shot another. "And if I had known then that I was being taught by real life, straddling-the-line-between-the-human-world-and-supernatural-world kind of hunters, I would have tried a little harder." After a quick release of my final arrow, the bull's eye was finally hit as close to the centre as I was going to get.

Before Kasey could respond, I was already walking over to the target to retrieve my arrows. But what should have been a quick and easy task ended up as one that required more effort than expected. I had not drawn a bow in a very, very long time, and the stab of discomfort that struck my shoulder each time I lifted my arm to pull the arrows out and place them in my back quiver was a blatant reminder that I had pushed myself too hard and too quickly in the last couple of days.

A mistake only us normal humans would make, I'm sure.

A minute or so later, I returned to my previous spot, intentionally keeping my eyes casted down towards the grass on the walk back. If I hadn't, and chanced a second of eye contact with Kasey, she would have undoubtedly construed it as an invitation for us to talk—something I was trying my best to avoid. But, in typical Kasey manner, she ignored my obvious signals, decided not to let my turned back deter her and approached me further.

"Are you going to use the word 'hunter' in every sentence when it comes to us from now on?"

Ignoring her, I slid an arrow onto the bow, lifted it and focused my gaze onto the target. But just as I was seconds away from releasing, Kasey rounded me from behind and stood directly in my line of fire. Startled, I immediately lowered the bow and stormed over to her. "Are you crazy? You know better than to get in the way of a shot, Kasey!"

"It's been three days," she deflected. "You won't talk to me. You barely look at me. How long are you going to be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad—"

"Yes, you are—"

"I'm not—"

"You are!" She hadn't yelled, however, her voice had raised a notch, and the shake of her head accompanied by the crossing of her arms told me that she was clearly frustrated.

As if she had anything to be frustrated about.

"Fine," I pulled the arrow from the bow and placed it back inside the quiver. "You want to talk? Let's talk."

For the first time in who knows how long, I really looked at my best friend. Kasey's long brown hair was tied back into a ponytail, leaving her face free from obstruction. And that allowed me to stare into her puffy red eyes, which normally shined as bright as most blue eyes had. She always had an air of confidence that surrounded her, and it often reflected in her vibrant personality and in the way that she carried herself. But standing before me was not the girl that I knew to stand strong and walk tall. This girl, eerily enough, looked a lot like me. A physical portrayal of how I felt throughout the entirety of our friendship.

A wallower.

Broken.

Imperfect.

Weak.

Pitiful.

And I didn't know whether or not to pity her, or feel ashamed for feeling the tiniest bit of glee for a brief moment because, this time, it was her and not me. If not looking at her was an option, I would have done so. But it wasn't, and so I had no choice but to keep looking and continue talking.

"I'm not mad at you. I get the whole 'sworn to maintain the balance between the worlds' thing, and why that kept you and your family from telling me what I wasn't meant to know. I get that, and it would be completely selfish of me to be mad over it. But I am angry, Kasey. I'm frustrated and I'm hurt, and the past three days spent ignoring you was because I was trying really hard to avoid this very conversation. But if you want to have it then we're going to have it. You're a hunter, and I'm mated to a werewolf. How exactly do you see this ending for us?"

"Honestly? I see you far, far away from him and from that world because I know better than most that it almost never ends well for humans, no matter what it offers."

"That world has offered me love and a family."

"Love can get you killed, Ava-Rain."

Although she had not said it, 'Caleb could get you killed' was what I heard.

"So I should live without it?" I scoffed. "Is that what you're suggesting?"

"I'm saying," she stepped closer and her eyes lowered for only a moment, "there's nothing stopping you from finding it somewhere else. With someone else."

For Kasey to have the audacity to say such a thing to me really made me want to scream. And the fact that it had been mixed in with her nonchalant tone had my fingers clutched on tightly to my bow, itching for me to shoot something.

She, better than anybody, had to have known that Caleb and I were more than just two regular people that had met and fell in love. We were mates; a fate far beyond our control and could not easily be rejected, with a script that could not easily be rewritten. But, however angry I was, I knew that, despite her poor delivery, Kasey's concern and opinions came from a good place. A place deep within my best friend, not the hunter, where her desire to keep me safe resided for the last fourteen years.

"I'm never going to want anybody else, Kasey." My voice was more calm than even I thought capable. "You don't have to like it, nor do you have to accept it, but Caleb is my mate."

Truth was, I didn't know what the future held in store for Caleb and me any more than I knew how my friendship with Kasey was going to play out. But if the end of my relationship with Caleb was drawing near, from the moment he first touched me and the first time he kissed me, he had ruined any possibility of me wanting or finding anybody else. And maybe that meant that one day I would die alone. But I would do so by leaving behind a life without regrets, and find comfort in knowing that I had at least experienced true love and real happiness in the time that I was given.

"He's rooted inside of me," I thought of the green. "The air in my lungs," the yellow. "My deepest and greatest desire," the red, "and every emotion he feels, I feel," the blue. "And if you weren't so afraid of allowing yourself to feel even a fragment of that with Kane, then you certainly wouldn't be trying to talk me out into giving that up."

I moved to step around her, my intention to get back to shooting, but she grabbed onto my arm before I could make my escape. If it wasn't for the conversation we were having, I'd have assumed that Kasey was simply trying to prevent me from ending it so soon. But one look into her determined eyes and I knew that her hold was motivated by much more than just trying to keep me in place.

"So, you've chosen, then? Them over us?"

"I haven't chosen anybody other than myself."

The last thing I expected Kasey to do she did. She smiled. "You and I both know that isn't true, Ava-Rain. It'll always be him, won't it? He'll always be your choice, even when you know that you won't always be his."

I pulled my arm out of her firm grasp, but remained facing her. "You don't know anything about Caleb and me."

"The fact that he left you here tells me all that I need to know."

That gave me the push I needed to turn and walk away from my best friend.

Kasey wasn't a mean person. She didn't need to be when one of her many attributes was the ability to be brutally honest. And growing up with Gladys Washington was enough for me to know that being served honesty with a side of cold hard truths was a lot harder to swallow than a bowl of Regina George type of meanness.

"A wolf can live without a mate," she called after me, "but an alpha is nothing without a pack."

"I'd like to be alone. Please, leave." After putting a good amount of distance between us, I loaded my bow, lifted and aimed towards the target. But instead of focusing on it, I was focused on her words as they played over and over in my head. Words that came out of her mouth, but ones that I had been hearing long before she ever said them.

"You know it, Ava-Rain."

I closed my eyes, hoping it would have helped to tune her out, but it only amplified her voice.

"He chose them."

My heart began to race.

"Blood will always be thicker than water."

I felt my hands shake, the weight of the bow became almost unbearable.

"And you will never bleed the same blood as them. You will never be one of them."

My eyes opened and I dropped the bow to the ground. Turning, I stormed my way over to Kasey, armed with nothing but a pair of eyes full of useless tears. "And what? You'd rather I choose you so that I can maintain my place in your shadow? For fourteen years, I've lived there, Kasey!" I was in her face at that point, but she didn't back away. "For fourteen got-damned years I've suffered from 'Oh, she's the other friend' syndrome! The friend that was always pitied, got the pity invites to parties where pity small talk was bestowed on me. For fourteen years, I was poor, little parentless Ava-Rain, always trailing behind perfect Kasey and perfect Jennifer.

"Meeting Caleb in that stupid club was the first time in a long time that I ever felt like I was visible. Like somebody could actually see me. Like somebody actually wanted to talk to me, and not just because I was the easy route towards getting your number. For five minutes, I was noticed. Five minutes, and then you took that away from me." When Kasey warned me to stay away from Caleb that night, she had put an end to my frolic in the light and shackled me back under her shadow.

"Because I knew what he was—"

"But you don't know who he is, Kasey." She opened her mouth to protest again, but I held up a hand to silence her. "When you look at him, you see a wolf. It's black and white. But when I look at him, I. . ." I glanced up at the sky, where the faint warm hues of the sunrise still lingered, "I see him in colour. And my willingness to see it makes me one of them."

Kasey frowned and shook her head, unbothered over whether or not the slight movement made the tears in her eyes spill over.

"And, yes, it's scary and it's dangerous, but it's also beautiful and thrilling. It's. . .it's fate. It's destiny. A sight to behold, not covered. I don't know who I'm going to choose or when I'm going to choose, but what I do know is that I can't ever go back to a world of black and white. And I can't. . .I won't go back to your shadow, either."

And on that note, I headed for the stone path, leaving Kasey behind in the range. A place she belonged more than I ever had. More than I ever would.

*   *   *

Hours had passed since my confrontation with Kasey, and although I wished I could say that releasing all of those pent up emotions made me feel better, it had not. If anything, it had made me feel worse. An outcome I had anticipated, which was why I never wanted to have that conversation in the first place. But avoiding it like the plague would have only lasted for so long. One of the few things I knew for sure was that, no matter what, Kasey and I would always find our way back to each other. And as dawn all too quickly turned to dusk, that fact that had remained permanent for so much of our relationship remained unchanged.

Outside of the cottage and seated on the docks was where I found her, feet dangling above the water and engaged in conversation with Lukas. He was the first to turn his head in my direction as I approached, a warm smile on his face.

"Hey, Ava-Rain."

"Hey, Luke," I offered him a smile in return. It was hard to do anything else whenever you were in his presence. "Kasey."

She turned her head and looked up at me. "Hey."

I sat down next to her, and waited all of two point five seconds before I laid my head on her shoulder and slid an arm around her midsection. The majority of my day had been spent moping around and sulking. Moping because fighting with your best friend was never fun, and sulking because, despite our fight, she was the only one that I wanted to talk to, with the only shoulder I wanted to cry on. "I'm sorry."

She wrapped an arm around me and rested her head on top of mine. "I'm sorry, too."

"Me, three."

"Shut up, Luke!" Kasey and I both yelled at the same time.

"I think I like it better when you two aren't speaking," Luke responded. "You're both a lot more tolerable when you're not."

My body shook with laughter as I lifted my head and looked at Lukas. His youthful face was marred by annoyance, but his thin lips were spread into a barely there smirk. Because he had been born into a family that Kasey—at two years old—had already claimed as hers, his price of admission was to live a life of eternal torment inflicted upon him by his older sister and, on occasion, her best friend. So, I wasn't at all surprised to hear just how much he benefited from Kasey and I not speaking to each other.

"Even so, does this mean that you're friends again?" His blue eyes sparkled with hope.

Hope that I wished I felt. Wished I could strengthen with only a few words. Whatever was to happen between Kasey and I would not only affect our relationship, but my relationship with the entire Helland family as well.

"Why?" Kasey questioned. "Were you worried that your time left with the only female to give you the time of day was going to come to an end?"

"No," he quickly replied, but his reddening cheeks and his avoidance of my eyes relayed the opposite. "I just wasn't sure how much more I could take of you two pouring your hearts out to me. A guy can only handle so much estrogen and emotions at once."

"I did not pour my heart out to you, and if you ever tell anybody that I did, I'll maim you."

"I second that," I added with a smile.

"Now, go away," Kasey ordered.

Luke opened his mouth to protest, but, instead, shook his head and rose to his feet. "Females," he sighed as he walked past us and down the docks.

Kasey then turned her head in my direction. She pulled the arm that had been wrapped around me back to her side, and her smile immediately fell when her eyes found mine. "You love him."

That was hardly the first thing I expected her to say. Not just because I thought it impossible that Kasey would ever say the words out loud, but because it had been a statement of acceptance. There wasn't any disgust backing her words, nor any trace of anger. Just acceptance.

"More than I ever thought I could," was my honest reply.

She turned, taking her gaze with her and looked out across the lake. And with no other choice, I dropped my arm, which wad still been around her waist, and did the same.

For a while, silence was the only thing that passed between us. I didn't look at her and she didn't look at me. So, instead, I watched the birds across the lake flock towards the trees they must have called home. I watched the ripples in the water created every time the light wind blew in our direction, and rotated my gaze between the water's surface and the sky to admire the pretty colours the setting sun left behind as a parting gift. And before I knew it, my thoughts carried me away to four days prior, when I had last truly enjoyed a sunset.

"I never meant for you to feel like you were in my shadow," Kasey finally spoke.

My head twisted in her direction, but my eyes were only met with her profile. "I know."

"Kids can be little shits, especially the lot we grew up with. The way they used to pity you and make you feel insecure, I hated that. I hated them for making you feel that way. So I did the only thing I could and tried to shield you from them. And as we got older, I guess I just never realized that you didn't need it anymore. Didn't need me." She finally turned and faced me. "I already told you that you were never a 'job' to me. I wasn't a hunter protecting the innocent. If anything, I was just a girl protecting the world from you. Protecting myself from you."

"From me?" I smirked. "A lowly human with a threat level similar to that of an ant?"

"Even ant colonies have a queen," she smiled. "You were better than them. Better than me. You are the strongest person I know, Ava-Rain. Living with Gladys could have easily turned you into a resentful and bitter person, but, instead, you chose to be kind and forgiving. You chose to be better than your circumstances."

"Because I had you. Gladys may have had custody, but your family raised me."

"Regardless, you became better than us all. You were a good person with a good heart, surrounded by bad people with hearts far from being pure. And my biggest fear was that, one day, you'd realize that that made you powerful. So powerful that you wouldn't need me anymore."

I never knew Kasey to be anything other than strong. Up until a few seconds ago, I truly believed her to be fearless, ready to take on anything that the world threw her way. And it was that belief that I had always idolized and looked up to. To now hear her admit not only that she was afraid but afraid of me, made me see her in a totally different light. Through a much wider lens. There was beauty in vulnerability, and the girl I always knew to be gorgeous became even more breathtaking because her vulnerability made her all that more real.

Idols and heroes were perfect. Best friends were just human, full of flaws and imperfections.

"It never occurred to me that you'd stop needing me and start needing someone else, though."

"Or that my needing someone else would mean you needing someone else to fill that void."

I didn't have to mention his name for her to know exactly who I was referring to.

"That'll never happen," she shook her head.

"From what I've gathered and remains true in both of these worlds is that nothing happens that isn't suppose to happen. Caleb tried to reject me and. . ."

'That only led to me being unconscious, bloody and bruised in his bed', is what I almost let slip out. But, in this situation—while trying to get Kasey to at least consider accepting my relationship with Caleb—too much truth would have undoubtedly caused the reverse effect. So, I rephrased it as best as I could. "Well, life only pulled us back to each other."

"But I'm not you, Ava-Rain. And Luna cannot be so cruel as to sentence me to a similar fate as you."

"Jeez, you make it sound like it's a death sentence," I nudged her with my arm, smiling when she looked my way.

"In a way, it sort of is. If I accept him," she returned her gaze to the lake, "I would have to sacrifice my entire life. Give up who I am. Abandon everything I've ever believed. I can't start believing that I'm meant to be somebody's mate. I won't. And If being rational makes me a coward, being irrational doesn't make you a hero. And I pray to Luna that it doesn't make you a martyr either."

Although a part of me hoped to hear a different answer, a bigger part was content with it. And I was only able to come into that acceptance because I knew that, either way, our relationship would never be the same. No matter what I decided—Caleb or her—no matter what she decided—Kane or her life—neither of us could ever go back to the way things used to be. No matter what or who we chose, that decision would still have to be paid with a sacrifice, and it would come in the form of the one who we did not choose.

I slid my arm around her and pulled her close as my own eyes settled on the lake. "I understand."

"Do you? Not sure what you know about our world, but hunters and wolves aren't exactly meant to be mated. It upsets the balance."

"But it's not like you would be the only hunter to ever be mated to a wolf. Caleb told me about Amitola and Huyana. They were the first."

"Yeah, and look how great that turned out," she scoffed and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I'm just saying, for all you know, you could be their long lost descendant. You and Kane, that could be history repeating itself."

"Please, never, ever say that again. I'd rather die than have their blood running through my veins."

I chuckled. I had never known Kasey to be anything other than theatrical—it was one of the many things I loved about her—but even I had to admit that was a tad bit dramatic, even for her. "That's a bit overdramatic, don't you think?"

She lifted her head, and I turned and looked at her after feeling the intensity of her gaze on me. "Dramatic? You do know what happened to them, don't you?"

I tried to think back to when Caleb told me the story about the first female hunters to be mated to the first heirs of the four, but Kasey quickly pulled me out of my thoughts. "Why am I not surprised that your boyfriend never told you the rest of the story?"

"What's left to know? One was good, the other, evil. Their mates died and they tried to kill each other, but Amitola locked both of their powers away inside of them before they could."

I took that to mean that that was the end of their story. They both lost their mates, and although I could not relate to that sort of loss, nor pretend to understand that kind of pain, I wasn't so naive to have imagined that they lived happily ever after. I guess my own ending to that story was that they had somehow managed to continue living until they lived no more. Until they could have their happily ever after in the after life.

"And you never once wondered how Amitola was able to do such a thing?"

Before I could answer or ever really think about her question, the sound of footsteps on the docks grabbed our attention. We both looked to see Lukas stopped about halfway to where we were seated.

"Mom says dinner's ready, and that you two have five minutes to be at the dinner table or you're both going to bed hungry."

Kasey and I knew Lukas had made up the last part of that statement, but it didn't stop Kasey and I from looking at each other with narrowed eyes and playful grins.

"Race you there?" I asked.

"Think you have what it takes to outrun a hunter?"

"I guess we'll know in five minutes."

And with all talk of choices, mates, werewolves and hunters quickly forgotten, I stood up, with my best friend beside me, and, together, we ran. For the first time, I ran, not behind Kasey where I could get lost in her shadow but right by her side, sharing the last bit of light from the setting sun.