[ background fanfare music theme ]

Welcome back to the third episode of 
'Letters to Anne she won't ever receive'

In case you're new here, 
I'm Astrid Finlay and welcome to the
story of my life.

For a brief background gist of what's
going on,
my best friend Aniston
passed away because of her Eating Disorder when we
were but kids.

I lost my best friend that day,
my own self-worth and self-confidence,
and a sister from another mother.

Well, we all know that
I'm too much of an over-analyser and will
Never and I mean never ever post this
And this is probably podcasts that I'm working on
to myself, pretending to have an audience to share
This too, but is my way of dealing
with my internal trauma and my way to
gets things off my chest.

We covered all the happenings in my
life in the previous episode until prom
and the drama that entailed.

Honestly, not much has since
if we are talking me and Cal wise,
but that doesn't mean nothing 
has happened. Truth be told, a lot has.

Summer is ending, autumn is already here
and yet with all of this, I still don't know
why the drama in my life never seems to stop.

Around the beginning of August,
mum and Dad booked us tickets
to Italy! And oh what a surprise it was for
Claudia because she had wanted to go on a break
to meet Adrian for a very long time.

And might I just swoon for a moment -
ITALY IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL,
I mean why on Earth had nobody ever
told me about how beautiful the place was?
The people, the culture, the cuisine,
the sounds, everything.
It felt like a home I had never been to before.
What was that word Caelum had taught me about
earlier today?
Oh yes, 'Hiraeth' that's the word
I am looking for.

Adrian was a lovely soul
and I had to admit, Claudia had a very
good taste in men.
We all spend most nights together in
the living room drinking home-made drinks
that were slightly fermented.
NO, IT WASN'T ALCOHOL,
just slightly fermented.
He told us lovely stories about his family and
their adventures in the 1939 Albania-Italy war
and that was the time his grandfather had
migrated to Italy because he had fallen in love
with a very beautiful woman.

But like always,
our joy wasn't meant to last because
apparently we just weren't meant for lasting joys.
And the trip was cut rather 
short - and rather abruptly - when Father called us saying
He had booked us the next flight home.
He and Mom were coming home.

I just knew from the curt short message
that something was wrong.

The worst among us was Claudia.

She had a lot of short unfulfilled plans by then
and everything would have to be saved for later.

Adrian promised that he'd come visit
and it was the first time that I had ever seen Claudia cry.
The same Claudia would not shed
a single tear when she was hospitalised due to a terrible
burn accident while volunteering in a hospital.

That was when I realised that Claudia was the prime example
of "Love will make the shy bold and the bold shy".

Well, we came home and for a few days,
things felt slightly odd. Mother and father would barely talk
to each other and one was around,
the other would just leave the room without any reason.
There was some unnecessary tension that all of us
could detect but no one was able to talk about it out loud.

Chaos started three days later while I was with
Caelum's place just having some fun with him,
talking about names that sound beautiful for the names
of kids.
It had been sudden,
I was laughing when I got a phone call from
Abuela - yes, not Claudia, from Abuela.

Abuela never calls anyone.
She barely even touches her phone even though she has one.

I picked up and there was hurried speaking,
Abuelita told me to get home as soon as possible in Spanish.

When I got home, I saw mum and dad screaming
and I was getting worried with every passing second.
None of it made much sense and none of us
had any time to react - not until Dad had stormed out of the house.
And I swear, I had never seen him cry before,
and never thought I would ever but he had tears streaming
down his face as he swiped them off and rushed out.

 A few minutes after he had left, I went to check on mum
I was curious, could you blame me?

What I was watching was definitely not what
I had expected it at all. Not in the slightest.

There was a woman - sitting on the bed, beside mum
She was not dressed and had a white towel clutched
very tightly in her hand to cover herself up.
It was one of the first times, I had ever seen mum not neatly
put together, she had strands of hair stuck all over her face,
and her makeup was smudged.

She was tending to a swollen bruise on the younger lady's hand
and that was when I noticed her.
It was the British-French model, Antonia Sciallo.
I knew her because I'd seen the countless magazines my mother
had around our home of her.

I gasped and I rushed headfirst into the room
and I believe that was my first mistake.
Mum told me to leave them alone immediately, but
I was never one to learn shit the easy way and went full on
"oh no, did Dad do that?"

And then Miss Antonia said that it was alright, pursued her lips,
looked at my mother who was trying her best to concentrate on
her hand only and then said that it would be good if I
gave them both a bit of time.

But as I said, I was going to learn to shit the hard way,
and apologized to mum for being "cheated on".
And oh, all shit broke loose then.

She wasn't the one who got cheated on,
She cheated on Dad.
With the model.
Dad was livid because Antonia and her
had the thing going on for years now.
They had first met during mum's pregnancy
and then rekindled the sparks five years ago
at the Gala where mum had decided after
to be Antonia's private makeup stylist.
And apparently, also be her romantic partner.

And I couldn't just keep my emotions and explode all
over the place like a combustive atomic bomb.
I had to just yell at mum for doing something like that to dad,
not even because it was a woman,
I just couldn't wrap my mind around the concept
that people could cheat.
I think I had been acting up a little more because
I knew how it felt like to be on the side that gets cheated on.
It wasn't fair, really wasn't.

It was absolute chaos.
Fast forward to almost two months after the fight,
news of mum and dad's split is all over the news
front pages, there have been too many legal fights between them
in huge courts about custody of me and most of the property.
Until everything was sorted out, I was staying with Claudia
and Abuela in a three-rented apartment.
The whole apartment, I mean, not just one residency there.

Claudia was my legal guardian and my godmother,
things were getting messier every day but I was doing alright.
The only downside of this whole situation
was the unmanageable chaotic state of mind I was
constantly stuck in.

Caelum had already gotten into a university not very far away.
I am still waiting on it, I can't do much
until this legal thing sorts itself out.
He was working a
Bachelor of Fine Arts in Creative Writing
and Literature with a Minor in Psychology.

Johanna's on a two-month-long trip around the north US leg,
she says she's going to start working after that.

Johanna's brother, Owen, on the other hand, has changed
 after Ryan - the douche - had left for another state.
It was almost funny how the absence of one person
 could make so much of a difference.
I can't really tell for sure
 because it's way too early to predict anything
 But it seems as though he's turning out
 to be nice to us.
 And not a total douchebag,
 I don't have too high hopes for this though.
 He likes to change his attitude as he fancies.
 I have the oddest suspicion that he might be gay
 though, and Jo thinks that too
 but he hasn't clearly given out any verbal cues
 so we are trying not to assume anything til he decides to. 

well, as for Peony I have naught a clue
nor do I want to know anything about her really.

sigh

It's rather unbelievable, isn't it?
Just a few months ago, I was working on
finals and stressing out and here I am now,
parents getting divorced and pulling me on their side like
Neither of them ever cared - I'm just their rag doll,
I'm collateral damage they are trying to use
against one another.

Well, I think that's all for this episode! Not much
left to say for now really.

Until next time, stay beautiful! 

All my love,
Astrid.