Chapter Notes : Caleb's POV

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- '. . .that's me locked inside reality's maze.' -

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My ears jolted at the sound of her voice, immediately waking me from my light sleep. I lifted my head from her lap and turned to look up at her smiling face. Her long, blonde hair was blowing casually in the wind, and her blue eyes shining brighter than the sun above us. Her scent mixed with the earthy scent surrounding us in the woods produced a heavenly fragrance and I wanted nothing more than to bathe in it. To be able to drown in her would have been a welcomed death.

     Her hands, which had been threading through my fur, stilled. Soon, her smile faded  and the light in her eyes began to dim. "You promised, Caleb."

     I knew exactly what she was referring to and, in response, dropped my head back onto her lap. If there was ever a perfect time to be in wolf form, it was then. In wolf form, I could just listen and not be obligated or coerced into talking or engaging in a conversation that I did not wish to take part in.

     "An alpha's promise," she reminded me.

     I closed my eyes, as if that would have automatically sent me back into unconsciousness. It didn't, but I was still determined to end the conversation. What needed to be done had already been done, and she'd sooner find peace of mind once she accepted it.

     "So I can only assume that no longer means anything to you, then?"

     My eyes shot open, my wolf slightly angered at the accusation. A low growl was released, my intention not to threaten but to warn. But when her fingers once again began to weave in and out of my fur, the bit of anger and irritation flowing throughout my body slowly receded.

     "Relax," she whispered.

     Although I did not wish to, my wolf obeyed her command. I refused to look up at her again, but even I knew that it would not hinder her persistence on having this conversation.

     "I'm sorry. It's just, I think it could have been handled differently, that's all." She continued her gentle assault on my fur. "We can't expect everyone to accept it so easily—"

     I growled again, cutting her sentence short. I did not care if they did not accept it.

     "Pout all you want, but you'll only have your stubbornness to thank and blame when this comes back to haunt you, Caleb."

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     I tried to shake away last night's dream, tried to force it back down into the black hole it emerged from, but it had already done its job by reminding me of everything I had fought so hard to forget. Reminded me of my past mistakes and failures and the painful punishment delivered by Luna for my disobedience. Of course, it may have been easier to shake it away if it had been just that, a dream. But it wasn't. It was a memory, tied to me forever no matter how hard I tried to sever the tendrils. A memory that I once commanded my wolf to heavily guard and never allow to resurface. A memory of a life that I should not have been able to escape so easily.

     But, for a while, I had escaped. The memory of her blue eyes had stopped haunting my dreams. Her smile no longer made me fear the idea of warmth or comfort. Her scent no longer taunted me or made me want to cleanse it from my system. Now, there were a new pair of eyes I welcomed inside of my dreams. A different smile that warmed and comforted me. A new scent that had me welcoming its torture. But that one desperate memory that would always cling to me for as long as I gave it life had achieved its task of reminding me that the mate that I had been granted I would never deserve.

     'You had one job, buddy,' I told to my wolf. He didn't stir in the slightest and I knew his silence wasn't because he was being reprimanded, but because he, too, carried the overwhelming weight of that memory. I ran my hands over my face and—because I was a glutton for punishment—allowed myself a couple more seconds of being smothered by the memory before forcing the green to bury it back inside the grave it had resurrected out of. When it was done, I sat up and shifted my focus onto the one person that would keep me anchored in the present.

     Ava-Rain.

     Tearing away from the living room couch proved a lot easier to do than tearing away from Ava-Rain last night. As I headed for the bedroom, I couldn't help but smile as the memory of my mouth fighting hard to claim every inch of her skin replayed over and over in my head. When Ava-Rain had admitted that she wanted me, I saw and felt nothing but the red. Not only had I been consumed by my own desire but by Ava-Rain's, as well. There was no doubt in my mind that I would never forget the taste of her; never forget the feel of her mouth as it moved against mine, nor deny that she truly was the missing half to my whole. That she was mine. But she was not mine to have just yet,  not in the way that both my wolf and I wanted her, which was why I had forced myself to sleep on the couch.

     After a ten minute shower, I walked out of the bathroom. A pair of fitted jeans covered my lower half while my upper body remained exposed. As I ran a towel through my wet hair, I noticed that Ava-Rain, who had been dead to the world when I first entered the room, was now wide awake. She was sitting up with her back against the headboard and the bed sheets carelessly draped over her lower half. Her hair was all over the place and I fought the urge to walk over to the bed and run my fingers through the ebony curls. We held eye contact for only a brief moment before her gaze drifted downwards. Of course, she quickly tried to recover her slip by immediately returning her gaze back up to find mine, but the look of embarrassment on her face was more than enough for me proof that she had definitely just checked me out.

     "Good morning," I said, hardly trying to hide my smirk.

     She cleared her throat and looked away entirely before replying with the same greeting. I headed over to my closet and pulled out a shirt. As much as I enjoyed being on display for Ava-Rain's viewing, I knew it would only be a matter of time before my wolf and I decided to even out the playing field.

     Don't get me wrong, self-control was an attribute I prided myself in having and maintaining. But, little by little, Ava-Rain was proving to be the ultimate test of that self-control. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and relish in the comfort that holding her in my arms relentlessly provided. But if I did, if I allowed the red and blue to take the reins, then I ran the risk of pushing her away. And that, especially now, was not an option. Ava-Rain was not ready for that side of me, and in all honesty, I don't believe that she was ready for that side of herself.

     "Join me for breakfast?" I continued to run the towel through my hair as I walked over to the foot of the bed.

     "I'm not really hungry."

     She continued to avoid my gaze and I knew why. She was embarrassed. It was obvious that the intimate moments we shared last night were taunting her just as much as they were taunting me. Last night, Ava-Rain had taken a step out of her comfort zone and—if her refusal to look at me was any indication—liked it. She allowed herself to feel things that she had never felt and opened herself up to vulnerability despite her need for control. She had been given a mere taste of the unknown and it scared her. But I had gotten a taste of her, and fear was the last thing that I felt. Ava-Rain could dish out as many implausible excuses she wanted, but there was no denying the fact that she burned for me.

     I turned and headed for the door. "If you're not seated at the breakfast bar or present in that kitchen within the next ten minutes, I will personally come back in here, throw you over my shoulder and put you in there myself. Choice is yours." I tried not to sound too forceful, but wanted to make sure Ava-Rain knew that hiding from me was not an option. The power of the four had gifted me with dominance—the same dominance that had earned and secured my title as alpha—and I couldn't allow it to falter, not even in the slightest.

     "So much for the soft, gentle, and nurturing Caleb I grew so fond of!" She yelled back when I was halfway down the hall, causing me to laugh.

'That's my girl', I thought to myself and continued on towards the kitchen. Once there, I scanned through the contents—or lack thereof—inside of the refrigerator, only to conclude that there wasn't much of anything. The fact that I did not spend very much time at my condo was the reason behind the scarce food supply. The condo was only used as a means to 'get away', which, in itself, was a rare occurrence. So stocking up on groceries hardly ever happened.

     Cereal, it is.

     I pulled out a box of cereal from one of the cabinets and a carton of milk, which I was thoroughly surprised to see had not yet expired, out of the fridge. While fixing both Ava-Rain and myself a bowl, I made a mental note to make a trip to the grocery store. And when ten minutes had come and gone with still no sign of Ava-Rain, I made my way back to the bedroom.

     She stood in front of the dresser mirror, still dressed in the shirt I had given her to sleep in, despite the whole half of my dresser she had negotiated for me to give her full of her own clothes. Our eyes found each other's through the mirror and she smiled while styling her hair up into a pony tail. "I'm on my way," she said innocently, but the glimmer of mischief in her eyes said differently. She was testing me.

     I crossed my arms and entered further into the room, not even bothering to hide my grin as I slowly and deliberately shook my head.

     "Oh, come on. You weren't actually serious, were you? Caleb, don't you dare!" Her warning had come too little too late because before she could protest, I already had her thrown over my shoulder and was halfway to the door. "Put me down, Caleb! Put me down now! God, I could only imagine how unlady like I must look!"

     Her laughter soon joined my own as she continued to demand that I release her in between threats to cause me bodily harm. It was not until we reached the kitchen that I finally let her go. I set her down on top of the counter, and when we came face to face, was met not by a scowl but a smile. Ava-Rain had one of the biggest and brightest smiles I had ever seen, and in that moment, I made a promise to myself and to her to always do whatever it took to bring that smile to her face.

     Slowly, she slid her arms around my neck and weaved her fingers in and out of my hair. It was an action I had found myself enjoying when she had done it for the first time the previous night. "I never took you as the caveman type."

     "More like alpha type."

     "Right. Of course I'd get stuck with an alpha. Seriously, Caleb, was that really necessary?"

     "Just thought I'd let you know that I tend to keep my promises." I stepped closer so that I was in between her legs. "And to never disobey an alpha's command."

     She shook her head but her smile had not receded. The red continued to nag at me for freedom, but, again, as much as I would have loved to give into my desire, I couldn't. As much as I wanted to close the space between us and kiss her—to allow the pull to do its job by giving in—Ava-Rain had to set the pace.

     "Ah, the infamous look," she said. "It's that look—that exact look—that makes me forget myself around you. That gaze, those ridiculously hypnotic grey eyes. . .my mind gets clouded and I react purely on instinct." Her smile turned into a softer one as she tried to make sense of her feelings. "Last night, that wasn't. . .me? That was—I mean, I would never have—God!" She lowered her head and leaned in until her forehead touched my chest. "What I'm trying to say is, instead of kissing you—and enjoying kissing you—I should have been asking you what it is exactly that you want from me." Her head lifted and she stared directly into my eyes. "What do you want from me, Caleb?"

     What did I want from her? Did she truly believe there to be enough time in the day or enough days in forever for me to reveal every single thing that I wanted from her?

     I took a step back, lifted her off of the counter and set her down on her feet. "Come on. Let's get some food in you."

     "And talk?"

     "And talk."

     I led Ava-Rain out of the kitchen to the opposite side of the breakfast bar, where our magnificent and appetizing bowls of cold cereal awaited. It was torturous to have her seated so close, yet denying myself the pleasure of touching her. But it was pretty clear that acting on my urges would not help her to make sense of her feelings. Rather than expect her to catch up to me, I had to slow down and give Ava-Rain time to understand our connection and the pull.

     Ava-Rain was, after all, human; a complete stranger to my way of life and what I defined as normalcy. Affection could easily come across as being forceful, and the last thing I wanted was for my mate to feel pressured or overpowered. I did not want her to be fearful of me or my actions. Ava-Rain may have acknowledged our relationship, but acceptance was a lot more than acknowledgement. It was a conscious and subconscious decision; a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual connection. And Ava-Rain had to accept me on all levels, wholeheartedly, entirely, and completely.

     "So," she spoke first, drawing my eyes towards her. "What does being somebody's mate mean exactly?"

     "When a wolf mates, they mate for life. As a result, a mate is considered to be one of Luna's greatest gifts. When a wolf finds their mate—their true mate—the two are completed; two halves of one whole. It's not much different than being a couple in the sense that the premise or foundation is pretty much the same. There is a courting period, and during this time the male wolf typically shows off his mate to the rest of the pack for approval.

     "Of course, most of the time this is just a formality; a pack would not typically deny a wolf's mate. A rejection of a true mate would be a rejection of Luna, as they are essentially chosen by the Goddess. But in some packs in which mates are appointed, rejection is more common and approval and acceptance is an absolute necessity before two wolves can become mates."

     "And as your mate, what would that mean?"

     "Since I am the alpha of my pack, that would therefore make you, as my mate, the alpha female by right."

     As soon as the words left my mouth, her eyes, which had temporarily lowered to the bowl in front of her, shot back up towards mine. "Excuse me?" I smirked and took that opportunity to ingest a big spoonful of cereal. "Care to elaborate?"

     Just as I was about to indulge in another spoonful of cereal, Ava-Rain reached across and pulled the bowl away and slid it next to hers. I tried to pull it back but the deadly glare she gave me kept me rooted in my seat and my hands folded neatly on the table. "I already told you that I was an alpha, so, naturally, that would make you alpha female, Ava-Rain."

     "Naturally, that doesn't make me anything, Caleb. Alpha female? That sounds like a whole lot of importance. I'm human, remember? I don't know the first thing about being anybody's alpha female." She slid off of the bar stool to her feet. "I'll be no good to you or your pack. I'm just a human," she whispered, but I heard. Before I could stop her, Ava-Rain walked back around into the kitchen and placed her hands on top of the counter, which now separated us.

     I quickly stood and followed her into the kitchen. Abandoning my earlier plan of not touching her, I slid my arms around her waist from behind and nestled my head in the space between her neck and shoulder. I hated that Ava-Rain thought herself to be inferior. Hated that she felt bad or inadequate because she was human. Everything that Ava-Rain was, was everything that I wanted.

     "You asked me what I wanted? Well, I want you, Ava-Rain. I want everything that makes you you. I want to know your fears and your joys. I want to know what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. I want to know your dreams and the little things like your favourite colour, movie and song. I want to know everything about you inside and out. I want you to be my friend, my partner, my equal. I want your trust and, ultimately, your love. I want everything that you are and I want to share in all that you will become.

     "You, Ava-Rain, are my mate. My gift from Luna. Many wolves can live out their entire lives mateless if deemed unworthy. But, for whatever reason—a reason I will certainly never question—I was deemed worthy. You are mine, just as I am yours. You lower your head to nobody. You walk behind nobody. You are inferior to nobody. You are my alpha female and you will be my pack's alpha female. I know that you're confused and scared. Trust me when I say that I'm just as confused and scared as you are. So what do you say to figuring this all out together?"

     I turned her around so that she faced me, placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head slightly so that she had no choice but to look into my eyes. Once she did, I moved that same hand to cup her cheek. "Together?"

     She lifted her own hand and placed in on top of mine. "Together," she agreed, but the fear of the unknown still lingered in her eyes.

     "Good. And if it makes you feel any better, you won't officially become alpha female until we've mated."

     Her eyes widened and her hand slid from mine and dropped to her side. It probably wasn't the most appropriate reaction in that moment, but before I could have even bothered to prevent it, my lips had already morphed into a smirk. Due to our closeness, I was able to see the very faint flush in her cheeks. Perhaps that was a topic better left to discuss at a much later date, but the words had flown from my mouth before I could even think about reining them in.

     "Make me feel better? Caleb, I'm beginning to think that your ideas of consolation greatly differ from my own." She attempted to maneuver around me but I trapped her between my body and the counter.

     "You already told me that you wanted me, Ava-Rain. Correction, 'really' want me."

     "I didn't meant it like that!" She playfully shoved at my chest but I remained rooted in place. "God, you make it sound as if I'm going to jump your bones at any given moment!"

     I knew that she had not meant it exactly like that, but I found it amusing to tease her nonetheless. It wasn't because some dark and twisted part of me found delight in watching her squirm or shy away in embarrassment, but because—as arrogant as it may sound—I needed Ava-Rain's reactions to feed my self-esteem. Knowing that I made her blush, that I made her nervous, that I made her feel something, assured me that I was doing something right. It made me feel secure, that my role in her life and in our relationship was permanent.

     I was a selfish bastard; I would never deny that.

     "I know," I said and lowered my head until our foreheads touched. "I know you didn't. I'm just teasing you. I apologize for making you uncomfortable." I pulled my head away slightly, enough to look into her eyes. "Forgive me?"

     "Nope," she shook her head. "I don't think your apology was sincere enough. I didn't really feel it." She lifted a hand and clutched her chest just over her heart.

     "Feel it, huh?" I laughed, her sense of humour never failing to entertain me. With the arm still around her waist, I pulled her against my body. A smile spread across her face and she accepted the closeness by melting her body into mine. "I'm sorry," I said and lowered my head to kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry," I whispered again as my mouth trailed along her jaw. "I'm sorry," I kissed her chin. "I'm sorry," I kissed the side of her mouth. I looked into her eyes, wanting her to be fully aware of what was going to come next. If it was an apology that Ava-Rain wanted to feel, then I was fully prepared and ready to oblige as soon as she allowed me off of my leash. "Forgive me?"

     She smiled. "Forgiven."

     Without pause, my mouth crashed down onto hers, and, as always, I became enslaved to the drug that was Ava-Rain. My wolf, although still shackled in his dark, solitary confinement, howled in victory.

     An hour had passed since breakfast and I was preparing to leave and head back to the mansion. As a result of what had happened from the previous day, a meeting with the pack was vital. I didn't want to leave Ava-Rain, had even contemplated bringing her along with me, but I was certain the last place she wanted to be was back at the den where her whole world had been shattered. So there was no other choice but to leave her in the condo while I attended to pack matters.

     I waited in the living room for Ava-Rain, who was currently getting dressed. While she was in the shower, I had called Kane and Chase to inform them that I would be heading over shortly and asked them to round up the rest of the pack members. My betas were the only two pack members fully aware of my status with Ava-Rain. Of course, the others knew of her since the night of the twins' birthday, but that was where their knowledge ended.

     I was absolutely positive that, as a result of the scene with Rickon and Declan yesterday, the whispers of the yellow had already reached the rest of my deltas, and it was my duty to inform them of what was happening. Now that Ava-Rain and I had become a bit more official—well, official in the sense that she was willing to accept me and my life—it was necessary to address the matter sooner, rather than later.

     When I heard the bedroom door open, my feet began to move of their own accord to  meet Ava-Rain in the hallway. She was wearing a plain white shirt underneath a grey cardigan and dark jeans. Her hair in all of its curly glory perfectly framed her face. Again, the urge to reach out and tangle my fingers in her hair was strong. Ava-Rain was, without a doubt, the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes upon.

     "You're leaving?" Confusion washed over her face, and seconds later her gaze lowered.

     "Only for a couple of hours, at most. I have some pack matters that I have to attend to."

      She lifted her eyes to meet mine once again and the confusion that had once been displayed was replaced with curiosity. "Time to let them know that they have a new alpha female?" She smiled, which only conjured up one of my own.

     "Among other things," I said and took a step closer. "While I'm gone, will you promise to stay here? I know you'll probably be bored, but I'll feel a lot better knowing that you're here and that you're safe. You can even put the new phone I got you to good use and try and get in contact with Kasey." I took another step towards her. "And tell her about the mysterious, gorgeous boy you met."

     Her eyes lit up at the mention of her friend, but a hint of guilt quickly distinguished the light.

     I placed a hand on the small of her back and she instinctively stepped closer, sliding her arms around my neck. Each time she allowed herself to give in to me, I viewed it as a success. That, slowly but surely, Ava-Rain was becoming more comfortable and confident within herself, accepting, embracing and giving into her body's wants, needs and desires.

     The red spared nobody.

     "So, sit here and look pretty?" She smirked and tangled her fingers in my hair. With my free hand, I cupped her cheek, fueling my desire for her warmth. "Count the minutes until your return as I wait by the window, gazing out into the world and wondering what you're doing, thinking, and feeling. Since, you know, I have all the time in the world because I'm completely positive that I no longer have a job thanks to you."

     Ava-Rain dropped her gaze, slid her arms from around my neck and placed a hand over my heart. "This is real, right? This isn't fiction. It's not hypothetical or a figment of my imagination. It's not pretend. Touching you is real. You're real." She lifted her head and her eyes found mine. "And your feelings for me are just as real as my feelings are for you. I feel them. I feel you, Caleb. I just. . .for whatever reason, I just wanted you to know that. I'll shut up now."

     Her admission brought a smile to my face, something that few were able to accomplish. I do believe that Ava-Rain had just assured me that I would have something to come home to, not that there was any reason to believe there not to be. I just think it was her way of taking back some of the control she had forfeited from the moment we had met. Allowing one's self to be succumbed and overpowered by their own thoughts, emotions and desires was a very difficult task, more so when you had been conditioned your whole life to always remain in control of them. But once you became the enemy as well as the victim, were you suppose to fight for freedom or forfeit it?

     When Ava-Rain's mind told her to run away from me, she had not. When she should have chalked up her feelings as being wrong, she, instead, accepted them as being right. When she should have feared me and my world, the strength that should have used to deny and reject me, she, instead, used to hunt down and shackle every life lesson instilled in her. Ava-Rain's admission was her way of not only laying claim to me but to herself as well.

     I leaned in and, again, rested my forehead against hers. "Thank you," I said and placed my hand on top of hers, which was still pressed against my chest. Ava-Rain had no idea just how much it meant to hear confirmation of her feelings. It was a fragile gift that I would treasure and protect at all costs. "You have no idea, Ava-Rain, no idea of how much that meant to hear you say that. Thank you."

     "I'm going to kiss you now, understand?" Her tone was firm.

     I found myself grinning at her boldness as well as the humour within her eyes. My hands found their way to her waist and her arms slid around my neck once again.

     "Understood," I whispered just before her lips connected with mine. I don't know exactly how long we stood there kissing each other, but, as with every kiss with Ava-Rain, it didn't last long enough. "If you keep kissing me like that, you'll obliterate what little self-control I have left." She smiled and slid her arms from my neck before taking a small step backwards. However, before she could pull away completely, I pulled her back in my arms. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

     "Is that an alpha's promise?" She joked, hinting at my declaration of keeping promises. But it was enough to revive the memory of a different voice uttering those familiar words.

'An alpha's promise.'

     "I promise," I kissed her again. It was kept short and sweet, yet still released enough power to silence the chilling voice that refused to be unheard.

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