"Its dark in here! Regan are you gonna kill me or something?" Alley asked me with a slight sound of panic in her voice.

  "I I really wanted to kill you I would have sent my goon squad to do it for me." I said as I pulled the chain for the light roughly.

The light shined like a bright halo above our heads and Alley looked up at the shelves filled with toilet paper rolls, industrial sized rolls of paper towels and white bottles of cleaners that looked as if they were never opened.

  "Sooooo.....this is where you talk to your dad? it's pretty gross in here." She asked me as she hugger her arms around herself.

Granted it was a little chilly but the cold passes when the heat kicks on. I never minded how cold it was initially. My dad and I would stay outside in the Minnesota cold and build snowmen and snow forts. We'd even hurl snowballs at each other until our arms got tired. Mama would get so worried that we were out in the cold so long that she was afraid that the two of us would die from hypothermia and that she'd have to spend the rest of her life alone in that house. The only difference was that daddy died in the war overseas in the summer and left the both of us alone. He died doing what he felt was right. Protecting the lives of those he cared about the most. To keep our county safe. Sometimes I wished that he was a mortgage broker or a high end businessman who wore a suit and carried a briefcase with sensitive paperwork. Instead he wanted to fight for America. As I succumbed to my deep thoughts about my father I could hear a faint soft voice in the distance.

  "Regan? Hello? Regan? Are you there? Hellooooo?" Alley kept saying as she waved her hands in front of my face to get my attention.

I finally came to my senses and realized that I wasn't here for me. I was here for her. She needs to talk about what's going on in her life.

  "Sorry.......I was just um......" I started to say before she cut me off.

  "Thinking about your dad?" She asked sadly as a tear streamed down her face.

I didn't answer her only because I knew saying yes would probably bring on the waterworks. Alley lowered her head as the tear that fell from her eye rolled down her blush cheek and fell on the sleeve of her canary yellow cashmere sweater.

  "You ready to let it out? I know its not a therapy room with a couch and all but....it was the most I can come up with. Nobody really knows about this place. Hell they don't even think what's behind the door exists. So I just used it from time to time and pray that the principal doesn't find out."

  "No this is.......this is good. Honestly id rather be in here than....out there." She said looking at the door behind us.

  "You wanna sit? I have pillows and blankets in here that I use because the floor is colder than dog shit in snow." I said as a joke to make her smile.

Alley did giggle and nodded her head for something to sit on . I pulled out a box that I had stored old blankets that I brought from home and kept hidden away and handed a few over to Alley. She folded them into big puffy squares and plopped down on the floor with her legged crossed Indian style. I pulled out the pillow that I kept from when my dad did tours in Vietnam that he would use to sit on during dinner and dropped in on the floor just in front of my feet and fell on my knees dead center of the small red button that gave the pillow some pop.

  "You must come in here all the time if you have your own little collections of things in here huh?" She asked as she tossed her hair up in a messy bun.

  "Only when I really miss my dad. Those times have been few and far between lately." I said as I let out a deep sigh.

  "Your dad was a soldier. You must be very proud. He fought for our country and he must have saw the world. You're lucky to have a dad that at least gave a shit about you and your mom."

I feel like this was going to get really dark and really sad really fast. I have to play my card right with this conversation. Otherwise she might leave and not only be crushed about her dad but pissed off she ever came to me about it in the first place.

  "Well......At first I was angry with him when he died. He promised that he would come home and wouldn't get hurt. I used to feel like he had lied to me. But.....when I saw how much my mom missed him I had to be there for her and not be selfish."

  "My mom doesnt really want me to talk to her about it." Alley replied with a certain sadness in her voice.

I was never so puzzled. Why wouldn't her mom want to talk about it? They're both experiencing the same pain.

  "But.....I don't understand....."

  "Yeah I don't either but that's just how it is in my house." Alley said angrily.

There it was. I went too far.

  "I'm.....i'm sorry. I didn't mean to......"

  "Its ok. Its not your fault. My dad was a heavy drug addict. He's been using for a long time. Even before I was born. My mom had begged him to get clean when she was pregnant with me but he would relapse within days of promising her. Then I don't know what changed in him but he would say from the moment he saw me when I was born and he held me in his arms he was going to be a better man and father for me. He wanted to see me grow up. My dad did everything he could to get help. He even went away for a while to do it. He did really well and was exactly what he promised. He was a better man to my mom and a better dad to me. Then a few years ago something......changed. He was different. Almost as if I never recognized the man I was looking at. Then the fighting between him and my mom started. It was almost as if they didn't care that I knew they were arguing......and they would fight for hours. It wasn't until two weeks ago......I came home from school and they were fighting as usual. Everything happened so fast. my dad slapped my mom. Hard. Hard enough that she flew across the kitchen table. I didn't even get the chance to go inside to stop him because my body wouldn't open the door. I just stood there and watched! Then when he looked up at me......he looked up at me and I got scared so......so I ran. I didn't even know where I was going. Then it got late. I decided that I should just go home and make sure my mom was alright.....and when I got there........I got there and.......he was dead! That asshole took a needle full of whatever cocktail me created and shot it in his arm!"

I was numb. Alley spilled all of her pain on the floor between us and for the first time in a while I didn't have anything to say. Alley doubled over and cried to her hearts content and I wasn't even going to complain about it. My dad died and didn't have an option. He was just doing his job. Her dad on the other hand.....he had a choice. He could have chose to just leave instead of hitting her mom. He also could have chose to not OD. The point is he had a choice to do the right thing for Alley and he didn't. He chose to be selfish. He chose to be the coward and not the hero. And Alley has to live with that for the rest of her life. However, she too has a choice. She can wallow in her sadness or she could learn from all of this. There was only one thing that I could do to make her situation a little easier for her to handle.

  "Hey Alley? I don't know about what you're going through but.....if it helps.....I can share my dad with you." I said with a smile.

Alley had stopped crying for a brief moment and looked up at me.

  "But.......your dad never knew me. How can you......."

  "Just because he didn't know you doesn't mean I can't share him with you. Just because your dad wanted to make a dumb decision that doesn't make it your fault. He had a a choice and he made it. You can't blame yourself for that. And neither can your mom because that's what she's doing. It wasn't her fault for his stupid decision either. She needs you to tell her that. And if she doesn't want to hear it then make her listen. Thats what I would do."

She smiled at me and just as she lunged at me from her blankets she threw her arms around me giving me a big hug.

  "I knew I could count on you. Thank you!" she whispered to me as she began to cry.

  "You're welcome! Anything for a.......friend?"

Alley let me go and smiled at me again.

  "Why wouldn't we be friends? Just because i'm popular doesn't mean that i'm mean to people. Thats what the movies want you to believe."

She does have a point. Im glad we had this talk. From what I can see she really needed it. And maybe.......I did too.