10th February

Gabrielle kicks me out of her bedroom before the sun comes up. She doesn't want Lydia to find me in here and I understand that. I figure I might as well get a start on the morning and have a shower, smiling like a smug bastard the entire time.

Downstairs, I get started on breakfast. Dallas has loved French toast, bacon, berries and bananas since she was a kid. I know we're going to Disneyland this morning, it's just under an hour from here and Lydia has no idea we're going.

Dallas said she's not in the mood for a big event, she just wants to have some carefree fun with all of us. She's never been one for glitz and glam, parties or being the centre of attention.

I'm setting the table while the sun starts to come up. Soft bare feet pad along the hardwood floor and I look over at the dining room entrance to see Gabrielle in a big t-shirt, her arms cradling a couple of wrapped gifts.

"Morning," I smile at her, taking in her mess of curls and her long bare legs.

"Hi," she tucks her hair behind her ear, biting her lip as she places down the gifts on the edge of the table. Fuck, she's beautiful.

Memories of last night hit me in full force as I circle the table and stand in front of her.

"You made breakfast," she says.

"I did."

"It smells good."

I grin, slide a hand across her waist and pull her in. "You smell better."

She melts into me, holding my shoulders as I give her a soft, gentle kiss. It doesn't take long before it deepens and our tongues meet.

Too soon, footsteps are thudding down the staircase and we break apart. Lydia appears a moment later, breaking straight into a lap around the table.

"It smells so good," she shouts, running fast. "It smells so good. It smells so good."

Gabrielle watches her daughter, grinning from ear to ear. I love how much she adores Lydia's energy, how it's never too big, never too loud. Lydia is so much like Gabrielle used to be, I wonder if she knows that?

And then I wonder how it's going to impact her, Gabrielle and I being. . . together. Will she be upset, see me as a threat to her father returning, look at me like I'm not the friend she thought I was? I'm as scared of losing her friendship and hurting her as I am of losing Gabrielle. I'm not sure when it happened but both of them became an integral part of my life. It would be too quiet without them.

Lydia stops in front of me and tips her head back, staring up. "It's aunt Dallas' birthday today."

"Sure is, kid. What did you get her?"

"I made her a neckdlace and it has my name on it because she loves me so she should have my name on her heart. That's what mommy said."

I chuckle, knowing Dallas will appreciate the sentimental value.

Gabrielle goes upstairs with Lydia to get her dressed while I finish up breakfast and the table settings. It's Dallas who wanders in a few minutes later, still in her sleep shorts and tank top.

"All of this for me," she clutches her heart.

"Happy birthday," I open my arms for a too tight hug, which she complains about when I let her go. "Twenty three, damn. Feels like we just celebrated your tenth. Goes so fast."

She rubs her face and goes into the kitchen, flicking on the espresso machine. She doesn't drink coffee, but she knows Gabrielle does. "The tenth birthday. One for the ages."

"Right after mom and dad died."

We share a sad smile, memories surfacing of a time I was forced to be a parent and had no idea what I was doing. I wanted her graduation into double digits to be perfect. She'd just lost her mom and dad, I was juggling football and senior year but I couldn't let her down.

I ran all over her school looking for kids I thought she might be friends with, I approached a bunch of children and asked if they knew Dallas and wanted to come to our house for a party. Which was innocent but the parents and teachers weren't too fucking pleased with the execution of my plan.

Dallas' teacher took the lead on invites and assured me all I had to do was set up the decorations at home. Which, I did, I got the balloons, streamers, food and a cake. That was where the brain cells ran out because once these kids arrived, I had nothing else planned. No games, no pick up time. There were like ten bored kids sitting in my living room while Dallas, too depressed to give a fuck, sat at the table and ate hot dogs.

Thank fuck for Gran who turned up fifteen minutes later, visiting from Ohio, and got the games going.  I'd convinced her at the funeral not to move to Castle Rock for us, that I could handle Dallas considering I was about to turn eighteen.

Broke down that night, let it all out, the tears and anguish and the weight of being a guardian and I begged Gran to take Dallas home with her, give her the life she deserved. She did one better and moved in with us a week later. Bless that woman.

Dallas folds her arms and leans against the bench top, the long kitchen window behind her looks out at the ocean, the waves rolling to the soft and delicate breeze. Breakfast ingredients are keeping warm in the oven and I check on the breakfast sausages sizzling on a low heat.

"You could've given me a castle, Nathan, it still wouldn't have been enough," her shoulders lift. "Unless it was mom and dad coming back to life, I didn't care. Now that I'm older, I can appreciate the effort a lot more."

"I get that."

She tilts her head, smiling. "You do a good job raising a little girl."

That's got a double meaning if I ever heard it. Breaking contact, I flick the element cooking the sausages off and start unloading things from the oven. "Breakfast is ready. You want to get the others?"

"I don't think you're bad for Gabrielle," she tells me, her bare feet padding across the floor while I stare at the oven dish covered in aluminium. Steam escapes from gaps in the edges, my breath fanning the little clouds and breaking them up. "I do think it's important to consider her daughter who just had her dad walk out of her life. Don't mess with anyone's feelings right now."

I face Dallas. "I think I love her."

A light breath of laughter leaves her nose.

"What?"

"You're stating the obvious, Nathan. Of course you love her. You just can't screw things up with her because it wouldn't be fair. So, be careful."

Dallas is my sister, but she's also Gabrielle's best friend. She knows both of us through and through and I don't blame her for having this talk with me because I have a bit of a history for sleeping around and bailing when things get too serious.

"I want to be good enough for them," I murmur. "All I want, is for both of them to be happy and the thought of them leaving, moving out or whatever, that terrifies me. I don't think I've ever felt like this before."

"Like their happiness is more important than yours?"

I give her a slow nod.

Dallas gives me a pat on the arm, sisterly support in her caress. Once upon a time, it was me convincing her that she could have all of her biggest dreams, as well as the greatest love of her life.

"Take it one day a time," she says. "Just please, look after her heart. She can't keep giving it to assholes who don't know how to keep it safe."

There's an emotional hitch in her voice and before I can see it in her face, she ducks her head and turns, her fingers dancing along the kitchen island as she walks past it and heads for the living room.

I blow out a breath and run a hand through my hair, feeling the weight of our conversation pressing down on me. It's not that I plan on hurting Gabrielle, but I've never been in such a high risk situation. The way I feel about her scares the fuck out of me. But I'm willing to make it work if she is.

Just thinking about her smile this morning, how she seemed pleased to see me, how she let me pull her in for a kiss. Fear moves over for falling and I soar with delectation.

One thing's for sure, if I ever fucked up, Dallas would fight me. Full fists swinging, throat punching, crotch kicking, fighting. She's not prone to irrational rage but she will kick off if the situation calls for it.

                         Being with Gabrielle last night was about so much more than lust or sex or whatever surface level emotion could possibly be named. As I said it would, it meant everything to me.

And the fact that I finally got to fuck in Drayton's house, when he's done it in mine so many times, well that was just an added bonus.

In fact, last night when Gabrielle stood up and got my come on the carpet, I let it sit for a minute, just to let it seep in before I cleaned it up. Immature perhaps, but a necessary evil for my own entertainment. 

He glares at me from across the table and I smile, wide and unashamed. Gabrielle sits beside me and I hold her thigh under the table, careful not to let Lydia see.

The dining room doors have been folded back. The same patio that starts at the living room, wraps around and extends out over the sand and bushes on the beach. It's a beautiful morning, the breeze kissing our feet under the table.

We don't have long before we need to leave for Disneyland. As it is, we won't get to spend as long as we'd like to there. It's too big to fit into one day but Gabrielle and I have to get back to work tomorrow.

"You all sleep well?" Drayton leans both elbows on the table, he's shirtless and staring straight at me.

I squeeze Gabrielle's upper thigh.

She clears her throat. "Mhmm. Yeah, I love sleeping here, to the sound of the waves."

Dallas' eyes dart between the three of us, catching on quick. She sighs and stabs a strawberry with her fork.

Lydia, sitting at the head of the table does a little dance while she arranges her food into a face on her plate, unaware of the undertone in our conversation.

"Waves, huh?" Draytons taunting nod alerts me to something stupid on the horizon. "Yeah, I could've sworn I heard some thunder clapping last night."

Dallas pinches the bridge of her nose and Gabrielle keeps her head down, slipping a forkful of food in between her grinning lips.

"You seem super interested in how we all spent the night," I smirk, not always one for his stupid games, but I'm feeling amused. "Not sleeping well? Bored perhaps?"

His gaze narrows. He looks at Dallas, his smug smile returning before he looks back at me. "You want to get into this with me? My fiancee is your sister. You want to one up me one more time?"

Fuck, I hate him sometimes.

I relent, because I really don't want to know how far he can go with his filth. Not when it involves Dallas. I don't have the stomach for that. I'm surprised he even gave me the option to tap out at all. I'm sure the innocent little girl at the end of the table is to thank for his boundaries.

"Has Lydia been told what we're doing today?" I ask.

Dallas perks up. "Ah good, a conversation I want to be part of."

Gabrielle shimmies her shoulders, that little swell in her cheeks appearing with her excitement. She radiates exhilaration in the purest form, I see it more and more from her all the time. It's almost a natural reaction to reach out and wrap around her, bestow her with the affection I know she craves.

It's an effort to stop before I do though, remembering that Lydia is in the room and how important it is that we're careful.

"What are we doing?" Lydia asks.

We all share a quick look, who's going to tell her?

Dallas volunteers. "We're going to Disneyland."

Her mouth falls open. I thought she looked shocked when we showed her, her bedroom. This is something else. She stands up on her chair. "The real one?"

Drayton laughs, slinging his arm across the back of Dallas' chair. "The real one, monster. The one I swore we'd visit when you got a little bit taller. Remember?"

"Am I tall enough now?" She shouts, stretching on her tiptoes.

Dallas stands up and goes over to her seat, wrapping her arms around Lydia's waist. "You sure are. You're almost taller than me."

"Aunt Dallas," she kisses her head. "How come it's your birthday but we're going to Disneyland? It's not my birthday."

There's a collective laugh around the table. Damn, she's such a sweet and thoughtful kid.

Dallas tickles her stomach. "Because monster, the best present I can have is watching you have fun."

We all know nothing will ever make up for losing a father, but hopefully one day, she'll look back on this time and remember it being full of happiness and the people she cares about showering her with good times and love. From my peripheral, I catch Gabrielle staring at me, so I look over and she graces me with a smile, her hand slipping over mine under the table.

                     Gabrielle and I are almost never alone for the rest of the trip. Disneyland is incredible but we'll have to give ourselves a little longer next time. There's too much to fit in to one day. It's almost torture keeping my hands off Gabrielle but we steal moments. A touch of our hands in the back of the car, a kiss on the roller coasters when Lydia can't see us. A smile across the table at lunch.

             On Tuesday morning, Gabrielle lies beside me in bed, her naked chest pressed to me, her legs tangled around mine. It's almost five in the morning and we're stirring ourselves awake to get up before Lydia finds us.

My hand smooths along Gabrielle's shoulder, I kiss her head, the strands of her hair tickling my nose. Her scent is a fucking drug and my stomach rolls over on itself at the fact that she's right here with me.

"I should go," she sits up, her naked back to me. Peering over her shoulder, she graces me with that beautiful morning smile. "I'm tutoring tonight, right?"

Sitting up, I situate behind her, pressing soft kisses over her shoulder. "Yeah. Wiremu. He'll be here just before four."

The alarm clock on the bedside table starts to chime, letting us know it's five in the morning. The countdown is on to get her out of here and I know we shouldn't mess around, but fuck, it's hard to let her go.

Gabrielle has more sense than I do, she kisses me over her shoulder and then slips out of bed, the sheet dropping from her naked frame. I'm practically salivating while she pulls her shirt and shorts on. The sheet draped across my lap starts to pitch and I drag a knee up, resting my elbow on it as I rub my face.

Gabrielle lightly laughs, her curls still tucked into her collar. She gives me one more kiss and then slips out of the room.

I drop onto my back and groan, staring at the ceiling. It's some time before I'm in a position to leave the room. When I do, I find the girls in Lydia's bedroom going through her drawers, looking for clothes, I suppose.

I lean on the door frame. "Morning, kid."

Lydia, standing beside her mom, turns around and gives me her big smile. "Hi, Nathan. Guessed what?"

"What?"

"You have to hang out with me today after school because mommy is teaching."

Gabrielle chuckles, standing up with an armful of clothes. "He doesn't have to, baby. He wants to. He offered."

"That's right," I confirm, stepping aside to let Gabrielle out of the room. Her shoulder brushes my chest as she goes and I ignite at the contact. I'm the biggest sap ever.

Lydia walks beside me as we follow her mom and I do my best not to stare at that woman's butt. Out in the living room, I notice the photos on the walls and I think one of Gabrielle and Lydia would look just right up there with the rest of them.

I stand in the kitchen with Gabrielle a few minutes later, making breakfast and coffee.

"You mind if I take Lydia over to Holly and Matt's this afternoon?" I ask, aware that I might be overstepping. A lot. I'm not her dad and she has no reason to let me take her daughter out of the house without her. "I just thought she might like to play with the kids and I haven't seen Matt in a little while."

"Oh," she sets Lydia's favorite mug down on the bench and starts spooning hot chocolate into it. "I mean, sure. That's fine."

"You sure? You don't have to let me."

Sugar grains trickle off her spoon and onto the bench, her lips pinch as she turns to look at me. "It's not that I don't want you to. It's just. . . weird for me. Mom is the only other person who has ever offered to have Lydia on her own. Oh, well Dallas and Drayton too. But we don't see them as often."

Dare I ask. "Josh?"

Her laugh is sarcastic. "Once or twice."

I get it, she's not used to giving her daughter into the care of other people. That's a big ask of trust. "Don't worry about it, babe. We'll hang out here."

Her lips lift into a grin. "Babe?"

I blow out a breath and look over at the living room where Lydia is transfixed on the television. Fast, before we make a scene, I cross the kitchen, heading to the sink. As I go, I kiss Gabrielle, fast and fleeting, whispering another babe against her lips.

Her cheeks tinge and her chest expands on a deep breath. I love how obviously flustered she gets. Putting dishes in the sink, I pretend this is the reason I came over here and look over my shoulder to see her watching me with a begging gaze and her legs crossed.

"Don't start," I murmur.

She whispers, "or what?"

"I'll finish."

She bites her lip and those feline eyes are so fucking seductive, I'm in pain. It's times like these where I wish I could touch her without worrying about who's watching. Not having to think about my actions before I reach out, grab her ass and kiss her hard. I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't get that hands on with her daughter watching, but still. Even being able to hold her would be breathtaking.

After a moment of quiet, both of us facing in the opposite direction, Gabrielle comes to stand beside me, we look out of the window, frosted around the wooden edges.

"You can take her out for the afternoon," Gabrielle looks up at me, smiling. "I trust you."