Alorah Reagen

There were times when I felt my two best friends were the cutest. Forget what I said just there. I always find my two best friends the cutest people in the world!

After class, if they didn't have any clubs scheduled on certain days, we would always walk back home since we lived close to one another. Maybe about a 10-20 minute walk.

When classes ended, the two wanted us to walk home together. However, I reminded them that they have club activities today. How their excitement fell when I told them was hilarious yet cute to me.

At last, I left them frozen in the classroom as I walked back home. I felt terrible for thinking like this, but I wanted to be alone. To ponder what happened today and my life in general, as it serves as a reality check for me.

At the same time, I hated being by myself because it meant my thoughts would end up going to that place. It is a place I wouldn't like to be in since it brings me pain.

Gazing at my surroundings, children, young adults, adults, and seniors were walking on the sidewalks. Others stopped to have a snack at one of the stalls while others were on their phone or with their groups, perhaps talking about an event they found interesting and wanted to share with their close friends.

The continuous honking of the cars couldn't be forgotten as well, since it is a daily occurrence. Despite all the negative things like corruption, theft, and others existing in this world, there's still beauty somewhere in this life.

As I imagined myself growing up, meeting a variety of people at work, and possibly meeting the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then having kids, loving them with my whole being, and working to provide for them sounds like a dream I wanted to have. However...

No. I knew what was going to happen next. Please, stop it.

The upcoming things that show up are images of my parents growing old, their bodies in the casket. I wake up every day not feeling their presence in the kitchen, in their bedroom, when shopping for clothes and groceries. Following that is myself in the casket, leaving my family behind. After that, everything went dark.

I couldn't imagine what would happen next. It's been like this since I was 13 or 15 years old. When my imagination went from happy to dark in the blink of an eye. I don't know what happens next once I'm gone. I couldn't handle the fact that I would be separated from them or if I could still see them in the afterlife. If there is one.

I couldn't imagine starting the circle of life all over again, with my memory erased to give space to the new ones. I didn't want to forget them.

My heart beats rapidly in my body as I feel my body lighter than ever. I grabbed a fistful of my hair, trying to calm myself down. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to breathe.

I was not too fond of this. I hated being so aware of my time limit. Why did I exist if I was destined to disappear in the end? Why is life so cruel?

***

I opened the door and entered my home, and a strange feeling washed over me. I let go of the doorknob, and the soft click behind me indicated that the door was closed.

I'm not sure what this feeling was, but all I knew was that I couldn't take a step forward. The warning siren blared in my head while I was glancing all over the room. I knew this familiar feeling, yet my body wouldn't move.

For some reason, I felt a presence from the dining room. My suspicion was confirmed when I heard shuffling coming from that room. It's 4:00 p.m., and Dad is still at work.

"It can't be." My voice was shaking as I slowly walked towards the dining room. The uneasy feeling still settling in my stomach grew stronger as I took each step.

Once the dining room came into view, I bit my lower lips to stop the tears threatening to come out again.

She's wearing the same ridiculous apron with a smile as she's on her phone, probably browsing through our pictures taken when I was little. It was a hobby of hers that I found out after waking up in the middle of the night to see a faint light coming from the living room.

We didn't have a lot of pictures together, so she asked my dad to take a lot while she was gone. When she's home, she'll be able to browse through Dad's phone and watch me grow up like she never left.

"Alorah." It only took that sweet voice that uttered my name for me to drop my bag and run to her arms.

"You're back!" I cried, tightening my arms around her.

"I'm back, sweetie. Mommy isn't going anywhere anymore. I'm sorry, and thank you for being patient with me." Her voice cracked as she returned my hug. I'm so glad Mom's back. She's finally back after so long.