Kabanata 23

Desperate Move

Hindi ako nakinig sa ibinilin ni Vince, nang oras na ng pasok ay nagmamadali kong tinungo ang kanyang opisina. Ni hindi ako nagpalit ng uniform.

He shifted on his seat when he saw me entering his office. And he looked shock.

"Goodevening, Vince," kaswal kong bati. No niceties, at wala ring paggalang because I came here not as his own employee, but as Hannah myself.

"What are you... doing here?" his baritone voice asked me. I can sense that he is composing himself.

What? Galit siya? Anong karapatan niya?

I gracefully walked in front of him and took my sit on one of those chairs beside his table. Ilang linggo o buwan na rin talaga ang lumipas mula ng hindi kami magkita. Para bang nakikipaglaro siya ng taguan sa akin.

"Visiting you," mahinhin kong sabi. But my face tells him otherwise, nakataas ang kilay ko at matamis ang ngiting mababakas sa aking mukha.

"What about your work, Miss Celestine?" I immediately laugh when I heard what did he just called me.

"Aww, Miss Celestine? Where's the Hannah thing, Vince?" I asked, challenging him. Sasagarin ko ang pasensiya mo hanggat mabanggit mo ang nangyari. I won't let you forget it, hindi ko hahayaang gano'n gano'n na lamang iyon.

His jaw tightened, nakita ko ring nalulukot ang papel na hawak niya. "Hannah, I am busy. Wala akong oras sa mga laro mo," mariin na niyang sabi.

Now I'm seeing his violent side, sanay akong marahan, maingat at minsa'y malambing ang kanyang boses kahit pa nagsusungit ito.

"I don't care, I just want to talk." I said dismissing the fact that he'll send me out of here.

"Bawal ang ganito between the employer and employee, stop this." nagpipigil niyang sabi.

"Eh how about making love between the employer and his employee? Pwede 'yon?" I snapped back with full of sarcasm.

Sino ba ang niloloko niya? Kailan pa naging bawal ang pag-uusap. Hindi ako matatahimik hanggat hindi kami nakakapag-usap. Baka buong pag-aaral ko ay maging distracted nito at lalo akong malunod sa mga iniisip ko.

"Stop mentioning it, Hannah. And how many times do I have to tell you that it wasn't making lo—"

"And the what the fuck do you call it?" I exclaimed. He's treating me like a nobody and it is tearing me apart.

"I'm sorry, but... it was just a pure fuck and a mistake." pahina ng pahina ang boses niya ng sinabi niya ito. No, huwag niya ipakitang nakokonsensiya siya. It wasn't a mistake dahil pareho naming ginusto 'yon.

I looked at him teary eyed, pero hindi ko hinayaang tumulo ng tuluyan ang aking mga luha. I need him to see how strong I am, but his eyes softened when he found mine.

"Hannah, tigilan mo na ako. I'm really sorry for what happened, pero hindi ko kayang panindigan ang nagawa ko."

"And where did your balls go? You see, I'm a virgin woman and you took it." naiiyak kong sabi.

Naiiyak dahil sa sakit, sa kahihiyan. If this was just a normal guy, I would've let it pass. Kaya kong magpanggap na walang nangyari at kaya kong lumayo.

Pero si Vince 'to, he saw how fragile I am when it comes to my family, he saw my weaknesses. Alam niya kung saan ako nanggaling, alam niya ang sakit na nararamdaman ko yet he chose to make me feel that again.

"That's why I am very sorry, lasing ako and—"

"At anong magagawa ng sorry mo, Vince? Maibabalik ba niyan lahat?" I cutted him again. He's so unreasonable, para siyang hindi lalaki sa mga sinasabi niya.

"What do you want me to do?" bigla ay sabi niya. And now all the strength and courage I've got suddenly vanished. I am lost of words and I couldn't even speak.

Hindi ko rin alam sa sarili ko kung ano nga bang gusto ko mangyari.

"If you want me to love you, you know... I can't." he added. At nang sandaling iyon ay tuluyan ng nagbagsakan ang aking mga luha.

"W-Why?" garalgal na ang boses kong sabi. I'm sure that I look stupid, of course he loves someone else. Bakit ba itinatanong ko pa?

"Pag-aralan mo, Vince. K-Kasi ako... mahal kita." I confessed. Crying my heart out in front of him.

I looked at him straightly in his eyes, I saw how he lowered his gaze from me na tila ba hiyang hiya siyang nag-uusap kami ng ganito.

Sunod sunod itong umiling at tumingin sa akin. Is that another rejection from him? How horrible?

"Kung gano'n lang sana kadali ang lahat, Hannah. Kaya lang we both know na hindi matuturuan ang puso," wika niya. Bakas ang kalungkutan sa kanyang boses.

"No, kung gusto mo may paraan. Don't give me that lame excuse." I desperately said.

Mariin siyang pumikit at hinilot ang kanyang sintido. He looked so stressed and frustrated.

Tumayo ako at tumindig sa kanyang harapan. I took out the paper in my bag and put it in his table. Dumapo ang paningin niya rito.

"What's that?"

"Just open it," I replied back. Kaagad niya itong kinuha at binuksan.

"You're resigning?" he obviously asked. He sounds surprised.

"Dapat kang matuwa, hindi ba iyan ang gusto mo? Lumayo ako sa'yo?" panunumbat ko.

I was just a college girl before, nag-apply ng trabaho to provide my own needs. Tapos ito na ako ngayon, if only I know what love can do to people. Sana ay kinontrol ko ang sarili ko. Sana ay hindi ganito.

"Pero, paano ka?" ngayon ay tila nag aalala siya. Gusto kong matawa.

"Paano ako? Seriously?" natatawa kong singhal sa kanya. Huwag niya na akong maloko loko.

Hindi na siya sumagot at nakipagtitigan nalang sa akin. Naputol lamang ang titigan namin ng biglang bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa nito ang mga taong hindi ko inaasahang makikita ko rito.

They also looked shock when their eyes darted on us. Nasapo pa ni Katelyn ang kanyang bibig na tila ba nalaglag ang kanyang panga.

If this was just a normal day, iirapan ko siya sa kaartehan niya.

"Son! How are you?" Christina immediately attended Vince. At ako naman ay napako sa aking kinatatayuan.

What the fuck?

"Kuya, bakit may basura ka rito?" maarteng tanong ni Katelyn atsaka ako pinasadahan ng tingin. But I couldn't care less, they are Vince' relatives? His family?

I looked at him, cluelessly. Hindi ko na kailangan itanong dahil kusa na itong lumabas sa bibig nila.

"What are you doing here?" masungit na sabi ni Iris sa akin.

I just ignored her and took a glance again on Vince. Parang nanlalabo ang aking paningin at unti-unti akong nahihilo. Ramdam ko rin ang panlalambot ng aking tuhod.

No, this can't be happening. Katelyn just called Vince as her Kuya, and Christina refers him as her Son.

They are my father's second family, and Vince is my father's son? Bakit hindi ko siya nakikita before? Bakit hindi ko siya kilala?

His surname is Go, which is hindi naman katulad ng kay Papa. But—how come?

"Hannah, are you okay?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Vince. Ngunit hindi ko na rin gaanong naintindihan ang kanyang sinabi dahil sa halu-halong bagay na nasa aking isipan.

Does this mean that we are stepsiblings? Oh my god! This can't be!

"I-I.... Y-You," hindi ko na natuloy ang ang aking sasabihin dahil unti-unti nang nagdilim ang aking paningin.