[ beep beep beep ]

Hey Aniston!
So, yesterday, I managed to exhaust the capacity
of your voice mail and that
had always been one thing I was quite worried about.
Because did it mean the end if I completely filled
your voice messages with talks
about my life that you'd never listen to?

Honestly, I was worried that
It meant the end.
But the filling of the voicemail
did not mean it was time to move on. Right?

It has been almost four years Anne, I don't know
if I ever will be able to move on from you.

Or if I even want to.

But either way, I decided
that I still wanted to talk to you.

Even if you couldn't ever listen to these messages.

I don't know for later, but
as of now, I'm just going to voice-record everything
I want to tell you.

The past me would be so nervous about talking
and never getting a response,
but I think I'm getting used to this now.

Not getting a response.

If this works out well,
maybe someday, I could turn this
into a life blog.

'Letters to Anne she won't ever receive'

Got to admit Anne, it's got a nice ring to it.

Anyways, it has been almost a month or so
since the last voicemail and the filling of your message box.
And that left me wondering what to do about it.

So, I think it's time we caught up.

[ silence with faraway city noises ]

Well, for starters,
I AM WITH CAELUM!

It's official now and has been a week since we started dating.

And god, I have to admit, this
has been the happiest week in my life
so far.

I mean seriously, it even beats the
joy Ryan Stelberg gave me when
we first started dating because Cal
it's real.

He sees me for who I am.
And he likes me for exactly who I am.

Now, I know that you want all the details,
butttttt I'm trying to keep this clean
so, no exclusively long and detailed deets.

Let's just say that we went on an ice cream date
where he had sort of acknowledged that he liked me.

Sort of.

And the same week, I had a very tough one.
It was a really rough patch in my day and honestly
speaking, I didn't know where to go.

And Cal was the safest place I could think of.

And so, I headed to his.

I remembered stumbling into his arms
and him carrying me to his bedroom
which is kind of hilarious because I'm taller than he is
and it gets clumsy and awkward and a bit hard to manage and handle.

We slept on his bed.
Together.

But as soon as we laid down – I asked him to lay beside me –
I was knocked out cold
but god you have to believe me, Anne
when I say that that day was the best I had slept
in a while.

And then when we woke up, he cooked for me.

There was some incident but I don't really
want to talk about it because I kinda find it
embarrassing, but eventually
we sat down for a heart-to-heart and he eventually
confessed that he liked me.

Literally, he just went full-out –
"I like you, Astrid."

And god, I swear though I didn't look nervous,
Anne, I thought I'd die.

Both out of joy and out of nervousness.

Because yes, though I was with Ryan once,
this was different.

Completely.
Caelum made me feel completely different.

Like as though the past never happened.
I still struggle trying to express how he makes me feel.

In a way, Ryan and Caelum are
two completely different people
in every way.

Their likes, their dislikes, how they see the world
and god, their personalities –
just have a huge difference.

It's almost like the shore and the ocean.

Though it would take a through-in-depth thought analysis
to determine which one is which
because we both know,
I don't think philosophically very much.

That was your job.

And Cal's now.

In little ways, I have realized now that I spend hours thinking
about you is how similar
you and Cal are.

Honestly, you would've been great friends.
Or maybe even an amazing couple together.

It's odd for how small of a time
I've known Caelum and yet
how well we complement each other.

Sometimes, when I fall asleep at night
I wonder if this was the universe's
way of giving me a chance at friendship
and love through Caelum that I was supposed
to get with you.

And I like that possibility.

Anyways, I think I've spoken for quite some time now,
and I probably should be heading to Cal's to revise
for our pre-finals of alternate Literature.

God, we love that class, don't we?

And maybe, I could sleep over tonight at his.
I don't actually know what he'd think about
that suggestion,
because Cal is not like the other boys.
And with Cal, I can never really predict.

But I'm willing to know what it could be.

Ugh, I first got to convince Claudia then –
I, on the other hand, know that this conversation will
take up a bit of my time because
Hermana says "sixteen-year-olds don't
stay over with their boyfriends".

Well, I better go ahead and get badgering her
to let me go if I want to make it to his place before nightfall.

I'll keep you updated on my life, Anne.

I love you, twinne.

And I hope you know that I still think about you every single day.

[ beep beep beep ]