Conversation between Alexa and I dissipated, though I never really stopped thinking about her. She texted me on my 22nd birthday telling me that I was on her mind as well.

I wonder if anyone else is too?

For my 22nd birthday, Josie, Savannah, and my sister, Casey, decided to take me out in Philly. I don't see Casey as much as I'd like to. She lives in Delaware with her fiancé, Joe, and she works hard as a Physical Therapist. Casey was the first person that I had told about my sexuality, and she always accepted me.

"Who knows," Savannah said, "Maybe this will be the year you meet your dream girl."

"Here's to hoping!" Casey lifted her wine glass, and we all clinked our drinks together.

Work was still going well; I was enjoying it. Some days it was overwhelming, but nowhere near as overwhelming as serving.

My job was in a shopping center, and a new coffee shop opened a few doors down. I started going often to get lattes, and I couldn't help but notice a cute barista behind the counter.

She had short, shiny dark hair, big dark brown eyes, and deep toned skin. Her name tag read "Div", and she was extremely friendly. One thing I noticed about her was that she was always laughing with her co-workers. I also couldn't help but notice the pride flag pin on her name tag.

A few weeks after I started getting lattes, she seemed to know my order, and my name.

One Friday before I could even speak, she smiled at me and asked, "May, right?"

My heart rate picked up and I nodded, "Yes."

"Do you want your usual vanilla latte with oat milk?" Div asked me, grabbing a cup.

"That would be great, thank you."

"You got it," Div nodded, and I paid. After tipping as well, she asked me, "You have to work nearby, I assume?"

"I work at Milton Optical, a few doors down," I said.

"Gotcha," Div nodded, "Well, it's nice seeing you every day."

I knew I had to be blushing as I said, "Likewise."

Div smiled at me, and I swore her eyes lingered on me for an extra moment as well.

That night when I was home, in my room, I scrolled on the dating apps. I wasn't an avid user, but I checked them once or twice each day. I wasn't actively talking to anyone on the apps either.

Until I came across Div on Bumble. I swiped right and saw that we had matched.

So, she saw me on here already.

A few minutes later I got a message from her that read, "Ha! I had a feeling you liked women."

I couldn't help but laugh at the message, and I started typing back to Div that her gaydar was on point.

I saw her that next Monday when I went to the coffee shop to get a latte, and she greeted me by saying, "If it isn't the lovely lady I've been talking to all weekend. Vanilla latte with oat milk?"

I smiled and nodded, "That's sweet. Thanks, Div."

She smiled back and asked, "Are you doing anything after work today? I close the coffee shop tonight. You're more than welcome to come by and hangout."

"I'd really like that. I'll come by."

That night it was just Div and I at the coffee shop. She was cleaning up and closing, and I stood by the counter as we talked.

"So," Div said to me, "Your name is May, obviously. I saw that you're twenty two from your Bumble profile. What's your full name?"

"Middle name and all?"

"Eh, why the hell not?"

"May Juliet Tomlinson. What's yours?"

"That's a pretty name. My full name is Divya Amoli Patel. But don't call me Divya. Only my mom and grandmother call me that."

I chuckled, "I promise I won't call you Divya."

That night I learned that Div was in a graduate program to get her MBA. She was twenty three and working as a barista while in grad school. She lived with her parents and two younger sisters not far from me.

"How are your parents with you being gay?" she asked me.

"My mom was great. My dad...he still doesn't know."

Div's eyes widened, "Really?"

"I don't see him or my stepmom a whole lot, so it's easy to keep it from him. How is your family?"

She sighed, "Better as of recent. My parents were never actually the problem as much as my extended family. Some of them still don't accept me. It's not really accepted as much in my culture."

"I'm sorry," I said to Div, "That's really rough."

"I had a girlfriend for three years in college. Obviously not anymore. I kept that from my parents for over a year, so I relate when it comes to you and your dad."

As I kept getting to know Div, I learned she was an open book. She was down to talk about anything and everything. However, she didn't seem like the type to want to dive into having sex right away. I wasn't quite used to that, but it was a nice change of pace.

It might be good for me to not jump right into bed with someone.

Div and I started to spend more time together. She was a major foodie, and loved trying new restaurants, as well as different breweries in the area.

She was funny, witty, and very intelligent. In some ways, it felt Iike she was even more than just a year older than me.

One night after we got a couple of drinks, we decided to take a walk around the Main Street of the local town we were in before we drove. Div and I had been spending time together more often at this point, even though we hadn't labeled anything.

The weather was getting warmer, and Div asked me if I wanted to get ice cream.

"Of course," I responded, "How could I possibly say no to cookie dough ice cream?"

"I knew you were a woman of taste."

As Div and I stood in line at the ice cream shop, my phone vibrated. I noticed it was a message notification from Facebook, from someone I wasn't friends with.

Interesting.

When I saw who it was from, a chill ran down my spine.

Rebecca Kline.

I still had Rebecca blocked on everything. I didn't think to block her on Facebook because at the time she didn't even have a Facebook account. I guess she did now.

The message read: Hey, May. I figured I'd message you on here because I'm blocked on everything else. How are you? I hope you're well.

It was then my turn to order ice cream, yet my mind was spinning from Rebecca messaging me.

A message from Alexa would've been much more welcomed.

Div and I sat on a bench together, and she asked, "Are you okay? You look deep in thought."

I turned to look at Div, "My ex messaged me on Facebook. The ex that I told you about that I was with for over a year."

Div's eyebrows raised, "Ah, damn. Rebecca, right?"

"That's the one."

I showed Div the message, and she looked at me, "What do you think you're going to do? Of course, if you want to message her, by all means."

I paused before saying, "You know, months and months ago would've messaged her back. I would've jumped at the chance to talk to her again and secretly loved that she messaged me. Now...I don't feel that. I don't want to message her back, genuinely."

Div smiled at me, "That shows growth, May. I think that's something to pat yourself on the back about. Here, I'll do it for you."

I laughed as Div reached over my shoulder and patted my upper back.

"They always come back," Div commented, "Remember that. Ex's always try to come back."

My mind drifted to Alexa for a moment, however I reeled it back in.

I'm here with Div.

Div and I became intimate a few times. I learned that she considered herself to be demisexual, so she wasn't going to just sleep with anyone that she found attractive. She had to have a deeper connection with them.

I knew we had a connection, but as time went on, it didn't quite feel like enough. Neither of us were rushing to make anything official. I thought that Div was wonderful. I was attracted to her, and I had a great time with her as well.

Something, however, was missing. That spark.

I wondered if Div felt the same. I had a feeling she did, and one night we discussed it.

"May, I think you're great," she said to me as we sat across from each other at an outdoor patio of a restaurant, "Truly. I think you're stunning, inside and out."

"But?"

"I just wonder...where you see this going. I'm not quite sure if I see this getting serious."

"I'm not sure if I do either, Div," I admitted, "I think the same things about you. You are wonderful."

For once, a situation was ending, and it didn't feel like a complete punch to the gut. Of course it wasn't fun. But it wasn't as painful.

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Div said, "Look, this doesn't mean we can't be friends. I'd still like to hang out with you, I don't want things to be weird if you come into the shop for an oat milk latte. This doesn't mean our connection has to be lost."

"I'd like to be your friend, Div," I smiled at her, "I don't want to lose our connection either."

Div and I finished up our dinner, and surprisingly things didn't feel awkward at all.

I think we might've just meant to be friends the whole time.

I wasn't mad about that one bit. However, I was tired of trying to date.

It's going to happen when it happens.

I'm not going to push for it anymore.