Nikki

I started at the local community college, and got a job as a server part time.

Though I was home again, living mainly with my mom, I felt happier. Lighter. The only thing that I missed about the University was Josie, but I was still talking to her all the time.

There was a cute girl who worked with me at my serving job. Her name was Nicole Frey, however, she went by Nikki.

She had short, light brown hair, bright blue eyes, and really cute features. Nikki also sported a nose as eyebrow piercing, and some tattoos.

A few weeks into working at the restaurant, I found myself wanting to look cute for work, and I knew exactly why. I hadn't spoken much yet to Nikki, but I knew I wanted to.

I pulled my shoulder length, light blonde hair into a low ponytail, and made my dark eyes stand out with some eyeliner and lots of mascara. I spritzed myself with a few extra sprays of perfume as well.

When I got to work, I checked the seating chart, and Nikki was standing by the host station doing the same thing.

She glanced at me, and then said, "May, you smell really nice."

I hoped I wasn't blushing too hard as I responded, "Thanks, Nikki."

Toward the end of the night, Nikki came up to me as I was cleaning my section.

"I have a question for you," she said to me.

I looked at her, "Yes?"

"Do you like women?"

"Whoa, straight forward," I chuckled nervously.

Nikki simply raised her eyebrows, and I said, "Well, yes. I'm a lesbian."

"So am I. Maybe we should hangout sometime. Only if you want, of course."

I found myself nodding, "I'd like that."

Nikki and I exchanged numbers that night, and I just knew that something was going to happen with her.

The one part of living back at home that I had to adjust to was having my parents around. With my mom and stepdad, I didn't really have to tell them where I was going, at least. They let me have full freedom, as they should with me being nineteen years old.

That night after work as I was lying in bed, my mind drifted to Chelsea. Even though it had been over a year since we broke up, and she was my high school girlfriend, I still thought about her from time to time. I was about to look her up on Instagram when my phone vibrated with a text from Nikki.

It said: Hey, May. I'm just going to be straight up, I find you to be really cute. We should hangout outside of work sometime.

Immediately, my heart fluttered. I had a sinking feeling inside that Nikki likely was texting other girls saying the same thing, but I chose to ignore that feeling.

Anything for the attention of a woman, right?

I learned that Nikki was a few years older than me, and she had her own apartment. A few nights after the initial text she sent me, she invited me over to her apartment. I knew exactly what for, but I still went.

I called Savannah, my best friend from high school, on my drive to Nikki's for the first time. Savannah went to college in Delaware, and I still talked to her often, as well as Josie.

"So, do you think you're going to have sex tonight?" Savannah asked me.

"If I had to guess, I'd say yes. I mean, I wore a matching bra and thong on purpose," I said as I drove, paying attention to the map on my dashboard.

Savannah laughed, "You dirty girl! So...do you think that Nikki might be a similar situation as Steph, or could it become more?"

"Who knows, honestly. I'm just going to see what happens."

"I assume you secretly wish that she could possibly become your girlfriend?"

I was silent for a moment, and I then admitted, "Of course I do. That's what I want at the end of the day, not just a fuck buddy."

At this point, the only two people I had ever slept with were Chelsea and Steph, and I figured I would be adding Nikki to that list.

I was correct about that. When I walked into Nikki's apartment, she started to flirt with me right away.

"You look really good," she greeted me with a hug, and I noticed how nice she smelled.

"Thanks," I gave her a quick hug back, "So do you."

We went to her living room, and she had the show "Shameless" playing in the background.

"I love Shameless," I sat down next to Nikki on her couch, "It's a great show."

"It is," Nikki nodded, and she then gave me this look like she wanted to undress me with her eyes.

I don't even know exactly why, but I found myself hoping that Nikki would ask me questions and try to get to know me better. I wanted to get to know her as well. However, that didn't happen. She wanted to get straight to hooking up. While I felt somewhat empty inside with this just being a hook up, it also felt really good. As Nikki lay me back on her couch and dove her head between my legs, I found myself unable to hold back my gasps of pleasure.

As I pulled my clothing back on after we were done, Nikki gave me a smirk and asked, "Did you enjoy? I'm going to assume you did. I haven't had a woman not enjoy me doing that."

Whoa. A bit overconfident there.

"I enjoyed it," I said to Nikki, "A lot."

She grinned, "Very good. I hope this won't be the last time you come over."

It wasn't. I wound up going to Nikki's quite often as the next weeks passed. I left physically satisfied, yet always with the same hollowness emotionally. She didn't try to get to know me. It was all about sex for her. It wasn't a bad thing, yet I didn't know much about her as well.

Yes, we worked together, and we got along at work. But at the same time, she treated me like any other co-worker. She was friendly, sure. Sometimes it made me feel lousy that at work she would act very platonic toward me, yet she would text me to come over that night.

One night toward the holidays when I went to her apartment, she seemed like she wasn't in the best mood.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, "I can leave if you want me to, it's fine."

She placed a hand on my thigh, "No, no. Don't leave. Sorry, my mind is just all over the place."

"Do you...want to talk about it?"

She scrubbed her face, obviously frustrated, "Not really, but I will. My ex texted me. The same ex that completely broke my heart and made me never want a relationship again."

Ah, there it is.

My stomach twisted, but I tried to not show it.

"I'm sorry," I said to Nikki, trying to sound sympathetic, "That's really tough."

"Yeah, it is," Nikki sighed, "Ashlyn, my ex, really made me not believe that love is real. I've pretty much sworn off relationships."

While I had a feeling Nikki would never want a relationship, and I didn't even really want one with her, it still made me upset, and I couldn't even quite explain why.

A couple of days after I turned 20, a new girl started at my job. Her name was Bailey, and she was a host. She seemed really sweet, however when I saw how Nikki looked at her, a chill ran down my spine.

That's how she looked at me.

It wasn't even a week later that I saw Nikki and Bailey talking to each other at work, and Bailey was looking at Nikki all starry eyed.

I was expecting Nikki to tell me that we couldn't hang out anymore, it was just a matter of time.

It happened a couple of weeks later. I had gone to Nikki's apartment for what I didn't know was the last time. She waited until after we slept together to tell me, "So, we can't really do this anymore."

Once again, it felt like a complete punch to the gut. Even though I was expecting it.

"Is it because of Bailey?" I asked Nikki.

Nikki looked taken aback, and she then nodded, "It is. I don't really like to fuck with the same girl at the same time, you know? That's kind of fucked up."

Yeah. Sure.

For the next few weeks at work, I felt miserable seeing Nikki and Bailey talk to each other closely, laughing and flirting.

Bailey was very sweet to me, and I caught on that she definitely didn't know about Nikki and I. One day at the host stand, she seemed extra giddy.

"You seem very happy today," I said to Bailey. I had nothing against her.

She smiled and responded softly, "I am. Nikki and I are officially dating."

My mouth went completely dry, and if I felt like I'd been punched in the gut before, this felt like the worst sucker punch.

What happened to Nikki never wanting a relationship again?

That same night, I drove up to my old college to visit Josie. I needed to get away and clear my mind and possibly get drunk as well.

I sat in Josie's dorm with her, and I couldn't help the tears that flowed from my eyes.

"Why am I never good enough?" I said to Josie, "I slept with Nikki for months, yet she didn't want to date me. Bailey comes along, and weeks later they're together."

Josie wrapped her arms around me, "She wasn't your person. I promise, she's out there. The best is yet to come, May. I promise you."

I looked at Josie, "I really hope you're right, Josie. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take."

"I know," Josie said, "I know that I'm right. She'll happen when you least expect it."

Josie was right, the best was yet to come.

However, before that, it was the worst.