CHAPTER 1

I quickly grabbed the leftover pandesal that was on top of our old table when my mother went out to the back of the house. I immediately hid it inside my bag before I speak.

"I'm going to school now, Mother!" I called out, but she didn't respond.

I froze when someone suddenly blocked my path. "Why are you still studying, Sarah? Our mother isn't even paying for your tuition anymore, so why are you still going?" she taunted.

I swallowed hard and scratched my arm.

"I only have one semester left to finish my studies, Hillary. Don't worry, I'll find a job as soon as I graduate to help you all," I replied, smiling.

She smirked. "Well, you better do that. Our debt hasn't even paid yet to our aunt, and now you want to add your schooling to our problem?"

"Education is important, Hillary—"

"Idiot! Education isn't important when you're poor!" she yelled and grabbed my arm. "Money! Money is what matters now, so stick that into your mind, okay?! Make sure that your studies lead somewhere, or else you'll regret it," she said, her face full of rage.

She angrily let go of my arm, and I walked past her. I ran into Hernand, who had just come out of the house.

"Oh, here comes another freeloader. When are you going to pay me back, Hernand? I thought you got your salary already. Your nephew is out of milk!"

"I'll pay you, Hillary, just chill out, okay? You're getting on my nerves this early in the morning," Hernand replied, annoyingly.

I didn't listen to the rest of their conversation as I walked out of the gate. I pushed aside my black, curly hair that was covering my face and wiped the sweat from my forehead because the sun was blazing.

"Hey, Sarah, do you want an umbrella?"

I turned to the side to see one of my male classmates walking with his friends. Our school is close to our house, so we just walk there.

I smiled. "Really? I'd love to borrow one because it's so hot."

"Actually, don't bother. You wouldn't get any darker since you're already dark," he interrupted, and they all laughed.

They passed by me, and one of them intentionally bumped into me. I pouted and absentmindedly looked at the color of my skin.

I really am dark because I spend so much time under the sun, but not that super dark, more likely, my skin tone is tan. They only say that tan skin is dark because that's what's stuck in their minds. Their beauty standard here is having fair skin. I help Mom carry the wood she gathers from the fields, even though she doesn't ask for my help. Hillary, on the other hand, always just sits in the living room watching her cellphone while carrying her child, while Hernand is not home because he's gambling in the other barrio.

That's the reason why my skin is tan. My mother is the only one supporting us by selling the firewood she gathers. Hernand has a job but barely gives any money to our mother, and most of it goes to gambling and drinking with his friends. That's why Hillary is so against my education, she wants me to have a job already. But I really want to study, so I fight for it.

As for my father, he has been dead for almost three years now. He had a good job, and we noticed he was happy and enjoying it, so it's still a question to me why he took his own life. He was healthy, and we never noticed he had problems because he always seemed happy when he was with us, and we were all shocked when we found out what happened to him.

He was found hanging in the storage room of his workplace. His boss took care of the funeral and burial expenses, so we didn't have to spend anything. Our mother was the only one who saw who Dad's boss was.

"Thank you! Sorry for the trouble if I keep leaving my suman here. I'm afraid my siblings will take and eat it."

"Come on, it's nothing, Sarah. Just leave it here," she replied.

"Okay, thanks!"

I carried the small tupperware containing the suman I planned to sell. However, my best friend bought it all right away. I walked into the university with a smile on my face, and it got wider when I saw Rafael. I carefully held onto what I was carrying and gently bumped into him.

"Rafael! Hello!" I greeted cheerfully.

He seemed a bit surprised by my sudden appearance, which made me laugh. His black hair fell softly, and his grayish eyes were scanning my face like he tried to memorize it.

"Hi," he replied softly, adjusting his eyeglasses.

I didn't protest when he took the tupperware from me. It was his anyway.

"It's hot outside. Why didn't you use an umbrella?" he asked.

I scratched my arm and smiled at him. "Oh, it's okay. I'm already dark, so what's the point of using an umbrella, right?"

He took a deep breath and handed me the umbrella he was carrying.

"It's fine. You should use it since your skin is sensitive when exposed to the sun for too long. Your mom might get mad."

He gets rashes on his skin when he's out in the sun for too long. That's why he always carries an umbrella. He's the son of the well-known Zevallos family in our barrio, he is Rafael Zevallos, my only close friend. I guess I'm lucky to have had him as a friend throughout my studies at this university.

"Nah, it's fine. We're almost at our building, so you can use it," he said.

I jokingly rolled my eyes at him and took the umbrella. I sheltered him after I opened the umbrella until we got inside our building.

"Here, take this. I'll pay for it, and you can keep the change," Rafael said.

I accepted it absentmindedly and my eyes widening. It was two thousand pesos!

"Are you sure? That's a lot!" I replied in disbelief.

He just nodded. "That's a tip since you made suman really good and delicious. Even my mom and dad liked what you made."

My cheeks immediately flushed from that. Calm down, Sarah!

"Thank you," I replied softly.

"Where's that dark, flat-nosed girl? They say the suman she sells is delicious," I heard a student say.

I turned to the side upon hearing this. I knew they were talking about me since I was the only one selling kakanin at our school.

"Oh, it's all sold out. I'll sell in your classroom next time so you can buy some," I said while smiling.

They both froze, looking awkward as they nodded and walked away.

"What was that? That's rude, you know. Do you want me to kick them out of our school?" Rafael said seriously.

"Now that's rude, Rafael. Let's just ignore them, I'm used to what they say about me," I replied while laughing.

He shook his head when I looked at him, clearly disagreeing with my statement. "They didn't have to attack your physical appearance because I know that's your number one insecurity."

I just pouted and scratched my arm. He gently tapped my shoulder, making me look at him.

"Stop doing that. You'll end up hurting yourself," he said.

"It's fine. When I get rich, I'll get rid of all the scars on my body to become perfect. I'll also fix my nose and lighten my skin!" I said cheerfully.

He looked at me. "Hmm. Okay, if that's what you want."

"Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah. If that will make you happy, I'll support you."

I stifled a squeal and felt like my arms had a mind of their own as I hugged him. I ignored the glances from the other students nearby. He chuckled softly and hugged me back.

When we pulled away, I saw his face up close, Rafael's handsome face. He had soft features, especially his gray eyes. I knew many people liked him, and I was one of them, but I didn't want to admit it. I knew it would ruin our friendship. Plus, it would be hard because he's rich and I'm poor. Some say that I'm friends with him just for his money, but they don't know that we do the KKB, or kanya kanyang bayad, when we go out. It's better this way, just being friends. At least we can last longer as friends.

"I hope you never leave me, Rafael. You're my only true friend," I said, laughing.

He laughed softly. He ruffled my hair and nodded. "Yeah, of course, I'll never leave you."

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

My eyes widened as I felt my mother slap me with the two thousand pesos that I had given to her.

"Are you stupid? What am I supposed to do with these two thousand? It's not even enough for our debts and food! Just get out of here, You're getting into my nerves!" Mom shouted and left the house. "What a cursed life this is!"

I pouted and took the money from the table. I was going to put it in my pocket, but Hillary already grabbed the money from me. She smiled at me and combed my hair.

"Just let me have this if Mom doesn't want it, Sarah. Let's just say that this money is for Hernand to pay his debt to me. Just tell him to pay you, okay?"

I couldn't respond to her because she left me immediately. I glanced at Hitsy, who had just come from the bathroom, and she ignored me, heading straight to her room.

I wiped my tears and stood up. I went to my room and changed my clothes. I knew why my own mother treated me that way. After all, I was just the child of the man who raped her. She tried to abort me, but I was apparently too strong. I was used to it because she had been like this since I was a child, but sometimes I think about why I even held on, wishing I could just let go to avoid the pain.

Hillary is the eldest child with my mom's real husband. The second is Hernand and the youngest is Hitsy. Hillary is only brave enough to raise her voice or fight because there's not much age difference between us.

If only Dad were alive, I would surely have an ally. Even though he knew I was a result of that incident, he still accepted me.

I combed my hair while looking in the mirror. I bitterly smiled when I saw my appearance. Dark-skinned, flat-nosed, thin-lipped, with thick, curly black hair. I wasn't even blessed with beauty, not even a little.

"Why don't you just sell Sarah to rich old men? She's got a nice body even if she's ugly. You could earn more since she's still a virgin," I heard Hillary say.

I held my chest as I felt a stab of pain from what I heard. How could they think that way? It felt like they didn't consider me as a family.

I smiled bitterly. Of course, they've never treated me like family. They didn't even use Dad's last name for me. The man who violated Nanay used his surname for me, Dayanghirang. Meanwhile, Hillary and the others used Pajarilla.

I swallowed hard and went out the back of the house. I wiped my tears and wandered into the fields. The grass was low there, and hopefully there were no snakes. I took out my old cellphone and texted Rafael.

To Rafael:

Are you free now? I'm heading to our usual hangout place.

I immediately turned off my cellphone and walked around more. I pointed the flashlight I had at the ground to avoid tripping. When I saw Rafael coming towards me with a lamp, my eyes welled up again, and I ran to him.

"H-hello..." I greeted him. My lips were trembling as I fought back the tears I was trying to hold back.

His serious gray eyes were fixed on me. He gave me a slight smile and stroked my hair. He wiped the tears from my eyes as they finally fell.

"Let's go. I brought some food," he said softly, pointing to the bag behind him.

I nodded, and we headed to our usual spot. I hoped I could forget what I heard tonight, and I was also scared that my mother might act on what Hillary said.

But I hope not. Please don't.

SHANGPU