T h i r t y  N i n e
This one is for Sydhussain
:)

'O soul at peace,
Return to your Lord,
Well-pleased, well-pleasing.
Join my servants,
Enter my paradise.'

-Surah Fajr| Verse 27-30-
(The Glorious Quran)

☆

Mashal

I was ten when I first saw a caged bird.

It was winter, the temperature a few degrees below zero. I was skipping my way back home from school and the pet shop had displayed the metallic cage on the show window.

I remember the green parrot biting the cage rails with its ruby beak. Tirelessly, moving at different angles to get its freedom.
With my teacher's words in my mind, 'Freedom and independence is a basic right', I still remember sneaking into the little shop and seeing the owner busy with a customer as a chance to open the cage.

The way the parrot fearlessly flew out of the cage is imprinted in my memory. The grunting owner as he tried chasing it around but it escaped out of the shop, out of his grasp and into the sky.

A tiny emerald speck against a pale western sky.

I remember grinning as I stared at the green bird.
"Are you free now?" I had whispered.

To this day, I imagine the parrot writing a 'yes' in the sky.

"Baba... Zeyara-- what is going on?!"

"Sit down Mashal. I'll explain everything." Baba replied in a calm tone, supporting his elbows on the table.

I should've just obeyed him. That way I wouldn't have to experience what happened next but sitting down didn't seem like an option at all.

"No! Zeyara you tell me what's wrong?"
I sprinted over to him and grabbed his arm in a flush of adrenaline. "Why are you not talking to me?!" I shook his arm and stared into his stern, unblinking eyes.

"Get away woman!" He snarled, pulling his arm out of my grip.

Later on I realised the parrot wasn't free. In the shop it was caged and in the open it was chained to the sky.

Zeyara walked over to his seat with a scowl decorating his face, leaving me cold and numb.

I was visibly in shock, asking myself what I did wrong.
Or was Zeyara joking? He had to be joking. He can't do this to me, I know he can't.

"Mashal please take your seat." Baba repeated his words that I had ignored previously.

All eyes in the room were fixed on me except for one pair. I slumped into my seat, at the other end of the table, away from Zeyara.

My eyes were not wet, I was not sad. I was confused. I was shocked.

I glanced at him one last time. He immediately looked away with no expression on his face, mouth remaining just a grim line.

"There are only thirteen people in this world who know that I'm alive. Twelve of them are in this room right now. The ten senior leaders of Alnihayya, my daughter Mashal and me." Baba shrugged slightly.

Everyone was focused on his words but the centre of my focus was still Zeyara. He was slouched comfortably in his chair, arms crossed, eyes gazing down at infinity while my eyes kept asking him, 'Why?'

"All of you, my trust worthy friends. Never mind our age difference." He chuckled lowly. "Khair the reason I called for a meeting today is because I want Alnihayya to attack first. I don't want to wait for them to find out about our hideout and take us by surprise. I want to launch a well planned attack on Israel--"

"But we cannot be the one to wage a war sir! We should rather try avoiding it." Maryam, the leader from Pakistan dejected.

"Sir I agree with Maryam! We don't kill, we defend." Aymur added and all the others acknowledged her with a nod except Zeyara.

"You girls, always so emotional." Baba shook his head. "Think with your brain, not your heart. Do you want them to massacre the Palestinians? Since Israel and USA rejected the evidence we provided, there has been an uproar around the world. All those protests have heated up. The Palestinians are rebelling even more than before. Many extremists have also realized that what they have been doing is wrong. They no longer want to be the puppets of the rich. What do you think the consequences are?"

Baba pressed a button on a tiny black remote in front of him on the table. The screen behind him lit up. He pressed it again and a complicated graphical table appeared on the screen with complex large numbers. "You see the increase in their army recruitment, ammunition budget and weapon purchases. What does that indicate?"

"They're preparing for a war." Miz'an gasped.

Baba nodded, "A nuclear war. Just imagine their army along with IS. The damage they can inflict is outrageous. I doubt any Palestinian will even survive. In the end the courts will dismiss it terming the bloodshed as a 'defense instinct.' Not only that, Alnihayya will be included as a world terrorist organisation. Which one would you prefer then? Attacking first or erasing Palestine completely along with being called a terrorist?"

There was complete silence in the room as the leaders glanced at each other distressed, contemplating baba's words and whispering in each other's ears.

"I'm in." Zeyara was the first one to say, gaining everyone's attention.

Baba smiled at him, before diverting his eyes to the others who were still deciding.

"If that means we save lives then count me in." Ali Ghedi from Somalia announced suddenly.

"Me too." Miz'an added.

"And me." Simayi Wang said.

Soon there was a wave of 'yes' and 'I'm in' in the room. Everyone had agreed to baba's plan. I was the only one who had not yet acknowledged them so they all stared at me expectantly.

All but Zeyara.
I gulped.

Ya hayyu Ya qayyum birehmatika astageeth.
(O living, O eternal in your mercy I seek refuge.)

"I-- I don't want people getting killed even if they are Israelis. Can I please know your plan? How many do you want to kill and how many do you want to save?"

Baba's lips twitched into a smile. "That's my girl. Humna can we please have the statistics and the initial briefing?"

"Yes sir." The robotic reply came from the screen before it began flickering with maps and different graphs.
"According to my calculations, if we wait for them to attack first then we will lose around a thousand men even if we win. The entire Palestinian population will be either killed, exiled or under continous threat. Alnihayya will be termed as a terrorist group, similar to AlQaeda. If we attack first however, we can save the civilians. We won't even have to kill the Israelis. Only their parliament will be dissolved and Palestine can get the occupied land back."

I shook my head dismissively. It seemed easy in words but to actually do that seemed far fetched. "How will you do that baba?"

"We'll do what they did to Palestine. Sneak into their territory and claim it as ours." Zeyara answered my query as he stood up from his chair and walked over to the screen. He tapped it a few times to open a blank page and then started drawing. "This is what Beit Aghion, the Prime Minister's house looks like."

He continued drawing a square with a few blocks on the left, a semi circle at the front and then pointed at the back area. "This is where his office is. On the east, West, North and south--"
He kept drawing circles and labelling the areas as he mentioned them. "There is high security. Cameras. Military. Retina scans. Finger prints. Bodyguards. I've been working on it though and the only way I figured, would be to pretend to be his body guard and then take him down at the right time."

He paused and turned around from the screen to glance at his audience. Even though I was the one who had asked him the question, he looked at everyone but me.
"Meanwhile, some other skilled men can handle the president. He's easy, not much security. He just works as the prime minister's puppet. The real deal however is the army general."

"For him we require a lot of reinforcement right?" Simayi Wang asked.

Zeyara nodded. "Yes. All we have to do is fight the army. The civilians won't get hurt. I personally don't want our women to fight those savages. Instead they would guard the civilians, both, Palestinian and Israeli."

"Fair enough." Miz'an nodded and everyone else acknowledged with a nod or a yes.

"So since that is sorted.." Baba smiled at me again. "Do you have any other questions?"

I glanced at my husband once again. Our eyes met for a brief second before he once again broke the contact.

And I've heard it before. 'Only two types of people cannot make eye contact. The one who is hiding a lie and the one who is hiding a love.'

I fixed my eyes back on baba. "When do you plan to attack?"

"Three months seems like a long enough time to prepare."

I nodded positively.

"Okay then. That's all I had to say. The next time we meet in sha Allah, I want all the leaders to tell me how far your squad has progressed on the matter. Till then, the meeting is dismissed."

The leaders exchanged salaams and then started leaving the room gradually. I stayed put in my chair until everyone was gone and only me, Zeyara and baba were left.

Baba put on his mask, ready to leave and Zeyara got up as well but I ran and stood in front of the door, blocking their way.
"Zeyara I am your wife. You can't shut me out like this. I deserve an explanation." I muttered with my shaky lips and wet eyes, pleading him.

"I don't have time for this. Get out of my way." He snarled.

His words stabbed me right in my chest, making my tears flow freely. I couldn't come to terms that he was the same Zeyara who had loved and cherished me so much, although only for just one day.

"At least tell me what I did wrong sheikh?" I whispered, taking off my veil to reveal my face. "Have you forgotten me so soon? Do you not recognize me?"

How could he un-love me so easily? There I was enslaved by his thoughts, missing his face, missing his scent, his hair, his being. And there he was, saying that he doesn't have time for me.

"I do recognize you. The biggest mistake of my life!" He spat with gritted teeth and a stony expression of anger. "I think I should rather get rid of you. I should divorc--"

"Please don't say that." My hand flung over to cover his mouth before he could complete his sentence. I hiccupped as I tried to speak. "I'll do whatever you say. Just don't use that word. I-- I'll die Zeyara."

I think it was just my imagination but his lips curled into a slight smile under my warm hand, even though his eyes were still burung with rage.

Before I knew, he had pulled my hand off his face and stormed out of the room like a hurricane.

Biggest mistake.

Heavy sobs escaped my lips and my insides contracted. He was so close to leaving me.
He was just about to divorce me.

"I told you marrying him was not a good idea." Baba said. He seemed so remorseful. "Yes he is a good fighter but he's also a good pretender, a good liar. What he is not, is a good husband. You shouldn't have trusted him."

《■■■■■■■》

I slurped the spaghetti into my mouth. The sooshing sound would've been embarrassing but the cavern was so full of life and bustle that no one could hear the evidence of my lack of table manners.

I was sitting alone for lunch. There was no sign of Minahil or Ibrahim. Minahil was probably still with the gynaecologist and Ibrahim must be at the men's side out of my view.

The food didn't seem tasty, the juice seemed bland and everything else felt colourless.
The colour seemed to be stolen by Zeyara.

I had just mumbled Alhamdulillah after finishing the food when Minahil appeared out of the crowd and sat down in front of me.
She looked as if she had just ran in a marathon. Hair sticking out at weird angles, panting for breath and a huffing sound. "The doctor gave me a huge lecture on how abortion is haram. I tried explaining my situation and she said that it's still better not to get the abortion because the scholars debate on it being halal or haram."

"So....?"

Minahil sighed and looked down. "So I decided to keep it. I have already done a lot of haram. But then she did an ultrasound and--"

"You decided to keep it?? Minahil are you out of your mind?!"

"Listen to me first!" She wailed, "I'm not pregnant Mashal. In fact I don't think I ever can."

I stared at her in disbelief trying to make sense of her words. "W- what?"

"Yes." She nodded. "You know how I've been smoking for years now? It was because of that I'm late. It's because of that I've been having breathing problems."

"No." I gasped remembering Humna's words.

Unless she has lung cancer, a heart disease or is pregnant.

"I deserve it and it's better than being pregnant at least. The doctor thinks I have either TB or an initial stage of lung cancer." She blurted out.

I didn't know what to say. On the one hand I wanted to hug her for not being pregnant and on the other hand, I wanted to cry for her cancer.

"Cancer?" I heard a familiar low, gloomy voice from behind me.

I turned my head around to look at my brother who stood there frozen, almost lifeless.

"Yes but don't get too excited. It's just the first stage. This uncivilised rude girl is not gonna die so soon." Minahil chuckled.

"Alhamdulillah." Ibrahim visibly heaved a sigh of relief. "The way you were saying it felt like you were going to die any minute and pollute the environment. If you want to die you're most welcome but please don't do it in here. I don't like smelling dead people."

"At least I don't smell like a dead person while I'm alive. Unlike you!" Minahil fired back.

"At least I'm alive." Ibrahim scoffed, "You're not even-"

"Please!" I screamed in frustration, "stop it! Why do you hate each other so much?"

"I don't hate her! I-- I......nevermind. I'll see you later Mashal." Saying this, he turned around and walked away.

Minahil stifled a low chuckle staring at his back as he slowly disappeared from our view.
"I don't hate him either." She said, "but if he was dying of thirst and I had a glass of water--"

"You'd drink it yourself." I shrugged, "it's an old joke now."

"Nah I won't drink it. I would throw it on his hot head to cool it off."

I rolled my eyes at her remark. I guess if I wasn't sad about Zeyara's behavior, I would've even laughed at that.

Minahil was about to say something else to continue the conservation but she jerked sharply as if someone pushed her. She coughed violently, gasping for breath.

I rushed over to her and patted her back to stop the whooping coughs but it wasn't working.
"Wat--a-r" She said in between her coughs.

Terrified I nodded but there was no water left on our table, the jug was empty. I was running over to the next table when Ibrahim caught my arm. "What happened?" He asked observing my panicked face as there wasn't any water on the next table as well.

"M-Minahil she's coughing. Needs- water-" I managed to voice my disturbing thoughts.

Ibrahim glanced at Minahil's table, his face flushed with an unknown emotion and he ran to the men's side. He came back within seconds with a glass of water in his hand. I watched from a distance as he fussed around her, propping the glass near her lips.

She drank and inhaled sharply before the coughs finally died out. I got back to my senses and rushed towards them. When he saw me, Ibrahim backed off sheepishly.

"Are you okay?" I asked Minahil for confirmation.

"Yes." she huffed before taking another sip. "I'm fine. Thanks Ibby."

"Ibby?" I faced Ibrahim and raised my brow playfully.

He frowned and gave me a death glare. "I shouldn't have helped this girl. This is what I get, a girly nick name."

"Ibby If calling you Ibby annoys you then I'll always call you Ibby from now on, Ibby." Minahil chuckled.

Ibrahim groaned and looked directly at Minahil. "Listen...woman....miss whatever--"

"Hey! I'm a girl." She dejected.

"Listen girl you seriously get on my nerves and I'm sure if you were a boy, I would've murdered you by now so please stop being so free with me. I don't like such girls who mix freely with men." Ibrahim's voice was dead serious and stern, almost angry.

Minahil scoffed and stood up to face him while I quietly observed their exchange. I don't know why but I didn't feel like interrupting them.
"Yeah I know what type of girls you like. Ones who can't talk back to you, who obey your every fu***** command, ones who can't swear, the ones who cover their entire bodies as if they are a defected piece, ones who cook and clean for you and satisfy your urges. I know you can't stand me because I'm an independent woman, not superssed by you dominant males who think so highly of themselves."

I was transfixed by her speech, lost and motionless. I could tell Ibrahim felt the same for a moment before he answered her.

"I'm not like that." He shook his head. "Yes, I don't like women being uncovered but I would never force anyone. Instead I would opt to lower my gaze. And yes, I don't like you talking back to me, it bothers me but not because of what you think. It's because I respect you. Cooking and cleaning? I've been doing it myself ever since my father left my mother and my mother remarried to someone else who didn't need me."

"I'm sorry but I don't feel sorry for you. You say you would never force a woman to wear a veil? That makes me want to laugh. Dude you will force your wife to wear like ten abayas before she steps out of the house. I pity the poor woman."

Ibrahim clenched his fists and then unclenched them, feeling uneasy and restless. "I won't. I would encourage her because that is the right thing to do but I won't force her, ever."

"Prove it." Minahil spat, her face layered with upmost confidence and gaze fixed on Ibrahim. "Marry me."

"That is not--"

"What? Already backing away from your words?" She chuckled sarcastically. "I knew it."

"Fine. I was concerned about your family but yes I'm ready. I will marry you."

My face was stuck in an incredulous expression, desperately scrambling my mind to make sense of what was happening. My lips slightly parted in disbelief.

"Oh really? What if I say I'm not even a virgin, I smoke and I've had a grajillion boyfriends since high school." Minahil smirked, sure that Ibrahim would decline her.

Instead he pursed his lips and said firmly. "I'll still marry you. I'll prove what I said."

"Yeah as if." She rolled her eyes.

"Are you the one backing off now?" Ibrahim rose his brow, smirking.

"I don't ever back off." Minahil crossed her arms in front of her. "I will marry you and I bet it won't last more than a month."

"I assure you, it will last forever." Ibrahim half smiled and glanced at me. "You be the witness Mashal, I'll win."

Saying this, he walked off leaving me stunned. My eyes moved over to Minahil who was just as much in shock as I was.
"Minahil what did you just do?"

She stared at me, her eyes clicking wet and a weak smile forming on her lips.
"Proposed him." She mouthed before turning around and storming away.

I could've accepted the moon to be a triangle more than accepting what just happened.

My life is like a tasbih (prayer beads) where each day is like a new unpredictable bead.
Just like the serenity you get after finishing the zikr on a tasbih, I'm sure I'll get the serenity of being with Allah.

One day, in sha Allah.

☆

I have a million excuses for this late update but I'm just going to ask you for forgiveness by bribing you with a new update tomorrow in sha Allah. 😂

What do you think is wrong with Zeyara now? 🤔

-Muskaan.