Happy new year eveyone!

Life's been sucky recently. Not too much, just kinda in general.
I'm feeling a weird complexity of emotion rn, like a mix of boredom, restlessness, worry, bit of sadness, disgust with myself, among other things I can't quite identify.
Winter break is coming to an end, and I'm dreading the hell that is school. I have to go to classes I hate, I have to see my ex, which probably won't even happen cuz she keeps skipping the class I have with her so I'll be worrying over nothing, I have to get my grades up and worry about my dad badgering me over it.

Not to mention I need to talk to my mom as to why I'm avoiding her eventually, and I have no clue where to start with that. Do I call or just text? What the hell am I supposed to say? Do I let her say anything, and if she does, do I ignore it or respond?

I have so much art I haven't finished that I'm beating myself up over, I have a rp to write, I need to study ASL cuz I actually really want to learn that unlike some of the random bullshit they teach you in highschool!  Like, I don't give a shit about the bonds of protein! Why don't you teach my how to do stuff I might actually want to do as a future job.

Can you tell I over think yet? I'm not even really sure why I'm writing any of this, it's not particularly helpful to anyone. Guess I just needed to rant a little.

Y'know, I started this book bc I needed an outlet, but ultimately it's to help people understand that they aren't alone in feeling these kinds of ways, and aren't any less valid when it becomes mainstream.

I often think I don't have a right to feel the way I do. So man other people -including immediate family- have been through so much worse, and then I realise I'm being a douche to myself and momentary tell myself off.

My dad offered therapy for a long time after my mom left, but after a while of me refusing, he kinda stopped. I'm not really sure how I feel about therapy, bc on one hand, it could be helpful, and on the other, so many things could go wrong.

I'm not really sure how to end this, so I'm gonna end by giving a little advice that I may or may not apply to myself: if your contemplating therapy, go get it (if it's possible)

The end

My hands hurt... freaking mobile...