Warning: Matured Content—Read at your own risk.

Kabanata 19

Sanity

ILANG MINUTO ANG lumipas, hikbi lang ni Vince ang maririnig sa kabuuan ng kanyang unit.

I never imagine someone like him looking desperate like this over a woman. Madalas sa kagaya niya ay habulin, at sila ang nagpapaiyak. Kaya bakit siya ang umiiyak?

He looks awful, and I pity him. Which is wronh because I should pity myself first.

He keeps on drinking na ginagaya ko na lang rin, he's crying over a woman that didn't liked him back and I am drinking too much because of him liking and being broken because of someone else.

Halos maubos na namin ang mga bote ng beer, I was about to drink another shot when he spoke. Done crying?

"Do you... wanna go home?" he asked. Sunod-sunod ang naging pag-iling ko. "No, pwede pa naman hanggang mamaya." sagot ko.

"Okay, let's see if I can still manage to send you home." wika niya.

"Uh... hindi na kailangan sanay naman ako magcommute eh." I assured him. Pero umiling lang din siya.

"No! Delikado ng magcommute pag gabi, I don't want anything bad to happen in you again." I sighed. Oo nga pala, tsk! Eh bakit ba kasi ako umo-o dito? Nasaktan lang din naman ako hahaha.

"Wala bang maghahanap sa'yo sa bahay niyo?" he asked. Nginitian ko ito bago sinagot, "Wala hahaha, I'm all alone. Simula ng dinala ko don si Mama."

"I see, where's your father?" nag-iinterview na naman siya. Pero kapag siya ang tinatanong ingat na ingat ako sa mga itatanong ko. How unfair.

"Nowhere to be found," I simply replied. Lumingon ito sa akin ng may kunot na noo. "You mean? Missing?" napahalakhak ako sa tanong niya. Nakakatawa kaya!

"What are you laughing at? I'm just asking!" pabiro niyang sigaw. "Sumakabilang bahay," paglilinaw ko.

"WHAT?! Condolence!" he shouted again, napatakip pa ako sa aking tenga. Kalalaking tao bungangero rin pala.

"Loko, buhay pa tatay ko. Pero mas gugustuhin ko na lang yata na mamatay nga yata siya." mapait kong sabi.

Now think whatever you want to thing of me. Wala akong pakielam. My father leaving us pained me, it traumatized me. It made feel that I am less of a person because he didn't chose to be with us. Instead, mas pinili pa niya ang kabit niya. Ang pangalawa niyang pamilya.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it's sumakabilang buhay." conyo niyang sagot. Sa sobrang tawa ko ay nahampas ko siya sa braso, na tinitigan niya kaya naman dahan dahan ko ring inalis. Tuloy ay para isa itong marahang haplos.

Sa hiya ay umiwas ako ng tingin, ngunit hindi rin siya nagsalita. Shit, awkward. Kingina naman, hanggang kailan ba ako mahihiya sa lalaking ito.

Hannah naman kasi, may kaharutan ka ring taglay. Bulong ko sa sarili.

Nang bumwelo ako para tumayo sana ay pinigilan ako ng kaliwang kamay niya kaya naman napabalik ako sa aking pagkakaupo, halos tumilapon pa ako sa kanyang mga braso na nakasandal sa sofa.

Nakailang kurap pa ako bago muling tinignan ang kanyang mga mata. Matino pa naman ako hindi ba? Hindi ito imahinasyon.

I can see his eyes sparkling, he's staring at me like I am an artwork. Too worthy, and deserves an adoring look.

He tucked a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. I looked back at him, grinning.

He is staring at me, eyes half opened, then he looked at my lips. I even noticed him swallowing hard before finally cutting the space between us.

He leaned closer, his nose is now touching mine. I smell the mixture of mint and alcohol from his mouth, which made me feel dizzy.

Kahit naduduling ako ay pinanatili kong nakadilat at nakatingin ang aking mga mata sa kanya. Ayokong mapahiya sa mga oras na 'to. When he closed his eyes signaling that he's about to kiss, I closed mine too.

I always wonder how it feels to be in a cloud nine, not until his lips touched mine. Para akong unti-unting nalulusaw sa mababaw at marahan niyang halik, nang malapit na akong malunod ay lumayo siya para tumigil.

His lustful eyes are sharply staring at my face, then it softened. He's scrutinizing my whole face, and his mouth remain slightly opened like he is in awe while looking at me.

I am shocked but enjoying what is happening at the same time. Basta ang alam ko, abot abot ang tahip na nararamdaman ko sa aking puso. Pinaghalong saya at init ang pakiramdam nito.

I felt a burning sensation on my cheeks when he keeps on staring at my face. I can also feel my heart pounding hard inside, this man and his effects on me.

"You're beautiful," he whispered before he leaned closer again and brushed his lips against mine. But this time, it became wild. It's painful yet drowning.

Parang nilusob ng maraming paru-paro ang aking tiyan, may kung anong kiliti itong idinudulot sa aking sistema... nakapaghihina.

I'm keeping myself sane not until he frantically carried me to sit on top of him, still not refraing his kisses on me. He held my waist tight and pulled me closer as I felt his lips biting my lower lip and gently sucking it.

I moaned into his mouth, widening it more to give his tongue an entrance. He takes full advantage, expertly exploring my mouth using his tongue.

I have never been kissed like this. Hindi ko nga rin lubos maisip na mahahalikan ako sa ganitong paraan. Ramdam ko rin ang malikot niyang kamay na marahang nilalakbay ang bawat parte ng aking likuran, hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang marahas niyang pagpisil sa aking pang upo.

I clung both of my arms unto his neck, lasing na lasing na ako sa mga halik niya at hindi ko na kakayakin pang tumigil.

I felt a strange feeling when he motioned me to ride on top of him. I can feel something hard down there. I bit my lower lips as I felt his sloppy kisses on my neck, down to my chest.

"Keep... moving," mahina at hinihingal niyang tinuran. Parang maamong tuta ko naan itong sinunod, mula sa marahan ay mabilis kong ginigiling ang aking bewang.

"Ah," I moaned when I felt him filled me. That fucking hurts. Wala na akong pakielam kung maging pangit man ang itsura ko sa harapan niya.

He is now towering on top of me, looking at me sharply as he bite his lips to keep himself quiet. He's freaking huge, I almost felt that he destroyed me.

Kung gaano karahan niya akong pinasok ay siya naman rahas ng hugutin niya ito. I arched my back and tilt my hips to meet each of his thrust, without minding the pain I've been feeling.

I cry as I felt my virginity harshly ripping by him. "You're so tight," he stated, gazing down at me.

How magical time is. Kanina lang ay nagkekwentuhan lang kami, and now he's slamming me like there is no tomorrow.

I know I'm going to regret this tomorrow, damn, Hannah you're that easy to get? Tanga!

Instead of cursing my self the whole time he's enjoying on top of me, I let myself enjoyed it. Nandito na, sulitin nalang.

I held on his arms that is resting on my side. Galit na galit ang mga ugat nito habang buhat ang sariling bigat.

I sprang my legs wildly, giving him the permission to enter me more, hardly... fastly.

I was panting hard, chasing my breath when I feel him pounding me harshly. Sobrang bilis, animo'y may hinahabol na karera. Marahas, walang pag-iingat.

"Ah, shit!" I moaned. I cannot keep still, something is building inside me. At kung titigil siya ay baka mawala ako sa katinuan.

"I love... you," he said in the middle of his thrusting. What did he say? He loves me? What the fucking fuck?

His eyes are twinkling, namumungay ito at hindi ko malaman kung dahil ba sa ginagawa o dahil sa rami ng alam na nainom.

Halos mapunit ko ang tela na bumabalot sa sofa ng buong lakas niya akong salubungin. Magkahalong sarap at sakit ang nararamdaman ko ngunit hindi ito sapat para patigilin siya.

"Shit, Gia! Stay still!" he shouted and continued pounding on top of me. Kaagad na nawasak ang kanina'y pangarap na biglang nabuo. Ang tanga tanga ko para isiping para sa akin 'yon.

Right, he loves someone else. Someone else that is... not me.

My heart ached upon realizing what he did just call me. He's thinking of me as Gia, the whole time we're making love.

He is thinking of someone else while slamming me, and how stupid of me not to realize it. He's not even gentle, and his wildness cannot be considered as a part of making love because clearly, it isn't

How can you expect a love making inside of a one-sided love? You must not, dahil walang gano'n.

Vince immediately rested beside me as he reached his climax, I don't even know if I reached mine. And that is not what matters now.

With a heavy heart, I gathered all of my strength to pick up my clothes in the floor. Kailangan ko nang umuwi, gusto ko nang umuwi.

Even when I feel sore down there, I still manage to storm out of his unit with a fast pace. I quickly wiped my tears using the back of my hand when I felt it at my cheeks.

How can I face him next time? Will I ever be able to face him?

Ang tanga tanga ko, I should have been careful. Hindi dapat ako nagpadala sa tawag ng laman. Shit! Napakatanga!

Without minding how much will I pay riding a cab, pumara ako. Bago ako sumakay ay mapait at lumuluha kong nilingon ang building na pinanggalingan.

I gave my virginity to someone who doesn't even like me... how odd is that? At ang masaklap pa doon, he is thinking of someone else while going in and out of me.

And I am telling you, this is the end of me. The end of my sanity.