Alexa 

Trying to move past my relationship with Rebecca was not easy to say the least.

Everything made me think of her. I missed being around her, her touch, her kisses. She was the most significant part of my life for a whole year, and now that was ripped away from me.

To make matters worse, the thought of her and Violet likely being together now made matters worse. Way worse.

I had to block her on everything. Thankfully, Rebecca wasn't one to post on social media, so I knew I wasn't missing seeing anything. I remembered feeling special when she had posted a picture of us on her Instagram once.

That feeling was long gone.

I felt empty and like nothing really mattered. I was simply going through the motions of the day.

That was until a little over two months after Rebecca and I broke up.

I wasn't looking for anything, truly. I was completely defeated, yet somehow not totally jaded at the thought of love.

One night I was working, and I got a table of two women that looked around my age. One had dark blonde hair and glasses, and the other had long, shiny dark brown hair pulled into a ponytail and bright blue eyes. She wore a light blue t-shirt that brought out her eyes even more so.

Something about the both of them made my gaydar go off the charts. It didn't look like they were a couple, but I wasn't completely sure.

I introduced myself and got their drink and appetizer order.

"Thanks," the brunette smiled at me after taking their order.

I couldn't even control my face growing warm at her smile and the way her eyes lingered on me.

I'm imagining things. I have to be imagining things.

However, I wasn't imagining things. At the end of the night, there was a note on the check that said: If you're into women, here's my number. From Alexa, the brunette in the blue shirt.

I stood there at the table, smiling down at the phone number on the check.

I felt someone bump my hip lightly and asked, "What's got you smiling?"

I turned to see Bailey next to me, and I showed her the check.

"Should I text her? I mean, I just got out of a relationship not even that long ago."

"Text her," Bailey encouraged me, "The fact that you're smiling down at the check tells me all I need to know."

When I got home that night, my heart raced as I sent Alexa a text, letting her know it was her server that night, and I got her number.

She texted me back minutes later, and we wound up texting all night. I literally stayed up until 4:30 AM texting her. I learned that her name was Alexa Lawson, and she lived about an hour away from me. The woman she was with at the restaurant was her best friend, Macy, who lived near me.

The next day, Alexa asked me to hang out. I was surprised that she asked me to see her so quickly, but at the same time I appreciated that she didn't waste time. I told her that I could drive up to where she lived, but she insisted on driving down to me. We decided to meet for coffee a few days later.

As I got ready to see Alexa, I found myself more excited than nervous, with a twinge of guilt.

Should I be doing this so soon after my break up with Rebecca?

I put on a cute sundress, lightly curled my blonde hair, and drove to the coffee shop to meet Alexa.

As I was on my way, she texted me letting me know there was less traffic than expected, and she was at the shop. She asked me what I wanted to drink. At a red light I texted her my drink order, an iced vanilla latte with oat milk, and thanked her.

When I saw her at the coffee shop, she pulled me in for a hug like she'd known me forever. I couldn't help but notice how great she smelled, like sandalwood and jasmine.

Alexa turned out to be one of the friendliest people I'd ever met, and I knew it was genuine. She made me laugh harder than I had in months.

"Tell me more about you," she said, "You said you're in college, what for?"

"I'm in my last semester of community college, and I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life, to be honest. I'm thinking of maybe doing some kind of trade program, I don't think University is for me."

"Nothing wrong with that at all. It wasn't for me either," Alexa responded, looking at me.

"You haven't told me what you do for work."

"I'm a mechanic, and I do some landscaping on the side. I just got out of the Army last year, and I've been finding my way."

"You were in the Army?" I asked, interested.

"I was," Alexa nodded, "I won't lie. I'm glad to be out of it. I feel a bit lost in life, but I enjoy the freedom."

The coffee shop closed, and as Alexa and I walked out, she stopped and said, "I'd like to keep hanging out with you, May. Of course, if you like to end the hang out now, that's totally fine, I just- "

"I want to spend more time with you," I said, "There's a park nearby that has a great walking trail. Want to meet me there?"

Alexa smiled at me and nodded, "Of course."

As Alexa and I walked in the park, our hands touched occasionally, sending a bolt of electricity through my veins. At one point we sat down on a bench in a secluded area, our knees touching.

Alexa turned to face me, "I'm really enjoying this, May. Would you like to hangout again sometime? Preferably soon."

I found myself nodding, "Absolutely."

Alexa smiled, "Awesome. I haven't had this nice of a time with someone in a long time."

"Same here," I said. I meant it, though I knew I needed to be honest about something with Alexa.

"There's something I need to tell you," I said to Alexa, "I just got out of a year long relationship a couple of months ago. It fucked me up, and I'm not sure if I am looking for something super serious right now...though I don't want you to think that doesn't mean I'm not enjoying my time with you."

To my surprise, Alexa gave me a cheeky wink and said, "For a girl as pretty as you, I don't mind being a rebound."

I couldn't help but to laugh, and Alexa said, "On a more serious note, I'm sorry. Breakups fucking suck."

I wound up telling Alexa a bit about Rebecca, and why we broke up. I didn't want to spend the whole time talking about my ex, but I opened up to Alexa. I felt like I could.

She listened to me, as she had been the whole time.

"You didn't deserve that," she said, placing her hand on mine.

"Thank you," I responded, looking into her pretty blue eyes, "I appreciate that."

She smiled softly, and then said, "On the note of being honest, there's something I should tell you as well."

I sat up a bit straighter, "What is it?"

"I'm moving in three months to Arizona. That's where I grew up, and my grandmother still lives there. She's sick, and my mom is going to be her full time caregiver. My family is moving back."

My heart sunk as I said, "Thank you for telling me. I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother."

"Thank you," Alexa nodded, "Look, you're probably wondering why I left you my number if I'm going to be moving in a few months. I just couldn't help myself. I thought you were stunning, and really sweet."

"Listen, that doesn't mean we can't get to know each other and have fun these next few months," I said to Alexa, "We're both not in a place where we're looking for something serious."

Right before leaving that night, Alexa kissed me. Even though we agreed to keep it light, the kiss felt like something more. As Alexa pulled away, I could see by the look in her eyes that she thought the same.

Getting to know Alexa and spending time with her was something I didn't know I needed, but I did. I needed to meet her, I truly believe that. We started hanging out a couple of times a week, which turned into multiple times a week. She would drive down to me, and I would drive up to her house. Her parents and younger brother were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met as well.

Alexa was a breath of fresh air. She was different from all the other women I'd been with. I felt like I could be myself with her, she brought out my goofy side that didn't come out very often. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that we weren't putting pressure on the relationship, or if it was just her, but things felt so easy with Alexa. Not to mention, she was also the best in bed that I'd experienced yet.

My sadness regarding Rebecca dissipated around Alexa, the break up started to not feel so heavy.

One night as Alexa and I lay in her bed together at her house, I kissed her lightly on the cheek and said, "I'm so glad you left your number for me."

She turned to face me and smiled, "So am I. You're simply wonderful, May."

Even though Alexa and I didn't put a label on what we had going on, I'd never felt so safe and secure with someone as I did with her. I didn't have that same security in my previous relationship.

The date that Alexa was moving started to loom over us, and it genuinely made my chest tighten to think about. I tried to spend as much time with her as possible. Over the three months of getting to know her, we'd done a lot together. We took mini road trips and went to the beach, the Baltimore Aquarium, and various parks.

The night before she moved, she drove us up North about an hour to a park I'd never been to before. As we walked out by the lake, I could see just about every star up in the night sky.

"This is so beautiful," I said, holding Alexa's hand.

"Just like you, May."

I turned to her and smiled, and she smiled back at me, though I could see she was blinking more than usual.

"Fuck," she said, and let go of my hand to wipe at her eyes, "I told myself I wasn't to cry. I'm just...I'm really going to miss you. I never expected to meet someone like you so soon before moving. You make me not want to go to Arizona."

That really tugged at my heartstrings, and I felt a lump forming in my throat.

"I'm going to miss you so much," I said to Alexa, "I know we'll be many miles apart, but that doesn't mean we can't talk all the time and even visit each other. I don't want this to be the end."

"It's not going to be. I promise you that."

Alexa left the next morning. Her family was road tripping to Arizona, and she gave me a long kiss before getting in the van to leave.

I couldn't help but cry my whole way home.

As Alexa drove from Pennsylvania to Arizona, she texted me letting me know each state she was in. As the states grew further away from Pennsylvania, my heart ached. By the time she got to Arizona, it started to feel more real.

If only you didn't move, Alexa. Who knows what could've been.