Chapter Notes: Ava-Rain's POV

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- 'If I could go back in time when you only held me in my mind. . .' -

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My hour was officially up.

     Seated on top of the island in the darkness of the kitchen was where Caleb found me. I didn't look up when he entered but instead kept my gaze lowered to the phone in my hands. Its backlight had long faded, but if it were to relight it would have revealed the phone number to my grandmother's house.

     That was how the third quarter of the hour had gone. Staring at the black screen, debating whether or not I should call and weighing the pros against the cons. But somewhere along the way, the idea of returning to live with my grandmother was lost and all of my thoughts had been silenced as my body basked in the comfort of the darkness. And then the last quarter of the hour entered, which consisted of me simply not wanting to disrupt the darkness nor engage in any more battles inside of my head. I had managed to find peace within the shadows. Even if I did not realize it then, it was perfectly clear now that I had spent those final fifteen minutes waiting for Caleb's return.

     Waiting for him.

     Because as mad as I was at him, despite the first half of the hour spent cursing his name, the day we met and the six days we had together, I would always want Caleb. I would always wait for him. My mind knew it. My body, heart, and soul knew it. Every fibre of my being knew it. Caleb was my destiny. My beginning and my end.

     "For months before we met, I used to have this dream at least twice a week." I continued to stare at the phone in my hands, my thumbs brushing over the black screen. "It always started the same. Me, in a forest, running away from something that I can't see or hear, but I know it's there and that it's close behind me. So I keep running and running, barely able too see ten feet in front of me because it's night, but with the help of the moonlight, I'm able to reach a clearing in the forest. When I do, I stop. The chase forgotten, the fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins ceases because in the middle of the clearing is a wolf. A big wolf with amber eyes and black fur so rich and thick that my fingers itch to run through it. I don't say anything to it. We just stand there looking at each other until I wake up."

     My eyes finally lifted and quickly sought out Caleb's. He stood in the kitchen's entry way, his blonde hair slightly disheveled as if he had run his hands through it multiple times. I could not accurately read the expression on his face due to the darkness, but something told me that the last hour had not been any easier on him than it had been on me.

     "Your wolf is black, isn't it?"

     He nodded once. "Yes."

     I smiled to myself as my eyes dropped back to my hands and the black screen of my phone. I stared at it for a couple of seconds before placing it beside me on the island. "You were a part of me even before we met." I looked up, determined to keep eye contact now more than ever. "You invaded my mind, you consumed my dreams. That was your territory that you hadn't even known you claimed. But now, you've claimed my entire being, Caleb. It terrifies me, to be invaded so easily and completely. You're like a freaking ball of sunshine, lighting up the darkest depths of my soul and although a part of me wants to reject it—reject you—a bigger part of me wants that light."

     My mind replayed his earlier words about my wanting happiness but being too afraid to fight for it. It was true. A long time ago I accepted that maybe happiness—true happiness—was not meant for me to have and, as result, I rejected even the slightest whiff of it. I invited the dark cloud to hover over my relationship with Kasey; it was my belief that our friendship would soon cease. I gave Jennifer the power to treat me the way she did. I used my grandmother's treatment of me to convince myself that I would never be good enough for anybody. I had convinced myself that my parents' death was a sign that I was not worthy of love.

     I created my own demons, had become so attached to them that I had deemed them my protectors. But they were not my guardians. They never had my best interest at heart because I never had my best interest at heart. That was what I had been running away from in the dream, I now realized: myself. My life. My insecurities. My pain. The darkness and shadows that harboured those demons were only able to make me fear them because I supplied them with the power to do so. They controlled me because I allowed them to. They were not my protectors. My protector—my true protector—was the blonde, grey-eyed, twenty-three year old werewolf standing ten feet away from me.

     Wolves and mysterious, gorgeous boys will both tear you to shreds.

     And Caleb had done just that. Torn me to shreds, or rather the shield I had cascaded over myself. He had obliterated it, shattered it into pieces and burned the blanket of false comfort to the ground, but not before pulling me out from the wreckage.

     "They'll probably say it's impossible to fall in love within a week," I smiled softly, as my heart began to beat rapidly. I had never felt the way I felt for Caleb, never cared for another as I cared for him. Although the feelings were new and foreign, they were undeniable and true. "But, I guess I've sort of been in love with you for months, so—"

     I was cut off when Caleb crossed the little space between us and crushed his lips against my own. My arms wrapped around his neck as he placed his hands on my hips. "I choose you," I mumbled against his mouth, but then pulled away to look into his ash, grey eyes. "All of you, Caleb."

     I wanted him to know that choosing him meant my acceptance of being kept in the dark, of the secrets he kept to himself. That there were things that he would tell me in his own time, if ever. It would probably seem as though our relationship would be doomed because what chance could we have if trust and communication was not entirely there? But I'm not saying because I loved Caleb that those two very important components did not matter or could be swept under the rug. They did matter. They mattered a great deal. I just simply loved him enough to accept that our relationship was not normal, nor would it ever be. That we did not have to create a facade of normality in order to function. That loving someone meant accepting their flaws and faults. That sometimes being left in the dark was for your own good, to keep you hidden because the light did not always promise, hold or offer what you believed it did. That our relationship would move at whatever pace we set for it.

     He pressed his forehead to mine and lifted his hands to place them on either side of my face. "Are you sure, Ava-Rain? God, are you absolutely sure?" His tone was drenched with desperation and spiked with urgency.

     I'm sure it was taking a lot for him to remain composed and patient, rather than allow himself to fully accept my admission. When he demanded that I make a choice, he had made it perfectly clear that whichever choice I made would ultimately be the deciding factor for us. 'No second chances'.

     I pulled my head away from his enough to meet his eyes. "Well, now that you ask. . ." I paused, my intention to make him really sweat it out. "I did just tell you that I'm in love with you and you hardly acknowledged it, let alone said it back." I tried to keep a straight face, had to seriously focus on keeping my lips from curving into a smile. I even went so far as to untie my arms from around his neck and lower my head. His hands dropped from my face, and when he took a step back, I used the opportunity to slide myself off of the island and quickly brushed past him. As I did, I made it a point to lift my hand to my face to wipe away non-existent tears.

     "Wait, Ava-Rain." I anticipated the grab on my arm that surely came, and when he gently turned me to face him, I didn't bother to hide my smile that time. His mouth opened, probably out of surprise or confusion or both. Then, when he realized completely that I had just been messing with him, his hold on my arm loosened slightly before he released me all together. "Are you serious?" With that same hand, he ran it through his hair and turned his back on me. He placed both hands on top of the island and dropped his head before shaking it. "You can't actually be serious right now."

     It probably wasn't the most appropriate reaction to have, but I laughed. "I'm sorry," I quickly walked over to him and slid my arms around his waist. His body tightened upon contact and seconds later he stood up straight. "I'm sorry, but you gave that one to me, Caleb. Seriously, you practically threw the opportunity to make you sweat a little in my direction."

     Slowly, and probably reluctantly, he turned around in my arms. I looked up to see that he was definitely not amused in the slightest. With a clenched jaw and lips sealed in a tight line, he looked down at me with a darkened gaze. "Tell me, would you laugh so easily if I were to drop dead right now in front of you? I almost just had a heart attack, Ava-Rain, and I don't think that's funny. At all. I thought you already learned earlier tonight not to toy with my emotions."

     Despite the anger in his tone, he allowed my arms to tighten around him as opposed to breaking away from my hold and rejecting our closeness. "Destined to torment you to no end, right?" He rolled his eyes and released a deep sigh. "You're my choice, Caleb. You. Now be happy and stop pouting."

     I pulled away from him and glanced at my phone on the island. I reached out to pick it up and pressed a button to light up the screen. I erased the number before shoving the phone into the back pocket of the jeans I had changed into right after Caleb left.

     "I do," I heard him say and looked up to meet his gaze. I already knew what he was confirming so I felt no need to play stupid by asking what he was talking about. Instead, I remained quiet to let him continue at his own pace. He crossed his arms over his chest and lowered his head for a few silent moments before lifting it again.

     "For a while, I never thought that I could or would be able to love somebody because my life always consisted of staying hidden and ensuring the safety of my family. For me, I know that love will always come at a price. That it will never be easy. That the smartest choice that I could ever make is to force you to walk away."

     I could tell that this was definitely the hardest admission to come out of Caleb. I already knew how he felt. He had never tried to hide the fact that he cared about me; he had confirmed his feelings both verbally and physically on many occasions. But this time, for the first time, there was a much deeper and more complex vulnerability aiding his admission.

     "But I can't. I can't because I won't be able to force myself to stay away. To not follow. I can't because I love you, because my heart will always follow you, because my soul will always seek out its other half. You deserve more, so much more than what I have to offer, but now that you made your choice, I'm never letting you go." He closed the space between us. "I warned you."

     I nodded. "You did."

     "It's not going to be easy."

     "No, it won't."

     "Sometimes you'll probably want nothing to do with me."

     "I'm sure that's true," I smirked.

     "I'll drive you crazy and you'll wish you never chose me. But I'm telling you right here and right now that it won't matter. You're stuck with me, Ava-Rain, and I always fight for the ones I love."

     "You better." I reached up, placed a hand at the back of his head and pulled it down until our lips met. His arms wrapped securely around my body and I had not realized he had backed me up until my back hit a hard surface.

     "So, challenge accepted?" He whispered after pulling his mouth away to place kisses along my neck.

     Did he really expect me to be able to think let alone talk when his mouth was working so vigorously to send me over the edge? My hand, still planted at the back of his head, ran carelessly through his hair. Throwing my head back against what I assumed was a wall, I allowed myself to be completely consumed by the desire that claimed us both. I was burning. My entire body, inside and out, felt like it was on fire, yet the hotter it became, the more I yearned for it.

     "I feel it," I mumbled, not completely positive if it had been audible or even coherent. Like earlier, when I had felt Caleb's anger inside of me, I now felt his desire. The red.

     "I told you I burned just as hot for you as you do for me." He trailed his way from my neck and back up to my mouth. "Don't ever doubt it."

     There was no chance of that ever happening. With his every touch and kiss, every time his skin came into contact with mine, another spark had been ignited. It was the most thrilling feeling, to feel like you were literally being burned alive yet wanting more. I felt the adrenaline burn throughout my veins. The sound of my beating heart was like a drum and both of our heavy breaths sounded like chants. Together, Caleb and I danced in the fire, offering ourselves to be sacrificed, surrendering ourselves to the very passion that had been consuming us both.

     Then, just as the fire almost reached its peak and before I lost myself to it entirely, it was gone. Extinguished.

     Reluctantly, my eyes opened and it took a few moments for me to come to my senses completely before realizing that Caleb was no longer touching me. My hand no longer held his head but had dropped to my side. Caleb lifted his arms and placed his hands against the wall on either side of my head. He leaned in, as if to touch his forehead to mine, but the contact I expected never happened.

     "That was more than I should have let you feel," he whispered, his mouth so close to mine that I could feel his every breath against my lips as he spoke. "How do you feel?"

     "Are you kidding? That was freaking awesome. Do it again!"

     He chuckled but did not do as requested. "If I do, I doubt I'd be able to keep myself from claiming you entirely, Ava-Rain." His eyes flickered from my eyes down to my lips and then back.

     Caleb didn't need to elaborate for his meaning to come across. I understood perfectly well what he meant and it was that understanding that urged my eyes to look anywhere else but in his. A soft smile escaped me and my obvious embarrassment made me want to throw my arms around his waist and bury my head in his chest. But I refrained myself from doing so, knowing that clearly the last thing he needed was for me to touch him.

     "I've never. . ." Even though my eyes refused to meet his again, I felt his gaze lingering on me. I'm sure it was pretty obvious to him that I had never been with anyone in that way, but I felt the need to confirm it anyway and let him know that I was his to claim in every sense. Obviously not now or any time soon, but one day. So, mustering up the courage I had summoned to aid me earlier to tell him that he was my choice, I forced myself to meet Caleb's gaze, only to see a smile on his face. "Don't laugh at me!"

     "I'm not laughing. I'm smiling. Smiling because your embarrassment is actually quite adorable." Finally, he abandoned his plight to not touch me and kissed my nose.

     "Oh, is it? I'm so glad that it amuses you."

     "You enjoy making me sweat and I enjoy watching you make yourself do the same. See, we balance each other out perfectly."

     "It's my job to make your life miserable, not the other way around."

     "That hardly seems fair."

     "Neither is denying me that very addictive drug of desire you just gave me."

     He laughed and leaned in closer until our lips were mere breaths apart. But instead of connecting them, he very cruelly whispered against them, "all the more reason for you to detox." Then, just like that, he pulled away and walked out of the dark kitchen, leaving me stunned and silenced.

     Remind me again why I chose him? Right. . .love. And all was fair in love and war, right?

     I tracked him to the bedroom just as he picked up the packed duffel bag laying at the foot of the bed. Despite the hour intermission we had just endured, I had not forgotten Caleb's desperation to get me out of the condo and into the den. At some point, after my half-hearted attempts to banish anything Caleb related from mind—the point in which I realized that the odds of winning the battle had not been in my favour—the bag had been packed before the end of the first half of the hour.

     "You never really got around to telling me how long I'll be staying at the den, so I'm not really sure if that'll be enough." I entered further into the room, stopping a few feet from where he stood.

     "For now," he replied and turned around to face me, "it may just be for a couple of days. Maybe less. The pack and I need to discuss some information that Angelie provided us with tonight. I can't do that from here and I can't be there if you're here." He closed the space between us and, with his free hand, reached up and cupped my cheek.

     I recognized the guilt in his eyes as soon as he allowed me to see it. This was the part where he revealed, without having to utter a single word of confirmation, that entry into his world was not going to be smooth sailing because the waters were damned wicked, and if I didn't hold on tight enough I just might end up falling overboard. That it was going to be a bumpy ride, one in which I would most like not come off of unscathed, but a ride that I would only survive, not just with Caleb's help but with my own as well.

     "It's nothing too serious, but it's also not something that can be ignored. I promise that you're not in any danger. I just. . .right now, I don't want you out of my reach any more than I want you out of my sight. But if I have to endure both of those two punishments, then I rather do it back at the den where we'll both be in the same proximity. Is that okay?"

     I nodded and smiled before placing a hand on top of his, which still gently held my cheek. "Yes."

     I do believe that right there was a baby step.

     Clearly that hour had done a lot to change Caleb's demeanor and attitude. Over an hour ago, he had not presented the idea of staying at the den as a choice but an unquestionable command. Although I'm sure he knew that I wouldn't protest this time around—due to the fact that I already had a bag ready and waiting—Caleb had made it a point to include me in the decision making.

     For the most part of our six day relationship, it had primarily consisted of me following Caleb's lead and there had been absolutely nothing wrong with it. For myself, it had been what I needed and, to be honest, what I will probably continue to need. For Caleb, it had been nothing out of the norm. As an alpha, he was used to being in control and being the ultimate decision maker. It was not our roles in each other's lives that had changed, but the situations we now faced, both individually and together, that had changed.

     I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his body, tilting my head back far enough to look up at him. "I promise I won't tell anybody that you had to ask permission," I whispered for added effect, despite us being the only two in the condo.

     He laughed, and the hand he was using to cup my cheek slid to the back of my head as his lowered. "Nobody would believe you anyway," he whispered against my mouth before planting a quick kiss. Despite it being not much more than a peck, when he drew his mouth away my lips tingled with warmth. "We need to go."

     My arms tightened around him, refusing to allow him any sort of escape. "Come on, just a little more, Caleb."

     Again, he laughed and dropped his hand from the back of my head. "Release me, you little junkie."

     "Name your methods of payment." I smirked, using a line he had once used on me.

     He shook his head and grinned, but the light grey of his eyes noticeably darkened. He knew very well that the red was taunting him as much as it was taunting me. "You can't afford me. Now can we get back to the den?" He suggested, but still made no attempt to break out of my hold, which I knew he would have accomplished without much effort. He was denying me without really denying me.

     "Kiss me."

     "No."

     "Kiss me."

     "Nope."

     "Then I'm not letting you go." I tightened my arms around his waist. But just as I stepped up onto my tippy toes to taunt him by pressing my mouth against his neck, Caleb lifted me into his arms. He easily broke through my embrace, and the arms that were tied around him were now around his neck. Seconds later, I was placed on top of the bed, then gently pushed onto my back. Above me, Caleb's dark grey eyes were locked onto mine and a smirk plastered on his face.

     "Didn't anybody ever teach you not to play with fire?" His tone was dark, but also carried traces of desire, humour, and even pain. He couldn't deny that the longer he denied both of us of the red, the bigger the flame grew. He lowered his mouth but kept his lips hovered closely above my own.

     "You already know how much I hate life lessons."

     His mouth skimmed along my jaw then down to my neck. The faint brush of his mouth left behind a trail of heat, but Caleb was keeping his wolf and his elements so heavily guarded that the scorching hot fire I yearned for was too far from my reach. "Well, here's one that you'll have no choice but to accept," he brought his face back into my view. "If you're going to challenge me," his hand snuck underneath my shirt, his fingers igniting another trail of heat along my stomach, "you better first believe that you have at least half a chance of winning. Tell me, Ava-Rain, do you think you have at least half a chance at beating me?"

     If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this was Caleb's idea of payback. Normal people would just give you the silent treatment or pretend that everything was alright when it really wasn't. But no, not Caleb. Caleb's punishment entailed driving me to the brink of ecstasy—to paradise—only to turn the car around and take me to the slums instead.

     "You want to know my methods of payment? I want you to suffer. I want you to be reduced to an hour of silent abandonment. I want you to be driven insane because you're not near me. I want you to wallow in misery, in frustration, in fury. I want you to drown in despair only to be saved and revived by your hopefulness over and over again. I want you to feel every ounce of mental, emotional and physical pain that I felt during that hour."

     For me, the hour had not been a walk through the park by any means, but I didn't have to endure the weight of four elements battling against one another like Caleb had. I would never understand what that felt like. All I could do was try and not give him a reason to ever have to go through that mental, emotional and physical pain again. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

     "Don't be," he whispered back. "You don't get to be sorry because I won't allow you to be. I don't deserve your sympathy anymore than I deserve you. But all of that pain, the silent abandonment, the despair and hope, I deserved that. I deserved all of it because it reminded me that I'm not invincible." Sadness entered his eyes and, again, I got that feeling that he was still keeping something locked inside of him. "I'm not your hero or your saviour. You're your own hero, your own saviour, Ava-Rain.

     "And that hour showed me that I've been way too," he cleared his throat, "soft on you. Whether you like it or not, you're a part of this pack now, and like everyone before you, you need to be conditioned. I don't want you to suffer out of revenge. I want you to suffer, to reach your rock bottom, so that nobody, not even me, can ever break you. I can't allow the red to consume us both in its flames, until we both know that we'll be able to rise from our own ashes."

     Wait, seriously?

All I wanted was a kiss and now he was telling me that I needed to be trained to be able to handle it? Being hijacked by his anger earlier was one thing, but to be hijacked by desire, I'm sure, was probably not the worst thing in the world. . .right? If there was any logic in Caleb's reasoning, it definitely was not within my sights.

"You want me to suffer? You're such a catch, Caleb. Really, how'd I get so lucky?"

     Despite my sarcasm, he laughed and, without pause, I joined him.