This one is for @MARIAMbahzad
:)

The hearts wilt
without the remembrance
of their Lord,
like a rose without water.
-WritingAkh-
(Instagram)

Mashal

The sun rays were increasingly dazzling and although I had put up a facade of not being afraid, I couldn't stop reciting the last two surahs of the Quran Al Hakeem.
I could feel Tufan slowing down as the minutes passed by with no sight of water or food. Nothing around us except for sand grains. More sand grains than the number of people in the world. And each sand grain praising its Lord.
Yet we choose to disobey Him.

Sanan was right when he told me to follow the circling birds. The birds had indeed turned to a water source. It wasn't much, less than five feet of sandy water with a few cacti and xerophyte plants around it. For us though, who desperately needed water to survive, it was an oasis of life.
I didn't even have to tell myself to say Alhamdulillah, it just escaped from my lips along with a huge smile.

Tufan didn't stop when he saw the water, instead he paced up his speed and was ready to throw me into the water to show his love but I stopped him in time.
"You can do that to Sanan, okay?" I patted the horse's neck. "Just replace the water with a rock."

By isha time, we had successfully settled beside the water. Sanan had managed to cut open a cactus and present a "nutritious vegan dish that you can't even find in the most expensive restaurant" according to him. I did however appreciate how he started the fire with stones. Zeyara was well hydrated now and survival seemed a lot easier. Alhamdulillah.

The same thing couldn't be said for the people in the cities. The bombs and air strikes came in series and torrents like a hail storm.

To us they seemed like pretty fireworks because of being so far away but in reality they were deadly. Sanan and I knew we would have to stay in the desert until the bombing stopped. Zeyara was no where near fit to travel so far and even if he would have been fit, we couldn't just walk into the middle of a war. That's like suicide.

And exactly like I dreaded, that oasis of life became our home for the next two days. Even though I had began enjoying the "nutritious vegan dish", it was doing little to keep us breathing. Only two days had passed and once again we were on the verge of starvation. Not only starvation but also a strong feeling of helplessness. I could do nothing to help Zeyara other than praying for him. Back in Manchester my college fellows were probably applying to universities and going on vacations. This thought didn't make me feel any better.

However the blessing that Zeyara was with me outweighed all the difficulties. Night had fallen upon us and I sat with his head on my lap as he slept away in his weakness. Sanan sat on the other side of the fire lost in his thoughts while my fingers brushed my husband's hair and continued zikr of Allah. Having Zeyara with me was something that could make me smile even in the darkest of situations and so I was smiling.

Sanan's sudden question caught me off guard and I carefully contemplated whether I should reply or not.
"What do you see in him?" He asked.

"My whole life." I answered curtly. The question was so ridiculous and what was even more ridiculous was the time the question was being asked at.

He snorted in irritation before throwing his head back and folding his arms. "Well thank you for the poetic answer Shakespeare. But what do you really see in him?"

Again with those stupid questions.
"Hair, skin and bones....?" I remarked, feigning a confused expression. "Can't see bones though but I'm pretty sure he has them."

"That just shows how crazy he has made you." He shook his head.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "Crazy in his love." Now I could have just remained silent but I think I was secretly missing Minahil.

He didn't wait to reply. I could feel the annoyance radiating out of his system as he rotated his body to turn away from me.

I wish I could enjoy this but instead it made me feel sympathy for Sanan. He didn't even have someone in his life like I had Zeyara.
Yes, Sanan needed someone but no, that someone wasn't me.

On the third day of our little survival camp near the water, our bodies had become so weak that it was even hard to stand up. The cactus we had been eating was already finished. I had kept some bits for Zeyara but that was it.
Something needed to be done but neither I spoke to Sanan about it, nor did he stop pretending everything was okay.

When the sun began to set and Zeyara began whimpering for food, I started feeding him the last few bits of the nutritious vegan dish. Just as I finished feeding him, he ended up vomiting it all on me. I was more concerned about his stomach going empty again than the dirt on my already filthy clothes.

"Now you must be regretting marrying a burden." I heard Sanan mock when he witnessed the situation.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

I was tired of Sanan continuously passing hurtful comments on Zeyara for the past three days. He had crossed my tolerance level and I couldn't hold myself anymore. "What is your problem Sanan? Why do you keep targeting Zeyara?"

"Because you chose him over me!" He shouted, voicing his resentment.
An eerie silence followed as I felt at a loss of words to reply.

To show more of his frustration Sanan kicked a nearby cactus but later on screamed because of the spikes hurting his foot.
I forced myself not to laugh.

When I had managed to clean sticky stuff off my clothes and Sanan had calmed down a little, I went and sat near him at a safe distance.
"I didn't choose anyone." I whispered. "This was already written. I just made dua and Zeyara was the answer to my dua. You should make dua too."

"Make dua." He repeated my words with distaste. "My duas never get accepted. I'm not a goody two shoes like you."
Pointing up at the sky he continued, "He probably hates me. That's why this is happening."

I knew there was no point in explaining to Sanan that it was actually the other way round. Allah probably loved him. That's why he was going through this trial.
But Sanan wouldn't understand that.

"I'm serious Sanan. Raise your hands up and make dua like the Prophet SAWW taught us."

"Stop it please." He said with grief. "This is ridiculous. If I make dua that you suddenly start hating Zeyara, would that happen?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "Such duas don't get accepted which destroy others' lives! Why don't you make dua that may Allah send you the one who has been written for you and may she be better for you than any other woman in the world?"

Sanan snorted. "You believe in fairytales woman. I'm not a prophet, I don't even pray five times a day and the cherry on the cake is that I've killed people with my own hands. My dua won't get accepted."

"Ugh! Stop being annoying Sanan and make dua right now. You don't need to be a prophet, you don't even need to be a Muslim to make dua! You just have to call on to Allah."

He didn't look convinced at all. Rather, when I kept forcing him he laughed sarcastically and raised his hands in dua saying, "Ya Rab send me a woman from jannat al firdous right now."

"Sanan!" I snapped, "be realistic."

"Okay..." He continued his mockery, "Ya Rab send me a woman from jannat al firdous but since I know it takes time to come down from the seven heavens so I'll be realistic and give her ten minutes to come."

"You are impossible." I sighed in deafeat.

He chuckled ignoring me and continued his 'realistic' dua. "Let her have beady black eyes and silky long hair and let her name be soft and angelic."

"That is why your duas don't get accepted."

"Why? Is that difficult for Allah? No. He can do it. He would have done it if He loved me. The truth is, He just hates me."

"Sanan it doesn't work like tha-"

"Please Mashal." He interrupted. "I've had enough. Go sleep."

My sad eyes watched as he walked off to stand at a good distance away from the camp with his back towards me. The white shalwar kameez he doned had turned brown with blood and dust stains which seemed too strong to be washed off.

The stains weren't stronger than Sanan's morale though. He couldn't be persuaded. It was as useless as trying to eat roti with a spoon.
That comparison just shows how much I'm missing real food which I took for granted every day.

I gave up trying for the day, deciding to let him be and retreated to where I was previously sitting with Zeyara. The desert sand irritated Zeyara's facial wounds so I had tried covering them with pieces of my abaya. That and the darkness of the night covered his face.
"I look scary?" He asked lowly with his eyes closed. It was beyond me how Zeyara figured out I was staring at him when his eyes were closed.

"N-no." My voice cracked, not because I was unsure of my answer but because it was his first proper sentence ever since he got wounded.

"Come closer." He barely whispered, voice overly emotional.

I carelessly wiped a tear and melted into him. We both smelled of blood and wounds and some antiseptic. Yet it didn't revolt us. It was amazing how we had reached this point in our relationship for in the beginning I thought I had to look the best, smell the best, be the best for Zeyara to like me.
Now I knew I just had to be me.

The desert climate was bearable at night, wolves and stray dogs howled in the distance, there were a few bomb blasts to be heard but not many. It took Zeyara a few minutes to fall asleep but for me sleep had always been difficult.

It seemed like a normal night to me.
Oh but how wrong was I.

Less than ten minutes must have passed since my failed conversation with Sanan and the kingdom of sleep had yet not allowed me to enter when gun shots were heard and my eyes snapped open.

They weren't far, they were close. Too close.

The anxiety on Sanan's face was clear as his eyes searched the horizons to find the source of the sound. I stood up in desperation and followed his lead, turning my head in every direction to find the culprit hidden in the dark.

I could only pray for the person to be friendly. We were not in a position to run.

Then we spotted them on the southern horizon. Two men dressed in Alnihayya uniforms chasing a woman advancing towards us.

It was a matter of seconds when the woman took out a gun from her rear pocket, turned around swiftly and shot both the men with a skill that took them off guard. Next I knew, they were on the ground and the lady gracefully put the gun back in its place before continuing to walk towards us.

I was too stunned for my sound judgement to work and I guess Sanan was in a similar state because we did nothing but to stare at the woman as she now leisurely walked towards us.

"Salam. The name's Malaika." She flashed us a confident smile with a heavy Russian accent once she was standing in front of us.
As if she just didn't shoot two guys.

"B- beady black eyes, long hair, within ten minutes....." I gulped audibly.

"Pardon?" She stared at us in confusion but I couldn't stop.

"And what a truly angelic name." I added.

"What?"

"N- nothing." Sanan muttered giving me a side glare as a warning not to speak more and reveal his embarrassing dua. "Apologies. Mashal has not eaten well and maybe that affected her brain."

Malaika gave a tiny close mouthed laugh and was about to answer but her wandering eyes spotted Zeyara lying on the ground behind us.
"There he is! MZS!" She gasped.

She was ready to run up to my husband but my arm lifted to block her way. How could I ignore the two Alnihayya men she killed?
"Excuse me? Who are you again and what do you want?" I asked sternly, still not removing my arm barrier from in front of her.

"Oh come on! Can we do that later please? Its a long story." she frowned.

"Yeah sure. Whatever you want." Sanan smiled a little too politely.

I had to shake my head. Men.

"Sanan!" I glared, "She just killed not one but two people! Astagfirullah."

"Hey! They are just paralysed and they were chasing me! You expected me to go hug them instead?"

"Why were they chasing you?" I narrowed my eyes carefully examining her every move like I was taught at Alnihayya. To confirm if someone is an ally or an enemy you should check their body language.
So far, she seemed neutral.

"Girl you ask so many questions!" She crossed her arms, "Anyone can tell you're Naeem's daughter and MZS's wife."

"How do yo-"

"Gum?" she interrupeted, pulling out a packet of bubble gum from her black pants. "They're not poisoned" she winked at Sanan.

I don't know how but when Sanan accepted the offer, I did too and I don't know when we three sat down around the bon fire but in the next couple of hours, I finally understood the whole story.

Alnihayya was finally making sense.

☆

And I think it will make sense to everyone else too once you read the next chapter in sha Allah. :)

Oh and yes someone is back to writing. Alhamdulillah.

-Muskaan.