T w e n t y  T w o
This one is for FarzanaBai

:)

They asked me who I loved, I gave them 99 names.

☆

Mashal

I was lying on the bed, face upwards, playing with my hair. I constantly wound and unwound the strands around my finger.

The door opened and then closed as I felt someone sit down on the bed beside me. I knew it was Ibrahim and I was too stubborn to look at him.

"You shouldn't have said all that." He sighed in exasperation.

I didn't care to reply and continued torturing my hair.
Two days had passed since Zeyara and I had that argument. I had been waiting for him to come and apologise but I guess he is too hot headed and thinks it wasn't his fault at all.
Idiot. He doesn't have the guts to even face me. Oh wait, not even face, just eye me. (Because my face is always covered duh!)

"Hello! Mashal I'm talking to you." Ibrahim nagged me with his elbow, trying to get me to talk.

I still didn't reply. I had expected Zeyara to come but instead Ibrahim came and that too, after two days. I know I seem like an attention seeker but it seriously annoys me that he didn't come.

"Go away." I said in an irritated voice.

"I just came to tell you that Sanan has been released because of you." He muttered, getting up. "I thought you might want to see him before he goes."

I sat up now and glanced at him. "Yeah and confirm that I really love him?"

"As if." He laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not an idiot. I know you."

I looked away from him and whispered lowly to myself. "Zeyara doesn't."

"Did you say something?"

"No." I mumbled, getting off the bed. Securing my veil, I said in the most sarcastic tone I could manage. "Okay then. Take me to the love of my life."

"Zeyara?" Ibrahim asked, amused raising his brow.

"Yeah.....what!? No!"

I watched as my cheeks grew red while he tried suppressing his laughter. "Come on." He chuckled and walked out of the room.

I followed him out of the room, while the irritating fact that Zeyara did not come to say sorry, lingered in my head.
We walked through the vivid coridoors of Alnihayya crowded with the men in that secret agent uniform. Ibrahim seemed to know most of them as he exchanged salaams with them.

I was going to see Sanan and I had no idea what to feel. After the accusation Zeyara had put on me, I was rethinking everything. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to see Sanan anymore.

I was lost in my thoughts, unaware that we had actually walked into a room.

"Assalam o alaikum!" It was when I heard Sanan's cheerful greeting in his recognizable rough voice, that my mind registered we were finally there.

"Walaikum Salam." Ibrahim replied back in his dry, uninviting tone. He hated Sanan passionately, just like Zeyara.

My eyes scanned Sanan carefully, taking in every detail. It seemed as if ages had passed since I last saw him in the helicopter. He had white bandages on his arm and leg but other than that, he looked fresh and happy in a plain white t shirt and blue jeans.
He had just got a new life, why won't he?

Sanan ignored Ibrahim's bitterness and glanced at me with a full beaming smile. "Mashal....." he gasped, not saying anything more he just kept looking at me.

I felt like he wasn't going to say anything so I tried speaking, "I'm glad you're alright."

"It's all because of you!" He exclaimed, joy overtaking him. "The only reason I'm still alive and the only reason I know I was wrong is-"

"Is Allah." I said, interrupting him in mid sentence.

He smiled at this and stared at me with his full sensuous face. He was the same tall, authoritative man who could ride a horse skilfully without a bridle, who was strong enough to fight off three men at a time, who had a whole lot of people to command but he had changed so much now.

Ibrahim just stood there with his arms crossed during out entire conversation. He didn't say anything and had a smug expression on his face. I knew he didn't want to be here but he was just here because of me.

"It's okay Ibrahim you can leave. I assure you Sanan won't bite me in your absence." I mocked him.

His eyes travelled from Sanan and then back to me. "If he even moves an inch from where he is standing, I'll kill him." He threatened, pointing his finger at Sanan. "I still remember what he said for my sister and I won't tolerate that again." He gritted his teeth and gave Sanan a death glare before walking out.

"At this point, I would've grabbed his collar if I was still the old me." Sanan chuckled as soon as Ibrahim was out of sight.

I suprsessed the urge to laugh and glared at Sanan. "Don't."

He raised his hands up in defence and said sarcastically. "I know Ma'am. I know."

Sanan motioned for me to sit down and I did. We were at a perfectly safe distance away from each other but I still moved back a bit in my chair.

I guess that was for Zeyara more than for Ibrahim's threat.

We sat there for a minute in that akward silence while I played with my fingers.
I tried starting a conversation. "So uh- what are you going to do now?"

He smirked and looked down at the black tiled floor. "I'm gonna try to find a decent job and start revising Quran again. I think till I find a good job, I can teach kids to read Quran...that way I can make a living and earn reward at the same time."

"So from a terrorist to a Quran teacher?" I laughed, mocking him with my raised brow.
But inside, I was quite impressed by him.

"Yeah something like that." He replied and then added. "I'm also thinking of getting married. I don't want to live all alone. I have no one. I want to have someone I can call family. I want to be loved." Sanan started whispering in a low voice, maybe he didn't want me to heart it but I did. "Even my mom hated me because I was a dark spot on her chastity. Now I want to be the white glowing moon for someone."

As he finished his sentence, I tried to hold back the wave of heavy emotions in me that urged me to hug him and whisper, 'everything would be alright'.
And I'm pretty sure I would've done that if he was a girl.
It pained me to see him like that.

"Know that Allah loves you." I reassured him. "And as for a human, don't worry. I'm pretty sure someone would love you so much that you'll forget everything."

He looked up at me, his eyes pierced straight through mine. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. It felt as if he was struggling to speak. After a few more seconds of trying, he finally stuttered. "W-would yo-you want to be the one?"

What?
Astounded, my mouth opened to form a sentence but I was at a loss of words as my mind registered what he meant.
I blinked and stared at him, uncertain what to say while Sanan stared at me with eyes full of hope and expectation.

When I didn't reply, he continued speaking. "Please don't say no." Sanan pleaded. I could almost see his eyes glistening wet. "You're the only one who can keep me sane. I would've been lost forever if you didn't show me the right path. I know I don't have much but I promise I'll give you whatever you need. You're....you're beautiful Mashal. Ever since I saw your face, I just....Please I need you. Marry me please?"

I gaped, not knowing what to say to him. I didn't want to break Sanan's heart but I didn't want to break mine either. I knew Sanan was an amazing person. He had already gone through a lot of hatred and rejection. I didn't want to be the one to reject him again and shatter his hope into broken glass pieces which can't be taped together.

I took a deep breath and bottled up my courage.
You wanted to be strong Mashal? To defend yourself?
This is your first step then.
Learn to say no.

"Sanan I don't think I'm the right person for you." I confessed, looking right into his eyes, without stuttering. I wanted to be stronger and this was one step up. "I don't want to get married right now. I know you're old enough to get married but I'm only seventeen. I can't even think of it."

Sanan seemed as if he had been hit by a truck and I hated to see him like that, knowing that I was the cause of it. "I- I can wait for you-"

"It's not just my age Sanan. It's that...." I trailed off, without letting him complete his sentence.

"You like someone else?" He asked genuinely and calmly, as if holding himself back.

I bit my lip, not being able to come up with an explanation. I decided not to speak and just nodded my head as a yes.

Sanan heaved a cold sigh and looked away, breaking our stare. "I guess I know who it is." He huffed in defeat. "I'm an idiot. You deserve so much more than me. You don't deserve to get married to your father's killer."

I shook my head. "Shaytan was my father's killer not you. You have repented and if Allah can forgive then who am I to hold grudges?"

We sat there in silence, not saying anything. We were both in deep thought. I knew who Sanan might be thinking of and I know who I was thinking of.
Both of us had the same person on our mind.
Zeyara.

When the silence became deafeningly loud, I stood up from my chair. Sanan also stood up with me.

I looked up at him one last time. I knew it would be extremely rare if I would ever get to see him. "Best of luck for your future Sanan. I'll pray that you get the best woman out there as a wife." I said, my voice was heavy and I think I was about to cry but I held myself together.

He looked devastated to say the least. He suddenly looked tired and exhausted instead of the fresh Sanan I had seen earlier. Still, he gave a forced smile. "I still wish it was you but that's fate isn't it? Fate has never been good to me."

"Don't say that!" I snapped. "Stop being ungrateful. You just got a new life Sanan, you need to take a fresh start. I'm nothing, you deserve much better than me."
And I know I meant it.

He didn't seem convinced but nodded.

"Ma'a Salama" I murmured. "Take care."

He raised his brow instinctively at my words. "Was that arabic?" he asked in confusion. "I thought you were Pakistani."

I smiled and nodded. "I'm an Arab as far as I know but I know urdu as well so Allah Hafiz."

He sighed in despair. "Allah Hafiz."

I turned around slowly and took a step towards the door when Sanan spoke again. "Good bye."

"Good bye." I mumbled and took another step.
We had already said Allah Hafiz, take care and ma'a salama but I guess Sanan wanted to say goodbye in every possible way.

I took another step and he said once again. "See you."

"Soon." I chuckled and took another step before grabbing the door handle.

"I'll always remember you Mashal Naeem." I heard him whisper before I walked out of the room.

As I walked away from there, I knew in my mind that Sanan's chapter had ended in the book of my life.

There was one person however, whose chapter I think, would never end.

It was 12 o' clock and I knew that this was the time for his routine workout so I literally ran to the north sector, towards the practice hall.

I was happy and I had a clear head. I don't know what I was going to say to Zeyara and I wasn't even sure if he would listen to me because he was really angry but none of that mattered at that moment.

I was actually flying like a bird through the coridoors, ignoring the men looking at me as if I had lost my mind.

As I reached nearer to the practice hall, I could hear Zeyara's deadly punches but they were louder and much more different than before.

I didn't care and shrugged the thought off, thinking that he might have changed his punching bag.

It was when I finally reached the hall and was standing at the door, that I realised why the sound of his punches was different.

"Zeyara! No!"
My scream echoed in the whole sector, invading the silence.
My hands reached up to my mouth in shock.

The white wall had been painted red with his bleeding punches. Zeyara was continuously using his bare fists to smack the wall. His knuckles dripped in blood and the wall had now started cracking where he had been punching.

He stopped abruptly in the middle of a punch when he heard my voice.
He turned around to face me and I swear I heard my heart break in my chest at his sight.

His beautiful curls were gone. He had cut them off too short, almost bald. His eyes were begging for sleep and his tan skin looked pale.
He looked so depressed and sick.

"What have you done? You idiot!" I howled, running up to him. My eyes were now wet. I suprsessed the urge to hold him.

The accumulation of the past few days, Sanan's words, my argument with Zeyara, Ibrahim's sentences, they all got their toll on me and my walls broke down. They came down crashing, making me cry.

"You were the one who said I was weak, ugly and that my hair-"

"Shut up!" I muttered, "You are not weak and you don't need to punch a wall to prove that! I have seen you tearing off a new bag every day. You're not ugly, you're- you're....your hair and everything...you just!"
I didn't even know what I was saying and whether that made any sense at all. "I hate you!" I bellowed. "You're a coward. Why don't you just say it already?"

"Say what?" He grimaced, trying to wipe the blood off his knuckles with his shirt.

"Nothing." I spat and turned around in anguish to walk away from there. I couldn't bear to see him like that.

I had reached the door and was about to exit when I heard him let out a tiny laugh. "Okay....I feel attracted towards you. You're like a continuous fitnah for me"

Seriously? Was that supposed to make me feel good or bad to know that I am a 'fitnah'
Ignoring his sentence, I continued walking.

"Okay stop! Mashal I like you?" He said, which seemed more of a question than a statement. He mumbled with difficulty as if it was totally haram to say it.

And I guess it was.

"Still not good enough." I hissed and took another step away.

"Fine. I- we're Muslims. I haven't even seen you ever so I don't know how to praise you. I can't think of anything else to say other than, I want my nikah to be with you."

I smiled a little this time and stopped walking. Well, it was better than being called a fitnah.

I know it's cliché to say this but I actually felt butterflies fluttering inside me.
Someone had just asked me out.

"Well then, ask my elder brother for my hand." I shrugged evasively and started walking again without turning to see him. "And just a handy tip, he doesn't like boys who have blood all over their clothes and hands."

I laughed hysterically as I walked out, leaving Zeyara baffled and frustrated. I could imagine him frowning in my mind and I so wanted to turn around to see his expression but I controlled myself.

I blushed as I ran back to my room as fast as I could.
I couldn't wait to be able to hug him and call him mine.

"I'm a bird.
And Allah is enough.
Enough to hold me when my wings are outspread and even when they're folded." I sang all the way back, my eyes were still a bit wet but I guess those were the tears of joy.

☆

Don't you start getting happy and think that everything bad has passed because it hasn't. 😂
No false hope.

Have a good day!
-Muskaan.