"No longer ashamed,
no longer afraid
You have washed me,
white as snow
No longer bound,
now I am crowned
Once in darkness,
now I know
You Save"

/28/ Alis Volat Propiis (She Flies with Her Own Wings)

[...]

"THAT'S it? You're letting him go, just like that?" Louella was stunned when she noticed that she's not alone in her house. Kakarating lang niya at pagpasok niya sa loob ng bahay ay boses ng isang babae ang bumungad sa kanya. Nang makapa niya ang switch ng ilaw ay kaagad niya 'yong binuksan. Sa sala ay tumambad sa kanyang paningin ang isang babaeng nakaupo. Ilang segundo bago niya makilala kung sino 'yon.

"P-Professor Diwani?" Hindi niya makapaniwalang ang guro na hindi niya natagpuan noon sa university nang magbalik siya sa oras ay nasa harapan na niya ngayon. She's not wearing her usual teaching outfit, nakasuot ito ng itim na pinatungan din ng itim na coat, animo'y nanggaling sa isang napakalamig na lugar.

"You love Lysander, right? Hindi ba't kaya ka nagbalik ng oras dahil gusto mo siyang makapiling?" Ilang sandali bago napagtanto ni Louella ang misteryo.

Hindi niya sinagot ang mga tanong nito at isang tanong ang ibinalik niya. "You're one of them, aren't you?"

"One of what?" maang-maangan nito habang prente pa ring nakaupo sa sofa. Akala mo'y totoong-totoo itong tao sa anyo nito.

"The little gods," she almost whispered those words. "You came here because you're losing in our bet." Ang pustahan nila noon na hindi magiging kurakot ang puso niya katulad ng ibang mga tao sa mundo.

Tila dumilim ang mukha nito sa kanyang tinuran. Tumayo ito at naglakad sa kanyang kinatatayuan. Louella's certain that she could touch her physically but she could see the real spirits behind her.

Diwani smiled sinisterly and said, "You're indeed a stubborn one."

"Noong una palang ay ako na talaga ang pinupuntirya n'yo, hindi ba?" tanong niya at inalala ang nangyari noon, ang nakita niyang painting at koneksyon nito sa kanya.

"Well, yes," sagot nito at inikutan siya. "We heard your pleas to save you from your misery. You prayed to break free from your sufferings."

"I prayed?"

"Yes. Most humans didn't know that they've been praying all the time, you see? They curse their lives and other people, and they're not aware that their all words are like a prayer. They're just ignorant that those kinds of prayers are for us to answer."

"S-Sino ba talaga kayo?"

"We're a legion."

And an answer sparked in her head. "Fallen angels."

Ngumisi lang ito at huminto sa kanyang harapan. "That term is an understatement. We are anything you, humans, wanted to be. Gods, angels, spirit guides, ascended masters, elementals, even the silly term called 'Alpas'."

"If I'm your target from the beginning, bakit dinamay mo pa sila?"

She stared at her for a few seconds, obviously, it didn't like her question.

"Well, it's because someone's always working behind the scene to save your ass, Miss Louella Starling."

"Who was it?" Her voice was firm, and Diwani was impressed by her determination.

But it didn't answer, the little gods are not stupid enough to give her a revelation of the One who's been giving Louella grace, an unseen force that she still didn't know yet.

"We're not done yet, Louella," Diwani said. "We're too generous to give you the power of time, we gave you the chance to be with the person you love. Papayag ka ba na mapunta siya sa ibang tao?"

Louella just stared at her blankly, but deep inside she couldn't deny the pain from those words.

"Leave me alone." Ngumiti si Diwani, nakampante na masisira na nito ang pundasyon niya.

"No, dear, I'm here to help you," kunwari'y nag-aalalang saad nito. Pinalis ni Louella ang malamig nitong kamay na humawak sa kanyang braso. "Now, turn back the time, and be with Lysander forever." Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod hanggang sa tinaas ni Diwani ang kamay. "Let me show you the future that you'll regret." At sa isang pitik nito'y tila umikot ang buong paligid.

They were transported into some kind of portal where everything was spinning, and suddenly it stopped. The colors exploded and Louella saw a multitude of maps of neurons, endless like a cosmos. She felt dizzy and floating among it and Diwani was still on her side.

"This is all yours, Louella," sabi nito sa kanya. "We gave you free access to the map of time, control it however you like."

"I'm not interested." Wala siyang pakialam kung kaya niyang paikutin sa palad niya ang mundo.

Diwani grabbed a sparkling neuron and there Louella almost froze when she saw what are those. Every neuron cell in this dimension contained every living organism's timeline on planet Earth. And Diwani's holding Lysander Vireo's timeline.

"Let's see if you'll change your mind," Diwani said and it motioned its hand to sweep inside the cell until they've been swallowed inside.

As if the master of the cosmos, Louella saw all Lysander's memories from childhood until they stopped at the moment Diwani's expecting her to be broken, it's Lysander's wedding.

In this timeline where Louella chose to let him go, Lysander eventually found someone else. The time quickly passed in her eyes to see how happy he'd been to be the girl he married, they grow old together and had kids and grandchildren. Lysander also pursued to join politics, encouraged by Raven's death, to make a difference, he was dignified and served the people truthfully even though some people still crucified his name. Lysander, without hatred in his heart, carried his family name with honor. He gained the respect and love of many because he became a loyal public servant. And all of those moments, without her, Lysander was living a great life.

"You can be that woman," Diwani, still beside her, pointed out. "All you need is to spin the time in your hands, and be with him."

"He's... He's happy," halos pabulong niyang sabi.

"Aren't you sad that you're not the one beside him?" Marami pang mga sinabi si Diwani, kinukumbinsi siya na siya ang karapat-dapat sa piling nito.

Kinapa ni Louella ang sarili niya at dinama kung ano bang nararamdaman niya nang makita ang kinahinatnan ng buhay ni Lysander nang piliin niyang palayain ito. Gusto niyang malungkot at masaktan pero hindi niya magawa. Napapikit siya saglit para piliting kapain ang panghihinayang at kasabikan katulad nang sinasabi ng nilalang na nasa tabi niya.

Pero wala.

"Masaya ako," pagkasabi niya'y tumigil din si Diwani sa pandedemonyo sa kanya. Ngumiti siya. "Masaya ako na makitang ganito ang kapalaran niya na wala ako." Napakunot ang kaharap niya.

"That's absurd," sabi nito. "You're lying." Nagsukatan sila ng titig at ni hindi siya kumurap, patunay na nagsasabi siya ng katotohanan.

"Your kind will never understand what real love is," sabi niya na kinalisik ng mga mata nito. Humarap siya sa direksyon kung saan kasalukuyang nagtatalumpati si Lysander para sa pagkampanya nito sa eleksyon. "I love him. I really do. But it's pointless for me to have this power, because if I'll choose to be selfish and be with him, he'll just lose me over and over again and he'll never realize the potential he had all along." Humakbang siya ng isang beses sa katabi at matalim niya itong tinitigan. "It's not me that you're truly after, right? It's Lysander." As if her words cracked something, Diwani failed to hide her surprise. "You want me to be the distraction in order to keep Lysander from doing what he's meant to do. Because he's meant to become a great leader to help the poor, you're just using me to stop his calling."

"Kung gano'n ay wala na kaming magagawa," sabi nito at unti-unting nagbago ang boses, naging marami. "We're going to take your power back and we'll take you with us in the depths of hell."

Umismid siya. "You want me to drag me down with you, go ahead, I'm not afraid." And there's a conviction in her words that her eyes sparkled with fire, Diwani was caught with it and vanished while engulfed with flames, screaming of defeat.

When she was left behind, she just stared again at him. Lysander was delivering his speech perfectly, and people felt his sincerity. And then he suddenly looked at her and their eyes met. In a milli-second they felt the connection transcending time and space, she knew he felt it too even though he doesn't remember who she was.

Louella smiled, still looking directly into his eyes she whispered, "I love you." And then she spread her wings and flew.

Walang nakakita sa kanyang paglipad subalit patuloy lamang siyang umangat papunta sa itaas hanggang sa tila maabot na niya ang langit. Habang napaliligiran ng mga ulap ay tumigil siya sa parteng kung saan ay nakasiwang ang liwanag ng araw.

"I... I did it," aniya habang nakatingala sa liwanag. "I... I... was able to change their hearts." Ellon, Raven, and Lysander. She chose this and now it's time to give up. "I know that I'm not worthy but I'm here... to give up this power, to lay down my life... For eternity." She's ready to accept whatever's waiting for her and so the light shone on her brightly.

The heavens smiled, finally claiming her, "You belong to us."

Louella Starling passed the test.

*****

NAGISING siyang muli mula sa isang napakahabang pagkakatulog. Tinatamaan ng sinag ng araw ang kanyang mukha kung kaya't bumangon siya. Noong una'y hindi niya maalala kung nasaang lugar siya pero napagtanto niyang nasa ospital siya nang makita ang katabing kama, isang babae ang nagbabasa ng isang libro.

"After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before." Natigilan ang babae sa pagbabasa nang makita siyang bumangon, tila nakakita ng himala sapagkat halos mapanganga ito.

Hindi niya pinansin ang babae at naglakad siya papunta sa pinto, saka niya napansin ang saklay na nakatabi sa gilid ng kanyang kama. Paglabas niya'y saktong papasok ang nurse at maging ito'y parang nakakita ng multo nang makita siya. Walang ano-ano'y tumakbo ang nurse papunta kung saan para magtawag ng doktor.

Naglakad si Louella sa pasilyo ng ospital hanggang sa makarating siya sa lobby at nadatnan sila roon, halos mapasigaw nang makita siya.

"L-Lou!" It's Ellon, sitting beside Raven, and there's also him...

"Guys?" Hindi niya mawari ang nangyayari hanggang sa namalayan na lang niyang kinulong siya sa bisig ni Lysander. Umiiyak din sina Ellon at Raven kaya hindi pa rin niya maintindihan ang lahat.

I'm already dead, Louella thought, but she felt the warmth of their hugs and tears. It's real.

Pinagtitinginan sila sa ospital at natigil lang ang komosyon nang pabalikin siya ng nurse sa kanyang silid at doon ay ineksamen siya ng mga doktor na takang-taka sa hiwagang nangyari, kung paanong nagising siya sa coma't nagawa pa niyang makapaglakad.

Umalis ang mga doktor at nurse, hindi pa rin pinapasok ang kasintahan at mga kaibigan niya kaya naiwan siyang mag-isa at ang misteryosong babaeng kasama niya sa silid na ngayon ay nakaupo na sa isang gilid.

"W-What's going on?" She knew that the woman is peculiar. "But... I... I already died.

She smiled at her as she closed the book she was reading, then she walked towards her. "Two times, I guess," sagot nito. "You saw the map of time, right? And it turns out there's another universe where you live." Hindi pa rin niya ito maintindihan. "This is your reward, Louella Starling."

"Reward?"

"For finding the Alpas."

"A-Alpas? Aren't they...? The little—" umiling ang babae.

"The real Alpas, the One. This is His gift to you because you proved your heart to be true." Hinaplos nito ang ulo niya. "What you lost before will be replaced here, twice as much you had before. You are renewed in His mighty spirit. Live well."

"T-thank you." Biglang bumukas ang pinto at sa isang kisapmata'y naglaho ang babae.

Louella saw them and her eyes quickly filled with tears. She rose up to meet her friends and the one she loves with open arms.

Meanwhile, in the other universe where Louella left them behind, the fighting finally stopped. And Lysander, Ellon, and Raven woke up from unconsciousness remembering Louella's words from the other dimension. They lost their wings, but their soul was finally free. 

THE END

Message from the Author:

All glory to God for the wisdom and strength to finish this novel. I dedicate this story to Him.

Thank you for reading this enigmatic story from the beginning up to the last chapter. May this story leave something in your heart. Remember, you are not abandoned, you are always loved by the infinite and boundless Most High. He will redeem you, restore you, he will deliver you from the chains of sorrow, He's just waiting for you, let Him in. 

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
Romans 8:31