Sophia

Even after Alexa moved, we kept talking. I couldn't not talk to her. Even though we weren't together, I couldn't stand the thought of us not communicating.

Of course, I considered getting into an "official" long distance relationship with her, but at the same time, that terrified me.

I wasn't sure if I had it in me to make that work, as incredible as I thought Alexa was.

It wasn't like that was something we shied away from talking about. The topic was brought up, and we both felt like we weren't in the place to maintain a serious long distance relationship.

"You know how I feel about you, May," Alexa said to me one night on FaceTime, "I wish I hadn't moved so I could still be with you. I just know that jumping into something serious while living across the country from each other would be...tough. Do I think you're worth it? Without a doubt. I'm just scared, to be honest."

"You know how I feel about you as well," I responded to Alexa, "I agree with everything you're saying."

Alexa sighed, "I'm not going to stop talking to you. You mean too much to me."

In some ways, it did feel like a long distance relationship, just without the label and the pressure. While it was a general understanding when Alexa lived in Pennsylvania that we were exclusively seeing each other, now that she moved, that was off the table.

We agreed that we wouldn't stop each other from hooking up with someone, if that's something we wanted.

In the months after Alexa moved, I went through some life changes. I decided that after community college, going back to University was not the right move for me. My mom was supportive, my dad was pissed.

He'll be even more pissed the day he finds out I'm a lesbian.

I felt myself wanting to move on from being a server. I needed something more stable, and I was burnt out from serving. I started to apply to different jobs, with the encouragement of Alexa. A few weeks later, I got a job as an Optician. I didn't have any experience with eye care, glasses, or contact lenses, but I was willing to learn. My heart raced on my first day as I drove to work, but on the car ride home after my first day, I felt much more confident. I knew it was something I could do and learn.

It was nice to feel a sense of confidence. That wasn't something that happened very often for me.

There was a manager of the shop, Kimberly, and then an assistant manager, Sophia Cruz.

I learned that Sophia was thirty years old, and she was engaged to a woman. A few weeks into working the job we got to talking, and I told her I was a lesbian as well.

Sophia wasn't my usual "type", per say. I tended to go for women that were more masculine presenting than me, and Sophia was just as feminine as me. She had light brown skin, brown doe eyes, and shiny dark hair.

She trained me, and we got along well. She was very sweet, and a patient teacher. I also couldn't help but notice how good her ass looked in the skirts she wore.

There were no flirtatious vibes between us...until she and her fiancé, Michaela, broke up.

About 8 weeks after I started working at the Optometry office, one day when I walked into the optical lab, I noticed Sophia wiping her eyes.

"Are you alright?" I asked her.

She turned to face me, seemingly surprised I was there.

"Oh, May, you scared me," she said, placing her hand on her heart.

"Sorry," I put my bag down, "I wasn't meaning to."

"It's okay," she said, "I'm just a bit of a mess today. Michaela and I ended things."

"I'm really sorry to hear that," I responded to Sophia, "I'm here if you need anything."

I didn't realize at the time that "anything" would turn into sex.

As the weeks progressed, I was still talking to Alexa every day. Some days we spoke more than others, but it was still every day. However, I couldn't help but notice the way Sophia seemed to look at me at work. She also was getting very complimentary about my appearance.

I wonder if...? No. No way. She's close to ten years older than me. Not to mention my superior at work.

I also constantly thought about Alexa. I wondered if she was hooking up with anyone. I knew that if I asked her, she would be honest with me.

But I couldn't bring myself to ask her.

One night in the Fall, the women at the Optometry practice decided to have a girl's night, at Sophia's apartment.

It was nice to have a relaxing night with the women at my job. I overall liked my coworkers a lot, more so than I did at the restaurant.

To my surprise, Sophia asked me if I wanted to stay later at her apartment.

"I've been having a nice time talking to you tonight, May," she said."

"So have I. I'll stay," I said to her.

We got into a conversation about relationships as we sat on her couch. She told me about all of the woes about her ex, Michaela, and I told her about my relationship issues as well.

"I'm sure Michaela calls me crazy," Sophia said, taking a sip of her wine, "It was the things she did that made me so-called crazy."

"You're not crazy," I reassured Sophia, "Michaela sounds like the ultimate gaslighter. I'm sure some of my ex's call me crazy though."

Sophia gave me a knowing look, "It sounds like Rebecca was a gaslighter toward you at the end of your relationship."

"She was," I nodded.

Sophia sighed, "I don't think I want anything serious for a long time. Right now, I just want casual. If I'm being honest, I miss sex."

Her eyes lingered on me, and my cheeks grew warm.

"Casual is...doable," I managed to reply.

There was a pause before Sophia said to me, "I know I'm technically your boss, and a bit older than you. But is casual doable with me?"

Oh, fuck.

Alexa was at the forefront of my mind, yet I found myself saying, "I think...I think it could be."

That night, Sophia brought me back to her bedroom. We didn't go all the way, but we went far enough.

As I drove home, I was unsettled. I knew that I technically didn't do anything wrong, but all I could think about was Alexa.

I went up to my old University to visit Josie a few days after. It was her senior year, so I wasn't going to have many more opportunities to visit her. I told her about Sophia over drinks.

Her jaw dropped, "You hooked up with your thirty year old assistant manager?"

"When you put it that way...it sounds kind of fucked up."

Josie laughed, "It's just unexpected, that's all."

"I wasn't expecting it to happen at all," I shook my head, "I mean, who knows if it'll happen again. I don't even know if I want it to happen again."

However, it happened again. A week later, I was lonely. I knew that Sophia was too. She invited me over, and this time we went all the way. I hated that the whole time, I couldn't get Alexa out of my mind.

It was obvious that both Sophia and I were just using each other for physical pleasure. Nothing else was going to happen. At work, we acted very professionally, you'd have never known we'd seen each other naked.

I hooked up with Sophia two more times, and I knew that I needed to tell Alexa. She very well could have been doing the same thing with someone else.

She called me one night after she got home from work, and I said to her, "There's something I wanted to mention to you."

"I'm all ears."

My heart raced as I said, "I've hooked up with someone else a few times.

There was silence for a moment, and finally Alexa said, "I can't fault you for that. I get it. If I'm being honest, I haven't hooked up with anyone here in Phoenix, but I've been on the dating apps."

"I definitely can't fault you for that either," I replied, "This is a tough situation, isn't it?"

"It is. I'm wondering what we should do."

"I don't want to hold you back from anything, Alexa."

"And I don't want to hold you back from anything either."

There was quiet for another moment, and finally Alexa said, "I'm not saying we should stop communicating. I...the thought of that makes me upset. But I think we need to realize that right now, we both are going to have our freedom. We'll just...take it from there, okay?"

"Okay," I said, "Alexa...just know that you're really fucking special to me."

I swore I heard Alexa's voice break as she said, "You are beyond special to me, May."

That conversation gave me some more clarity. Though it seemed like it wouldn't have, it did. It tugged at my heartstrings all the same, yet I knew it was for the best.

About a week later at work, Sophia told me that she and Michaela were getting back together.

Huh. After all that.

"I had fun with you," she said to me, "We can go back to being strictly professional, right?"

"Of course," I nodded, "That won't be an issue at all."

It wasn't an issue. It wasn't like I had ever pictured some kind of future with Sophia. I knew what it was going into it. It was nice for once to not feel that punch to the gut that I was so used to feeling.

I couldn't help but to feel lost about what was going to happen from here.

Just let it all work out, May. That's all you can do.