Chapter Notes: Ava-Rain's POV

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- 'I hope someday I'll make it out of here, even if it takes all night or a hundred years. . .' -

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No reception sucked.

I mean, I knew what to expect when I agreed to come back up north to the Helland cottage—had been used to it after all of these years—but, now more than ever, it truly sucked.

No reception meant that I couldn't talk to Caleb. I didn't know how his day was going, or if he had met Gray's alpha yet. I couldn't call him for no reason other than to just hear his voice.

Of course, we had our bond.

As Caleb always pointed out, our connection—the most reliable and honest part of our relationship that enabled us both to feel and know in a way that words just couldn't entirely or accurately convey—would always be there for us to rely on. I might not have been able to hear the words come from his own mouth or see it with my own eyes to confirm it, but I knew that he was okay. And if he was okay then the pack had to have been okay, too.

But that was only one of a few other reasons why lack of reception was making me feel uneasy.

No reception also meant that, even though I hadn't fully convinced myself into contacting my grandmother just yet, to have the option taken away from me only made me feel. . .well, I didn't really know. Confused? Angry? Indifferent? Nothing? The timing definitely sucked, but I wasn't mad at Caleb for not telling me sooner because there was no guarantee that I would have decided to act upon the information or buried it. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask—questions that I needed the answers to—but I wasn't quite sure if my need for those answers was stronger than my fear to actually talk to her.

Because there was no talking to Gladys Washington, only keeping your mouth shut while being forced to listen. There was no back and forth exchange, no hearing each other out before coming to a conclusion in which both sides' needs were met. I mean, look at how our last encounter ended. It hadn't exactly ended on a good note, and although every part of me found it hard to forgive her for forcing me to leave, a slightly bigger part of me still felt indebted to her.

She was my grandmother, after all. My only surviving family member, the only blood that I had left in the world. She had raised me, fed me, clothed me. Whether she and her 'appearances our everything' mentality had done so for the sole purpose of gaining a favourable public opinion, she had still taken me in after my parent's deaths. She had chosen me. I didn't know why or what it meant, but I think I owed it to myself to at least ask her why she asked a family of hunters to train a girl who she never once told that she loved.

See? Do you see why no reception sucked?

No reception meant that I had no choice but to be present, and being present meant having to actually face—not just deal with—your thoughts and feelings. Going off the grid was a break from reality that some people would have probably enjoyed, a chance they would have taken if given the opportunity. A healthy distraction in the form of cleaner air, becoming one with nature and a chance at self-reflection. And if I had been one of those people, I, too, would have been grateful for the opportunity were it not for the simple fact that this 'staycation' was actually just me being in hiding.

Me being in hiding and surrounded with a family of hunters.

Me being in hiding with Jennifer.

The hunters I could deal with; they were my family, after all. It was Jennifer that I wasn't too sure about.

"Kasey's looking for you."

Speak of the devil and he—she—shall appear.

And another reason why no reception sucked. What a text could have achieved at a much faster rate was now reduced to actual human interaction and face to face conversation.

Instead of turning around to acknowledge Jennifer's presence, I stayed seated in my spot on the docks and continued to stare out over the water. Other than the rippling of water every time the midday breeze blew over the lake, there was nothing in particular to hold my attention. But pretending that there was seemed much more appealing than pretending that she and I were okay.

We weren't.

And the lie that she had just told was one of the many reasons why we would probably never be okay.

If Kasey wanted me she would have come out and found me herself, not send the girl I had been ignoring from the moment Gray had dropped her off at the den, and continued to ignore for the past two days up until thirty seconds ago. Jennifer was lying because Jennifer only ever did things that benefited Jennifer, no matter who she used or hurt in the process of getting her way.

"Did you hear me, Ava-Rain?"

Clearly, she wasn't going anywhere any time soon, so, after releasing a deep sigh, I gave in. "What do you want, Jennifer?"

"I. . ."

Her pause only further proved the fact that I had, indeed, caught her in a lie.

Surprise, surprise.

"I just. . .want to talk."

I didn't want to talk to Jennifer. It wasn't because I didn't know what to say. In fact, I had a lot of things that I wanted to say. But talking meant that I would have to be around her, and being around her meant that I would have to look at her. And I just did not want to see her.

I did not want to have to look into her eyes and see the last fifteen years of our friendship staring back at me. A friendship defined by many highs and just as many lows.

I did not want to be reminded of the girl that I once was, who would have done anything for the best friend she once looked up to.

"I don't think we have anything to talk about."

After a final glance over the water, I stood up and turned to walk back towards the cottage. But just as I walked past her, she grabbed onto my arm.

"Why? Why can you forgive Kasey but not me?"

"Let go," I warned, "while I'm asking nicely."

I looked at Jennifer then. Not because I wanted to engage with her, but to ensure that she not only saw but remembered the calmness in my eyes so that she could not cry foul later were it to turn into a storm.

It took her longer than necessary, but she did eventually let go of my arm. But Jennifer still had no intention of letting me leave when she continued to speak. "Why was her lie okay and mine not worth forgiving?"

Don't respond, Ava-Rain.

Just turn around and walk away.

Put as much space between you and her before you do something you might regret like pushing her into the damn lake!

I did not listen to that inner voice.

"Oh, my gosh. Do you even hear yourself? Like are you actually hearing the words that are coming out of your mouth? You sent a wolf to kill me, Jennifer, and you're bothered because I won't forgive you for that?"

Apart from Kasey, I knew Jennifer better than anyone, so I knew that was not the reason she was so bothered by my silent treatment. She was not outraged over the unfairness of me forgiving Kasey for keeping her family secret from me. Jennifer was upset because she could not comprehend why her apology was not enough. In her world, 'sorry' fixed everything.

There was no learning from her mistakes, understanding through self-reflection of what she had done wrong in the first place, nor any actions to go along with her apology. Just the two words she would force herself into saying when she believed it was what people wanted to hear.

"I just don't want you to hate me."

I don't know why or how, but it was like a light had been switched off immediately after her words. I say 'off' because deep within me all I felt was darkness.

"Why? Hate would mean that I still feel something towards you, and wouldn't you rather that than me not feeling anything at all?" I stepped closer to her, the space between us almost non-existent. "Because when I stop feeling anything at all is when you should truly be worried."

I did not know if it was what I had initially set out to accomplish, but when I saw fear flash within Jennifer's eyes a part of me felt satisfied. Some part that wanted me to be meaner, whispered for me to say something worse just to see if that fear would intensify. Maybe it was the years and years of resentment I had built up towards Jennifer finally coming out of the shadows.

"What's going on?"

And just like that—and because it's the only way that I can describe it—the light switched back on.

Jennifer and I both turned our heads to look at Kasey's approaching figure, only she wasn't alone. Beside her was a hunter that had been called in to join us at the cottage. Her name was Emily, she was a fellow hunter Kasey had met while out in BC, and one of the few that had watched over my grandmother after we found out that the pure bloods had been watching us.

As soon as she reached us, Kasey set her gaze on me first. "Ava-Rain?"

"It's nothing."

"Well, it looks like something." Her gaze shifted in Jennifer's direction. "Jennifer?"

"I just thought that we should talk like you suggested."

Kasey shook her head and crossed her arms. "I distinctively remember telling you to let her come to you when she was ready, though."

And, of course, she ignored you because Jennifer only hears what she wants to hear.

"I'm going to head back to the house," I said and started to make my way.

"Ava-Rain," just as Jennifer had done, Kasey grabbed onto my arm as I tried to walk past her. But seconds later that same hand had slid down into mine. "Look, I'm not saying what Jennifer did was right or that you should forgive her. That's your choice and only yours to make, Ava-Rain. But I do think you two should talk. Don't do it for her, do it for yourself. You owe it to yourself to tell her how you feel."

"I think Kasey's right," Emily chimed in. "It's always a good idea to get things off your chest. You know, before it's too late."

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Too late for what?" I shot a look at Emily, meeting her blue-eyes.

Her response to my gaze was a soft, seemingly innocent smile. "I just meant before life gets in the way, you know? Life's too short to hold grudges."

"That's exactly what I've been trying to say," Jennifer agreed. "Ava-Rain, I don't want what I did to define our relationship. It probably still means nothing and changes nothing, but I'll say it again. I didn't know what Gray was going to do when I told him where to meet you, but I'm sorry."

It probably was not her intention, but I felt attacked by Emily's words. Like she was taunting me for not trying to be the bigger person. And that led me to wonder if she had maybe said something similar to my grandmother. Had they spoken? Talked about me? I highly doubted it, but just thinking about the possibility that they had made me feel. . .jealous? Annoyed? Angry?

In regards to watching over my grandmother, I was grateful for what she had done. But, at the same time, I could not help but wonder why she was involving herself in a matter that she had no part nor real investment in. The dynamics of our friendship was not any of her business. So why, as an outsider looking in, did she feel it necessary to give her two cents in a situation that did not impact her in any way?

Pulling my attention away from the blonde hunter, I directed it back to Kasey. A look was all that I gave her, all that I had to give for Kasey to know what I was trying to say: her hunter friend had to go.

After giving my hand which she still held a gentle squeeze, she turned towards Emily. "Emily, you mind giving us some space?"

Leave it to Kasey to never bother to try and sugarcoat anything.

As if she sensed that doing anything other than agreeing would have only made things more awkward, Emily's response was immediate. "Sure thing." Yet another bright smile adorned her face, making me wonder if her cheeks ever hurt from smiling so much. "I've been meaning to get some archery time in at the range, anyway. Luke's there right now, right? I'll go join him." With a quick glance at each of us—me being the last that her eyes wondered over—Emily turned and headed down the docks and towards the cottage.

Kasey dropped my hand then and moved to stand in front of both Jennifer and I. "Okay," the seriousness in her tone was hard to miss, "so, who wants to start?"

I did not want to do this, but Kasey had been right. I needed to do this for myself. Although my response had not been immediate, I was eventually the first to start.

After a deep sigh, I turned to face Jennifer. "What do you want, Jennifer? Do you want me to say that all is forgiven? Do you want to hold hands and reminisce on the good old days? What do you want? Tell me. Because I have more important things to do than listen to you whine about how life is so unfair. I have a mate doing his best to protect me by putting himself in danger by trusting your mate, who almost killed a member of my pack. I'm not that girl you used to know, Jennifer."

"But I must be the same Jennifer that I've always been? The same one you could have written off and given up on a long time ago? Kasey, too. But you didn't. If I was such a bad person, then why did you continue our friendship? You always forgave me then, but not now? I'm trying to tell you that I've changed, too."

My anger only intensified, but I could no longer pretend like Jennifer was the sole reason for that anger. And it was unfair of me to aim it only in her direction. Truth was I had been just as angry with myself, and could no longer deny the part that I had played in all of this mess.

"You're right. You've always shown me who you are. Since day one and every day after that, I've always known who you are. In first grade, you were that little kid who organized a book club to help all of our classmates learn to read. In eighth grade, you were the girl that secretly had her parents send pizza to school so that we could have monthly pizza lunches. Everybody loved and praised you. But first grader Jennifer only did it because she already knew how to read and wanted the other kids to be on her level. Eighth grade Jennifer heard about a nearby school's annual bake sale and wanted to top them.

"And part of it is my fault. I know that, and I accept the part that I played in allowing you to become this person who needs to be worshipped and admired. I always forgave you because no matter what wrong you did, somewhere within your twisted logic and reasoning behind the sometimes shitty things you did was something good. Someone good. But, intentionally or not, knowingly or not, that girl sent a wolf to kill me. You chose a wolf over your best friend."

"I didn't. . .he's my mate, and he asked so I told him, but I never. . .You have a mate, too. You have to understand—"

"No," I cut her off. "I don't. Because I chose a wolf that would have never made me choose between him and my friends."

I glanced over at Kasey. "You want to know why I forgave Kasey? Because our friendship isn't conditional. Because I trust her. She didn't ask me to forgive her because I've always forgiven her in the past. She didn't make excuse after excuse to avoid taking responsibility for her actions. She didn't hurt me and she didn't betray me because that's not what friends do to each other." I shifted my gaze back towards Jennifer. "A friend," I tried to emphasize the word as best as I could, "that's all you ever had to be, Jennifer."

* * *

Hours later, I found myself in the shooting range, bow in hand and getting out all of my pent up emotions with each release of an arrow. Dusk was on the horizon, but it was the abundance of dark clouds taking their defensive position in the sky that alerted me that there wasn't much time left before I would be forced to call it quits.

It was going to rain.

I had promised Kasey that I'd return to the cottage by then, and in return, she gave me some space. And by space I mean 'taking one for the team' and keeping Jennifer occupied anywhere other than where I was. Although, it had come at a price, the cost being a hunter for a shadow. I hadn't complained, especially not when Lukas had volunteered as tribute.

I was glad for the younger Helland's company. Most of our time was spent just walking the land and catching up. Lukas had always been a good listener, and an even better distracter. It was how we ended up in the range in the first place.

"Mind if I join you guys?"

Twisting my head to my left, I watched as Emily emerged from the trees. Her long blonde hair was tied up into a high ponytail, and she had discarded her earlier attire for dark pants and a black hoodie. She didn't have her bow with her, which meant she hadn't exactly come to the range with the intention of shooting. So why had she come?

"Sure," was my nonchalant response.

"Hey, Emily," Lukas greeted.

"Hey, Luke."

I lowered my bow and turned to look at Lukas. Our eyes only met for a brief second, but it was long enough for me to see the irritation that his seventeen year old self was too nice to show.

As petty as it may sound, nobody called him 'Luke' except Kasey, Jennifer and I. Correction, the three of us were the only people he allowed to call him 'Luke' because the kid absolutely hated it.

"Lukas," I emphasized, "you should head back. You haven't eaten anything other than snacks in hours."

He closed the space between us. "Neither have you. I'm fine."

"I'll be there soon anyway," I tried to reassure him. "I know better than to break a promise to your sister."

Besides the one I broke by not staying away from Caleb.

"Plus, I'm here, now," Emily chimed in. "I'll take over watch. I don't mind."

Lukas' eyes bounced from me to Emily and then back to me. "Okay," he gave in. Within a minute he was off and eventually swallowed by the forest.

"He's a lot like his sister."

Ignoring her, I returned my attention back to my target. Lifting my bow, I released the arrow and watched as it hit the bull's eye.

"Wow!" Amazement filled Emily's voice and a short applause filled the air. "Kasey said you had a great shot."

Grabbing another arrow from my quiver, I loaded it onto the bow, pulled the string back and aimed at the next target. "The Hellands were great teachers." I released the arrow, another bull's eye.

"Some things can be taught, but some things just come naturally. You, Ava-Rain, are a natural."

Had she really come to that conclusion after watching me shoot two arrows?

As if she had read my mind, she answered my unvoiced question when she said, "I've been watching you, to tell you the truth. Now, I hope you don't take that the wrong way," she laughed. "I just mean over the past couple of days, the few times you've come out here, I've watched."

"Is lurking in the shadows something you do often?"

"When you think about it, isn't that kind of my job?"

She had a point.

"I suppose it's in my best interest to add that I had been with Kasey every time, if that makes you feel less creeped out," she laughed. Again.

"Did you need something?"

Although I wasn't looking at her to confirm it, I just knew that she had that notorious smile on her face.

"You don't like me, do you?"

Shifting my attention to my next target, I loaded my bow once more with my final arrow. "I don't know you," I answered her before releasing the arrow. It hit a little too off centre for my liking, but it had been a bull's eye, nonetheless. "But I do know that you watched over my grandmother, and you're here now watching over me. Kasey trusts you, so I do, too."

Deciding to go fetch my arrows, I walked off towards the trees where the paper targets had been pinned to. "But I am curious," I called out as I began pulling the arrows out and placing them in my quiver, "why are you protecting a girl that you think doesn't like you?"

Because I had become used to expecting a quick answer from her, I was a little surprised when nothing other than silence passed between us. Once the last arrow was put away, I turned and looked in Emily's direction. Even with the bit of distance between us, I felt the intensity radiating from her gaze that she had fixated on me.

I couldn't explain to you the exact feelings that washed over me the moment our eyes met. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up but I wasn't afraid. A cold shiver ran down my spine but I wasn't panicked. Goosebumps littered my arms but my senses weren't on high alert. It all happened at once; the moment came and went by so quickly that I very well could have imagined it were it not for the fact that I can vividly remember the cold sting of the bow as my fingers tightened around it, and a strong—very strong—urge to draw my bow flooded my body.

It was only when she lowered her gaze to the ground that my grip on my bow loosened, the urge subsided, and I began to make my way back.

"My job is and will always be to protect the innocent. That's why I'm here." She looked up when I stopped just a few feet in front of where she stood.

"Is your friendship with Kasey that strong that you came just because she called?"

"She wouldn't have asked if it wasn't important. I don't doubt for a second that her and the rest of her family are more than capable of protecting you, but you're important to her. And she's important to you."

"Very."

"So important that you're not sure if you're worth putting her and her family in danger. That's how I know that you don't like me. With jobs like these, you can't help but want to figure out your mark," she explained. "And I've kind of always had a knack for reading people. You don't like me because my very presence is a reminder that I'm everything that you can never be to and for her."

I would have only been lying to her and myself if I denied what she said. She was right. Emily was everything that Kasey needed. A hunter that she could relate to, somebody that could match her strength and would have her back in any situation. Somebody who came from her world. Not somebody that needed protection, but could protect themselves.

"But I want to tell you that it doesn't matter. We may not be wolves, but we make and choose our own packs just as they do. You and Kasey—maybe even Jennifer—have chosen each other, which makes your bond one that can't be easily broken. You don't have to be intimidated by me. I'm just here to help."

"Well, if it's worth anything, I'm sorry. You're putting your life at risk for me, and it may not seem like it with the way I've been acting, but I am grateful. Thank you."

"You can thank me when this is all over and you're returned to your mate." She took a seat on the grass and looked up at me. "His name is Caleb, right?"

I looked down her. "How much do you know? About him, me, us?"

There was no way that she knew about his identity as an heir of the four. Not even Kasey or the Hellands knew. But I had to be sure.

"Other than him being an alpha? Not much. But it's obvious that he loves you."

A sigh of relief would have been too much of a tell, but I was more than glad to learn that Emily, too, was in the dark. Instead, I sat down next to her and laid my bow in between us. "I'm surprised you're not trying to talk me out of being with a wolf. It goes against everything hunters try to protect, right?"

"And just how much do you know about hunters?"

"Just the basics, I guess. That they're born, not created. They maintain the balance between the worlds. They're never mated to wolves."

Kasey and Kane were an exception, but incase Kasey had not already told Emily—I highly doubted that she had—it wasn't a secret that I was about to bring up.

"Well, at least not for hundreds of years."

My head turned to her. "Not since Chayton and Amitola, and Chogan and Huyana."

"You know their story?"

"Just that they were the first wolf and hunter pairings." Again, if I could avoid it, I wasn't going to intentionally bring up any talk of them being 'heirs of the four'. "And Amitola and Huyana were sisters and eventual enemies."

That tried to kill each other.

"Caleb said there were many different stories about them, so it's hard to determine truth from fiction."

"He's right," she quickly agreed. "There are many versions of the story. Many known, and many unknown, I'm sure."

I thought back to all those days ago when I had last been at the cottage. The memory in particular that tugged at the back of my mind was the one in which Kasey expressed her strong dislike over being compared to the hunter sisters. I hadn't dwelled on it much then, but perhaps her reaction was more than just her being 'dramatic' as I had initially thought.

"But one constant that hasn't change in any of the versions is how much they loved their mates. I can't help but wonder what a love like that must have been like." She turned her head to look at me, her eyes full of curiosity. "I imagine that type of love must have been powerful, and consuming, and—"

"Dark. Love is. . .dark. It's terrifying and euphoric all at the same time, with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Yeah, it is powerful. It makes you feel like you're invincible, like nothing can touch or hurt you. It makes you feel like you're sitting on top of the world. And, yes, it is also consuming. Once it grabs hold of you, it swallows you whole. Love is hard and exhausting. Sometimes it's so painful that it makes you question if it's even worth having at all. But once you feel it—truly feel it—you'd never want to let it go. You'd die for it. Kill for it."

I hadn't meant for my take on love to turn into a monologue. The words just seemed to flow out of their own volition. Their wish to speak for themselves, without limit, without censorship, just to be raw, real and honest.

"You've never been in love before?" I questioned.

It was never right to assume, but Emily was beyond pretty. Besides her blonde hair and sea-blue eyes that her ever so slightly sun-kissed skin accentuated, her tall, slim figure, I figured, must have attracted many men in her lifetime.

"I thought I was, once upon a time. We were two broken souls that thought that we could mend each other, only to find out that the pieces just did not fit. That was more than enough proof that him and I just weren't meant to be." She paused. Maybe to reminisce, maybe to suppress the emotions that she still obviously felt if her softened tone was any indication. "But that was a long time ago. And I'm not that girl anymore."

Sensing a change in subject was in order, I swallowed my pride, fought past the nerves and asked what I had tried my hardest to refrain from asking for days.

"My grandmother. . .how is she?"

"If you're asking if she seemed distraught, or anything to that nature, then sorry to disappoint but no. She seemed normal. But sometimes when she would come home, after getting out of her car she'd just stop, turn and look down the street. Almost like she was expecting somebody, or looking for somebody. Other times, at night she'd leave the lights on inside the house, and every night, faithfully, she'd leave the front porch light on."

"You're probably wondering why—"

"It's none of my business."

"But I'm sure you've formed an opinion. Her being your 'mark' and all."

"Honestly, I don't think her actions have anything to do with you. I don't think she was looking or waiting for you, but simply just watching her back by being on guard. And the lights, I think it was just more comforting than being in the dark."

And just like that, another hit by reality. To say it hadn't hurt would have been a lie. It did. But after a life time of receiving them, perhaps that one had been the final blow I had to endure in order to become completely desensitized to that hurt. To not feel it ever again.

"Sounds about right."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Earlier, that glimmer of hope flickered with all of its might within my doubts but, as I knew all too well, it never stood a chance at becoming anything brighter before it was illuminated by darkness. And, like wind to a flame, hope had always been put out each and every time reality blew on by.

"So," I quickly rushed out before the moment turned awkward, "does your family live out in BC? Is that where you're from?"

"I don't really have much of a family. They're all. . .gone."

It wasn't shock or sympathy that drew my gaze to Emily, but familiarity. "I'm sorry."

Sorry because I knew that sort of pain, and wouldn't have wished it upon anybody.

Just then, thunder boomed like a beat of a drum above us. I watched as lightning raced across the darkened sky, illuminating it for the briefest of moments before disappearing, only to reappear seconds later to start the cycle again.

Feeling droplets of water slide down my cheek, I quickly glanced down at Emily and then back up at the night sky. "Looks like the rain's finally here."

"Yeah, it's right on time."