Pete's POV

I'm really not doing well. Gerard's falling into depression again and no one can get him out. He refuses to take anti depressants. As for me, well I'm on meds. Apparently I have bi polar. One minute I'm bouncing off the fucking walls and the next Patrick's running into my house trying to make me throw up all the pills I tried to swallow or I'm fucking some random girl in a parking lot. Yeah she's pregnant...but you know, sometimes we take chances. She didn't take any pills.

I look down at my ring and sigh. I'm wearing a black suit but for the opposite reason. I'm burying my fiance rather than marrying him. I try not to think about it like that otherwise I would break down and cry. Cry a lot and never stop. "You ready?" I feel a hand on my shoulder and shake my head. "I'm not Patrick. I'm not and I never will be." Arms engulf me and hold me in an almost familiar embrace.

The embrace of love. So much love it surrounds you like a blanket of protection and safe guarding. But it's not enough love. Not the same love. This is the love of friendship. The love I want, I need, I crave is true love. The love of the one soul your own will be forever entertwined with. Mikey and I's love. The love I will never have again. Sure I might meet someone new and love them too but, they will never be right. Never be true love. Never be Mikey.

I feel trapped in his embrace, as comforting as it should be, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't fit. "We should get going." I say in a strangled voice. Patrick steps back but captures my hand in his. Together we walk into the chapel and take our places at the front. The sight of my boyfriend in a wooden casket mixed in with Patrick squeezing my hand creates an avalanche of emotions. Salty water erupts like a burst dam down my face while my brain fights with itself. One part tells me it's my fault and that everyone hates me and it should be me in that box. Another part tells me not to be so selfish and stupid. The last part reminds me of my pain. It reminds me that with every breath, another crack in my heart appears until finally it's covered in spidery web patterns.

They crack and crack until they shatter. As my heart shatters again and again, filling every single hollow part of me with feeble and unfixable pieces, I see the daggers pointing at me. They hover around me like armed guards, all directed at where my heart used to be. Where it should be if Mikey was here. Mikey. The sharp blade pointed right at the centre, so close I can almost feel it pressing against my skin, has slender fingers wrapped around the handle. Attached to the fingers are the hands and arms of the one person I need right now. I look into his blank, dead eyes and shut my own. When I re open them, he's gone. Mikey's gone, along with the blades, and is back in his coffin. I swallow the lump in my throat and let the tears continue to fall.

I can still feel the pressure of the sharp point against my chest and shiver. Patrick looks at me confused. He says nothing but I can sense he's worried. The priest eventually stops talking and it's people's time to talk. Gerard, their parents, Frank, Ray and Ray go up, sharing their memories and stories. Then it's my turn. The room goes silent and all eyes are on me. I blink several times before standing. Patrick's hand releases mine and I walk towards the stand, shaking. I avoid eye contact with everyone and instead close mine.

"What to say? Mikey is my everything, present tense. He's been there always, if not in person then in spirit and memory. I remember when we were younger and we first found our tree," my voice wavers as I remember the good and bad things. "Some of the memories with that tree are bad but most are good. I remember late night calls, late night walks no one knew about before now I guess. I remember pillow forts. I remember shared kisses and smiles and winter hugs. Shared coffees and pancakes because neither of us could be bothered to make one each. I remember us. I will always have these memories. Memories are all I have left."

What to say? Mikey is my everything, present tense. He's been there always, if not in person then in spirit and memory. I remember when we were younger and we first found our tree. Some of the memories with that tree are bad but most are good. I remember late night calls, late night walks no one knew about before now I guess. I remember pillow forts. I remember shared kisses and smiles and winter hugs. Shared coffees and pancakes because neither of us could be bothered to make one each. I remember us. I will always have these memories. Memories are all I have left."

I turn and face Mikey, opening my eyes. "I love you." I don't move and just watch as the priest finishers the ceremony and then Mikey is carried out. Everyone files out after them and I trail along at the end. A large crowd stands around a human sized hole. Rain drizzles from above as if the Gods are weeping. The grass is damp like the cheeks of an orphan. I hear murmers and then the coffin is lowered into the ground, the dirt is shoveled on and Mikey is gone.

The world seems as if it's in slow motion and my body turns, fleeing from the huddle. Rain patters down on me and flows down my face, mingling with my tears. My footsteps thud heavily on the rain covered ground, splashing through puddles. I run out of the church gates and down the street, just seeing where it will take me. My feet stop in front of a bench. I shiver and pull my coat tighter to me, water dripping off my face. My tired body curls up on the bench and closes it's eyes.

Breathing out I think about how different life will be without him. I let my sorrow surround me and carry me into a deep sleep.

Gerard's POV

On shaky legs I walk back to my seat. My throat is raw and hoarse from my speech. Frank wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead before delivering his. Mom, dad and Ray then share their stories before returning to their seats. It's Pete's turn to talk. He stands up and walks towards the podium. It's so hard to stand and talk about someone you'll never see again. Mikey and I had a brotherly bond but they were soul mates. Now even that's been taken away from him. Not just a friend but a true love. He needs a shoulder to cry on, someone to trust and he'll never have that in the same way again.

If that was Frank in there I wouldn't...I...but it's Mikey. My little brother. He's gone. I'm overcome with silent sobs again. I lean into Frank and close my eyes as Pete closes his. I let his words wash over me.

"What to say? Mikey is my everything, present tense. He's been there always, if not in person then in spirit and memory. I remember when we were younger and we first found our tree," his voice wavers and I open my eyes. His fists are clenched so tightly his knuckles are turning white. I can tell he's trying hard not to break down. I gave up on that a long time ago. "Some of the memories with that tree are bad but most are good. I remember late night calls, late night walks no one knew about before now I guess. I remember pillow forts. I remember shared kisses and smiles and winter hugs. Shared coffees and pancakes because neither of us could be bothered to make one each. I remember us. I will always have these memories. Memories are all I have left."

The preist starts talking again but Pete doesn't move. Mikey is carried in his coffin, down the aisle and out the chapel. People start to move and follow but not Pete. He stands stock still, unblinking. I get carried away in the wave of people and lose sight of him. The whole way through the burial there's still no sign of him. Frank holds me close to him and I sob into his already damp jacket. I can feel him try to supress sobs as well. As soon as I drop my rose onto the wooden box, I leave. Frank lets go of me and I'm free to walk away. Puddles splash underneath my feet and push through the damp, shivering bodies. I spot my mom but ignore her questioning gaze.

Another pair of splashing feet diverts my attention towards Pete. I see him running out of the gates and into the mist and rain.