a/n- yall im sorry for not posting for like two months! i recommend rereading the last chapter or so if you don't remember what happened cause i pick up right in the middle of everything. so sorry!!

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The continuous high-pitched thump coming from the ECG device was all that told me Hayden was alive. She lay on the table, silent and still. Melissa kept going back and forth, picking at her skin with needles to inject her with various liquids and concoctions that didn't work, and attaching more wires to her for different machines that failed to give us any solutions or aid. None of it changed a single thing.

Hayden was still dying.

It had been over an hour since Liam left, and he had yet to text or call. It was infuriating in the beginning, but then dread started to grow in the pit of my stomach as I realized how similar his actions were to Scott's. It made me think that maybe the McCall boy hadn't been avoiding me, but instead, there were forces beyond either of our control working against us. That possibility filled me with unease, especially since I allowed Liam to walk right into the middle of what could be a trap on the vulnerable night of a supermoon.

Mason stands with me at Hayden's side, dabbing a rag across her skin that soaks up the immense amount of sweat that seeps out of her pores. She doesn't notice his actions, her eyes having been closed for some time now, but I'm sure she'd be grateful nonetheless, as am I. In Liam's absence, his best friend has been more than supportive, even with everything he's going through with Corey. Whenever Melissa needs aid or requires more supplies, he's the one that steps up, saving me from having to do a single thing. It makes my only worry have to be holding Hayden's hand. I hate to ask any more of him, but I needed to find a way to be sure Liam was safe and he was the only one I trusted enough to do it because I couldn't go myself. I couldn't leave Hayden. Not now.

I nudge the Hewitt boy's arm with mine, then tilt my head to the side to motion for him to follow me. He does, and Hayden doesn't notice the lack of my hand on hers, or Mason no longer cleaning her drenched skin. She's significantly less aware than she was before, and I understand why. I understand what's coming.

"I need a favor," I ask Mason when we're far enough from the table. Hayden may not be entirely coherent, but I couldn't risk her overhearing.

"Okay, sure, whatever you need," he replies seriously. I almost smile at his dedication. Almost.

"You have to find Liam and Scott. I think something's wrong," I explain with a slight twitch, unable to hide my fear at the thought of harm befalling Liam.

"What do you mean?" Mason presses, confused.

"Liam left over an hour ago and he's been screening my calls. He wouldn't do that, not tonight. And Scott... I'm starting to think he wasn't ignoring me after all."

Besides the obvious points, I had no idea how to tell Mason that there was also just something about all of this that just felt wrong. The injured back of my head had been throbbing endlessly since Liam left, and it almost felt like a warning trying to spew out from within me. I couldn't fight off this notion that my friends and I were heading down a dark path, and if we didn't turn back soon, we would be lost forever. I had tried to suppress that side of myself these past few months, the part of me that expected disaster, but now that internal aspect of my psyche was impossible to ward off. It was being forced to the surface.

Mason's eyes drift over his shoulder, finding Hayden. The sorrow in his gaze wraps itself around her as all she does is lay there, her chest awkwardly rising and falling with weak breaths. She looks more machine than girl at this point with how many wires and tubes Melissa's attached and embedded her with.

"What about her and Valerie?" Mason asks somberly, his voice softer than mine.

"You and I both know she has minutes left," I say with an even tone. "Valerie's not gonna make it."

Mason looks back at me oddly as my voice grows to lack emotion. There were no tears in my eyes to match his darkened pool of unshed sympathy, either. I had to remove myself from this, at least until Hayden was gone. I couldn't be selfish and take whatever was left of her final moments for my own.

We only mourn when the job is done.

"I can stay with you?" Mason takes a step closer.

I shake my head with delicate refusal. "You have to go, because I can't leave her like this. Start at the high school, okay? That's the last place Scott said he was going, so it would be where Liam started."

Mason begins to nod to his own accord as he thinks things through. His focus is pulling him elsewhere now, and his feet move for him, taking him closer to the door of the room. He gives me one last look, his dark eyes now void of tears like mine, replaced with determination for what's required of us.

"I'll find them. I'll find both of them," he vows before leaving, his pace swift.

I watch his retreating form be eclipsed from my view because of the walls of this room that start to entrap me, wishing to go with him before they seal me within this waiting tomb.

"Jac," Hayden calls out, and the walls finally close in.

I venture back over to her with a steady face and tight smile. Her eyes are still closed, but the action is more to convince me than her at this point. Her hand is lifted, too, waiting for me to take it. I do, and crouch beside her table to hear her clearly as I can see her spotted and lumpy throat twitching, words attempting to leave her.

"Val?" she chokes out, still wanting to see her sister.

I hesitate, not sure how to tell Hayden that she wouldn't see Valerie ever again, the only true family she had left. I can tell that there isn't time even if I'm not fully aware of everything transpiring outside this room, because Liam wouldn't have done this. He would have found Scott, or even gone to track Valerie down himself. He would never leave me; he would always come back to me. But that wasn't something I could tell Hayden. All of that would lead to her feeling terror and remorse in her final moments. I had experienced that, I had confronted death with nothing but regret and fear and I couldn't let my friends feel the same. I couldn't end Hayden's physical pain but her suffering could be eased by a few words, even if they were just pretty lies.

"She's on her way, Hayden," I say with false relief. "Scott found her."

Melissa's movements pause in my peripheral vision. She had been readying another IV drip but stopped as she understood the weight of what I'd said. Telling a dying girl her final wish is going to come true when it's not certainly isn't something those with morals would encourage, but I wasn't about to start acting righteous here and now. And it's worth it when Hayden fights through her agony to smile the slightest bit. It's consoling, until her hand begins to go limp in mine, as if her bones are turning into jelly. I hold onto her, keeping her hand in mine as her fingers threaten to slip through.

"Valerie's almost here, okay? That means you have to hold on," I plead.

"Jac?" Hayden breathes out, her breath hitching.

"I'm right here. What is it?" I lower my head closer to hers, not able to hear her from any distance greater than a few inches. Hayden's warm breath fans my face as I stare at her, waiting for whatever potential final request she may ask of me. I do my best to compartmentalize, having done that countless items before. There's a shameful part of me that feels sick over how easily I can brush off my best friend dying, but then I remind myself that I've done it before, and the sickness fades.

Hayden forces her eyes open, looking at me for the first time in hours with nothing but the carnage of metal. The mercury she was injected with blinds me from her as it floods her eyes. She tries to blink it away to see me, but all that's left is silver.

"I can't feel anything," she breathes out, a sparkling tear sliding down her cheek as an abundance of it overflows her waterline. It glides down the length of her face, and her short gasps grow heavier with its fall.

"I know," I say grimly, accepting this for what it is.

I had seen with my own eyes that pain was the price of living. Only death could provide true solace for such a burden of suffering as Hayden's. My responsibility now was to make this as numb as possible for her. It was a privilege I wasn't able to give my mother, father, or Allison, but I could do it now. I had thought that Hayden was my chance at redemption for not saving them, but maybe she wasn't. Maybe she could at least be my chance to let a person I care for die without further torment.

"It's okay. It'll all be okay," I whisper evenly, doing what I can to keep my composure.

Hayden's hand twitches in mine. For a second, I think this is it, she's gone limp and it's over, but it's not. Hayden fights to hold on as she shifts her fingers, linking my pinky with hers. That youthful action that truly began our bond is now being used to mark its end.

"No matter what?" she asks through every breath, words barely audible.

I offer her a soft laugh in return, thankful she could spare that for me.

"Yeah, no matter what," I agree without hesitation.

Whatever space between life and death where Allison waited for me, I hoped she would greet Hayden there. I hoped she would care for her as I had both of them, and guide Hayden on whatever journey waited after that existence. I hoped neither of them would feel any torment again, and though they weren't with me any longer, would still wait until I found my way to them, forever. I hope, above all else, because that's all Hayden had ever given me since the very day we met.

"It's okay," I repeat, placing my other hand over our linked fingers.

Hayden nods and does her best to reciprocate my grasp as much as she can. That lasts for only a minute before her hand goes slack, her shattered breathing stops, and the machines she's attached to give off their independent alarms to signal what's just happened. I fall deaf to them all as I look into Hayden's silver eyes that posthumously gape at me, waiting for a sign of life that never comes.

"Hayden?" I whimper softly; desperately.

There's no answer, no warmth. No more hope. There's only death here, with everything else I've touched, and it means the mission is finally over.

At Hayden's tableside, I drop to my knees, pressing them into the vinyl tiles of the hospital floor as my limbs fail me. All of my energy has been sucked away and is replaced with an intense numbness I hadn't felt since that horrid night at Oak Creek. I hold onto Hayden's body as I had Allison's, trying to will some of my own life force into her, but it doesn't work. All I could do was sit here in the aftermath of a string of endless vows and promises that had decimated my best friend, wondering if it was all my fault.

Melissa doesn't make any moves to revive the girl in my arms. She knows Hayden is beyond saving, probably has been since that needle entered her neck, and her efforts would only prove to defile a young girl's corpse. She simply stands on the other side of the table, watching as I bury my face into Hayden's jacket, and my low muffled cries add to the tragic symphony of her death. I find a sort of comfort in being close to her like this, more than I ever would have with her in life. I can handle decay; be familiar with it enough to get by. That's why when I feel a warm hand come to rest on my upper back, I can't help but whip around to shove it away.

The abrupt and borderline harsh action causes Melissa to stumble away from me, keeping her distance. I flinch as I see the tiniest shred of fear in her eyes, as I never so much as even glared at her before, let alone allowed my hands to caress her so brutishly. I want to apologize for it but Melissa takes a returning step forward, emphatically brushing me off. It's more than I deserve, but I'm too weak to oppose. Melissa takes that as an opening to reach for me again with a delicate hand extended in question, but when I put my back to her, I hear it fall at her side.

"You have to go," I say to her, trying to speak clearly through my taut throat.

"What?" Melissa questions, almost offended. To her, it probably seems like I don't want her here, but it's actually the exact opposite. There was nothing she could do for us now, but if her son was out there in need of aid, her responsibilities lay elsewhere.

"You need to find Scott. Trust me. Go to the high school, Mason should be there looking for him right now," I urge her, forcing out the words.

I can hear the hesitation in her silence. Melissa wants to stay, to be a nurturing presence, but as much as I wished the contrary, she wasn't my mother. Her true child was out there, possibly in danger, and she needed to be with him, and I couldn't stand in her way.

"Jac, honey," Melissa coaxes tenderly. "You shouldn't be alone like this."

She moves closer to me again, and I can picture her hand reaching for me once more. The image is enough to set me off, as all I can think about is the hands of others who had touched me in unwanted times. I don't want to feel the skin of another living thing on my own, and old habits of aversion creep up on me as I grasp Hayden's body tighter. Her decaying flesh which grew increasingly colder by the second was all I could handle.

"Just go!" I shout at Melissa, my temper uncontained as I turn to sneer at her. She winces as my voice bounces off the walls of the empty room, and my eyes become steel. I swallow the regret over that and return my focus to Hayden, finding as much solace as I can with the dead.

"Just go," I whisper this time, unable to do much else, and she obliges without another objection.

It's only a few seconds later when I hear the elevator leave our floor do I allow the full impact of my sobs to surface, my chest heaving violently as I hold onto what's left of Hayden. I was trained not to mourn until the mission was done, and it finally was. I wasn't able to save her, just as I couldn't save others before. I had thought I could change it, that Deaton was right and fate and destiny weren't the same, but he was wrong. Some things were unchangeable; inevitable. Destiny and fate were sisters that went hand in hand through this world just as loss and grief did. Our own force of will didn't matter, not in the end.

The hollowness of the natural world is all that I hear when my cries fade. I remain on my knees at Hayden's side, only moving away momentarily to strip her of the wires and tubes that tarnish her corpse, and shut her marred eyes to hide her mercury gaze. After that, I keep my hand around hers and my head pressed onto her shoulder for what feels like hours, until the elevator dings softly from the outside hallway, and footsteps announce someone's arrival.

I pull back from Hayden's body and turn to the doorway expectantly.

"Liam?" I call out pleadingly, desperate for his comfort.

My desires falter when it's not my Beta who reveals himself, but Theo. His eyes find me first and his expression goes through a rapid range of emotions. He's confused as to why I'm on my knees in the middle of the room, until his eyes pass mine to Hayden, and his features darken as he advances on me at a slow pace.

"Jac, I'm so sorry," he says in a low voice.

I bow my head to avert my eyes from his, swiftly wiping at my face with the back of my hand to cleanse it of dampness. It's all I can do to preserve some sense of dignity.

"Everything we tried... none of it worked," I admit brokenly. "It wasn't enough."

"That's not your fault," Theo assures me instantly. I look up at him, grateful. He may not have been Liam or a real member of the pack just yet, but he was still my friend, and I didn't want to endure this on my own. His words were ones I needed, because currently, I only felt the opposite of their sentiments.

Theo extends his hand to me, an offer to help me from the floor. I accept and allow him to pull me back to my feet, tapping his shoulder in thanks before moving away, putting space between us for the sake of his warmth not transferring to me.

"We have to find Scott and Liam," I say after a beat, making his confusion return.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think something happened to them. They should've been here a long time ago," I explain cryptically. Being vague was easier than explaining to Theo that my gut had a voice of its own, and it was beyond paranoid.

"What about Hayden?" he questions softly.

I avoid his eyes again, focusing on the aforementioned girl. Her skin is pale and her soul is vacant. She's in a world outside of ours now, and there's nothing any of us could do to change that. The only thing I have left is to be sure no more of my friends follow her.

"Parrish will be here soon. He's gonna take her," I argue slowly.

The deputy was the one collecting the chimera bodies, even ones he had never been told about. There was clearly something inside of Parrish that could sense them and their tragic deaths. He probably felt Hayden die and would be on his way in no time. I didn't want to become an obstacle for him, especially after what he did to Theo and Stiles for merely watching Josh's body, because part of me knew I wouldn't be able to handle watching him carry Hayden off into the unknown. I wouldn't be able to allow her to slip away without a proper burial, not willingly. All I could do was turn my cheek instead.

"You should still see her go," Theo counters, urging me to stay.

"What about Scott and Liam?" I reply.

"I'll go and look for them," he swears.

An agreement is on the tip of my tongue. I want to stay here and be with Hayden through it all, but to see her be taken away, her body dragged off somewhere outside of my knowledge, I didn't want to take part in that. I also couldn't handle sitting here in my defeat while Liam may be in trouble, even Scott. I had mourned long enough, but now there was a new mission for me to tolerate my ghosts for.

"No." I step back from Theo, shaking my head firmly. "I need to make sure Liam's okay."

I leave the wolf, going to a nearby side table to reclaim my phone from its surface after I had left it there when coming back in from the hallway earlier. I tap on the screen of the device hoping for anything from Liam, or Mason and Scott, but their lack of contact continues. However, my phone isn't entirely absent of notifications.

There are over a dozen calls from Braeden.

Tension builds within me, as it had been some time since I last heard from the mercenary personally. Her contact didn't often follow the best of news and I figured it was good to call her back as quickly as possible. I attempt to do so, but my actions halt as Theo comes up behind me.

"All you had to do was grieve. Is that really so hard for you?" he asks, his voice cruel and revealing.

It twists my stomach into a knot and my chest grows cold, as if my heart has been doused in a subzero abyss. His spiteful tone digs in painfully from within me, and I realize too late that it's impossible to put up my defenses to protect myself from that because I've already allowed him inside. Slowly, I turn to face him, and find nothing but rage in his light stare.

"What'd you just say?" I ask, wondering if I misheard him. It's a foolish act.

In a swift lunge, Theo tries to grab at me. I dodge him efficiently and my phone slips out of my hands from the rapid movement, clattering to the floor. I don't try to double back for it, especially when Theo kicks it away, still advancing on me as I take equal steps back, moving with him in the opposite direction. My shock and current state get the better of me here. I'm entirely unaware that he's leading me into one of Melissa's abandoned tray tables, so when it connects with my hip and leaves me momentarily surprised, it allows him to wrap his hand around my neck and push me until my back meets a wall.

I move to kick him away but Theo expects it, having seen my fighting style of distance and then brute action. He forces his entire body against mine and pins my every limb under his swiftly. His warmth and scent overwhelm me, sending me into a frenzy of overstimulation. His face leans in close, only an inch from mine as his eyes glow gold and his heavy breaths coat my skin. He's allowing his shift to surface, using his enhanced strength to keep me docile as I struggle. It's the move of a coward who couldn't handle a fair fight.

"What are you doing?" I gasp out as his hand clutches at my throat.

Theo smirks, the same one he always wore. I had once seen it as amusing, almost endearing, but now I only saw it as sadistic as I understand what's happening and what it means. Everything becomes clear as his fingers tighten around my neck; how we were always fighting a losing battle, how it seemed that all we did meant nothing. It was because we had someone working against us from the start, destroying the foundation of what we stood on. Stiles had always been right, and I didn't know if I would ever be able to tell him that with the thirst for my blood Theo's glowing gaze clearly held.

"Finishing what I started," he answers genuinely, his fury beyond honest.

His fingers clench, keeping me in a tight hold. He eases his weight off me for a moment, only so he can then bring my body forward, and then slam it back into the wall, forcing me into unconsciousness so I can wallow in the darkness, and my regret.

~

||| A/N |||

vote and/or comment, if ya want!

hey everyone. again, sorry for not posting for so long. got really busy with school and even went through a heartbreak (gross lol), so needed some time to think and couldn't do that balancing a bunch of stuff.

im not giving up on our story though, just needed a break. i hope you're all doing well, and thanks to those who stuck around.

more updates to come

<3