Kabanata 18

In My Place

"I'M SORRY FOR my mother's attitude towards you, hindi ko talaga maintindihan." I said giving him an apologetic look.

He just sigh and nooded, he handed me the tissue, motioning me to wipe the dirt in my lips.

Gusto ko na naman ngang sampalin ang sarili ko dahil hindi ko pa naintindihan nung una, but of course I refuse to think that he's pouting his lips for a kiss.

Para kasing tanga pwede namang sabihin, may paganon ganon pa. Now I wonder if he's making fun of me.

"Okay lang 'yon, bawi naman na eh. Thanks for treating me lunch." wika niya na hinihimas pa ang kanyang tiyan.

Matapos ng nangyari ay ibang hiya na ang naramdaman ko sa kanya, hindi ko rin maisip kung bakit naging gano'n ang trato ni Mama sa kanya.

Mabuti na lamang ay kaagad na may dumating na nurse para pakalmahin siya. I even remember her words before she dozed off to sleep because of the medicine they have injected on her.

Lumayo ka sa kanya, hindi kayo dapat magkasama.

Nakatitig lang ako sa mga mata ni Vince, gustuhin ko mang magtanong ay hindi ko magawa dahil sa sobrang hiya.

"Nako, maliit na bagay. And thank you... for accompanying me." I said after sipping on my favorite blueberry juice. Medyo masakit sa bulsang dalhin siya sa restaurant, but I can manage. May ipon naman ako. Mabuti na lamang ay hindi na siya nakipagtalo ng sinabi kong libre ko.

"Wala lang din talaga akong magawa sa bahay, at isa pa tapos na ang mga dapat na tatrabahuhin ko. I want to unwind."

"Tapos ganito pa ang nangyari, bakit kaya gano'n ang trato ng mama ko sayo?" inosente kong pagtatanong, sinisikap kong huwag maging tunog nang uusisa ang aking boses.

"Hayaan mo na, I can still say that I am being productive for today." simpleng sagot niya, hindi ko manlang nakuha ang sagot na gusto ko.

He didn't answer the question so I decided not to press on him. Siguro ay hindi rin niya alam, at maliit ang posibilidad na magkakilala sila ni Mama.

"After this, may lakad ka pa?" he added. I looked at him while chewing my steak. Tagal ko na ring hindi nakakakain nito kaya naman ine-enjoy ko.

"Hmm, wala naman na. Masyado pa ngang maaga, ikaw ba?" I intrigue. I am realizing that my moods are mixing whenever I'm with him. Minsan ay nahihiya ako ng sobra, noong una ay sobrang confident and then now I'm starting to get comfortable. Siya lang ang nakakagawa ng ganito sa akin. I don't know if it's about his charismatic look, or his attitude, o baka naman gano'n ko talaga siya kagusto kaya naaapektuhan niya ako ng ganito.

"Are you drinking?" he snapped. Nanliit ang mata ko ng tignan siya, is he asking me to drink with him? Seriously?

"M-Medyo," hindi sigurado kong sagot. Well, I've tried. Pero kami lang ni Rose at hindi maganda ang nangyayari kapag nalalasing ako.

"Would you mind if I ask you to drink with me? Tonight?" banayad niyang tanong. Hindi ko alam pero nakakahalina ang mga mata niya, kahit pa malungkot ang kulay na asul para sa akin, I feel like I found my comfort in his eyes. A safe haven.

"Sige, pero ayoko sa bar," I answered bravely. Bahala na, saka sinamahan naman niya ako sa pagdalaw kay Mama. Magandang pagkakataon na rin ito para makasama ko siya ng matagal at mas makilala pa.

"I don't want to drink there, neither. How about in... my place?" wika niya saka uminom sa kanyang juice. Nagugulat ko itong tinapunan ng tingin?

"W-What?" I almost exclaimed. It sounded different when he said that. It's like he's asking me out, oh my gosh.

"Inom lang eh," he implied crossing his arms while leaning back in his seat. Wala naman akong ibang iniisip eh, nagdadahilan pa.

I pouted, then he laughed. "You're cute, I just want someone to accompany me, talk about things and the likes." mahaba niyang pagpapaliwanag. It makes me want to laugh at him, hindi naman kasi kailangan mag-explain. Well, except the fact na kanina pa niya ako pinupuri saying I'm cute, I look wonderful etc.

After many second thoughts clouded my mind, of course I decided to come with him. Who wouldn't want it? To be with him in a close space, talking about how shitty life is and everything.

"What do you prefer, Hannah? Beer? Wine? Name it!" I heard him shouted. We are now here in his condo unit, I expected him to bring me in a huge mansion with his family Lol how fool of me to imagine that.

"Beer!" I shouted back. He's at his mini bar section of his condo. I really find it cool, pero mas gusto ko magkaroon ng mini café kung sakali.

"Mind to help me, my friend," sarkastikong sabi niya habang hirap na hirap bitbitin ang bucket ng beer at isang bowl ng yelo. Natatawa ko itong sinalubong at tinulungan.

Ganito ba siya sa mga kaclose niya? Am I privileged?

"Ang tahimik mo naman," he added.

I took one bottle of one and opened it using his own bottle opener. "Hindi naman, wala lang talaga akong masabi." sagot ko. I am overwhelmed, sino ba ang hindi?

One time I was very shy towards him, tapos biglang kung makatrato siya sa akin ay parang close na close kami. I don't know what I'd prefer the most.

"Tell me a story, anything you like." he suggested. I looked up, thinking. "Wala rin ako makuwento eh,"

"Hmm, have you ever liked someone? Yung kahit kakakilala mo pa lang sa kanya alam mong gusto mo na siya?" inosente niyang tanong. Now I can feel my heart beating, no Hannah it is not you. Don't assume unless it is stated.

"Hindi pa, but yeah naranasan ko na yung magkagusto ng gano'n kabilis." I got his attention and now he's looking at me, interestingly.

"And that guy, did he liked you back? Do you guys felt the same way?" wika niya saka nagsalin ng beer sa kanyang baso. Mukha siyang inosenteng umiinom sa totoo lang, as far as I know ang beer iniinom sa mismong bote nito. Unless malakas trip niyo o sadyang maselan siya.

Tinungga ko ang boteng hawak, mapait talaga ang beer... singpait ng katotohanang siya ang gusto ko pero hindi ako ang gusto niya.

"Woah, what a heavy drinker woman I've got here." he said amusingly. I just smiled at him and lowered my gaze at the bottle of beer. Kalahati na ito sa isang inuman lang.

"Sadly, hindi. Ni katiting na tyansa ay wala." wika ko saka sarkastikong tumawa. Manhid.

"Bakit kaya gano'n no? We gathered a lot of strength and power to confess only to receive rejection. I can't get it, bakit hindi nila tayo gustuhin pabalik?" he desperately commented. Mapungay na ang mga mata niya, ang bilis naman yata niyang malasing.

"That how life rolls, Vince. We just have to deal with it. Hindi lahat ng gusto natin gugustuhin tayo pabalik." I don't know if I am really talking to him or to myself. Gustong gusto kong marinig ang mga salitang 'yon para naman mauntog ako sa katotohanang hindi niya ako gusto at hindi niya ako magugustuhan.

"You think rationally huh, naisip ko na din 'yan eh. I just can't accept it." sagot niya at muling uminom.

I am taking a glance at my wrist watch from time to time. No, I don't want to go home yet, I am just monitoring how long we've been together. I am convincing myself that I'm lucky enough to be with him this long.

I shifted on my seat when he sat closer to me. He's resting his arms at the backrest of his sofa, to where I am sitting. Mukha tuloy siyang nakaakbay sa akin.

"Hannah, am I not enough?" his voice broke when he said that. Nang lingunin ko siya ay namumuo ang luha sa kanyang mga mata. Oh my gosh, is he going to cry?

"Y-You are! Of course you are." I said, panicking. He really needs someone badly right now, he's that fucked up.

"Bakit hindi niya ako magustuhan? May mali ba sa akin? I know I am being fast, but I said my motives clearly. She agreed when I asked her to give me a chance, but I can see in her eyes that she's still not over him." nakayuko na niyang sabi. Now I am sure that it's not me. Damn, asang asa.

"S-Sino... ba kasi 'yan?" I tried my best to sound cheerful but my voice broke. Alam kong hindi ako 'yon pero gusto ko malaman. I want to know if the girl's worth it. To confirm if she really deserve to be this lucky.

"Si Gia," he simply answered still looking down. Sa gano'ng paraan ay hindi niya nakita ang mabilisang pagtulo ng aking luha.

Si Gia? No wonder, sobrang ganda niya. Sobrang elegante tignan, mayaman, family-oriented. Maraming mayroon sa kanya na wala ako. Teka bakit ko ba kinukumpara?

I am nothing compared to her. Tila siya isang langit at ako, hampas lupa.

Shit! Bakit ako umiiyak? Did I like him that much?

I quickly wiped it using the back of my hand, before he can look up and see it. They are right, you must not ask a question... kung hindi ka naman handa sa magiging sagot.