Notes:
    Merlin relives his past and begins to doubt himself.
Warnings: fighting, birthing, threats

    Merlin and his Alphas stood rooted to the spot, unsure what to do. The news they'd just heard had them panicking and unsure what to do.
     At that moment, Cenred ran forward and attacked the creepy looking were, knocking him to the ground. Arthur growled at the older were to let their Omegas go, moving forward to attack.
     Merlin quickly recovered from his shock and shouted at his brothers. "Arthur, Cenred, heel!" He shouted but they didn't listen, continuing to attack the other weres. "NOW!" Merlin growled.
     They finally backed off. The creepy looking were chuckled. "Your own brothers don't listen! That doesn't bode well for your chances at proving yourself."
     "Shut it, Kurda!" The tall were said. "Do you always have to be such a dick?!"
     Kurda started to attack the tall one when another woman jumped between the two weres. "KURDA! CHARLIE! THAT IS ENOUGH!!!!" She shouted.
    The woman was taller than most with tanned skin, teal colored eyes, long wavy raven hair, and red tattoos covering her body, dressed in a white dress with an open skirt. Merlin glanced from her to Kurda and Charlie and back to the older were. 
    That's when the spiritual looking woman grabbed ahold of Cas and dragged him away. "Where's she taking him?" Merlin growled.
    The older were stepped forward. "Don't worry about your friend, Emrys. Sola will take good care of him." He turned his attention to the others. "Sapphira, take the Alphas back to the rest of their pack and keep an eye on them."
    Sapphira nodded. "Charlie! Kida! Come with me!"
    The three herded the Alphas together and led them away and back to the campsite where the rest of Merlin's pack were waiting, along with the four humans.
    The older were then turned his attention back to Merlin. "I've waited a long time to meet you, Emrys. I am Iseldir and I'm so sorry about the rude welcome."
    He urged Merlin to follow him as he led him through the woods. "You have to understand that most of us are just trying to protect ourselves. This place," he gestured to the woods and beyond, "is a paradise, a safe haven for all of werekind to live in peace and harmony. Look around. We accept all weres from all regions, druids, gypsies, warrior types, and those of all ages."
    Merlin scoffed. "It looks like we got the short end of the stick."
    "You mustn't be too upset with us, Emrys. There have been...problems...in the past. Ever since the Great War when Mother Lupa disappeared, we've had to be much more cautious." Iseldir explained. "But there is hope. I believe it is destiny that you came to us. I know much and Sola is the mouthpiece of our mother. She tells that one day the Alpha from the Emrys pack will prove himself in the trials and rule over all this land."
    "And you think I'm him?" Merlin asked.
    "Well that remains to be seen. First you must pass the trials. There are many you must pass and each showcases a certain aspect of what it means to be a leader." 
    He chatted with Merlin for a bit longer about the trials and when night fell, Iseldir finally told Merlin, "I'll take you back to your pack. You'll have a night to spend with them and the next couple of days you will take the trials. After the last day, if you succeed, this place and everything in it is yours to do with as you wish."
    Merlin was then led to the campsite where his pack and the humans were waiting. Immediately, Rose ran into his arms and kissed him roughly and passionately, tilting her head to the side so he could nip at her mating bite.
    "So what did those sons of bitches say?" Dean asked.
   Merlin sighed and explained all that he had been told about the trials, aside from the part about him supposedly being chosen to be the next Alpha. Rose held him all the while and, when he finished, she gazed into his eyes and told him she believed in him.
    "It's ok, Merl. I know you can do this. You're stronger than you know."
   He held her close for the rest of the night, needing some semblance of comfort.
                           * * * * *
    Merlin stood before a number of men and women from all different regions. Iseldir was in the crowd, as was Sola, Kurda, and surprisingly, Castiel.
    There were others as well, including a Native American woman, a darker skinned woman, a gypsy woman, a savage looking man, a woman with skin so pale that even her hair was white, a man with skin so black that it almost glowed blue in the sunlight, a few Asian women, some more warrior types that were six feet tall and over, a few medieval looking weres, and even a few that dressed like the Winchesters.
     "Merlin Emrys, son of Kilgharrah Emrys, grandson of Uther Pendragon, and Alpha of the Emrys pack, you are brought before the Council of Elders, handpicked by Mother Lupa herself, to be judged as you complete the Trials of Death, that which shall prove if you are worthy of living in this land. Should you fail, however, you and your pack must die. Do you accept these terms?"
    Merlin exhaled sharply to keep his temper from rising. "I accept."
    "Over these next several days, you shall be tested in what it takes to be a true Alpha. Your first test begins today. To be sure that the trials are performed correctly, your other Alphas have been brought as witnesses. Until the end of the week when judgement is passed, you are all forbidden from any contact with the rest of your pack. Is this understood?"
    Merlin nodded. "I understand the terms."
    "Very well. For your first test, you must prove what is in your heart. For if there is evil or your heart is not pure, the rest of the trials mean nothing. So, for your first test, we shall take you through your life and see your worth."
    Merlin stood, waiting for something to happen. Opening his eyes, he was surprised at what he saw.
    He was back at his old home in the meadow with the mountains that created the caverns where he and his pack lived.
    He saw his mother laying in the Omega Den, in the form of her white wolf. Merlin's father, Kilgharrah, stood beside her, looking slightly younger than before he had passed. His pure golden hair reflected the dim light, his large, golden eyes twinkling in excitement.
     "Mother? Father?" Merlin found himself asking as he looked from one to the other. He knew this was a memory and, judging by the scene before him, it was his and Morgana's births.
     Aithusa went silent as two small, black pups came out. One was a bit larger than the other, the other having blacker fur. The slightly larger one nudged the smaller one to eat. Both pups then began to feed.
    "Sister..." Merlin remembered this vaguely. He had always looked out for his sister, wanting to keep her safe and happy.
    The memory was quickly replaced with another.
    Merlin and Morgana were out in the meadow playing when they suddenly felt it for the first time. The feeling of shifting. Merlin shifted first and saw his sister struggling. Petting her gently with his (at the time) small fingers, he urged her to do as he did.
    "C'mon, sissy! You can do it!"
    Moments later, she had shifted too. Their parents had rushed to hug them both with excitement.
    "My darlings!" Aithusa had said, hugging them. "What should we name you?"
    She looked to her mate for guidance. "Whatever you name them is who they shall be." He answered in his usual cryptic way.
    "Merlin for our little boy. And the girl...you shall be called Morgana."
    Kilgharrah smiled. "Then it's official." He stated proudly, pulling his mate and his three pups into his arms.
    Merlin smiled at the memory. "But they're not all good memories, are they?" Said the voices of the were elders who were watching him. "There's a memory that comes soon. One that is not so pleasant, is it?"
    Merlin frowned, trying to figure out which one they were referring to. His wait wasn't long, however, and soon he saw exactly which one they were referring to.
    Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana were a handful from the start. The three got into mischief all the time and today was no exception. They were just looking for where Audrey had hidden a treasure trove of snacks when they heard the sounds of their father and grandfather fighting.
    Quickly, they snuck through a passway in the caverns and stood in the doorway of the War Room where they saw the altercation.
    Their father stood, tall and imposing, his golden eyes full of fury as he gazed toward his father. Uther was very imposing and terrifying for a man of his age and even though his hair had turned silver, his blue eyes gleamed with a youth that didn't match.
    Surrounding them stood Aithusa, their Uncle Agravaine, their godfather, Gaius, and all the members of their father's council.
    "I'm sorry, father." Kilgharrah said slowly, his voice still carrying in the large room. "But the council has reached a decision."
    Uther glared at his blond haired son. "I recognize the council has made a decision. I just don't accept it. I mean really, son? You've brought in outsiders, Alphas from other packs! Agravaine, Odin, Annis, Bayard, and Godwyn! Who's next? Cenred?"
    "Cenred will never be part of this pack!"
     "Oops." Merlin said as he remembered that part.
     "And it no longer concerns you, father. You are no longer in charge! I am the Alpha! And, after everything you've done, you are no longer welcome in my pack!"
    Uther's eyes flashed dangerously. "This is my home! You think you can drive me from it?! You're just a boy!"
   He approached Kilgharrah with intent, making the children whimper and run to their father's side to protect him.
    "Leave dad alone!" The three young voices called out.
    "If it isn't your little bastard children!" Uther growled.
   Kilgharrah, Aithusa, Agravaine, and Gaius all rushed forward at once to protect the children. Aithusa pulled them behind her, beside a young girl with dark skin and wispy hair and a boy with the same skin tone that they vaguely knew, shielding the children from the wrath of her father by mating while Agravaine shielded his sister. Gaius pushed Uther back while Kilgharrah growled in anger.
    "Enough!" He shouted. "Uther Pendragon, I sentence you for the horrible deeds you have done, murder and attempted murder among them," he gestured towards the young girl and boy, "to leave this place before sunrise. Your return on pain of death."
    Uther snarled. "Poor Ygraine! Your mother would be so disappointed!"
    "You have no right to speak mother's name!" Kilgharrah growled.
    Shifting, he and Agravaine pushed Uther away. Their grandfather took one last look and stated, "May you all rot in hell for all I care!"
    Then he shifted and took off into the woods.
    Merlin felt like a vice was squeezing him when he remembered that day. That was shortly after Uther had killed Gwen's father, Tom, for a crime he obviously had not committed.
    While everything had eventually worked out for the better, that day had been a dark one in the Emrys/Pendragon history. That's also when Kilgharrah had changed their surname to Emrys to escape what his father did.
     "Your grandfather was certainly evil at heart." The elders spoke. "But your father did the right thing and banished him."
     "My father believed in justice and taking care of all of us. And he picked me to lead after him, knowing I would do the same."
     "Ah! Yes! Let's see that memory! Shall we?"
     Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana were racing through the woods. Years had passed since Uther left (he died a few years later).
    And now the three siblings were grown.
    Arthur was the eldest at 18 and looked a lot like his father except for having his mother's piercing blue eyes. Merlin and Morgana were both 16, both with raven hair and fair skin. Merlin was very thin at the time with not much muscle and his mother's eyes, just like his brother. Morgana had piercing green eyes and was just on the cusp of womanhood, almost ready to go into her second heat and hopefully find an Alpha.
    As usual, Morgana beat both her brothers in the race and they all shifted into their aforementioned forms, laughing as they teased one another. In their group, Morgana was the fastest and the rebel. Arthur was the strongest and the good boy. Merlin was a weird in-between while being the smartest.
     At that moment, they heard a howl, their father's, signifying he wanted to see them. Shifting again, they rushed to where he waited.
     When they arrived, Kilgharrah beckoned his sons forward. "Arthur, Merlin, I'm so proud of you both! You've both grown into strong Alphas, both worthy of taking my place as the Alpha Pack Leader. But only one of you can take it. Therefore I make my choice now: Merlin."
     Merlin had been surprised to be chosen, believing his brother was more worthy of the position. But he gladly accepted. The ceremony was a simple one and he became the Alpha that day.
     After that memory, they came much faster. Merlin saw all the decisions he had made as the Alpha of his pack, some good, some bad, and some made out of anger.
    He knew he did the right thing by killing Nimueh and Charles. Both had done horrible things. Nimueh had killed his parents and nearly done the same to Arthur more than once. As for Charles, he had been a horrible Alpha who treated his pack as if they meant nothing to him. As if that wasn't enough, the thought of either of them touching his mate made it enough of a reason to destroy them both.
    But there were other things he'd done in the past that he couldn't defend his actions for.
    He waited for the elders to make their judgement, all of them finally reaching an agreement.
    "You have proven your intentions are pure. The first test is over. Tomorrow, we begin the true trials."
    Merlin nodded in respect and left to get some rest and contemplate why they had believed he was worthy.