Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Notes: Caleb's POV

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-'I will ask you for mercy, I will come to you blind, what you'll see is the worst me, & not the last of my kind.'-

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The cemetery was scarce of early evening visitors, and, for that, I was grateful.

     As the common denominator amongst all who had met their end after crossing my path, death was something I had become far too desensitized to. So, there were no chills to run up my spine as I crossed over dozens of graves, nor an overwhelming guilt that might have plagued any normal person because they continued to breathe while those buried six feet below did not. All I felt, as I neared her grave and the letters of her name became clearer, was peace. It was an emotion I hadn't felt in a very long time, but seeing my final gift to her in the form of a headstone managed to bring the bittersweet emotion out.

     Like I had promised, I brought her home.

     I put down a bouquet of flowers for each of the two headstones to the left of hers; an offering of an apology as much as it was an offering of gratitude. Laying the remaining bouquet in my hand—a bundle of pansies—at the base of her headstone, my eyes trailed over the engraved words below her name.

     Was this what her life had been reduced to? Some comforting Bible quote?

     Who was meant to be comforted?

     Were these words meant to stand guard over her to ensure that she would forever rest in peace? Were they intended to comfort strangers as they walked over her grave and sighed in pity once they calculated that the girl laying beneath their feet had only lived for nineteen years? Or were they meant to comfort those who loved her by being the lie we tell ourselves—and hope nobody overhears—to absolve us of our guilt?

     It was ridiculous.

     As the blue lifted its head above the waters, my wolf began to stir.

     "I'm okay," I assured him. "I'm good."

     He receded back into the shadows, but remained close enough for me to call upon him if necessary. After being in his head for the better part of a year, I understood the reason for his worry. So, I wasn't going to give him a reason to regret handing the reins back over to me.

     I had only just gotten them back.

     Sitting on my haunches, I reached out and pressed my hand flat against the headstone. "Hi," I whispered. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

     A year to the day that she died, to be exact.

     "You're probably pissed that I never came sooner, aren't you? Wherever you are, I'm sure you've got your arms crossed and you're probably pouting," I smiled and pulled my hand away. "But you understand why I couldn't, right?"

     The day that she was laid to rest, I had forced myself to watch from afar. The pack, the Hellands, Jennifer, and her grandmother had all gathered around for their final goodbye. Unable to bring myself to be a part of it, I had left before her coffin had even been lowered into the ground.

     She and I had already said our goodbyes.

     It wasn't perfect. It was rushed and emotional, but it was enough to know that I did not want to do it a second time. Not when the first one still haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

     "I still feel you all around me, beside me, inside of me. It's like. . .like you're still here. And, to be honest, I don't know if that's a blessing or a curse. There are days where it hurts so much that I beg Luna to forget you; other days where, for a second, I can't remember the sound of your voice or your laugh and beg her not to let me forget.

     "But you told me to forget. To move on. To heal. But how could I forget that I did this to you? How can I move on knowing I'm the one that put you here? How can I heal when I'm the one that killed you?"

     Cyrus, Jax, and the hunter that betrayed the Hellands may have played a part, but I was the one that put her into the ground. My decisions. My choices. My flaws. My existence. I knew the fate that I deserved, but I would not let it come to pass until I first made sure that all who were responsible met the same fate, as well.

     "You know what I've been up to for the past year, don't you? You're probably not happy about it, but I have to make things right. I can't leave until I do. As soon as I make it right, I'm coming to find you."

     "And what make you so certain that she'll be there waiting around for you?"

     Rising to my feet, I turned to look at the short woman dressed in all black. Given what day it was, I couldn't say that I was surprised at the visitor. But I had specifically chosen to come at the time that I had to avoid running into anybody, especially that woman.

     It wasn't until after she placed three separate bouquets down in front of all three Tolbert headstones that Gladys Washington looked at me.

     "You've come back." Her tone lacked any sort of surprise.

     The last time I saw her was in this very spot, but the last time we had spoken was the night I brought my mate's body back from the Helland cottage. Much of that night I tried—to no avail—to forget, but the look of genuine emotions I thought this woman incapable of feeling—let alone displaying—was seared into my mind.

     "How did you know I was gone?"

     "Those two twins have visited me nearly every week for the past year. At your behest, I'm sure. They're certainly not your best secret keepers, you know."

     "It wasn't a secret I was trying to hide."

     Anybody that had been around me could see that I needed to leave. To get away from everything that reminded me of her. To not have to wake up to an empty space in my bed. To not have to open the closet full of clothes that still carried her scent. To not be bombarded by memories that still silently lingered in every room of the den that she had filled with her presence. To cut off the parents I could not trust, and to walk away from a pack that I could no longer lead nor protect.

     Turning, she looked down at the headstone. "Does your pack know that you're back? By the sounds of it, they didn't hear from you much over the past year."

     Although it was her name on the headstone, she wasn't the only thing that I had buried. "They're not my pack anymore."

     "So, you left here as an alpha and returned as...a lone wolf? We both know lone wolves rarely survive for long."

     "I have no need for a pack anymore."

     "Careful. You talk as if they're not the reason you're still standing."

     "On the contrary. My absence is the reason why they are still standing." Leaving was the best thing—the only thing—that I could do for my brothers.

     Turning her body to fully face me, with an amused smile on her lips, she crossed her arms and stared at me with her dark brown eyes.

     Eyes that so closely resembled hers.

     "Something within you has changed. Gone is the boy that brought my dead granddaughter's body to my doorstep on this very day a year ago. Now, you seem to be nothing more than a shell."

     "Yeah, well, losing the love of your life might change some people," I countered.

     "The one thing in life that is promised to us all is death. That's hardly something to cry over."

     It was only a matter of time before the nonsense came spewing out of this woman. It was silly of me to think that, on that day of all days, she would at least put in the effort to restrain herself.

     But if she wasn't going to, then neither was I.

     "What is wrong with you? She spent her entire life trying to earn your love and I cannot, for the life of me, understand why."

     "It's not for you to understand. Blame me, if you must, but with that same breath, do make sure you thank me, as well."

     "Thank you? For what? Kicking her out?"

     "Everything in life has a purpose. I knew one day you would come, and when you did, I delivered her to you, did I not? So, yes, you should be thanking me."

     If Gladys hadn't kicked Ava-Rain out, I don't know how our relationship would have developed. Maybe things wouldn't have happened so fast. Maybe we would've been able to take our time and gotten to know each other. Maybe it would have given me more time to not only walk away but stay away. I knew better than to dwell in 'maybes', but there was comfort in allowing yourself to live in the 'what could have been' rather than accepting the harsh reality of 'what could never be changed'.

     But if she was going to take credit for bringing us together, then she damned well should take credit for tearing us apart. She wanted a 'thank you' even after knowing how things turned out? While standing on top of her granddaughter's grave?

     "I came to you and asked you for the truth. You didn't have to tell me, but you damn well should have told her. You've known about my kind because you've always been tied to my world. She died for a reason that you couldn't be bothered to explain to her. She died cold, wet and alone because of a secret that you kept from her for nineteen years. How do you live with yourself?"

     "Ah," she took a step closer to me, "there it is. That look. That is how you survived the past year, isn't it? You ate your cub, you flew south for the winter, and here you are. The lone wolf is still standing."

     "She should still be standing."

     "I told you that this world was too dark for daughters to roam."

     "Her world was dark because you couldn't be bothered to be the light that she needed."

     "I may not have been the provider, but I made sure she had everything she needed. I pushed her onto the Hellands so that she would know what it was like to have a family. So that when the time came she would have something to fight for."

     "I guess you didn't know her as well as you thought because she refused to fight. She chose death over possible chaos and destruction."

     She was so afraid of what may or may not have happened if she were to accept her identity as an heir of the four. So afraid that she chose to die then to possibly bring harm to those she loved, even when some of those people did not love her.

     "Are they not all one and the same? Tell me, do you consider her choice as her fighting to live or fighting to die?"

     "I think the headstone is clear enough of what her choice was."

     "Indeed. And when I pushed her in your direction, I knew that we would all end up here, in this exact moment, with nothing but a headstone to remind the world of the sacrifice that had to be paid."

     Again, with the nonsense. There seemed to be a lot that this woman knew, yet refused to share.

     "How could you have known any of this would happen? Sacrifice for what?"

     "For the four to rise, of course."

     Was I supposed to know what the hell she was talking about?

     Shaking her head, she dropped her arms to her side. "You still don't know what your purpose in life is? Well, I can't say that I blame you. Your kind—or should I say The Council—put a lot of time and effort into erasing the truth."

     "What truth?"

     "The truth that binds us all, of course. That we can run and we can hide, but we cannot escape our destiny. Not even you, Caleb Brandt, heir of the four."

     She knew? All along she knew what I was?

     "And what exactly is my destiny? Why would Luna have given her to me if she was only going to take her away?"

     Why had I been deemed worthy in one moment, and unworthy in the next?

     "You see, that right there is the problem with you wolves. Always crying to your mom, begging to your mom, when, truth is, your Goddess hasn't had much control for a very long time."

     There were many things that any child of the moon would not tolerate, but a few that could very well result in a death sentence. One of those things was disrespect, in any way, towards Luna.

     "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

     Her lips spread into a smirk and her eyes ignited with amusement. "When your Goddess became bored, she turned humans into her pets. Your world has always spilled into ours from the very beginning. Did you not think that a day would come when Mother Nature demanded retribution?

     "When your kind could not control their beasts and humans paid the price with their lives, Mother Nature demanded balance in the form of hunters. When your wars swept the lands with every passing century, Mother Nature demanded retribution in the form of heirs of the four."

     "What the hell are you talking about?"

     "I'm sure you wondered why you were kept hidden in the dark; why you had to live a life in hiding; why protecting your identity was so important; why many were slaughtered if your secret was discovered; why you could never be brought to The Council; why not one, but two girls you loved both met a similar fate."

     How did she...how could she have known about Emmy Grace?

     "The reason for your existence—for Chayton and Chogan's existence, Amitola and Huyana's existence—was the retribution that Mother Nature demanded. Heirs of the four were created by Mother Nature and your Goddess to bring an end to the werewolf race."

     "You're telling me that it's my destiny to kill off my own kind?"

     Did she even understand how ridiculous that sounded? Luna wanted to kill off her own children?

     "No. Just as it was Chayton and Chogan's, it was your destiny to ensure the only two human heirs of the four, one born of light and one born of darkness, were reborn."

     "Reborn?"

     Two heirs?

     'Two girls you loved both met a similar fate.'

     If Ava-Rain was one, then...Emmy Grace was the other?

     "The hunter. . .are you saying that. . .the hunter that tied you up. . .that killed Ava-Rain was. . ."

     Taking a step back, I shook my head.

     That was impossible.

     Emmy Grace was dead.

     I held her as she took her final breath, and watched the light in her eyes fade.

     'You'll know soon enough who it was, and when you do, forgive her. . .'

     Remembering those words only forced me to relive the exact pain I felt when the arrow pierced through my mate's chest.

     Ava-Rain knew. . .

     Ava-Rain was killed by...

     All along it was...

     Emmy Grace?

     Was that the reason why Cyrus had gone to such lengths to protect me? So that this fate—my destiny—would not come to pass?

     But Ava-Rain was. . .gone. I was staring at her damned headstone and standing on top of her grave, for Luna's sake! Not only had I watched her die, but felt it as her entire body was consumed by fire. How could she have been reborn? Was Gladys really trying to tell me that, for a year, I mourned my mate, who was still very much alive?

     Was Ava-Rain alive? Was that why it felt like she was still with me?

     "You said that it's my destiny to make sure they were reborn. What are you saying? Are you saying she's alive?" I closed in on her and grabbed her by the arms. "Where? Where is she?" I shook her, not caring whether or not I was being too rough. "Tell me!"

     Being so close, I could see that beneath the amusement in her dark eyes laid a hatred—a darkness—that she harboured down to her very core. And when she spoke next, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would regret learning the answers I had so desperately sought.

     "Thousands of years ago, Mother Nature demanded a reckoning, but She was betrayed by your Goddess, who could not bear to watch her children be slaughtered. This time, She is not demanding, but taking what is owed. Thanks to you, the four will finally rise and your kind will finally fall."

The End of Book 1

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Wow. This journey has been quite a ride & I thank you all so much for choosing to be a part of it. I never intended to take this long to finish AHOTF, but, you know, life. But throughout the many years it has taken me to write Caleb & Ava-Rain's story, all of your love & support kept me going. Kept me motivated. Kept me believing. Kept me typing.

To all of my ride or dies, my day ones, my older readers & my newer readers, thank you. To the readers that have voted on every single chapter, thank you. To the readers that have also taken the time to comment & spread positivity, thank you. To the readers that have fallen in love with these characters, shed a tear or two, laughed, wanted to pull your hair out in frustration, bit your fingernails in anticipation, wanted to sue me for all of the cliffs I left you hanging off, thank you.

Alpha: Rise of the Four is the second book of the series, but, honestly, I don't know if I will publish it [or any of my sequels] here on Wattpad. But, 'never say never', right?  ;)

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