Chapter Notes : Ava-Rain's POV

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- 'And the moon shines red tonight, as I break your heart & sever mine. . .' -

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Kane was not somebody one would go to if they were down and needed to be cheered up. I saw him scowl more than I ever saw him smile, and our very rare and limited conversations weren't enough for me to know if he actually liked me or not—accepting me and liking me were two entirely different things.

     What I did know about him was that he cared deeply about Caleb and the rest of the pack. That he would do anything and everything to protect his brothers. I knew just about everything that one could accurately conclude about him if you were brave enough to sneak a glance in his direction, but I did not know Kane. And since I had no other choice but to be the obvious thorn in his side since, despite my protests, Caleb demanded that I stay outside with his beta while he talked to the Hellands alone, I decided to finally take it upon myself and make an attempt to get to know him better.

     "So. . ." I pulled my gaze from the dirt road and turned my head to the side to look up at him. We both had our arms crossed over our chests, but it was probable that he had either done so out of irritation or anger, while I had done so to give off the illusion that I wasn't, in fact, highly intimidated by Kane. "You and Kasey—"

     "There is no 'me and Kasey'," he snapped and stared down at me, "nor will there ever be a 'me and Kasey'."

     "But—"

     He pushed himself forward from his car, which we were both leaning against, and turned to face me. "I'm sure you've already gotten it into your head that we can all live in one big fairytale world, where humans and wolves alike can look past each other's differences to come together, join hands and sing 'kumbaya'. In a perfect world, maybe. But this isn't a perfect world, but the real world. A world where no good ever comes from wolf and human pairings. And in this world, a human would be wise to remember that a wolf will always be a wolf. A beast first. A beast always. And if you forget that, then you have nobody but yourself to blame when you get bitten, or worse, mauled to death." Kane then moved around me, walking over to the front of his car to rest against the hood.

     I didn't exactly know how to react to his words. Had he intended to put the fear of God—Luna—in me? Were his words of advice more for himself and his own situation? Or was he just trying to shut me up so that he could endure the rest of our time together in silence?

     Instead of maintaining the distance that he had put between us, I, instead, copied his actions and went to stand by his side in front of his car. A thorn in everybody's side was a role that I was obviously born to play and, not to pat myself on the back or anything, one that I was excellent at playing. "Is this your way of finally telling me without telling me that you don't like me?"

     His response hadn't come right away, but it did eventually come. "If you really think I just told you all of that because I don't like you, then you're definitely not as smart as you think you are."

     "So, you do like me?" I smiled up at him, hoping it would get him to do the same but not entirely gullible enough to think that he would.

     He didn't.

     Again, he stared down at me, though that time it didn't seem like it was meant to be an intimidation tactic. "You're annoying. You get yourself into bad situations that you can't bail yourself out of, which results in others getting hurt when you drag them into the mess that you create. You act before you think because you never think things through."

     My smile not only fell, but the proverbial cat caught my damned tongue. Usually when one listed a bunch of your wrong doings and flaws, your automatic response should have been to defend yourself. But I couldn't. Kane was right, and the only thing I could do was lower my gaze and offer my silence in agreement.

     "But," he added after another drawn out silence passed between us, "you're also a kind person. You're not spiteful or vengeful. You try to see the good in people when they show you nothing but the bad. You've even managed to do the impossible by making the twins get along. You don't just talk the talk, you're willing to walk the walk like you did earlier tonight. You're strong, Ava-Rain. I would be stupid to deny that. But Emmy Grace was strong, too."

     'And look where that got her' were the words that I expected to hear him say—I had no doubt that they were playing on a continuous loop inside of his head—but, most likely for my sake, he kept them to himself.

     And that was so unlike 'tell it like it is' Kane.

     "So," I managed to gather enough courage to speak again, "you're saying that I should use that strength of mine to walk away?"

     "I'm saying that I can't. . .I refuse to go through that type of pain again."

      I don't think Kane realized just how much he had let his guard down when the intensity of his gaze decreased and the look on his face softened. And it was that look, that flash of emotion, that convinced me that he wasn't just talking about me. That our entire conversation wasn't just an opportunity to rag on me. He had to have been talking about Kasey, as well.

     The human that just so happened to be appointed by Luna herself as his mate.

     The human he did not seem excited in the slightest to have as a mate if his reaction over an hour ago was any indication.

     "Kasey isn't just any ordinary human, Kane. With Caleb, I get it. He has to worry about me because. . .well, because I'm no Kasey. You don't have to worry about her. She wouldn't even want you to worry about her in a world that she's already well aware of—"

     "I don't want to talk about her." Kane ran a hand through his dark brown hair out of obvious frustration.

     "Well, as you so kindly pointed out, I'm 'annoying'. And I'm going to live up to that and annoy the crap out of you by talking about what you don't want to talk about."

     He shook his head and tossed a quick glance in my direction before settling them back on the cottage ahead of us. "Knock yourself out and talk all you want. Just don't expect me to listen or respond—"

     "Kasey's scared."

     I wasn't entirely sure what effect my admission would have on Kane, but when he turned his head and looked at me, I wasn't as shocked as I probably should have been. He could try and play the role of the uninterested wolf and pretend like he didn't care about Kasey, but, at the end of the day, she was his just as much as he was hers. And even if nothing were to come of them, even if they rejected each other tonight and never spoke or saw each other again, I don't think either of them could deny that a part of themselves would always, in some way, shape or form, care about the other.

     "Do you want to know what her biggest fear is, Kane?"

     He kept his mouth closed, not allowing so much as a twitch of his lips to betray him. The lack of enthusiasm he wore as a mask was well executed, his breathing remained even and his arms remained crossed over his chest. He made it quite clear that he wanted no part of this conversation and was doing his best to live up to that statement. His pokerface game was strong, but even he had a 'tell'. And Kane's tell was his eyes.

     The light brown orbs just did not match his icy exterior. They glowed with interest. With concern. Even a little desperation. But although he would never have admitted it, he did indeed want to know the answer to my question. He wanted to learn something about his mate.

     "Her biggest fear is failure. Failing the people she loves. Her family, her friends. You."

     "There is no 'us'," he argued, "so why would she ever lose sleep over me?"

     "Probably the same reason why you're going to lose sleep over her."

     "I promise you, I won't."

     Ignoring his statement I just knew in my gut was a lie, I continued. "I never quite understood why Kasey was always so determined. Even when we were kids, when she did something it always had to be done right. Had to be done perfectly. No room for error. I guess it makes sense now, you know, being a hunter and all. Perfection is probably a must. But I don't think that's entirely the reason why.

     "Tonight. . .tonight was the first time I've seen my best friend cry in a very, very long time. While you and Caleb talked about whatever it was that you were talking about, I had to watch my perfect best friend fall apart before my eyes because her biggest fear just came to pass."

     "Being mated to me is a failure in her eyes?"

     And just like that, the barely there sight of 'hopeful Kane' I had managed to bring out was gone.

     "No. I mean, yes, but not in the way that you think—"

     "Great! Thanks for the talk," he said sarcastically and pushed himself from the car to move away from me for the second time in the span of fifteen minutes. "You know," half way to the driver's side of his car he stopped and turned back around to look at me, "I can't even be mad at that because I admire her honesty. Neither of us want to force something that just isn't meant to be, whether it's in Luna's will or not. And I sure as hell don't want to be stuck with a mate that I can never truly love just so you can have your cake and eat it, too. I see the wheels in your head turning, Ava-Rain. No matter how much you want to deny it, deep down you know that you're banking on Kasey and I accepting each other so that you won't have to choose."

     "That's not. . .that's not at all what's going through my mind, Kane."

     Is that what he truly thought? And could I even blame him for thinking it? Kane and Kasey being together would make things a little easier and less complicated, but I would never expect them to accept each other for my own selfish reasons.

     "Really? So then you've already made a choice? Well, come on. Let's hear it. Them or us, Ava-Rain?"

     "I. . ."

     How the heck did this conversation go from zero to one hundred in the matter of seconds?

     ". . .the Hellands are my family."

     Kane scoffed at my reply and turned his back on me. He walked over to the driver's side, but didn't open the door like I expected him to. Not saying that it was intended to be an open invitation for me to go after him, but I convinced myself that it was.

     "You and the pack are my family, too," I called out to him. Went after him. "Why. . .How am I suppose to choose?"

    "If it's so hard for you to even think about making a choice," his harsh tone stopped me in my tracks, but it was his cold stare that warned me not to take another step, "then maybe you should ask yourself if you and Caleb have what you think you have."

     "What is that suppose to mean? Why would you say something like that to me?"

     "Because while you're out here struggling to decide, he's in there making the decision for you. Because just like I already knew, just like he's always known, you'll never be able to make that choice."

     "What?" I whipped my head around and looked at the cottage. Kane couldn't possibly be telling the truth because Caleb would never make me choose. He had promised me that.

     But that promise never specified that he couldn't make the choice for me.

     Was that why he had insisted on going in there alone? Could he. . .would he really leave me out of one of the biggest decisions that I would ever be faced with?

     "What the hell did you and Caleb talk about?" My heart began to beat a mile a minute. A shiver ran throughout my entire body but it wasn't adrenaline that chilled me down to my core nor the slight night breeze, but very cold and very real fear. I tore my gaze away, forcing myself to turn back around to face Kane rather than make a break for the cottage. "What the hell is he saying in there?"

     The Kane that I knew all too well resurfaced and, as expected, I was answered with nothing but silence.

     I stormed over to him, refusing to be deterred by his nonchalant attitude and unamused face. A face that made it very clear that I was a step or two too close in his personal space. "Answer me, Kane!"

     He only continued to stare down at me, and that time his eyes had not betrayed a single emotion. His body had straightened the moment I told—yelled at him to answer me, and even if I had not been so close to him I still would have felt the great deal of self control emanating off of him in waves. His silence wasn't just him being stubborn because he got some sort of thrill over ignoring me. Our entire relationship was pretty much one big silent treatment, so I was used to it. This was Kane refusing to bend or break to my irrelevant and unimportant will.

     This was a beta heeding his alpha's command. A command that I was willing to bet my bottom dollar entailed not telling me anything.

     And that could have only meant that Caleb really was in there making some choice that I had no part in.

     My opinion didn't matter. My feelings didn't matter. I didn't matter.

     "Do we really have what I think we have?" my voice shook, and the simple step I took backwards turned into an ungraceful stumble. "That's what you asked me. Because. . . because he's not in there making the choice on my behalf, is he? Caleb didn't want me in there because it's not about me choosing the Hellands or the pack. It's. . .it's about me or the pack, isn't it?"

     That last question only ended up being another one that Kane refused to answer, but his silence spoke volumes.

     "He's in there making a choice for himself."

     And Kane and I both knew what his choice would be.

     With no clear destination in sight, I turned and just started to walk.

     "Ava-Rain, wait! Damn it, will you just stop for a second? " Kane yelled after me.

     And did I really think he had done so because he cared or was concerned? Heck no. He had probably only done it so that he wouldn't be lying when he told Caleb that he 'tried' to stop me. But I really didn't care. I wasn't going to stay back there, biting my nails while I waited for Caleb to come out and tell me that he was leaving without me. How the hell was I suppose to respond to that?

     So I continued to walk. Away from Kane. Away from the cottage. Away from everything.

     Okay, well, not entirely away from everything. It was extremely late at night and way too dark to be playing Dora the Explorer, so, walking away ended up being a walk of about thirty yards or so down the dirt road. Both the cottage and Kane were still within my sights when I glanced back, so I knew I hadn't gone too far. Just far enough.

     I wasn't sure how much time passed since my spur of the moment departure—pulling out my phone to check the time hadn't once crossed my mind—but it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes before I heard footsteps approaching me.

     I knew it was him.

     I had purposefully kept my back turned towards the cottage because I didn't want to see Caleb. I didn't want to see him make his way towards me because I'd probably end up doing something depressing like counting how many steps it would take him to reach me. Or glue my eyes to his mouth while he told me that he was going to leave, just so I could torture myself later by remembering the exact ways in which his lips bent and curved to deliver the words to break my heart.

     I didn't want to see him because I knew that if I looked that I'd probably run into his arms and beg him not to do what he was undoubtedly about to do. Because I knew that I would fall apart.

     But how foolish of me to think that not looking at him wouldn't have the same effect.

     The footsteps stopped when he was only a few feet behind me.

     "Ava-Rain. . ."

Caleb's voice was soft. Sad, even. Kane must have told him that I figured out his plan. And all I wanted to do was ask him what right he had to be sad.

     With my back still turned to him, I crossed my arms over my chest. Gazing out into the distance, beyond the fields of grass and the trees lining the horizon, I stared at the moon. So close yet so far. "What did you and Kane talk about before you went in to speak with the Hellands?" There was no way that whatever happened between the two of them wasn't responsible for Caleb's sudden change in heart.

     A deep sigh escaped him and I could just picture him running a hand through his blond hair. "Like all of us, Kane has his demons."

     I had just spent nearly a half hour with the guy and I was pretty sure that he was haunted by more than just demons. "Care to elaborate?"

     "It's complicated. You wouldn't understand—"

     "Then make me understand!" Throwing in the towel, I turned around to face Caleb. "How did we go from, 'we communicate always', to you commanding me to stay outside with your beta—who really doesn't like me—to talk to the Hellands, who you don't even know? And you go in there—without me—and tell them first that you're going back to your pack and leaving me here."

     "It wasn't about me telling them first," he shook his head, causing pieces of his dishevelled hair to fall in his face.

     Even mad at him, I still felt the urge to walk over there and comb it back into place with my fingers like I had done so many times before. But the fact that he had not denied that he was indeed going to leave me with the Hellands to return to the pack kept my feet rooted in place.

     "It was about me interrogating the hell out of them to make sure that I could trust them. To find out why the hell they were the main characters from a scene inside of a pure blood's memories."

     "Do you? Did you?"

     "I wouldn't be out here trying to put off telling you that I think it might be best for you to stay with them for a couple of days if I didn't trust them."

     "And the memory?"

     "They knew they were being watched that day, but didn't know why until tonight. Until you and I showed up. Together."

     Of course. Ava-Rain, always the common denominator.

     "They were stalking the Hellands because of me?"

     "Can't say for sure, but it seems like the most likely reason. We don't know what they know or how they know it, but the pure bloods are connecting dots and I don't like it, Ava-Rain."

     As soon as Caleb said that, my grandmother's face flashed into my mind. "If they're watching everybody that's connected to me, then what about my grandmother? I have to make sure she's okay—"

     "Taken care of," he stepped closer and, before I could react, took my face in his hands. "The Hellands have already sent some hunters to watch over your grandmother and her house. They promised me that she'd be safe." His thumbs gently stroked my cheeks.

     I hated myself for giving in to Caleb's touch, for allowing him to comfort me, but I was grateful to him for making sure that my grandmother was protected. "Thank you."

     "Thank the Hellands. They really do love you, and. .  ." his eyes wondered over my face, purposefully avoiding mine so that he could continue, "I wouldn't entrust you with anybody else."

     When it was obvious that he wasn't going to look at me any time soon, I pushed myself closer to him and slid my arms around his waist. Leaving little space between our bodies forced him to look at me like I had hoped it would. "Caleb, talk to me. Please tell me why you're doing this."

     Being so close to him, the delicacy in which he still held my face and the sadness in his eyes, I could tell that he was debating really hard over whether or not to tell me the truth. A minute or so passed between us, and just as I was certain that he wasn't going to tell me anything, he released another deep sigh. "The Hellands weren't too thrilled about the whole Kane and Kasey thing, but I just got through convincing them that their worries were unnecessary. Kane is never going to accept Kasey. Never, Ava-Rain. Do you accept that choice? His choice?"

     I remembered what Kane had said about me hoping that they would accept each other so that I could have my cake and eat it, too. Was Caleb honestly thinking the same thing?

     "I would never ask either of them to accept each other for my sake. Do you really think that I would?"

     He shook his head. "Of course I don't."

     "Then why does it feel like you do?" When his response didn't come right away, I pulled away from him, sliding my arms from around him to wrap around myself as I took a step back.

     "I have to accept Kane's choice to deny his mate, Ava-Rain. And accepting that choice means that I have to do what I need to do as an alpha to make sure that I never again have to hear him say that he's going to walk away from me and the pack for my sake and yours."

     "What?" My eyes darted past Caleb towards the cottage and, of their own accord, my legs compelled me to brush past my mate a couple of feet as I searched for Kane. My eyes quickly located him still outside of the cottage, leaning against his car and his gaze focused in our direction.

     Kane was going to leave the pack? And he was going to do so for my sake?

     'Because just like I already knew, just like he's always known, you'll never be able to make that choice.'

     "As an alpha female, this is a choice that you would have had to make, too. But you're not. At least not yet. And that is why I had to make this choice, not for you but for me. For Kane. For his sake. Because he's my beta. And Harrison, Stryder, Tommy, Rickon and Declan are my pack. I. . .I have to choose my pack right now. Tell me. . .please tell me you understand why."

     Did I understand?

     Understand that the pack was possibly going to fall apart because of me? Understand that said pack I was learning to accept as my own wasn't at all mine—that leaving me was pretty much his way of saying that I wasn't a part of the pack at all? Understand that I seemed to have caused more problems than I solved? Understand that, although neither Caleb nor I wanted to admit it, we always knew that we would end up in this exact moment? Understand that our relationship was always going to come down to this exact choice?

     Oh, yeah. I understood.

     "I understand," I said quickly. I knew that if I had not rushed the words out, my voice would have only cracked in betrayal and he would know that I was falling apart inside. "You should go then."

     "Ava-Rain," he didn't try and hide his desperation nor his pain, "I'm not trying to hurt you. This is not at all how I imagined this day would turn out. I'm just trying to keep my pack together—"

     "Just go, Caleb."

     "Not until you turn around and look at me."

     I heard the single step he took to stand behind me, but I kept my eyes on the cottage despite the very real and desperate urge to give into Caleb's request. If I had, the thin thread of strength I was holding onto so that I would not break down right then and there would have snapped, and I refused to be that vulnerable in front of him. Crying would have only forced him to stay longer, and I knew just how much he needed to get back to Kane and his pack. They needed him a lot more than I did. And he needed them.

     Caleb wasn't one to accept defeat easily, but I knew he had done so when I felt his arms wrap around me, then the soft brush of his hair when he buried his head in my neck. "This isn't me leaving you," he whispered, his breaths along with his embrace scorching me within as he filled me with his desire for me to believe him. "I'm never going to leave you. Not ever." He pressed a kiss to my shoulder blade then to the back of my head before he pulled away from me entirely.

     I immediately missed being wrapped in Caleb's warmth and had to refrain myself from reaching out to touch him. Stop him. I could only watch as he walked past me and back towards the cottage, where Kane still stood waiting for his alpha but his attention drawn towards Kasey as she approached him. The sound of Caleb's footsteps seemed to be perfectly timed with the beating of my heart, slightly accelerated but not too fast.

     As if he was waiting for me to call out his name.

     As if my heart was anticipating that Caleb would toss a last glance my way.

    But I never called out to him. And he never looked back.

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Authour's Note : To all of you that hoped Caleb would leave Ava-Rain. . .wish granted. . .& it may or may not be temporary. . .