First day of October

Noah affected me more than I cared to admit, but that will change today.

I walked into the small French bistro, with the confidence of someone a decade older, or so it appeared to be. The small restaurant had a cozy, unpretentious atmosphere with small tables, where six-course meals were served.

Dark chocolate hair fell on my small shoulders, framing what was left of me. Over 45% of women had this body type. Size 00, nonexistent breasts and a Caucasian face. That translated to balanced hips and bust and a waist that wasn't quite defined.

I watched my feet take steps across the glossy tiles, till they stopped next to Noah's table. Noah's beige pants were spotless as usual, his shirt was neatly buttoned and his leather sneakers threw a minimalist but refined look. He smelled like fresh mint. He leaned forward. I looked around to see who was near his table. Somehow he managed to get an empty corner.

It's time to say goodbye.

"I liked what we had. I just didn't like having it with you."

Noah arched an eyebrow, but his hand drifted down my leg. Once upon a time, those bright blue eyes stole my heart.

"Please forgive me."

It took a moment to hear the words, but he said exactly what I wanted to hear.

When I refused to acknowledge his performance, he drops the subject.

I raised my face to look up at him I saw the tension on his aristocratic features, but I knew better than that. He could no longer appall me. He could no longer put me back where I supposedly belonged.

"I'm not a backup plan and definitely not a second choice."

I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when it really it was breaking my heart.

A narrow, oblong face with angular cheekbones and a pointed chin was now close to my own. Noah enjoyed handling me like I was a plague carrier. He enjoyed making me uncomfortable. He ran his hands through his close-cropped hair twice. His eyes looked like they might pop out anytime and tiny bubbles of froth were indeed forming at the corners of the mouth. Noah knew I had nowhere to go.

We were just strangers with some memories.

My breath stalled and I felt sick to my stomach. The arrogant laughed and my heart almost stopped beating. I felt it hitting my chest so hard I assumed it might even break the ribs and rip apart my skin.

"How you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you."

Noah accepted me when nobody else did. He loved a lost cause and I was his favorite. After subjecting myself to a medical procedure, I got kicked out of my family's life. They were ashamed. So he took care of me, but that was years ago. At first glance, one might assume that I was an ungrateful little bitch, which couldn't be more untrue, because I did show gratitude, even on my knees.

"I wish I could say something that would make you trust me, but if you give me enough time I can prove it to you."

Deep down I always knew he could never love me. Every night I found myself lying in bed, remembering every little glance, and every little thing he said to me.

No matter how strong a girl is, she always has a breaking point.

Noah gave me that look that he only reserved for me when I acted somehow stupid from his point of view.

"You are just an unfulfilled dream."

I turned around and left. To where that might be, I didn't know. As I ran down the unfamiliar street I let out all the feelings I've held in for so long.

My knees hurt. My neck and shoulders were sore, so I decided it was wiser to stay put.

I was nothing but a picture of misery.