I can't believe I'm finally posting it.

I'm emotional, don't touch me!!

"Taylor, c'mon, open up!" Abigail kept knocking on the door of an apartment she had found herself in too many times before. Taylor had promised her the night before that she would accompany her to her wedding dress rehearsals. Abigail tried her damn hardest to get her best friend out of that apartment, but Taylor didn't seem very fond of the idea. It had reached a point where not even an earthquake could move her out of there and that's a real fact.

That apartment... Abigail could recall all the times she had to rush there in the past year and even in the years before that. They were too many to count. Maybe more than a best friend is supposed to stay in her best friend's house. But Abigail would never complain about helping her, quite literally, sister from another mother. The circumstances made her believe that it was the only right thing to do. After Harry's suicide Taylor was devastated and that's putting it lightly. She's been a shadow of herself most of the time to the point that she drove herself insane. Literally insane. The kind that stares at a wall for no reason for endless hours or writing letters to the love of her life and actually believing that he will receive them.

Abigail thought that this might be partially her fault. She was the one that encouraged Taylor to start these letters as a way of escaping her reality. She wouldn't speak to anyone; therapists, family, friends. And after a year full of mourning and grief she had to find a way to let it all out. And that's when the idea of the letters came up. It's no secret to anyone who knew them that both Taylor and Harry loved the old-fashioned way of living. You could easily tell if you would just take a look around their apartment or their clothing. Vintage is the word that Abigail would use for it, for sure! Also the fact that Harry loved writing from time to time provided the house with tons of stationary that after his passing was left untouched and was now only collecting dust.

So when Abigail unexpectedly found a crumbled piece of paper laying in the living room with Taylor's rushed handwriting spilling out words, she knew that this was the way Taylor has decided to communicate with Harry. Her text was in the form of a poem and the lyrics on it were heartbreaking even for Abigail.

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow and I
Left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you still got it in your drawer even now

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days

And I know it's long gone and
That magic's not here no more
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all

The lyrics were so full of pain that Abigail found herself tearing up for her friend. Losing Harry hit her like a rock and cost her more than just losing her fiancé; she lost herself.

The thing is that Taylor didn't lose Harry the day he decided to take his life away. No, it was long before, whether she liked to admit it or not. Abigail would definitely not call him a lost cause, no that ain't it. But he let himself drown so much in his misery. He wouldn't let anyone help him. Not even Taylor, the person who he claimed to be his rock, heart and soul. The person who he had asked to marry him so that he could promise her. The one that he would vow to love, honor, and cherish you, forsaking all others, as a faithful husband as long as they both shall live.

He didn't keep the promises he thought he would be able to. Abigail didn't blame him. Dealing with what he had to was a struggle on its own. But at the same time she accused him of being selfish. Selfish because he decided to give up his fight even though he knew the pain that it would cause to the people that loved him. Yes that illness might be fatal in some cases, but if Harry had fought a little more he could have bitten both cancer and the depression that came with it.

Depression. Taylor used to refer to her as "her" or "she". Abigail couldn't quite put her finger on why she did that. She understood why she may not want to call them out loud with their actual terms but why would Taylor choose the female sex to represent it?

When Abigail had dared to ask her once Taylor stopped staring at the wall behind the vinyl player she had found a few days prior and just shoot her an impossible look.

"There are only three things that can drive men like Harry crazy; drugs, God and love. And she made him believe in her like a false God, drugged him though her dark alleys and at the end she succeeded to make him love her more than me. That's a way only a woman can think." 

And she went back to staring at the wall again.

"Taylor!" Abigail kept shouting as her heart started beating faster. Taylor had promised her that she would come with her today. And there is something else. The way she hugged her for the first time after months made Abigail believe that there was finally some daylight in the darkness of Taylor's life.

Everything about that hug was emotional. The way Taylor's arms kept Abigail close to her for so long, desperately trying to find something to hold on. And Abigail was the one that Taylor decided to hold on to at that point and for the first time. And Abigail was more than happy to be there for her best friend. Maybe the old Taylor was actually somewhere inside this new, emotionless Taylor. Maybe there was hope...

"Abigail?"

Abigail turned around with a frantic look on her face to see Harry and Taylor's landlady, Ms Baker, coming out of her apartment.

Ms. Baker knew Abigail quite well by now after what had happened last year with the couple leaving at the apartment next to hers. The happy couple that just over a year ago had stormed in her apartment complex and asked her to see the flat that she was renting, as they had read in the newspaper. She had found it odd that a young couple like them would still prefer to refer to newspapers instead of the internet. They proved her wrong. The handsome green-eyed young man and the gorgeous wide-eyed young woman were nothing like the kids of their generations. More like the kids in Ms. Baker's generation. She didn't complain though. They were always responsible, did not bother people with loud music or parties and they were very punctual with their rent paying. On top of that they were the only people that seem to get along with her judgmental cat, Dix, short for Dixie. Apparently both of them loved cats.

All that till last year. Then everything went downhill. Ms. Baker never learned what exactly had occurred but she knew that after Harry's passing she hadn't see Taylor step a foot out of her apartment except for the funeral. That much Ms. Baker, could say, she wouldn't miss a thing someone does in her complex. That's why she came out of her house worried when she heard the redhead girl shouting Taylor's name. Taylor must be inside. Ms. Baker would have seen her if she had came out!

"Abigail, my dear, what's wrong?"

The redhead girl was in a more than worried state right now. She looked around her searching for something and when she saw Ms. Baker her eyes lightened. "Ms. Baker, please tell me you have a key for Taylor's apartment." she said short of breath. There was no time for chit chat. Her friend needed her; she was sure by now.

"Of course I do. Is everything alright?" The 60-year-old landlady asked as she grabbed the chain on which she holds all her keys from the pocket of her skirt. Dix made an appearance behind her owner's legs giving Abigail her usual narrowed eyes.

"I don't know." The resigned tone of Abigail's voice was alarming enough for Ms. Baker to find faster the right key and proceed to unlock the door of the apartment. When she managed to open the door Abigail walked past her inside the self imposed prison her best friend had shut herself in the last year. Everything seemed quiet and... normal. The place was exactly the way she had left it the night before. Nothing out of place, nothing out of the ordinary.

But Taylor wasn't staring at the wall behind that old vinyl she had found.

Abigail crossed the living room with fast steps and seconds later found herself in front of the door to the bathroom. Her hand was shaking as she touched the doorknob and twisted it. The click of the door opening made Abigail close her eyes and taka a deep breath. When she opened them again the bathroom was the same as always; so small that only one person at a time could be in there, unless someone actually stood in the bath itself. The walls were a busy mosaic of white and blue that it continued to the floor where-

"Taylor!" Abigail's whisper wasn't loud enough for Ms. Baker to hear, who was just making her way inside the bathroom.

"Abigail dear, did you find her? I don't thin- Oh my God!"

+++++++

The sun shone brilliantly and the virescent colour of the spring day under its glare was offensively bright and cheerful. It was as if they conspired to show everyone how the world would go on without her.

It's been a year.

A year since the same people were in the same place for the same reason. The only difference is that now they were mourning for the other half of an imperfect whole.

Selfishly and almost enviably enough, Taylor took her life the same way Harry did and was found the same day he did, laying on the same floor he did.

Abigail didn't know how she should feel while she was walking side by side with her arm linked through her fiancé's arm. At some moments she found herself thinking that everything should be as grey and foggy as her emotions, it should be cold and damp with silent air. But on the other hand she was grateful that the birds still sang and the flowers still bloomed.

Last year she was following the same path with her arms around a shaking Taylor trying to hold her own tears. And now she was following the same route, almost like someone wanted her to memorize it in her mind. A shaking finger pointing at them for thinking that everything would be alright when in reality, everything was going downhill.

In front of her the loud crying of Taylor's mother, Andrea, could be heard as the woman who was in the same state not long ago was trying to calm her down. Anne; Harry's mother. Abigail couldn't even imagine how would it be for a mother to lose her child and right now both of these strong women were facing the pain of that but doubled.

A little farther Abigail could see Mrs. Potter alongside Chloe. They were both looking down with sad expressions on their faces. Even Ms. Baker was there with Dix in her arms. The usually judgmental cat was now mourning in her own way by whining and keeping her eyes closed through the whole ceremony. Like she was sensing the pain everyone around her was going though and she followed suit.

"Baby, we're here," Matt's soothing voice managed to break the silence in Abigail's ears and she turned her tired eyes to meet his. The love of her life was looking down at her with a worried expression covering his face and Abigail almost wanted to form a smile. For years her and Taylor were waiting for their Prince Charmings. And they found them at the very end. But it turns out that only one of them will have her happily ever after.

Abigail was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't understand that they had reached the place where Taylor would lay for the rest of her life. Right besides Harry; the love of her life. Her careful eyes watched as four men lowered the coffin inside the digged soil. For a moment she thought that she couldn't take it anymore but she had to stay strong. There were only a few things left.

Usually people threw roses or another type of flower before the coffin would be covered by soil. But that wasn't the case here. Abigail had discussed it with the families and they all agreed that roses weren't just it for Taylor. So they all decided that the only right thing to do was to give to Taylor for her journey something that actually mattered to her.

The letters.

That's why every person now was holding each one of the letters that Taylor had written to her lover the last months of her life. And Scott, Taylor's dad, was stepping forward to throw the first one.

Dear Harry,

Andrea went next...

"A girl like the sun shouldn't be trying to be like the moon."

Austin...

I found one of your old vinyls.

Anne...

You should be here protecting. Please, help me.

Des...

Do you remember our first Christmas together?

Robin...

I shaved my hair today.

Gemma...

Our three years.

Michael...

But I just have to accept it.
You're not coming back.
I have to move on with my life. That's what you would want me to do.

Niall...

"Because you are a little spark into my darkness."

Liam...

I just wanna save myself because I wasn't able to save you.

Louis...

At least you were ok in my eyes until I pulled up your sleeves.

Zayn...

Can you come back now Harry? Please, Harry. I miss you.

Mrs. Potter...

And I hope you'll come back.

If not, I'll come to you.

Chloe...

That ego of yours...

Ms. Baker...

Do you question my love?

Even Dix tried to threw a letter with her mouth...

"Seeing a therapist isn't a bad idea Harry."

Matt...

Forever and always yours,

Abigail...

Your Taylor.

That was it. The first handful of soil was already covering the coffin.

"C'mon Abigail," Abigail felt Matt pulling softly her elbow so she would follow him to the direction that everyone else was heading to leave this sad place.

"I'll be there in a minute. Can you, please, wait for me in the car?"

There was one thing left to be done.

Matt nodded in understanding and after leaving a kiss on her forehead he turned around and jogged to catch up with the others. When everyone was out of Abigail's sight she turned to the two gravestones in front of her. There was a cruel irony in these gravestones. It stood there with its youthful glow, strong, erect, ready to last a hundred years or more.

And right at that instant Abigail decided something.

Your life could never be marked by a gravestone, something so cold and immobile. Perhaps a tree with a wind-chime in the branches could do you more justice, or a simple song sung into the wind. What lies in the ground is only flesh and blood, that's never what you were. Both Taylor and Harry were quite honestly the most beautiful spirits she ever had the pleasure to know.

"Well, I guess that after all you will actually be together forever and ever." Abigail's words danced into the breeze of air that made her hair move backwards, not expecting a response. She opened her black purse and when she found what she was looking for she held it up like she was showing it to someone.

This morning before the ceremony she had decided to visit the flat ,that held the death of her dear friends, for the last time. She sat on the couch and just stared at the wall behind that old vinyl player. At some point her gaze was captured by something that was hiding behind that old antic. White. Small. Paper.

With curious, careful hands she tried to take it in her hands without tearing it apart.

All Too Well

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

- Taylor Swift

"I guess that belongs to you. Both of you." She left the paper between the two graves and put a heavy rock on it to secure its place.

"Goodbye my friends." Abigail gave one last look to the sight in front of her. And just like that she turned around with the sound of her clicking heels and a single tear rolling down her cheek the only things left behind her.

Harry Edward               Taylor Alison
      Styles                                    Swift

   1994-2013                           1989-2014

They will be remembered
all too well

The End