S e v e n

A person's tongue can give you the taste of his heart.

-Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah-

☆

Mashal

A prisoner in my own home.

That's what I am.

Because of missing so many days of college, they called me today and I didn't know how to explain the situation to them. Instead, I had to lie that I was sick and couldn't come.

Which was partly true though, as I was depressed.

I never knew how people could actually muster up the courage to self harm. I always used to think that depression was not a thing and even if it was, it could never become so intense that someone would want to cut themselves or even attempt suicide.

But now I know what those people might be feeling when they hurt themselves with their own hands.

Utter useless.

Yes. That is what they might feel. Feeling like everything you do ends up the wrong way and no one needs you.
The feeling that everyone would be better off without you.

I was staring at the beautiful white patterns the cream had formed on my coffee, thinking 'how to feel less useless?'

Thankfully, the sound of the doorbell, snapped me out of my daydream and saved the coffee from the torture of my eyes.
Mama, Papa and Minahil had just left the house a few minutes ago and I was not expecting that knock at all.

Sighing, I ran down the stairs securing my niqab on the way. Maybe Minahil had forgotten something and she had come to get it but still I put my niqab on in case it was not Minahil.

And yes, it was not Minahil at all.

I opened the door only to be shocked by an extremely familiar face of Zeyara. The cold breeze outside made his black curls bounce and his big brown eyes stared at me. It was also the first time that I noticed how tall he was. Also, that his skin was not pale, it was a special kind of tan, a glowing tan.

"Assalam o alaikum." He said after clearing his throat which caught me off guard and I quickly diverted my gaze to the floor.

I had never stared at anyone for so long before. It was plain akward and embarrassing.

"Walaikumsalam" I replied after getting my voice which had lost somewhere, back.

Silence prevailed between us as Zeyara tried to find the right words to say. Then he finally spoke, "Ummm.....I just came to check on you. You've been absent from college for a week now and-"

"That's none of your business!" I snapped at him, a little too harshly.

He was taken aback and tried to speak again but I didn't let him.

"Why did you come to check on me? Who am I to you? We're not related and I'm not your girlfriend. You have no right to care about me!" I bellowed at him with all the anger and annoyance that I could gather.

I even felt my eyes getting wet as I said those words but that was the truth.

I didn't want another tag of shamelesness on me.
I didn't want anyone else to care about me when my own family had stopped caring.
And I absolutely didn't want to start developing feelings for anyone.

During my outburst, Zeyara quietly just stared down at the ground between us innocently. I saw his lips parting as he was about to say something but before he could do so, I slammed the door shut on his face.

"I'm sorry." I whispered behind the closed door in a tone that he couldn't hear.
He hadn't done anything wrong but I had taken the toll of my parents and that strange black eyed man on him. He didn't deserve it.

My legs gave up and I shrank to the floor with my back against the door.
I covered my face with my hands to muffle out the heavy sobs that escaped my lips.

"Hey" I heard Zeyara say from the opposite side of the door which startled me because I thought he had left. "Mashal I know I have no right but still I'm gonna do something. Forgive me if you don't like it."

His voice was full of sorrow and sadness as if he was apologizing but I couldn't understand why.
Then I heard his footsteps walking away and my mind repeated his words.
"I know I have no right but still I'm gonna do something. Forgive me if you don't like it."

What is he going to do?

I wanted to open the door and confront him. Stop him from doing anything that would make me "shameless" again but I couldn't find the courage to do so.

Stress consumed my energy and the constant weeping drained me. Before long, I dozed off there on the floor with my head resting on the door.

It was as if Allah was saying, you've had enough Mashal. Get some sleep now.

《◇◇◇♡◇◇◇》

Everything was beautiful.

There were date palms and pines in the golden sand under the blue sky.
There was a laughing little girl with black eyes and curls that were just too similar to mine.

She was trying to walk but every step she took, she fell.
Her parents were there with her with the same black eyes.

Whenever she took a step they clapped for her and whenever she fell, they picked her up and laughed along with her.

They called her "Mashal."

"Mashal!"

"Mashal!! Wake up you idiot." The all too well known sharp voice of Minahil woke me up from my peaceful dream.

I had totally forgotten that I was sleeping near the front door. As soon as realization hit me, I quickly got up and smoothed down my clothes.

"Couldn't you find any other place to sleep?" Minahil rolled her eyes with her arms crossed.

I didn't feel like replying to her. I was still in deep shock because of the dream I just had so I ignored her mockery and moved towards the stairs to go up to my room.

"Yeah yeah! Go up and get changed. Someone's coming to see you."

I wanted to ignore this comment too but I just couldn't. What does she mean by 'someone's coming to see me?'

I turned to look at Minahil with a confused look on my face. "What?"

"Oh I don't know. Mama said that I have to tell you to wear good clothes." She chuckled with an overexaggerating eye roll, "maybe someone's coming to see you for marriage."

"What?" I gasped in horror at her words.

I couldn't believe it and I didn't trust Minahil to tell me the truth and maybe she was lying just to make a joke of me but I knew my parents well enough.
They could easily do that.

"That is never going to happen!" I growled at her in disbelief and rushed up the stairs to my room.

If what Minahil had said was true, then this time my parents had crossed the limits.
Restricting me from going to college, locking me up in my house, not letting me go anywhere and now they want me to get married?
Never.

I locked myself inside and decided that no matter what happens or what they say, I won't open the door.

I won't let them do this.

A few minutes later, I heard the front door open, followed by the laughter of papa and another man. From his voice, I could tell that the unknown man was almost the same age as papa and they both seemed very happy.

Curiosity got the best of me. Quietly I opened my bedroom door a little and alerted my ears to hear what they were talking about.

"Yes our daughter Mashal is amazing. She finished reading the entire Quran at the age of ten. She also knows a few surahs by heart. You will never be able to find someone better than her." Papa said proudly to his friend in a very happy tone that made my heart lurch in my chest.

Maybe what Minahil said was true. Papa might be telling him about all my good points so he could agree to marry me.

"She's very respectful and courteous." He added.

Respectful and courteous eh?
I'll tell them how respectful I am.

Instant anger took over me and I ran down the stairs with my clenched fists.
How dare they even think of this!

I followed their voices to the living room and pushed the door open rudely.
Without caring to observe anything, I just barked what was inside me.

"I'm not marrying anyone. Get out of my house you old hag. Have you even seen your age?" I spat "You think I'll marry you?"

After saying that out loud, I took the time to observe my surroundings.

Papa was sitting next to a man of almost his age. He had a beard and brown eyes that I had seen somewhere before.
Next to him, there sat a tiny little girl with the same brown eyes. Her dark hair was freely flowing behind her and she looked cute in her pink frock. Scared by my outburst, she had firmly gripped the man- her father's arm.

All three of them stared at me as if I had lost my mind and gone crazy.

"Mashal! What the hell are you saying?" Papa asked in annoyance.

I swallowed the lump of embarrassment that struck me and looked down at my fingers, playing with them as I was unable to meet his eyes. "Weren't you trying to get me married to this man?"

"What?" He stared at me incredulously as if I had asked him for his life. "This man here is our neighbour Mr. Suleiman. He just shifted here recently with his two children. His daughter Marwa wants to learn reading the Quran and he was just asking me if you could help Marwa with that." Papa said plainly as if it was quite obvious.

"Oh." I gulped, feeling myself drown in an ocean of embarrassment after papa finished his mini speech.
"I'm sorry." I murmured "I'd love to help."

I wanted to kill Minahil at that time. She did that on purpose just to make a fool out of me. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have trusted her.
I gave myself an imaginative slap.
Ya Allah this is so humiliating.

There was a long pause and no one spoke as I stood there infront of them, playing with my fingers.
That's what I do when I'm confused or embarrassed; I play with my fingers.

After a few minutes which felt like years, Mr. Suleiman cleared his throat to get our attention. "Uh- I'm sorry to cause you trouble but we should be going now." He said, getting up with Marwa who had still grasped his arm strongly and stared at me in horror.

I couldn't help but notice her striking resemblance with Zeyara.
Oh my Allah.
Papa said that Mr. Suleiman is our new neighbour and he came here with two children....
Oh. My. God.
He is Zeyara's father and Marwa is Zeyara's sister.

I gasped silently as I remembered Zeyara's words from the morning, "Mashal I know I have no right but still I'm gonna do something. Forgive me if you don't like it."

"I'm sorry from my daughter's side." Papa's voice brought me back to the present time, "She's just naive and she didn't know-"

"Oh no its okay, I understand." Mr. Suleiman smiled with his hand on papa's shoulder to reassure him. Then he directed his gaze at me and smiled warmly, "I'll send Marwa to your house at 3 o' clock tomorrow in sha Allah."

I forced a smile and nodded. "That would be amazing."

《◇◇◇♡◇◇◇》

All the events of the day played back in my mind as I lay on my bed at night, staring at the ever so interesting ceiling.

I couldn't help but smile at Zeyara's words and how he sent his father and sister to my house.

I know why he did that. He wants me to start teaching Quran to Marwa so that he can stay in touch with me. He'll always have an excuse to talk to me now.
Idiot.

Then I remembered something else that I had been ignoring the whole day.

That dream.
Those black eyes.

No this can't be.
I'm just crazy and out of my mind. It was just a dream.
It can't be true right?

But still I have to admit that the man who gave me that tag of shameless has the same black eyes as I saw in the dream.

The same black eyes that I see in my mirror everyday.

The same black eyes as me.

☆

Muhahahahahahahahaha! I can't help but laugh and I don't know why. XD

I hope you liked it guys and leave in the comments below, what you think will happen next.

And sorry to be so annoying but please vote! It makes other people want to read it.
Also it makes me very happy :)

Thaaaank youuuu!
Have a good day.

-Muskaan.