Astrid had no idea about when Caelum had come to her place or anything of that sort. She was heartbroken, pieces of her heart shattered on the floor. The screen of her phone was dysfunctional because she had slammed it to the wall when Cal had tried to call her.

Eventually, she had cried so much that she had ended up in the bathroom, her nightgown now wet after she had forgotten to turn the tap off and had flooded the bathroom but she could barely care that she was soaking head to toe.

She had a blade in her hand and tears streaked down her cheeks. Her eyelids were all poofy and she wheezed with every breath she took even as she slept.

Astrid had fallen asleep crying for Cal.

Her mind was overwhelmed with one lingering question: Why would Cal cheat on her?

In a whirlwind of self-doubt, she began questioning herself. Was it her fault? Had she somehow contributed to his betrayal? The nagging thoughts extended to Ryan as well. Why did he do it in the first place? What had she done wrong all those months before? Had she failed to fulfil their needs and desires?

It seemed like a recurring pattern, with everyone she ever loved ultimately betraying her. The weight of these doubts pressed down on her, leaving her to ponder: Was it her fault?

Was

it

her

f a u l t ?

By the time she had fallen asleep, she had convinced herself that it was. That everything always was her fault, no matter how hard she tried, or how good she was. Everyone ultimately betrayed her. Her friends, her ex-boyfriend, the boy she thought she was never going to let go.

Because in one tiny part of her mind, whether she ever would admit it to anyone or not, she had always been conscious of the person she was. She had always found herself inadequate. Not good enough, not smart enough, not sociable enough, not pretty enough. Nothing would ever be enough.

Because as intelligent as she was, she was still just sixteen and failed to understand that the problems of the world did not start and end with her. She was a part of the messy situation the world always was and always will be. And regardless of whatever she tried to do, or even if she changed, she wouldn't be able to change the world. And Astrid Finlay was yet to learn that.

She woke up around 5.30 early in the morning. The blade on the floor next to her sleeping figure, she could not believe that she was about to hurt herself. Astrid had never done that before, not even when Ryan broke her heart and everything along with herself.

She wiped her tears and looked at her own state.

Her gown was tattered, she didn't remember ripping her clothes. She shed them on the floor and took a shaky breath in as she stepped into the shower. Her body quivered as the water washed down on her, a hand on the wall to steady herself she breathed delicately. She put herself through a meticulous process of shampooing her hair and thinking out all the events of the previous night.

The flashes of everything that had occurred consumed her mind and she shuddered involuntarily. She could not believe that it had happened, that Caelum - her sunshine - would have cheated on her. Had cheated on her.

It had seemed too far-fetched.

Had he even known that he had hurt her? Had he cared enough to come over?

And then, in the midst of all those confused little thoughts that amounted to nothing and just made her feel awful, one had struck her with such force that she stumbled back and nearly toppled out of the bathtub scrubbing her hair clean of the shampoo.

He did not kiss her, Eliza had forced herself on him.

Of course, he could have pushed her off of him, but Cal was among the gentlest things of life, he wouldn't have. He would have never hurt her. She could not believe that she had been so blatantly inconsiderate of Caelum's point of view. Surely, he was to blame a tiny bit for not coming after her, for not caring about her enough.

Oh, but he had. He really really cared about Astrid and she realised that when she had to take out her spare phone to listen to his voicemails. And she could not stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks as she listened to them over and over again.

She had really hurt him. And it hit him really hard.

Astrid had never heard a sob out of Caelum before and she could not believe that she had made him cry. That seemed to hurt even more than him hurting her.

Her digital watch on her wrist showed the analogue letters printed with 06:07 am when she dashed out of her house, her hair whipped up into a tall ponytail on the top of her head and dry tear streaks still very visible. She climbed on her hermana's old bicycle from when she was in her early twenties and made a mad dash around the street in the morning.

On her way to Caelum's house on that old familiar path she took, she passed by a few faces she had grown accustomed to while living in that small town but she could barely give a flying fuck about it all. She needed to see Caelum, she had to apologize.

When she reached the front porch of his house - their house, she ran wild towards the door and knocked rapidly on it with her closed knuckles as her foot tapped impatiently against the wooden floor. The cycle was left on the rocky pavement, the wheel still stuck in its circular motion but slowing down and her arms were cold from the wind but none of it mattered.

She banged the door this time with her palm on the door, "Cal, it's me please open up."

Astrid waited for a moment and heard shuffling from inside. Something hit something, some other thing went clash on the floor and then the shattering of glass was heard.

'Fuck' she heard Caelum mutter, "Uh, just a moment!"

"You alright?" Astrid asked, hand on the door.

"Yeah, yeah," Cal responded, his voice fading in the distance. "I'm alright."

While he was gone, she wrung her hands together and tried to collect her thoughts because she had no clue what she was going to say to him. She hadn't come that far in her plan and had pretty much just been 'going with the flow' or whatever.

The door opened and she finally let out the breath she had been holding in as she rushed forward and hugged the living daylights out of Caelum. She felt him sigh into her shoulder and she inhaled the scent of him, "I'm so sorry, I was so angry and I wasn't thinking right, I'm sorry."

Cal held the small of her back with one hand and responded, "Sweetheart, you don't have to apologize about anything, alright? I had set up my own heartbreak and you never meant for it to happen. It's alright, Astrid."

She pulled away from him and looked into those dark Russet brown eyes staring straight at her, and held them for a beat before bringing him up for a searing kiss. Words wouldn't ever express how much Cal meant to her and so, she hoped that maybe someday, her actions would be able to.

And he kissed her back like it was a sacred apology, he kissed her like he had missed for so long and that she was all he had ever been waiting for. He never wanted to let go. But he winced momentarily into the kiss but even that did not go unnoticed by Astrid.

"What's wrong, my love?" she asked him.

She watched him visibly shrink as he pulled his other hand into her line of vision and her gasp was more dramatic than the ones he used to watch on TV when he was younger, "My good Lord, Caelum!"

His hand was haphazardly tied in a piece of spare cloth that oddly resembled the scarf Astrid had brought home to him sometime earlier that year but it was crimson red. Blood was starting to drip on the hardwood floor and Astrid's worry had no comprehension.

"What happened?" she asked as she took charge.

Her grip on his wrist firm but steady, she pulled him to his mother's old bedroom and sat him on the bed as she threw open the drawers in search of gauge bandages and something to patch him up with. Slightly impatient as she tossed around things, she wondered why she could never find things when they needed to be found.

"It was the moment you can come and I was on the couch staring at the flatscreen out of focus, I did not hear the first time you knocked and only got back to my senses when you called for me and I stood up abruptly," he narrated, using the back of his other hand to wipe his nose. "I stubbed my toe from the edge of the table we have there and that force rattled the table that the cookie jar tipped over and before I could catch it from falling, it fell to the floor and broke into many tiny pieces, some of which jumped right up and cut my hand-"

Astrid pulled the glass bottle of peroxide she had stashed away the last time she came from doing the groceries with Cal and muttered, "You should've been more careful Sunshine. For all I know, someday you'll get really terribly hurt and I won't be there to help you-"

"It was an accident!" Caelum replied, his words over hers and went.

Astrid stopped her moving around, she paused and a look of worry that made her look three times her actual age was on her face. Her hand had a firm grip on the roll of guage bandages, and the other one was mid-air.

Caelum pursed his lips and then, brought the heels of both hands to his temples. He was sweating profusely, "Sorry, just- I'm sorry."

She delicately placed her hand on his cheek and he leaned into her touch immediately, "You know that I only say this because I care, right?"

"I know."

That had always been their dynamic. When one was in panic mode, on the verge of a breakdown, just a touch, one word was enough to calm the other down.

She took his hand was fine in hers and led him to the bathroom. Pulling out a stool, she instructed him to sit and gently untied the knot holding the tattered cloth together. She gasped again when she unwrapped the whole thing, her own hands covered in his blood now.

"Oh Cal, there is a huge shard of glass still stuck in your hand!" she cried out, eyebrows all scrunched up and tension thick in her voice.

Caelum just momentarily glanced at it and looked away, it looked worse than it felt or maybe that was because he had already felt a shit ton of emotions for one day but he was more concerned about Astrid.

"You alright, baby?"

"Am I alright? Are you alright?!" she gasped. "Why didn't you tell me about- about- this sooner!"

He squeaked, "I didn't want to worry you."

"Well, I am worried-" she replied as she stood up from the position she was on her knees and took a step back and looked the other way for a brief moment.

And when she had glanced back at his hand, Astrid felt the terrifying urge to throw up out of nowhere, she took in a deep breath with her eyes squeezed shut and willed herself to calm down, but Caelum was more worried for her.

Caelum had always been very observant of Astrid and every small gesture of hers was interpreted, understood and acted upon by the boy. She did not have to tell him for him to know that she did not feel alright about the situation.

"I can clean it up on my own, Astrid," he told her, standing up.

She held him down, "I got this, Cal. Let me-"

"But you seem pale all of a sudden," he tried to argue, "And you don't have to really if you don't want to-"

"I don't not want to," Astrid told him. "This just happens to be one of my biggest phobias of life, the person I love bleeding out in my hands and not being able to save them."

He tucked a curl of her wavy hair behind her ear, "I won't bleed out and die, my love."

"I know," she told. "I know, sunshine, I won't let you."

And she faced her fears head-on, she went into the room and grabbed a pair of tweezers. Sanitizing it, she took in a deep breath and got the piece of glass out of his hand as she tied up his wrist to prevent too much loss of blood.

Her head felt dizzy as she placed the shard on the edge of the sink, her forehead covered in perspiration but she wasn't going to give in to her fears. She kissed his cheek and told him it would be alright as she poured the bottle of peroxide all over his bleeding hand and Caelum cursed out aloud.

She had never wished more to relieve anyone's pain in her life than the way she wanted to help Caelum. She could not help kissing his tears away and wishing that she would have done more.

When she had finally finished the tumultuous process, she sighed in relief and kissed his cheek, gently patting the hand now wrapped with gauge bandages and a lot of cotton.

Astrid guided Caelum out of the bathroom and laid him on the bed after a bit of hassle because he didn't want to lie down. She rushed into the kitchen to bring something to eat for him. She had her forehead pressed against the cold table top as she waited for the frozen pizza to thaw.

Tonight had truly been a rollercoaster in every sense and she had had enough drama for the rest of the year.

She was going to make everything up with Caelum and be with him without any more drama for the rest of the year and she was walked determined with that thought.