CHAPTER 12

"He's my husband."

I choked on my own saliva when I heard what Ei said. We had just woken up and were eating the breakfast I cooked. I volunteered to cook because she seemed to still have a hangover.

The whole unit was bright because the curtain was already aside, and the sunlight was coming in through the window, just right for the mini dining area. When I looked at Ei, her hair was still messy as she played with her food. I just shook my head at what she was doing. I carefully took the chocolate milk and drank it before I spoke.

"I'm sorry, I was surprised by what you said," I replied, wiping my lips.

She smiled faintly and shook her head. "Don't worry. It's okay. I understand why you reacted that way."

I nodded. "But your last name is different. Is it a secret relationship? No, I mean, you're already married, so why do you need to hide it?"

"It's needed. As long as I don't agree to what they want, our relationship with my husband has to be hidden. Besides, I'm using my maiden name and I'm not using Caddel's surname. It's stated in our marriage certificate that my surname is different there, but I need to use my maiden name for now," she explained and took a deep breath.

I continued to look at her while she continued eating.

"You seemed to be avoiding Mr. Winslow last night. The one he was referring to last night, they're your children, right?"

She nodded, and a smile appeared on her lips. "Yes, they're twins—a girl and a boy. I love my kids, Sarah. That's why I don't want to risk my life because I have them," she sighed. "But don't worry, everything will be okay. It's just that what's happening in our lives right now is really stressful."

I smiled bitterly and reached for her hand. She was surprised by what I did, so she looked up at me.

"If you need someone to talk to if you have a problem, I'm here. I'll listen to all your rants," I said softly.

She took my hand too and smiled. "Thank you, Sarah. I can tell you all my problems but not this problem that we're trying to fix," her voice was sad. "It's too stressful, and I know you have a lot of problems too, so I won't add to that."

"I understand, Ei. Don't worry, I don't interfere in other people's lives. Whatever you can tell me is enough. I also know the feeling of keeping all your problems in your chest and having no one to talk to."

"Thank you, Sarah," I followed her gaze when I saw her stand up to approach me. A warm arm wrapped around me. "If you have a problem, you can talk to me. I'm always free, especially for you. We're friends after all. Friends help each other."

I laughed softly and hugged her back. After the serious conversation, she went back to her seat and took more food. We spent a long time having breakfast because we talked about different things. I wish it could be like this—happy and carefree. But I know that's impossible. It's impossible for a person to go through life without any problems.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

A month later...

I was staring blankly at a white candle placed on my study table. It was lit, and the candle was the only source of light in the whole room besides the very small light on the side of my bed. It was just 60 days since Rafael passed away, so I lit a candle for him.

Time flew by so fast, but it still felt like yesterday when he left. I was still in denial, thinking it was just a joke, but now... After 60 days, I think I've accepted it.

I had no choice but to accept his death, but it was hard. I raised my hand and touched my chest when I felt it ache. It still hurts every time I remember him.

"I miss you, Raf," I whispered softly.

I sighed and blew out the candle before I cried. I cried so much this morning. My eyes were swelling, sore, and heavy. I just wanted to rest.

When I lay down on the bed, it took me a few minutes before I finally fell asleep. Until darkness engulfed me, Rafael was still in my mind. If only I had told him earlier that I loved him, not just as a friend, maybe I wouldn't be regretting it now, because I did tell him that I loved him.

"Hey! Wake up!"

I jumped out of bed when I heard my mother's voice outside my room. She was banging on the wooden door while shouting. I quickly got up to open the door.

"M-Mother," I stammered when I opened the door.

I closed my eyes when she slapped my forehead with the newspaper she was holding. I held my forehead while looking at her.

"What? Just going to laze around after studying?" she asked me irritably. She was standing with her hands on her hips while her eyebrows were almost in a line from her furrowed brow.

My eyes widened when she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the room. I couldn't speak immediately because of what she did. I stepped back when she pushed me into the bathroom and threw the towel she got from the top of our old washing machine at my face.

"Find a job to help me with all the expenses now. Are you just going to sit here and do nothing?"

I swallowed hard and nodded slowly.

"I-I plan to but I just want to rested for a few weeks—"

"We won't be fed by the rest you're doing! We'll starve before you even start looking for a job!?" she shouted at me, and I flinched.

"Y-yes. I'll start looking for a job."

She looked at me from head to toe before turning away. I could still hear her mumbling that I was a useless child and that I was just lazing around after studying. I didn't argue with her anymore so the argument wouldn't escalate.

I carefully closed the bathroom door and took a shower. I was also quick with my movements because my mother was nagging at me. It seemed like she wanted me to leave the house right away.

"Don't come back here until you find a job, Sarah. Do you understand me?"

I was silent while hugging the brown envelope, which was also inside a plastic envelope to prevent it from getting wet. I was already dressed and ready, wearing a simple white shirt tucked into black slacks and white shoes for comfort when walking. I was already at the door and about to leave, but my mom was still lecturing me.

"It's not easy to find a job right away," I replied.

I closed my eyes when she raised her hand, but she didn't continue to hurt me, she was just scaring me.

"That's not my problem. Get out!" she shooed me away.

I turned away from her and walked out of the house. I took a deep breath and smiled so as not to ruin my day. I had already budgeted my expenses for today. I couldn't spend my money without budgeting it now because if I ran out of money, where would I get it? My plan for today is to look for a job at Austria Mega Mall. That's my plan for now.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

"I'm sorry, dear. We're not hiring right now."

My expression changed when I heard what she said. There was a job posting for hiring in their department, but why weren't they hiring?

"I read the job posting for a sales lady. Maybe you have a vacancy. I really need a job right now. I'll just submit my resume now—"

"Don't you understand? We're not hiring..." my chest tightened when I saw her look at me from head to toe. "Not for you. So go away now, and we have many more customers to entertain."

I fought back my tears from falling because of what she said. I was just looking for a job and I even got insulted. I did fix myself up, but it seemed like it was still not enough.

"Okay, ma'am. Thank you," I bowed slightly and turned away to leave.

I walked around for a while and almost searched the entire mega mall to find a job, but whenever I tried to submit my resume, they treated me differently. I sat down on a bench, exhausted, and rubbed my feet because they were hurting.

I smiled bitterly when the woman's words echoed in my mind again. It's so hard when you're not beautiful. It's true what they say about pretty privilege. I can't experience that because I'm not beautiful, but it's also enviable.

"Don't worry, Sarah. When we get rich, I'll have your face fixed. We'll whiten our skin and smoothen it," I said to myself. I touched my black, curly hair. "I'll also have our hair straightened to make it more beautiful. Just wait."

I rested for a few more minutes before standing up again. I looked at my wristwatch, and my eyes widened when I saw that it was almost night. I didn't even eat, not even a snack, because I also went to another branch of the mega mall but still had no luck. They weren't hiring, so I went back here.

I took out my phone from the small bag I was carrying to text my mom that I was going home.

From Sarah:

I'm going home.

'Don't come back here until you find a job, Sarah. Do you understand me?'

I paused when I heard her voice. What can I do if I can't find a job? My feet were already aching from walking around the big mall, but I still haven't found one. I just sighed and put my phone back in my bag.

Whatever.

Even lining up for the Jeep back to our place was difficult. I was already drenched in sweat because of the crowded people. They were even pushing each other because some were cutting in line. And then a heavy rain poured down as soon as I got off.

I had to ride a tricycle, but since there was no tricycle lined up at the terminal, I ran towards our house while getting wet in the rain. I ended up just walking because I was already drenched in the rain. It's a good thing that the brown envelope I was carrying was placed in a plastic envelope, and my bag was leather so the inside didn't get wet.

I was shivering from the cold and the strong wind. My lips were trembling when I arrived home. The door was closed, and I could hear my siblings and my mom arguing.

When will this end? All I want is a peaceful and happy family—

"Oh, the princess is here. Did you find a job?" anger was evident in her voice, probably because she was arguing with my siblings.

"I didn't—"

That was all that came out of my mouth before she pulled me inside the house because of her anger.

SHANGPU