Steph

For starters, I hated college. Even though I was only an hour from my mom's house, I was homesick. I had no interest in going to class, and I was having a hard time making real friends.

There was one girl in my dorm hall that I met, Josie Fields, that I was becoming close friends with, but otherwise it was difficult. My roommate and I were like ships passing in the night.

My major was Biology, as I was planning on going to school to become a Physician's Assistant, however that was now looking bleak with my grades.

With me being the hopeless romantic that I am, I thought that I was going to be able to find another girlfriend. That, however, wasn't seeming to happen either. I made out with a girl at a party, however before November, that was the extent to which I had any kind of a sexual or romantic relationship with a girl.

One night in November, not long before Thanksgiving, I found that there was an eighteen and up night at a gay club in Philly. Usually, you had to be twenty one to get in. I told Josie about it, and she gladly agreed to go with me.

That night was when I met Steph Greene.

She was dressed more on the masculine side, and she had long, dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. She wore glasses and had multiple tattoos.

Steph asked me to dance, saying that she noticed me from across the room. She seemed nervous when she spoke, like she had worked up the courage to come talk to me.

Little did I know this was just her personality, she always seemed to be on edge.

"Do you go to college around here?" she asked me as we danced closely.

I nodded, "I do. I go to Widener University. How about you?"

Her deep, blue eyes widened slightly, "I went there for a semester before dropping out, but live right near campus."

This started my saga with Steph.

I'm not exactly sure what it was that kept me hanging out with Steph as long as I did. I think I just needed the company, though there was something about her that pulled me in. I found her attractive, and she was good in bed.

First of all, she didn't have a job. She claimed that she was an artist, though I found out that she came from a rich family from Northern New Jersey that funded her life.

Steph didn't seem to have motivation to do much in life, though she wanted to see me often.

The first time I went to her apartment, I was surprised to see a bunch of street signs in her room. There was graffiti on the various stop signs, yield signs, and others.

"Um, where did you get all of these signs?" I asked her.

She shrugged, "I steal them occasionally. It's a hobby of mine. They look pretty cool with the graffiti on them, don't they?"

"I mean, yeah. They do. Can't you get in a lot of trouble for that?"

Another shrug, "I guess. I haven't been caught yet."

"Hopefully you won't."

Steph gave me a small smile, "I don't think I will."

I started to get to know Steph's roommates and a few of her friends that came by the apartment a lot. They all were artists, stole, and smoked a lot of weed. I smoked with them but never got caught up in stealing.

One night right before winter break, I was sitting in the living room with Steph and a couple of her friends, smoking.

Steph sat close to me, occasionally placing her hand on my knee or thigh.

"Hey, blondie," her friend Seb said to me, "What are you in school for?"

I cringed inside at the nickname, referring to my light blonde hair, but I answered, "Biology. I'm hoping to go to PA school."

That hope was dwindling as the days went by.

Steph grinned at me, "She's a smart one."

I chuckled, "I'm really not. I'm not doing well in my classes. I appreciate the compliment, though."

When I was home for a couple of weeks for winter break, my parents were not happy about my grades that I was getting. Especially my dad, who tends to expect perfection.

"May, what's going on?" my mom asked me, "Are you getting distracted, do you need to switch your major? What's happening here?"

I wanted to tell her that I hated college, and it wasn't for me, but instead I said, "I think I should change my major."

I wound up changing my major to Psychology, which I knew wouldn't help matters.

Steph wasn't even distracting me. Not in the way Chelsea had my senior year. I was just simply unhappy going to college.

I begrudgingly returned to school from winter break and still spent time with Steph. Quite a bit of time.

"Do you think she's going to become your girlfriend?" Josie asked me, "You hang out with her an awful lot."

"I'm honestly not sure. She never mentions wanting to be official with me. I think she's fine with how things are."

"Are you fine with how things are?"

"I think so. I'm not entirely sure that I see Steph being someone I want to date long term."

I meant that. I enjoyed spending time with Steph most of the time, but I didn't think I had a real future with her. She was unmotivated in life and went with the flow almost too much.

I was unmotivated when it came to school, but in life I still had goals, and wanted to work.

One night in March, Steph asked me an unexpected question.

"Are you like...hooking up with anyone else?"

Steph asked me this after we had just finished having sex, and we were lying in her bed.

I was a bit taken aback, but I said, "I'm not. Are you?"

I felt like I knew the answer to that question, however my heart rate still quickened.

"No," she simply answered.

"Can I ask you a question?" I turned to face her.

"Sure."

"Do you know what you want to do? I mean like, with a job. Or just in life in general."

Steph frowned, "Why do you ask?"

"Genuinely curious."

"Look, I know I'm not really working right now, but I have goals," Steph responded defensively.

"I never said you didn't. It was just a question, don't read into it too much."

That was the last time I asked Steph about her goals in life.

I, however, was still struggling in college. To the point where I was unmotivated to go to class, and push came to shove.

To my surprise, one night my mom called me...and my dad was also on the line.

Whoa. This must be serious. They hardly speak.

They hadn't spoken in years, I assumed. My twenty two year old sister, Casey, gave them no reason to have to speak to one another.

"Something has to give here," my mom said, "Living at University isn't for you, May."

My dad then spoke, "I agree. May, your mother and I think that you should come live back home, go to the community college, and work part time."

I was surprised that my dad was even on board with this plan.

I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as I said, "Okay. That sounds like a plan."

I told Steph that night that I wasn't coming back to Widener after the current semester.

"Does that mean...we won't see each other anymore?" she asked me.

"Obviously we can still talk, if you want. I can come visit you. I'll still come up and visit sometimes to see Josie, I can see you as well."

Steph looked guilty for once as she said, "I think that we can end this here."

I stared at Steph, "Really? What makes you say that?"

Another punch to the gut.

I haven't felt this since Chelsea broke up with me.

"Well, you know my friend, Ruby?"

"Yes," I said, picturing the blonde with tattoos and curly hair that I had met a few times.

"I'm kind of into her."

That was all Steph needed to say. I left her apartment, tears stinging my eyes as I drove back to my dorm.

I knew that things weren't going to last with Steph, but hearing that she liked someone else, for god knows how long, hurt.

I hated that I thought this way, but it almost felt like my time with Steph had been a waste.

I could've been meeting other girls. I should've met other girls.

Now is my chance to.